A/N: Sorry I'm not sorry this is heavy on KenUno and recent manga spoilers. So here's an extra long chapter to make up for it.

x.x.x

It was the dead of night. Ikkaku couldn't sleep. His eyes burned from crying. His body ached. He was still sitting on the floor. He felt miserable and ashamed and worthless. There wasn't room for anything else.

"Yumichika," he croaked, voice hoarse.

But the dark-haired man was still asleep.

"Yumichika. Please."

Ikkaku crawled up onto the bed and lied next to Yumichika, just staring at his face.

"Please."

He let his fingertips slide over the soft, cold skin of Yumichika's cheek.

"Come back."

He placed his hand gently over the spot on Yumichika's stomach where he'd been stabbed. He could feel the bandages covering the wound.

"Please," Ikkaku begged into the silky dark hair. "I need to tell you something."

Ikkaku held Yumichika for an eternity. He didn't drift off to sleep until the sun peeked over the horizon.

x.x.x

It was one of the first mornings in a while that Retsu didn't want to leave her bed. She was captain of the Fourth, and thus had responsibilities other captains did not. She enjoyed fulfilling her duties as the most proficient healer in all of Soul Society.

But this morning… Retsu had to untangle herself from the mammoth limbs of the man in her bed. Back then, when they first met, he'd been about the same size as her. He was malnourished, his ratty clothes barely hanging on to his skeletal form. The look of joy on his face when they crossed blades, like he was king of the world and could want for nothing more… It was an image forever seared into her memory.

And now, here he was. A behemoth full-grown lump that was spread eagle and snoring up a storm next to her. She kissed his forehead, right on the scar. He stirred, grumbled a little.

She tried to pull away but a heavy arm suddenly held her down. She laughed and let him manhandle her for a moment before pinching his ribs. And just as she expected, he grunted, twitched and released her. It was a ticklish spot she'd discovered within the last few hours.

Kenpachi groaned an incoherent complaint and rolled over onto his stomach now that Retsu was out of the bed. Then promptly went back to snoring.

As Retsu got dressed and braided her hair down the front, she let her eyes linger on the half of his naked, scarred body that wasn't under the covers – which was his entire left side. Her vision followed the grooves along the muscles in his leg, up to his hip, lower back and then back down again…

"See somethin' you like?" came the amused, muffled voice. His eyes were still closed but he had a little smirk on the side of his face that was visible.

"Quite," she responded matter-of-factly. She pulled the sheet over his exposed body like she was tucking him in then put her lips against his ear. "And it's right where I want it."

She left him to slumber peacefully in her room and started on her morning rounds.

When she checked on Yumichika, she noticed he was starting to get some color back in his face. That was a good sign. Ikkaku was sleeping right beside him in the bed. Retsu didn't speculate as to whether or not that had anything to do with it. She just spread another blanket over the pair and closed the door to their room.

x.x.x

It was groundskeeping day in the Fourth Division. Half a dozen squad members pruned and preened the greenery in front of their captain's living quarters.

They all jumped and stared in bewilderment when the doors slid open to reveal Zaraki Kenpachi.

The hulking man just stretched, scratched his head, adjusted to the morning light. "Mornin'," he said casually to those in the vicinity.

"G-G-Good morning, Captain Zaraki!" they all managed to choke out, trembling in fear.

"The hell you butchering those poor trees for?" he asked, honestly curious.

The squad members looked at each other. One brave soul said, "We do this every week."

Another chimed in, "We give extra attention to the captain's courtyard."

"Che. They were fine before. So what if they're a little rough around the edges."

They immediately ceased their clipping. "We defer to your judgment, Captain Zaraki."

"Please tell us how best to cut them so we may please our captain!"

They all stared at him with pathetic puppy dog eyes, begging for his advice. His emerging from her bedroom must have established him as an authority figure on the 'pleasing Captain Unohana' front. But the truth was, he empathized with their position.

"Just leave 'em be. Let 'em do their own thing for a while."

His words dawned on them and they all nodded feverishly in agreement.

"Thank you, Captain Zaraki!"

"We greatly appreciate it, Captain Zaraki!"

"Have a nice day, Captain Zaraki!"

"Err, thanks… Which way to the-"

They all point in the same direction towards the relief station.

"Right."

x.x.x

It was already mid-morning when Retsu finally allowed herself a break. She wondered if Kenpachi was still asleep, spread eagle under just that thin blanket. She allowed her mind's eye to wander a bit further but Hanatarou was suddenly in front of her, shaking and struggling to find his words.

