POV: Ahsoka Tano
I watched my master from a distance with an uneasy stare, frightened of what he was about to say to me when his ocean blue eyes spotted my figure that was in front of the mess hall. I stopped and looked at him with frightened eyes as he walked nearer and nearer. I could see in his eyes that his soul was dying. I could see the burning man inside of him. His soul was in the need of help and I couldn't do anything about it. How could I? I don't have powers to help people with their feelings and what made it worse was that Anakin didn't want to talk about it with me. He never wanted to specifically tell me what his deal was.
The reaction I felt was anger, betrayal… but I still cared for him, so much that I really was desperate to help him. These emotions that I couldn't dare feel towards him have come and gone these past two months. However, the love remained the same. The emotions that faded and reappeared from time to time were sadness, hurt, betrayal… The desire to keep him by my side was unbelievable. I loved him so much that I couldn't just ignore him. I wanted to help him, but all he ever did was just ignore my questions and pleas, making up excuses to make me forget that conversation.
Right now, I couldn't stand to even look at him. I didn't want to… talk to him right at this moment for fear that I may say the wrong things again. He might've shouted at me again just like last night. The fury in his eyes was still there and it was clearly visible right now too. I quickly turned, trying to remain calm, and walked away as fast as I could to my room.
I could hear him calling my name repeatedly as tears welled up in my eyes. Damn myself! Why the heck was I crying? Anakin did nothing… stop this! Anakin did do something and was I really going to forgive him that easily? Damn myself! Damn these emotions! He couldn't… He would do such terrible things. He told me that he killed the people who killed his mother for revenge. I've seen him kill and show no mercy…
Locking my door, I slammed myself against the wall, sliding down as the tears continued to leave my eyes while I hid my face into my folded arms.
"Soka?" He called quietly with his soothing voice. "Snips, can we talk about this?"
I didn't respond to him, just continued to sob quietly. The thing was that whenever he wanted to talk to me, he'd use that voice. He would use that soothing voice that I'd easily give into. Anakin had his ways of dragging me back to him and then pushing me away. Whenever he felt alone, he'd want me. When he felt… lost, he'd push me away. I didn't know why but he always tells me he doesn't want to hurt me. My response to that was as if he were joking. I thought he was fooling around until he gave me a dead serious look.
That soothing voice was hiding the anger he had inside him. He was angry for his actions and I asked him why last night, but he responded by yelling and destroying objects in our room. He almost cut his hand after smashing a glass vase against the wall. I wasn't sure why he acted that way at times, especially last night. Last night was different from the other nights. He was angrier than I've ever seen him. I didn't want to do this anymore… but he needed me and I needed him. He was my purpose for being here and all I was doing was crying like a little bitch while he's in pain and confused.
The atmosphere was eerie… cold. I just wanted to ignore this emotional pain and replace it with some other pain. I've experienced that physical pain several, if not a lot of times. It helps to relax me and I hate myself after that. After a few moments of silence, I could feel his presence fading. I walked over to my unmade bed and curled up into a ball, crying like an idiot.
Anakin didn't mind that I locked him out of our small dorm and he understood that I needed some time alone. He told me if he ever did anything wrong, that I have to lock him out of our room so he doesn't hurt me. I learned the hard way once. Anakin was tired and I didn't realize he was in such a bad mood that day. He was demanding and rough, so rough that he realized the next day that there were bruises I was hiding from him. I pleaded with him after that, but he continued to hate himself and told me to actually kill him because of his actions. I wouldn't dare do anything like that…
I was there, alone… staring at the passing speeders that zoomed throughout Coruscant while hearing the echoes of the bombs during the recent battle in Naboo. I closed my eyes and flashbacks began to overpower me.
'Ahsoka, where's Obi-Wan?' Anakin hollered as he and I continuously destroyed battle droids. The look on his face was so clear in my mind that it burned.
'I don't –' I shouted as I felt a blast go through my shoulder. My vision began to blur and all I saw was Anakin shouting, running towards me. His face was so clear… blood oozed out from his head and down his cheekbone. He shouted – Anakin shouted my name or for help as tears left his eyes. He cared for me and never left my side and this is how I was thanking him?
Tears silently left my eyes as I thought of everything that has happened… Everything that I have done wrong. Damn myself! Damn the wrong things I've done to Anakin! I haven't done anything right! All I've done was make him angrier.
I had to suck it up though. I care for him deeply despite the arguments we had just months ago. I couldn't be mad at him. I loved him with my entire soul and this is what I was doing? Not talking to him? He didn't deserve this treatment… no one should. Sometimes I always say to myself that Anakin would be better off without me.
I wiped my tears away and turned on my light to get a better view of my room. It was… quite messy but not that messy that it would look like a pig lived in here. Anakin's side was full of tools and things he was either fixing or building. Whereas my side was full of books and pieces of paper. Though we shared one thing… Clothes were all over the place.
I might as well clean up in here and organize a few things, try to get my mind straight and not think of anything. Sighing, I began to clean up and polish a few things where the dust was visible on them.
Halfway through my cleaning session, I looked down at a picture of Anakin that was on top of my nightstand. The picture had no one else but him… Just standing there with a smile on his face.
Memories of last night flashed before my eyes. Those haunting eyes burned through my soul as I remembered him attacking me last night. He wasn't the Ani that I knew. He wasn't the man I fell in love with… He was different. He has been different for a long time now and I didn't know why.
His tinted golden eyes scared me and I didn't know what to do. He was different… angrier than ever. Anakin's behavior continued to change ever since he lost Obi-Wan during the battle on Naboo. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep… He wouldn't even talk and last night everything must've crashed down on him and maybe that's why he acted like that.
I looked around the now dark room and leaned against the wall, smiling a tiny smile at Anakin's picture…
A/N: Yay! Finally an Anisoka update! I know… Well, this fic is a collab fic between myself and Anisoka21 (xAnisoka21 on YouTube – she's made a video for this fic already). She will be writing all of the Ahsoka POV's and I will be writing all of the Anakin ones. Hope you enjoyed reading!