Speaker is Alfred F. Jones AKA America in case of confusion.

A Red Notebook

December 21st

It was just a cheap little notebook.

You know, those things you get for 80 cents at Wal-Mart? Thin pages, flimsy cardboard cover and cheap red paint and that silver spiral bounding that always gets bent up?

It was lying in the middle of the floor, lights surrounding it like it was sent from heaven and it was extremely important. An angel came down and told me to take it, and I couldn't exactly say no to an—Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic… It was on the floor, but not in the middle. No angel either, but how cool would that be? I think it was under someone's desk if I remember right. And I normally would have left it there if I was any less of a hero, but we'll get to that later.

But in all honestly, I almost did leave it there. The rightful owner would find it under their desk in a couple weeks right? Yet something possessed me to pick it up. It felt kind of light and the pages were rumpled, some were damp. Various were torn out and the fringe of the tears was caught in the cheap metal spirals.

It was the day before winter break, so I reasoned they wouldn't miss it for two weeks.

Poetry.

I was surprised that's what was inside of it. It seemed to be some type of girly diary. Being the jerk I am, I snooped inside, reading the pages—but none of it made any sense! It was written like a freaking essay or even a published book with perfect punctuation, completed with confusing phrases and big words.

December 27th

Well, as fun as Christmas was, I'm now officially bored. Out of my mind. I can't play any of my new games because my dad's hogging the TV. I get it tomorrow—but a whole day without my video games?! That's just cruel.

My eyes fell on the notebook I found. Eh, what the heck?

I decided to read a little out of pure curiosity, expecting some lovey-dovey or heart-to-heart diary entries like "OMG JOHNNY IS SO HOT I TOTALLY HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM!" or "I wish Haley would notice me, *sigh* what can I do? I need to impress her somehow."

It was actually pretty depressing though. Like I didn't even know what the kid was talking about and I knew that. It just… It's hard to explain. Well, let me put it like this: Have you ever read something and you get into the mood the author wants you to? Like you feel completely depressed like you are that character about to kill themselves or you start laughing your head off because that book was just so funny? Unfortunately, this mood was the prior.

Water of crimson and smeared tears

I fall to sleep in dreamless nightmares

Fatigue is all too familiar now

For I go unseen

In the dusks

The shadows

Or even in the crippling sunlight.

Really what was this supposed to mean? I've always hated poetry units in English class. Wrong hero to pick, writer-dude!

"Oh come on brain… work…" I mumbled to myself and tried to pick apart the poem.

Okay let's see.

Water of crimson and smeared tears

So crimson means red right? Red water… So blood? And crying?

I fall to sleep in dreamless nightmares

That's… That's that one thing we learned in English class… Oxygen? Oxyidiot? Oh now I remember, it's Oxymoron. Haha that always made me laugh…

Dreamless nightmares.

So… He can't sleep at night for the "dreamless" part, but he's having nightmares? Does he mean maybe his life is a nightmare which is why he isn't dreaming it? This kid is so confusing. Here I am wanting to help and he makes me bend over backwards!

Fatigue is all too familiar now

That part's pretty simple. He's tired of something. Getting sick of it, and he's tired of being tired of it. (Does that make sense?)

For I go unseen

So this kid thinks he's invisible. Or at least not noticed, like hardly at all. But the "for" part… Means "because" (why didn't he just say "because instead? Stupid poets…) So he's bleeding somehow, crying, and he's living a nightmare because he's not noticed.

In the dusks

The shadows

Or even in the crippling sunlight

So he's invisible from the dusks and shadows. Since the terms are pretty dark, it probably means he's hiding or trying to hide something. (See? I can be smart!) And the "crippling sunlight" part… People aren't really hurt by the sun, so it has to be a metaphor. Since he was talking about shadows before, then switches to light, and I already concluded that he's hiding something, so even when he tries to open up to someone, it doesn't work? He can't or something?

Well that was depressing.

But from what I've concluded: This kid is depressed or just emo or some crap like that and he's bleeding (either cutting himself or this is another metaphor) and crying because once again, he's depressed. He hides it from others and if he tries to show others how he's feeling, he ends up getting hurt (or crippled as the poetic kid put it.)

Is this all the kid has in here? Dumb emo poems?

I flipped through the notebook and surprisingly, only five pages were written on.

December 29th

Well I only got to play my game for seven hours before my mom made me go do something… Educational… or… Healthy…

What does she take me for?

I'm sure you can see where this is going.

Yup, I decided to go with the depressing diary again. Page two. Yippeeeee…

Even kin are oblivious and nonchalant

About my life and the moment of light

I saw no colors but grey and black

Bows were unraveled by others than me

They've forgotten again

And the next will be no different.