It was a good thing she had long ago mastered the art of keeping a straight face no matter what was going through her mind – whether it was nostalgic fantasies of slicing people to bits or the occasional risqué daydream. She was entitled. "Yamada-nanaseki, is everything all right?"

"Y-You have some…visitors, Captain Unohana," he said.

"Visitors?" she asked. "Where?"

Hanatarou led her towards the entrance of the relief station where Isane was nervously entertaining three members of Squad Eleven. The silver-haired woman looked incredibly grateful when her captain arrived.

Retsu recognized the three – one was Aramaki Makizo. The other two were the ones who had caused quite the ruckus in her hallways after the Aizen incident. She'd only recommended they keep their voices down while in the relief station, but they ran off in terror.

Now the three looked at her nervously.

"Is there something I can help you gentlemen with?" she asked politely.

The one with the Mohawk elbowed Aramaki in the side.

"Oh yeah, right," he said, pulling out a piece of paper. He cleared his throat. "We, Squad Eleven, led by the strongest Shinigami in all the Gotei 13, Captain Zaraki…"

Retsu swore her subordinates were trembilng, awaiting his next words.

"…Wish to thank Squad Four and Captain Unohana for saving the lives of our comrades."

Squad Four members' jaws dropped. They were further blown away when the double doors opened to the morning sunlight. There stood dozens of Squad Eleven members in the relief station courtyard. And however inexplicably, contradictory, absurd, each one was holding a bouquet of flowers.

Aramaki awkwardly motioned to his comrades. They slowly filed into a line and made their way up the stairs as Aramaki continued to read.

"This flower is called the yarrow. It is the insignia of our division and it means 'fight.' But that's not all it means."

Squad Eleven members placed their yarrow bouquets into the arms of the stunned Squad Four members, then returned to their previous posts in the courtyard.

"There is a legend that the great war hero Achilles took the yarrow into battle with him because it stopped the flow of blood from wounds. It has many healing properties, in leaf form and when distilled into oil. Yeah. And we thought, uhh…"

Aramaki looked at his fellow squad members, nervous. They encouraged him on.

"We thought we would give them to your squad as a gift to…symbolize our gratitude. And friendship. And stuff."

Aramaki took a deep breath, relieved to have gotten that out. All the flowers had been distributed. Squad Four members were practically swimming in yarrows.

There was an awkward silence and then Aramaki bowed, his fellow squad members in the courtyard doing the same. "We thank you, Captain Unohana and Squad Four, for all your hard work! You have Squad Eleven's deepest respect!"

The strong, sweet smell of yarrows was all around Retsu, drawing up a very specific set of memories. They were bloody red and adrenaline-filled and punctuated by a malnourished boy atop a mountain of bodies.

She started to approach Aramaki, who worked very hard to keep from flinching. She stopped a few feet in front of him and after a few moments, bowed. Everyone in attendance gave a collective sigh of relief.

"We in Squad Four hold a deep appreciation for Squad Eleven. You've always been our most loyal customers. When Soul Society is under attack, you're the first to charge to the front lines. And it's all because of love."

The Squad Eleven members looked just as confused as the Squad Four members. Retsu smiled, dragging the moment out a little longer, leaving everyone in confused, bewildered suspense.

"You love to fight. You love your squad. You love your captain."

"We do love our captain," Aramaki said honestly. His comrades nodded. "He's Kenpachi!"

"Indeed he is," she said. Retsu straightened up a little. "Members of Squad Eleven. On behalf of Squad Four, I'd like to thank you for the beautiful yarrows. All flowers mean something, and these carry a world of meaning. Please come visit us whenever you like. The day is surely never dull when you're around."

Aramaki scratched at his head, grinning and blushing a little. "Thank you, Captain Unohana. Well, we better be going!"

The Squad Eleven members bowed and filed out of the relief station courtyard.

3rd Seat Iemura came up to his captain, struggling to hold the bunches of pink and yellow yarrow he'd been handed. "What do you think that was all about, Captain Unohana? Is it some kind of trick? It seems so unlike them."

"It seems exactly like them," Retsu said. Something caught her attention a short distance away. "You never know what they're going to do next."

"Uh, what should we do with all of these?"

She plucked a few from Iemura's armful and smelled them. "Put some in every room of the building."

