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And Maybe He Wasn't

By Advocaat

Maybe he was broken. Yes, surely that was it. That's what Haseo told himself as he sat on the railing of the bridge separating Mac Anu's central and harbor districts, fiddling absentmindedly with his hands—so like his real hands, if only this world allowed for senses such as touch. Allowed... But that's the problem, isn't it? In a world made up of data, feeling should be impossible. So then why did it seem as though feeling was all he was doing lately? I can't be attracted to data. That's insane.

Unbidden, gentle golden eyes and a patient, kind smile appeared in his mind. Haseo covered his face and groaned. But she's not just data. The same way Shino wasn't just data.

"Atoli..." The name on his lips was familiar and far too sweet. It tasted like delicately spun sugar, but that couldn't be right, because taste didn't exist in this world. Which is a problem, because I want to taste her. The player Ryou Misaki immediately blushed at that unwarranted thought. I'm broken. I swear I am.

"Yes, Haseo?"

The silver-haired dual-gunner nearly pitched forward into the canal upon hearing her voice behind him. He caught himself and whipped around, shooting her a glare. "What have I told you about standing in my blind spot?" he groused, covering his flustered state with his trademarked grumpiness.

Atoli tilted her head in confusion. "Didn't you know I was here? You said my name."

"Th-that was..." he stammered, digging in his head for an excuse and finding none.

Atoli smiled then, and Haseo could see a glimmer of knowing amusement in her eyes. Except that's impossible because those aren't even her real eyes.

Haseo cleared his throat. "Anyway, what are you doing here? Isn't this the time you normally spend helping Matsu and Hiiragi rebuild Moon Tree?" Great. Way to make it obvious that you have her whole schedule memorized, he chided himself.

"Not a lot of members showed up today, so we finished early," she explained. "I saw you on the bridge on my way back to the chaos gate and I thought I'd see what you were up to. I hope I didn't interrupt you."

"No!" He cleared his throat again. "No, I needed the interruption."

"Is something troubling you?" she asked carefully.

Yes. You. It seems I like you. "No. It's nothing."

Atoli failed to look convinced, but she didn't question him further. She was probably still worried about upsetting him, even though he'd changed a great deal since they'd first met; specifically, become a whole lot less prickly. I can't fault her for being wary of me. I was a pretty fantastic jerk to her in the past.

"Hey," he said amicably, breaking the silence that had settled over them. "Do you wanna go to an area? Someone on the forums posted some keywords where Gold Birds are likely to appear. We don't have to kick them if you don't want to."

Atoli smiled brightly. "Of course. I'd love to go with you," she said, sounding for all the world like his simple invitation to go stare at fancy bits of data were comparable to asking her to accompany him on a moonlit drive beneath the Eiffel Tower in his dad's ferrari. Hey, there's an idea.

Haseo quickly invited Atoli into his party and they made for the chaos gate. As they walked, he snuck glances at her out of the corner of his M2D. More and more often, Ryou found himself wondering what Atoli looked like offline. Atoli the character was cute; all soft curves and sunny blonde hair. Did her player match her character? Or was she completely different in reality? Was she cute offline too? Did he care? What would she think of me? he wondered to himself.

Ryou and Haseo were as similar as they were different. Truthfully, Ryou acted about the same offline as he did on. He was as moody and quiet in the real world as Haseo was in "The World". Rather, he had been. Lately his behavior had changed. He'd found himself feeling a little less jaded; a little more open to others; a little more...fun. His mother had commented on it during their last phone call. She had said that he was behaving more like he used to. Ryou didn't know what she was referring to. Something lost in his past that he only recalled in brief flashes of green hair, cloven blades and a red wand. What do you say, Tsukasa? Let's be friends.

"Haseo?" Atoli asked, looking worried.

Haseo blinked and saw that they had arrived at the Dome. "Sorry. I guess I spaced out. Let's go."

He input the keywords and they were enveloped in familiar blue rings that whisked them off and deposited them a second later in a sunny daytime field. Looking around, Haseo observed that it was strikingly similar to the field Atoli had brought them to so long ago. He guessed Gold Birds must have a preference for fair weather and flowers.

"So," Atoli said next to him, "shall we go fight some monsters?"

Haseo scoffed and elbowed her playfully. "This is the delta server. What could we possibly gain from fighting monsters here?"

Atoli looked at him with surprise written on her face. "Then, we didn't come to clear the area?"

