"Jace...Portal...behind you." I manage to force out of my mouth.

"Please be okay, Clary. I-I love you. So stay with me..." Jace's sweet melancholic voice trails off in the background. Eventually even his voice becomes stirred and distorted, until every sense fails me and I am trapped in the dark.

If You Love Someone

Jace POV

"Jace! Get inside the portal now!" Maryse yells. Everyone has already gone through. Everywhere lumps of earth and dirt are falling from the sky. An earthquake is rippling through ground, and I think we must have set off an alarm.

Clary is lying limp in my arms. When I found her, a glass bottle hung loosely around the grass near her. I pocketed the bottle and scooped her up. The only thing I could think about was Clary. If she was dead, it would be my fault. Not only that, but I don't think I could ever live without her. I can't loose her. Not Clary.

I run through the portal and feel the portal swallow and close up behind. The familiar uncomfortable feeling of being transported separates Clary from my arms. I begin to panic as I land on the ground. I try to find her, but I can't see anything. Everything around me is blurred, even my own hands. I take a step forward before I realise my legs are failing me too. I begin to fall towards the ground, but I am caught at the last second. I can't see who it is. I can feel my exhaustion taking over my entire body.

"Clary..." I mumble unclearly, and I keep on repeating it like a mantra. Her name is still on my lips as I begin to drift off into nothingness.

When I wake up, I am in a hospital bed. My head is thudding steadily and my entire body is sore.

"Jace! You've been in a coma for 17 days, and we were so worried!" Izzy exclaims as I open my eyes to slits.

"Clary.." I mumble. I see that Maryse is also here with Alec. They all look uneasily at each other.

"How are you doing?" Maryse asks softly, and behind the softness I can hear how worried she's been.

"Where's Clary?" I say again.

"Don't you want some food first?" Izzy asks, hey eyebrows are furrowed. I notice that Alec is saying nothing.

"Alec, where is she?" I repeat again. I can feel my heart pounding, threatening to burst out of my skin.

"She's-"

I hear Maryse sigh. "Can this wait until after you've eaten? You look excruciatingly pale." She gestures to the tray in front of me. A green salad with a glass of red liquid on the side. Strengthening water for when you are too weak for runes, made by the Silent Brothers. I compromise and shove the strengthening water down my throat, before looking at Maryse again.

"Jace, this will take a long time and-"

"Maryse. Where is she?" I repeat, ignoring her warning.

"She is currently alive and in a mundane hospital." I let loose a breathe I was holding. A huge weight lifts from my shoulders, and I suddenly feel ten times lighter. Clary isn't dead.

"But she doesn't seem to remember you, or any of us." She adds after a couple of seconds of hesitation.

I stare at her unblinkingly for a long time. I expect her to take it back and say that it was just a joke. A cruel joke.

"What?" I finally manage to let out. There are so many things I want to say, but the only thing that comes out is a surprisingly simple word. Then suddenly I remember. I fumble around in my pockets but I don't have the same clothes on.

"Where are my old clothes?" I ask urgently. Izzy and Maryse look at me, confused and suspicious. Alec, however, goes right over to a closet beside my bed and pulls out my old ripped clothes before tossing it over to me. I thank him with a nod, before rummaging the pockets.

My fingers close around the tiny bottle. I pull it out for everyone to see.

"I think she drank this. This was near her hand when I found her. Maybe we can reverse it and-"

"Jace." Maryse looks pained, "The silent brothers were able to identify the potion she drank. It made her forget the last 10 years of her life. And the spell is irreversible."

The truth dawns on me, and my heart hurts so much it's unbearable.

"I need to speak with her." I say suddenly. I begin to pull off all the IV needles and tubes attached to me.

"Jace! You can't! Jocelyn and Luke have not decided if they want Clary to be part of the shadowhunter world!" Maryse exclaims behind me as I walk out the door.

"Maybe I can help them with that decision then!" I shout back as I walk away. The door bursts open again behind me, but instead of Maryse, it is Alec that comes running up to me.

"You can't stop me." I tell him, looking straight ahead.

"I know." Is all he says. There is silence for quite a long time.

"I'm sorry." I say finally and I look at him. He looks back at me, and a small smile begins to play on his lips. The past few weeks have no doubt been tough on him, and I wish I could've lessened the pain for him.

I grin at him, silently thanking him for letting me do what I need. He knows how much it means to me that he, for once, stays away from the usual warnings and advices he usually gives me when I am about to do something he doesn't think is clever.

I head upstairs to the roof for a couple of Clary's favourite flowers, freshly picked, and down again with Alec right behind me. Then we leave the institute and descend the grand stairs. As soon as we are out of the glamour, the city noises of horn honking and tires fill the air. I hail a taxi and get in, always with Alec right behind me.

We arrive at the city hospital 15 minutes later. The clinical smell welcomes me as we walk inside. Mundane hospitals have always had a unnatural scent, and a depressing colour. White was the colour of mourning, and it unnerved me to see so many in white clothes. I am about to ask the receptionist for Clary's room number, when Alec pulls at my arm.

"Room 126." He whispers. We walk down the east wing, the private section, until we reach number 126.

"Here." He says as we arrive in front of a brown door. It is like all the other doors, yet it is special. Inside I see her on the bed talking to Jocelyn, Luke and Simon. She is happy, without a worry in the world. And then I realise.

She was happy before I was ever in her life. And when I came into her life, along with shadowhunters it changed her world catastrophically. She deserves a happy life. One with family around her. My hand is on the doorknob, my heart is pounding and oddly enough I have butterflies in my stomache. I feel myself softly letting go of the door. My palms are sweaty and thudding with the though of letting go of Clary. Forever.

"Good bye may seem forever. Farewell is like the end, but in my heart is the memory and there you will always be." I whisper before slowly turning away from the door.

I stand for a few seconds before I set the flowers down on the floor, just outside Clary's room, and just stare it. I stare at the flowers, and at Clary through the little meshed window. She is laughing at Simon. My heart swells up in distant jealousy, Simon is and will always be part of her life. And me, well now I am nothing more than a distant memory hidden in the darkest and deepest parts of her mind. And it will forever be that way.

All the times I made Clary laugh or smile or anything that she only does when I am there flash before my eyes. Our kisses and featherlight caresses, along with promises and secrets. She understood me like no one else. But I can't ask for her back, just because it will satisfy my own selfish happiness.

Every so slowly I take the first step. It is the hardest because it means that I have started on a road that doesn't lead back to Clary, but after each step it gets easier and easier to bear. I belong with danger, and she belongs with safety. And, frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Alec is standing a few meters back, and upon seeing my face he understands.

"It is brave of you to say goodbye." He looks at me with hidden respect. I walk outside with Alec beside me. My heart is clenching, and I feel like I can't breathe. I will never get to see her face again. Or hear her laugh, or see her smile and know that I have made her day slightly better. The sun is shining down on us. I won't be alone, I think, as I feel a hand on my shoulder. I know the choice I have made will come back and haunt me at night, but I also know that, deep down, it is the right choice.

If you love something, set it free.

It has been a pleasure writing for this story!

The quote that Jace recites when saying goodbye, is actually from Walt Disney. But I thought it appropriate to use here.

Sequel story: "Forgotten Love". Be sure to check it out, and thank you for all your support and reviews.

Thank you all.

~Roluv3r