Now this one seemed to be a little easier than the last one (although I did have to look up kin in the dictionary… Honestly who uses "kin" anymore?) So basically: his family forgot something in his life. And this "moment of light"…

I'll go back to it.

He's colorblind? He just use the word "crimson" in the last—Oh… another metaphor…

Well, color… it's vibrant and mostly lively, and sometimes it could lighten your mood. If he says only grey and black, that means he's depressed? (Again, you emo chick?)

Bows? What's bows got to do with anything? Well anyways, everyone else "unraveled bows" except for him. Again with that forgetting…

Next? Next what?

Okay, let's see… "Moment of light" "bows" and "next." They're all connected somehow…

"Light" was associated with "life," so that means…

Oh! I know! Being born! Bows are on a birthday present, and "next" meaning her next birthday!

…But that means her family forgot her birthday? That's kind of sad…

Speaking of which, I have no idea if this belongs to a girl or a dude so I'll just say "Shme" as a pronoun. Does that work out cool for you?

December 31st

Okay. No judging. Let's have a little chat.

I might.

MIGHT

Have gotten a little interested in that dumb emo-book…

What did I say about judging me?! Sheesh…

Anyways, I decided to read more. Page three was revealed eagerly.

The next page was a simple diary entre. No bumps and loops, it went straight to the point.

Gilbert pushed me down the stair as his own way of saying "we aren't friends anymore." He just asked me to meet him at the stairwell and he said he hated me and pushed me. I got a broken thumb now because I landed wrong. What kind of person does something like that? I know I'm disgusting and a waste of space, but honestly? Calling me out for the sole purpose of hurting me? He was my best friend. My only friend. What had I done wrong? Or would it be easier to ask what I did right? After he did that, I didn't have the heart to tell him he's the only reason I bothered living.

Gilbert did something like that? Dang that's cruel.

But that narrows down the list of who this thing belongs to. I know pretty much all of Gil's friends. This person would most likely be a bookworm with all this sappy poetry shme's writing.

And… That's got to be an exaggeration. I'm sure they have something to live for. Their amazing grades (most likely) or maybe… It's hard to talk this Shme up when I don't know who they are.

I turned the page with curiosity crawling out of my eyes. The next page was also a diary entry. Flipping forward, I checked to see and it turned out the last one after this was another poem.

Turning my attention back to the page, I started to read.

I started to cut. I had always heard about it and how emo people do it to make the pain go away or something like that, and at this point I was really desperate. I used my mom's scissors that she kept in the art room. It sort of pinched, but it felt nice. To finally feel something other than my heart being shredded. I traded my internal pain for something physical, and I'm glad I did. But I spilled a little, I only hope no one questions the red stains on my carpet…

I stared aghast at the page for a minute. He… That's so terrible… To actually like the physical pain more than what you were feeling before? That's just…

The page was nearly torn at how fast it was turned.

Minutes turn to hours to years.

The evidence is here, yet they turn a

Blind eye.

I grow tired

Too tired for my liking.

The reasons abolished and

Alliterated.

Inevitable

Is my fate.

Inevitable

Drawing nearer.

Close the blinds

On the day the sun rises.

The start and yet the end.

…This one is pretty weird.

I can definitely tell it isn't good. Not at all. Talking about an end? He's going to kill himself? Is he too tired of what..? I…

I don't understand at all.

He can't… How could someone kill themselves over something like this? Just some emo freak—just get over it! Don't kill yourself…

Drawing nearer? You mean you've planned for this? You know when it's happening? Well when the heck is it? On the day the sun rises? The start and yet the end? What the heck is that supposed to mean? How can something be starting and ending at the same time?

The end part is obvious: your life. What's starting though? It has to be obvious… What…What is it?

My thoughts were chopped into pieces when I heard shots outside—right now?!

…Oh wait…

Gosh I'm getting too paranoid. It's New Year's Eve, of course there are fireworks. But isn't it a little early to be putting off fireworks? It isn't until midnight, and it's four PM right now. Way to start the…

Year.

He's going to kill himself on New Year's?

I ran to the clock hanging on the wall. 4:21 PM. I still have time.

Sprinting to the door, I could only put my palm on the knob before I froze.

Who did this even belong to?

Hehe... Thanks for reading! I think I'll make this two chapters long. Not sure when I'll update, but I hope it'll be soon :3 It's my first time writing in this style (Half first person, half second) so don't hate me if it's bad ;-; Kinda experimental. If you guys hate it, I'll never write like this again LOL I tend to stick to third person. Reviews?