I do not own Hetalia! This will be rated T for language and self harm. Rating may change to M in later chapters thank you

***Matthew POV***

The early morning sun went into the small window across the room putting a soft light across the maple leaf printed covers and blonde curls peaking up from under them. I slowly looked out and yawned softly before sitting up and pushing my covers down. Very slowly, I made my way to my closet and pulled on a large red hoodie and pair of comfortable black dress pants, then made my way down stairs. I was the first one up, as usual, out of my brother, dad, and papa. I started the saterday morning ritual, and cooked pancakes without making a mess. My papa ,Francis, came down as soon as he smelt them and started making other things, and along with him came Arthur, who was banished from the kitchen while things were being cooked, then came my brother Alfred. Alfred floped at the table yawning loudly like ever morning.

"Sup Matt...Got any reject pancakes for me yet?" Alfred smiled waiting for any inperfect pancakes that were shaped wrong or were tore.

"No, sorry Alfred, all of them came out fine..."

"Aw man, bro, I'm hungry now..." He whined slightly and I simply laughed.

"Bloody hell! You can wait like the rest of us Alfred you wont starve to death in a time span of five minutes!" Arthur, our dad, snapped at him while reading the paper and Francis went up and hugged him softly.

"Mon amour dont be so fussy...You seemed inpatient last night so he got that from you."

"Wanker! Shut up! Not infront of the kids!" he gave Francis a soft slap on the top of the head making the French man whine and go over and start handing out pancakes. I was blushing about that from our parents and Alfred didnt even notice or care by the time he got his pancakes.

"So, Alfred how did your date with that one girl go last night?" Francis asked smirking. Alfred was one of the most popular guys in high school. He was the quarter back on the foot ball team and could get any girl he wanted when he wanted. He was athletic and had sky blue eyes along with that golden hair and million dollar smile that would put the sun to shame; the exact oppisite of me almost. I was never popular and was almost invisable. I had long curly blonde hair and shy bluish violet eyes. I wasnt athletic by any means and was more feminine then masculin with gentle curves and not as broad shoulders. Another big difference was I am gay. I'm always picked on for it and that was if I was even noticed at all.

"Oh her! Yea we broke up cause apparently I wasn't going fast enough or something for her..." Alfred stated boredly while eating a mouthfull of pancakes. Arthur looked surprised

"You are kidding right? You were dating for a week and I caught you snogging on the couch about three days ago..." Thats what would happen with every girl Alfred ever brought home, he would date them about a week to a month then dump them for someone else or because he was bored. I would always watch him then have envy that he would always have everything he wanted and I would be lonley and bullied.

"She was wanting sex or something and I told her not right now and she got all mad, so we broke up and I left" I was done listening to the conversation and slowly pushed my food away and went back up to my room quickly. Francis looked after me then back to the other two who were still arguing over the topic.

"Excuse me one moment I need to go do something..." He got up and went after me and knocked on my door gently "Mon petite Matthew...I'm coming in..." He walked in slowly and I was laying in bed silently wrapped in the covers. Francis walked slowly over and sat by me.

"Go away...please..." I whispered softly through the covers.

"Non. Tell me whats wrong..." He softly pat my shoulder looking worried. I stayed quiet for a long time then he let out a soft sob.

*"Je suis tellement blessée papa" I whispered and sat up hugging onto Francis tightly.

**"pourquoi ça?" He softly held me close and rubbed my back in small circles trying to get me to calm down so I could talk.

***"Je suis intimidé tout le temps! Je suis seul, et personne ne se soucie..." I sobbed harder and hugged Francis tightly.

"NON! Dont think like that...We are here for you and will always be..." He held me tightly and sighed "when you calm down come back downstairs and we all can go out today..." I nodded weakly then let go. Francis slowly let go then went back downstairs to the rest of the family. After about fifteen minutes I was sitting silently thinking, and very slowly got up and went to my school bag. I went through it untill I found a pencil sharpener and removed the blade from it. I stood staring at the shiny reflective blade that I could see myself in. I slowly rolled up my hoodie sleeves and put the blade to my wrist, biting my lip, I cut it making a small cut going right across that started bleeding down my arm slightly. I slowly noticed how the feeling made me light headed as if I was high and did it two more times to my left wrist. After I finished I went to my bathroom, grabbed gauze, and wrapped my arm well, stopping the bleeding and hiding them. I rolled my sleeves back down then went downstairs with a weak smile.

Alfred and Arthur were still arguing over random little things and I sighed rolling my eyes. Alfreds phone went off and he answered quickly

"Yo?...Oh man sure. Yea I can come over...Ok bro be there in like ten minutes bye." He hung up "okay I'm gonna stay the night at a friends if thats ok." Francis looked up.

"Well actually I was going to take you all to..."

"Kay thanks!" He interupted getting his shoes on and running out the door. Francis sighed pinching the bridge of his nose.

"So it's just us three..."

"Sorry love. My work just called this morning and I have to go to a meeting."

"Well I guess it's just you and me Matthew..." Francis smiled to me and I gave a weak smile back and nodded. Arthur left for work before Francis and I walked out going to a old park that the family would sit at and eat on nice days in spring and summer. For the whole time papa and I talked about our problems and thoughts. I told him about people bullying me and how I felt lonely, and he told me about arguments with Arthur and about how his bakery was. After we left the park he took me to get ice cream like he used to when we were little and we went home. Nobody was home still and I went to my room and Francis decided to go to his bakery and work nights. I layed in my bed completely alone in the house and let out a sob. I only cried when I was alone and this was just one of the days that I needed some sort of release. I cried myself to sleep that night and hugged onto my stuffed bear that my brother had given me as a joke years ago so when I squeezed it. It would say 'who are you?'. I hugged the bear and smiled weakly before falling asleep wiping my eyes in my pillow.

*Je suis tellement blessée papa : I'm so hurt dad

**pourquoi ça? : Why is that?

***Je suis intimidé tout le temps! Je suis seul, et personne ne se soucie... : I am bullied all the time! I'm alone, and nobody cares ...

All translations done with google translate. If something is wrong please tell me! Thanks.