Haseo turned away from her and scratched the back of his head self-consciously. "I thought we'd just walk around. Y'know, enjoy the flowers blooming around our ankles." Ryou felt his face heat up and knew that Haseo's was as well. Who was the genius who decided that installing heat-sensors in the micro-monocle display was a good idea?

"Really?" Atoli sounded unsure, as though he'd asked her some kind of trick question.

"Really. Now c'mon." He picked a direction and started walking. Atoli hurried to catch up with him. She was smiling more happily than he'd ever seen her, and the expression tugged at his heart. It's not even her real face. Don't think stupid things, he reprimanded himself.

But he wanted to know, what did her real face look like? What kind of expression was she making behind her M2D? What color were her eyes? Was that her real voice, or did she use a changer? Get out of my head, Atoli!

Get out of my heart.

"Look, Haseo! It's the cannon," she interrupted his thoughts, pointing to the massive weapon emblazoned onto the "The World"s background.

Haseo turned his head to look out at the image. "It's especially clear here," he observed, shading his eyes with his hand.

Atoli's eyes softened as she gazed upon the ancient structure. "Hey, Haseo..." she began suddenly, "do you think man grieved? You know, in "The World"s backstory? For firing at heaven?"

Haseo shrugged. "Does it matter? Grieving won't change what they did. It won't bring the gods back."

"Yes, that's true. But..."

"And who knows?" he continued, cutting her off before she could say something touchy-feely and oh too Atoli-like. "Maybe they did the right thing. Maybe it was time for the gods to step down and let people manage themselves. Aura seemed to think so, didn't she?"

He looked away from the weapon when he heard Atoli giggle. "That was a surprisingly thoughtful answer for you, Haseo."

Haseo put his hands on his hips and gave her a flat look. "Gee, thanks. Give me some credit, will you?"

"Now, now. Don't get grumpy," she said with another giggle. "Come on. Let's go see if we can find a Gold Bird."

She turned around and began to walk away and this time it was Haseo's turn to scramble to catch up with her. What happened to stopping and enjoying the flowers? he thought wryly.

We've both changed.

They had. They'd both become stronger. It was something they'd helped each other accomplish. Together, they had grown up.

Together, he mused. I like that, Atoli. Maybe I...

"Haseo? Are you spacing out again?" Atoli asked, sounding amused.

Haseo stopped to cross his arms over his chest and lean on one hip. "Weren't you looking for a Gold Bird?"

"Yes, but watching you is more fun. You keep making strange faces."

"I do not," he protested.

Atoli chuckled again, then her expression softened and she said, "Really though, Haseo, if something's troubling you, you can talk to me. I'll listen."

Haseo sighed inwardly. If only I could.

Then he had an idea. "Actually, maybe you can help me," he said, uncrossing his arms.

Atoli smiled that sunny smile again. "What is it? I'll do my best to help you in any way that I can."

Haseo took a deep breath and tried to think about how to frame the situation without incriminating himself. "Okay. This is going to sound stupid, but say you like someone..."

He thought he saw Atoli's smile flicker. "...Like? You mean, as in like like?"

Haseo scratched the back of his head. "Er...yeah. Like that."

Atoli was silent for an extended moment, then she said, "Do you like someone, Haseo?" And was it just him, or was her voice slightly higher than normal?

He scratched the back of his head again, knowing that she wouldn't believe him if he tried to deny it, but still not wanting to confirm her suspicions.

"Is it Shino?" she asked, her smile faltering.

"No!" he denied quickly. Whatever feelings he'd had for Shino had died long ago. He'd realized that with startling clarity the moment she had asked him to reform the Twilight Brigade with her, that day when she'd called him to the Hulle Granz Cathedral. She had offered him everything he'd thought he wanted, but in that moment, all he could think about was going after Atoli. When exactly did my feelings start to change?

"Then...Alkaid?"

Haseo brought his hand to his face and rubbed his forehead. "Look, forget about who it is. Just tell me what I should do."

Atoli was silent for a long moment as she considered his problem. At least, he hoped that's what she was doing and not thinking up ways to let him down gently. "Well..." she said finally, "does she like you back, do you think?" Then she added, "It is a 'she', right?"

Behind his monitor, Ryou lifted his M2D so that he could rub his temples. "Yes, it's a she. I don't need any help wooing Endrance."

Atoli giggled. "No, I suppose you don't."

Replacing his M2D back over his eyes, he continued, "Honestly, though, I don't know if she likes me like that or not. It's the one feeling she doesn't yap excessively about."