"Yes Captain."

All those holding armfuls of yarrows set about distributing them to the various rooms in the relief station. Retsu made her way over to a corner, behind which a pair of amused eyes had witnessed the whole thing.

"I had nothing to do with that," he told her with a crooked grin. "I don't even think Yachiru had anything to do with that."

"I know," Retsu said, unable to tame her own smile. She looked at the yarrow in her hands. "It's still my favorite flower."

He took half a step toward her but there was a pink flash, a giggle and suddenly Yachiru was sitting atop his shoulder. She held a camera, waving it high above her head. "I filmed the whole thing! I even got them picking flowers!"

"Che," Kenpachi grumbled, secretly amused. " 'Course you did, you little sneak."

"I'm gonna show it to Yumi. He'll like it. I have a feeling he's gonna wake up soon."

Kenpachi looked at her. "Oh yeah?"

"When I checked on him earlier, it looked like he was getting some of his color back," Retsu told them.

"See?" Yachiru chided, elbowing Kenpachi in the head.

"Why don't we go check on him again?"

"Baldy's still with him, huh," Yachiru said, not really a question.

Retsu nodded. "I don't believe he's left the relief station since he came in."

Yachiru suddenly stuck her hand into her shihakusho and extracted a beautifully arranged bento lunch. "I stopped at Byakkun's house earlier. It has a really big kitchen. Anyway, I got this for him."

"Where's my lunch, brat?" Kenpachi asked.

"I'm not a delivery service!" she shot back, then promptly disappeared from his shoulder and went off in the direction of Yumichika's room.

x.x.x

Yachiru found Ikkaku in the dark room, sitting like a crippled old man in a chair next to the bed. His shoulders were slumped, head hanging. She approached him slowly, but he didn't notice her. Even when she was standing right next to him, he didn't move.

"Here," Yachiru said, holding the bento out to him. "It's all your favorite foods. I had the chefs at Byakkun's house make it special for you."

Ikkaku stared at her for a moment, not quite realizing what was happening. He blinked a few times then took the bento. Even in the dark, Yachiru could see the dark circles under his bloodshot eyes.

"Thanks Vice-Captain," he said, voice hoarse.

They both looked at Yumichika lying in the bed, still as stone.

"Maybe if you kiss him, he'll wake up," Yachiru whispered.

The tiniest hint of a smile flashed across his lips and Yachiru silently congratulated herself. She was pretty sure it was the first time he smiled in days.

But then it went away.

That's when Kenpachi and Retsu entered.

"Jesus. Can't see a damn thing in here," Kenpachi grumbled.

Retsu put the bundle of yarrows she was holding into a vase then let the tiniest amount of light into the room so she could examine Yumichika. She put her palm on his forehead. "His temperature has almost returned to normal. That's a good sign."

Yachiru saw Ikkaku's eyes light up a little bit.

"I hope you're taking care of yourself as well," Retsu said to the bald man. "Your Vice-Captain was kind enough to bring you a gourmet lunch. You should eat it while its fresh."

Ikkaku obeyed immediately. He was hungry but he'd been in too much pain, physical and emotional, to eat anything. He popped a roll into his mouth and his stomach was immediately grateful. It growled for more.

Satisfied, Retsu retracted her signature "obey me or else" gaze. She hadn't released it at full throttle, or even half throttle. More like quarter throttle.

"Would you like anything else, Madarame-san? Some tea, perhaps?"

"No," he said. "Thanks, Captain Unohana. I'm glad you…" Ikkaku struggled to find the right words to sum up what he was trying to say. So he just went with what was simple and true. "I'm glad you're here."

And he was. How many times had he harassed her subordinates? How many times had he caused a ruckus in this very relief center? And how many times had she healed him?

Captain Unohana didn't judge. It was why he'd told her, just a few days ago when he'd been the one in a hospital bed, exactly what happened during his fight with the Vasto Lorde, and how Yumichika had saved his life.

Ikkaku had a feeling this wasn't just due to her compassionate nature. He'd done some truly horrible things, yet this woman with this angelic face looked at him like he was an innocent lamb. From what he understood, she was very old, older than all of the captains except Yamamoto himself, and had a hell of a reputation.

That's how Ikkaku came to the loose conclusion that Unohana Retsu must have done her fair share of horrible things in the past.

Without much deliberation, he got up from his chair and hugged the woman.

