A/N:Since my WIP is all serious and I-want-to-see-if-I-can-write-them-like-they're-rea l-people I thought I'd write one of those fun, silly: "And then Maura and Jane woke up in bed together" fics. Because it's one of my favorite fanfic cliches. I never ever get sick of it.
This was not going to be a good morning. Maura opened her eyes once and instantly regretted it, letting out a small groan. Her mouth felt like cotton wool and her head was not going to be moved, ever. Movement was bad. She knew it wasn't a feasible plan for her to stay indefinitely on this bed, curled up on her side, until perhaps a sun flair destroyed the earth and all of its inhabitants. But she would just have to take it minute by minute.
"Maura?'
She let out a breath at the sound of the voice behind her, feeling the hot breath on her neck. Opening her eyes for the second time she made the rash decision to turn over. The nausea wasn't as bad as expected, but her head was pounding. And Jane, it was Jane's face that met hers on the other side.
"What…" she murmured, blinking, her voice rough. "What are you doing here?"
Jane widened her eyes in apparent annoyance.
"Me? You're the one in my bed."
Of course, this was Jane's room. Jane's sheets. Maura took a moment then, noticing the closeness of Jane's skin, the red marks on her collarbone and the peculiar sight of her breasts, if only the tops of them, barely hidden by the covers. She swallowed, frowning.
"I think I'm naked too."
Jane might have winced.
"God."
Maura sat up, lifting her hands to her face and massaging her eyes in an attempt to rub some sense into this morning. Jane let out a sharp yelp.
"Shhhh, Jane. Just…" she muttered. But then she turned to see Jane gawking very openly, and she sighed, pulling the covers up over herself.
"I'm pretty sure we can assume you've had a good look at my breasts already."
"Maura!"
"Shhhh. I think I consumed my entire bodyweight in alcohol," Maura said, gruffly. "If you make one more loud noise, I will kick you out of the bed and into the cold."
"It's my bed!"
"Ugh," Maura groaned. "What did I just say?"
"Sorry," Jane said, more gently than before. She looked at Maura in an evaluating way. "What the hell did we do last night?"
"Drink?" Maura offered, not very helpfully.
"No shit, that's not what I—"
"Shhhhh."
"Stop shushing me."
Maura made a few assessments, then. She flexed her leg muscles, her hands, noting the muscular fatigue—the settled feeling of tiredness in her stomach muscles and thighs that she was certain had very little to do with her hangover.
"I believe we had a lot of sex."
Jane closed her eyes and groaned.
"Great."
"I'm getting a sense that it was, actually. At least if I recall the distinct sensations of your mouth. My God, your tongue, Jane. I can't believe the way you…"
Jane leant over and put her hand over Maura's mouth.
"Too early…for this… no coffee."
Maura simply smiled, her eyes traveling downward. Jane was now only half under the covers and the way she was leaning over, brushing her breast against Maura's arm….
"Maura."
Maura snapped her eyes back up. Jane looked amused. She leant back again, dragging the covers with her. Maura didn't bother to fight for them, because what was the point? Jane swallowed. She tried to look anywhere but Maura's exposed top half, failing very comically. Maura sat up straighter, shooting Jane a challenging look. She couldn't help the smirk that spread across her face when Jane huffed out a breath.
"Fine. I give up," Jane rasped. "You have very nice breasts, ok?"
"Thank you," Maura said, but her voice wasn't as confident as she'd have liked when she continued with. "So do you."
Jane sighed and pulled the blanket over her head, but she came right back out again with a very embarrassed expression.
"Right. You're naked. Because…"
"Are we going to talk about how this happened, Jane? Or will you need a therapy session of some kind?"
Jane narrowed her eyes.
"I'm fine. I just need coffee."
Maura nodded and pulled the covers back, sliding out of bed.
"What are you doing?" Jane squeaked.
Maura sighed and didn't even bother to answer, walking the couple of steps to Jane's dresser before browsing for her favorite silk bathrobe. She found it tucked carefully between Jane's various black clothing items. Sliding it on and tying it, she turned back around to find a very embarrassed-looking Jane. Jane opened her mouth a couple of times to say something, but failed.
"Jane?" Maura tilted her head, but this just made Jane blush an even brighter shade. "I was planning to ask if you wanted a bathrobe, given your obsession with coffee." Maura may have let her gaze wander a little too much then. "Although, I must say the idea of having you naked and waiting for me…"
"Maura!"
"Volume, Jane," Maura groaned. "Just…"
"If you shush me again, I swear to God, Maura. I don't care how amazing your ass is."
It was Maura's turn to flush, feeling the sensation shoot in a very distinct downward direction. Jane chuckled at Maura's dazed expression.
"Nice to know I can fight fire with fire," Jane said, looking far too pleased with herself. "Now can I have my robe?"
Maura pulled one out of her closet. Turning, she had a thought. She stood there with it in her hands, giving Jane a defiant stare.
"Come on, then."
"Come on, what?" Jane asked.
Maura smiled and didn't budge. Jane shook her head vehemently.
"No, I am not marching naked across my bedroom."
"I brought you to orgasm last night, Jane, I hardly think—"
"Could you not—"
"I'm merely stating the facts."
"At least I'm not a screamer."
Maura blushed.
"There's nothing wrong with being vocal during—"
"I didn't say I didn't like…God."
They stood there, staring without moving for a moment. Maura may have rolled her eyes, before marching over to the bed.
"Believe me, Jane. You have nothing to be embarrassed about," she said, holding the robe slightly out of Jane's grasp. "It's not like I haven't seen it. Close up."
"Fine, ok?" Jane muttered. She sat up, letting the covers fall as she leant forward to yank the bathrobe away from Maura's shaking fingers. Maura licked her lips and watched as those wonderful breasts disappeared from view. Jane didn't even pause before tying the rope tightly.
"This is all your fault," Jane muttered.
"What?" Maura's foggy brain was slower to react than she'd like. "Hey, it was not."
"Was too," Jane muttered. "I remember, ok? You're the one who got us onto the shots."
Maura pursed her lips, remembering the elegant bar and the challenging smirk Jane had worn.
"Well, you insulted my drinking prowess," she said, huffily.
"God, you're so competitive."
"Oh, I'm competitive, Jane? You just didn't want to let me win."
"Like you ever could," Jane laughed. "Wait…ok, who actually won the drinking contest?"
Maura frowned, thinking for a moment, before a blush spread across her face.
"I recall it was abandoned when… you decided to use my neck as a salt lick. You were throwing back tequila. Was that when I….?"
Jane let out a breath, not really able to stop her wide grin.
"That's right…"
"Oh God," Maura winced, closing her eyes. "Perhaps we should just make coffee now."
"You have nothing to be embarrassed about," Jane said, mimicking Maura a little.
"Stop smiling like that, Jane."
"What? It's not like you took your bra off too."
"I'm never setting foot in that establishment again."
Jane laughed softly, brushing some of Maura's messy hair out of her face.
"Coffee, ok?" she said, but she didn't stop smiling. "If it's any consolation, I really did enjoy doing tequila shots off your breasts."