Atoli was silent for another moment, then she said, "Is she someone I know? I can...talk to her for you. If you'd like."

"No, um, that's okay," he said quickly. "You do know her, but..." He cleared his throat. "Anyway," he segued, "that's the situation. Any advice?"

Atoli grasped her wrist behind her back and shuffled her feet slightly. "So, you...really like this girl?"

Haseo moved his hand to the back of his neck and looked off to the side to avoid meeting her eyes. "It seems to have turned out that way. Somehow."

"Then..." she trailed off before seeming to compose herself and with a look of determination declaring, "Then you should tell her."

Haseo was taken aback by her frankness. "Tell her? Just like that?"

Atoli nodded adamantly. "You'll never get what you want if you don't put yourself out there." She clenched her fists and looked down at the ground. "If you don't speak up about how you feel, then people will just keep passing you by. That's why... that's why you should tell her."

Ryou felt his heart clench a little at Atoli's words. That's right. Atoli has had to deal with being overlooked her whole life, hasn't she. I'd almost forgotten.

"Atoli..."

"Well, I'm feeling a little tired," she spoke suddenly, interrupting him. "I think I'll log out now. Good evening, Haseo." She turned and abruptly began jogging to a nearby gate.

"Wait– Atoli!" he called after her, stretching out his hand, but she warped out before he could stop her.

"What's up with her, all of a sudden?" he asked the air, putting a hand on his hip.

Even though she was gone, her words lingered. "Just tell her, huh," he repeated to himself. "If this blows up in my face, I'm blaming her."

Chigusa sighed and removed her M2D, setting it next to her keyboard. So Haseo likes someone. She leaned back in her chair and let her hair slide behind her shoulders to fall like a dark curtain over the back of her chair. I should be happy for him. She shook her head. No, I am happy for him, she amended. I'm happy, but...

But she was also sad. Undeniably sad. I finally got him to look at me. But it wasn't enough.

"It's better this way," she told the smaller of her two birds, which had hopped onto the peg closest to her and was eyeing her with its head cocked to the side. "Even if I were good enough in that world, my real self would turn him away."

Once upon a time, Chigusa had looked at her reflection in the mirror and entertained the thought that she was pretty. Her parents and peers at school had since taught her otherwise. She looked down at her simple, white cotton blouse and pleated skirt. The same uniform she wore every day, even on weekends. She didn't own many other clothes. Her parents were very critical of her wardrobe and considered weekend clothes a frivolity. She owned no makeup and few accessories. She was plain and uninteresting and not good at socializing. Haseo wouldn't want an unfashionable girl with no self-esteem and no friends. Even though Atoli had both of those things now, Chigusa did not share the same fortune.

She pushed out her chair and got up from her desk. Taking the few steps to her bed, she flopped bodily onto it and just lay there, staring up at the ceiling and willing away the familiar pressure building behind her eyes. You knew this would happen, she reminded herself. You knew it was only a matter of time.

From the space next to her pillow, her phone buzzed, startling her. She picked it up and brought it in front of her face. '1 New Mail' flashed on the screen.

She opened her mailbox and her heart gave a little lurch when she saw the name in the sender box.

Haseo.

The message was short. It took less than three seconds for her to read it in its entirety.

Atoli,

Let's meet. In real life. How's this Sunday?

My phone number is below.

- Misaki Ryou

Chigusa dropped her phone. She scrambled to pick it up again and read the mail once, twice more. Despite her reservations and better judgement, she quickly typed a response and hit the send button before she could second guess herself. Her heart thudded in her chest as the box containing the text 'Message Sent' appeared on her screen.

Ryou-san,

Sunday is fine. Where and when did you want to meet?

-Kusaka Chigusa

Ryou closed his phone and a smile split his face. He lay back on his bed and closed his eyes, feeling better than he had since he saved the net from AIDA. "Anywhere and anytime, Atoli."

A moment later he sat up abruptly and covered his face with his hands, blushing furiously. I really am broken.

oO0Oo

There you go. I now feel like I've done my part to contribute to this unfortunately small fandom. I saw the dearth of Haseo/Atoli fics and felt the call in my soul to help remedy the situation, however little. I love this pairing, and I love it more with every time I play the games. And the Trilogy movie, wow. I never get tired of watching that.

To all of my readers waiting on my A:TLA fic, I'm sorry! This had to be written. For humanity's sake.

Er... Zuko made me do it?

Please drop a review if you have time. If for no other reason than to confirm that this pairing still has fans.

Advocaat out!