Retsu was shocked at first, but she returned the hug, patted his back gently.

Then Ikkaku sat back down in his chair and returned to his meal.

x.x.x

After leaving Yumichika's room, Yachiru mentioned something about a Shinigami Women's Association meeting and disappeared in a pink flash.

Kenpachi didn't know if he and Retsu were walking anywhere in particular but he didn't really care. He was too busy looking at her smile. "S'not even halfway through the day and they're already huggin' ya and bringin' ya flowers."

He nudged her with his elbow a little and they shared a playful, knowing glance.

"Just imagine if they knew," he continued. "They'd hang your picture in every room in the barracks, and a great big one out front. You'd be their patron freakin' saint."

"That's why it's better this way," she said, smirking at him. "I'd hate to outshine you."

He chuckled as they turned a corner. "They'd demand you take my place and demote me to the open Fourth Seat."

Retsu laughed at that, a little too hard than she should have for being in the middle of the relief center.

Isane happened to be coming around a nearby corner at that moment, having just finished distributing the yarrows to most of the rooms. Her eyes landed on their retreating backs when she heard her captain laugh.

It wasn't a sound she heard very often, or ever, for that matter. Not a genuine laugh, anyway. What was it about the Eleventh Division? What was it about their captain? She'd wondered about it for a long time now, long before Ikkaku and Yumichika's fight a few days ago.

But Isane supposed she didn't really care what it was. She was just glad her captain was happy.

Just as she was about to depart for the Shinigami Women's Association meeting she saw Captain Zaraki bend down to whisper something in her captain's ear.

"I'd still be your number one fan though," he said to her under his breath, then nudged her with his elbow again. "So, what're your plans for lun—"

She hip checked him midsentence and he fell into the wall. "Holy fuck, woman!" he growled, stumbling all over himself.

"I'll be having lunch in my room," she said as if nothing had happened. "Why don't you join me? You can show me just how big a fan of mine you really are."

Kenpachi found his footing again and quickly caught up with her. "Yes ma'am."

Isane watched the two captains disappear around another corner, quite bewildered at the scene that had just transpired before her. She stood there, jaw agape, for several seconds before leaving for the Shinigami Women's Association meeting.

x.x.x

Ikkaku finished every last crumb of the lunch Yachiru had brought him.

Yumichika would've liked it too.

Maybe if you kiss him, he'll wake up.

His vice-captain's words kept playing in his head as he stared at Yumichika's lips. It was stupid, but he couldn't take his eyes off of them. They'd been pale purple for the past few days, and now they were a healthier pink.

He licked his own lips without even knowing it.

The wing of the relief center they were in wasn't busy at all, and hardly anyone passed by Yumichika's room. But Ikkaku still got up and closed the door.

Then he stood over Yumichika, continuing to stare at his mouth. That perfect mouth that he hadn't seen smile in far too long.

"Yumichika," he said out loud, not really knowing why.

But the dark-haired man didn't move, didn't make any sign that he was conscious.

So Ikkaku bent down and pressed his mouth to Yumichika's, letting his fingers caress the soft skin of his pale cheek.

He pulled back after a few seconds, already missing the sensation of their lips touching.

"Jesus Christ," he growled at himself, standing up. He shouldn't have done that, because now all he wanted to do was kiss him again.

So Ikkaku opened the door so he wouldn't be tempted and sat back down in his chair, eyes locked on Yumichika's face, waiting.

x.x.x

Yachiru hammered the gavel into her podium. "This meeting is called to order!" she announced.

Every regular Shinigami Women's Association member was in attendance – Nanao, Nemu, Isane, Kiyone, Soifon, Momo, Rukia, Rangiku, even Yoruichi was there.

"I'm glad you're all here," she continued. "There's something important I'd like to discuss with you."

Nanao rolled her eyes. "If it's about the candy shipment, I've already told you, it's on its way!"

"I'm not talking about that," Yachiru corrected her. "But thank you." Yachiru cleared her throat. "I want to throw a party!"

Everyone perked up.

"A party?" Rangiku said, excited by the idea.

"Yumi will be waking up soon. I want to throw him a party. What do you think?"

"That's a great idea," Momo said.

"Where would we have it?" Kiyone asked.

"Here, of course."

"Kuchiki Manor?" said Rukia. "But, umm…"

"I like it!" Yoruichi chimed in. "I'll talk to Kisuke. We'll get some supplies."

Yachiru gave her a thumbs up. "Perfect! Let's invite Ichi and his friends too. It'll be a big event."

Nanao adjusted her glasses. "Chairwoman… Are you sure Ayasegawa-san would appreciate a party?"

"Why wouldn't he?" Yachiru questioned.

Nanao looked around at her fellow female Shinigami for help. "Well… His fight with Madarame-san was a large spectacle. Would he want to be the center of attention so soon after that?"

Everybody thought about it for a while.

"He usually loves being the center of attention," Rangiku pointed out.

"But things are different now," said Isane.

"What do you mean?" Kiyone asked.

"His Zanpakutou," she explained. "Everybody knows about it even though he wanted to keep it a secret."

"He made a choice," said Soifon. "He released his own sword."

"The circumstances weren't ideal," Momo said sadly. "In fact they were pretty grim."

"Throwing a party so soon after a fight like that…" Rukia said, scratching her chin. "I guess it would draw attention away from what happened, but it could also do the opposite."

"It'll have to have a clear theme," Nanao said, jotting down ideas. "One that doesn't remind people of that meaningless brawl."

"I don't think it was meaningless."

Everybody stared at Nemu. She just blinked.

"There's something we haven't yet taken into consideration."

Yachiru, who had nearly dozed off at the boring repartee, perked up and pointed at Nemu. "Bingo."

"Oh. You mean, that?" Rangiku asked.

The pink-haired girl nodded.

Kiyone leaned toward her sister. "What are they talking about?"

"Their physical altercation marked a turning point in their relationship," Nemu explained. "The façade has fallen. They can no longer treat each other as they always have."

"Is that a proverb or something?" Momo muttered.

"You're right," said Rangiku, getting serious. "They'll finally have to be honest with each other."

"The idea of a party might put pressure on them," said Isane.

"It doesn't have to be a romantic party," said Rukia.

"Parties are romantic no matter what," Yoruichi laughed. "It's the alcohol."

"Well, a party isn't a party without it!" Rangiku cheered.

"Okay, listen up," Yachiru interrupted. "I'm glad I brought this to all of you. From hearing your opinions on the matter, I've come to a decision."

Everyone in the room eagerly awaited the Chairwoman's next words.

"Here's what we're gonna do…"

x.x.x

Ikkaku hadn't taken his eyes from Yumichika's face. His vision was blurry, his eyes ached. So when he saw the faintest sign of movement, he was sure he was imagining it.

He rubbed at his eyes.

Then he heard it. The soft grumbling of someone trying to shake off a deep sleep.

"Yu-Yumichika!"

The dull violet eyes opened slowly and stared up at the ceiling, unmoving.

Ikkaku clamped his hands over the sides of Yumi's face and hovered over him. "Yumi, look at me!"

Yumichika blinked slowly then focused his eyes on Ikkaku. Another slow blink and the dark-haired man looked away from him, turning his head to the side.

Ikkaku pulled his hands back. Didn't know what to do with them. Left them shaking in front of him. "Yumichika…"

Yumi stared at the patterns of the woodwork on the wall. Anything to keep him from looking at Ikkaku's face.

A few more silent seconds and Ikkaku collapsed to his knees under all the pain and grief that had been building up. And for the hundredth time in these past few days, he began to sob into the bed.

"I'm sorry," he muttered desperately. "So sorry…for everything."

Tears fell from the violet eyes.

"Th-That day, I couldn't protect you…even after I put you in danger. When you needed me most, I wasn't there. I'll never forgive myself for that!" Ikkaku shouted. "For all these years I've tried to forget it. But it's always there, in the back of my mind…destroying any feelings I had…because I didn't want to hurt you like…like he did. But I did hurt you, and it makes me feel like him! Worse than him…" he muttered.Ikkaku's fingers dug into the sheets on the bed. His entire body was shaking. "I'm sorry, Yumi. I'm sorry I was too fucking scared and stupid to be the person you needed me to be all these years. I'm sorry I can't see two seconds in front of my own face and…I'm sorry you had to hide from me."

Ikkaku's hands ached from clenching them so tightly.

"You shouldn't have to hide from me at all," he continued, voice dropping to a whimper. "You already hide so much from everyone else. And the whole damn point of a friendship like ours is so we don't have to be alone or face the hard shit by ourselves. What the hell kind of friend am I?! You'd rather die than show me the true form of your Zanpakutou… I never…"

Ikkaku couldn't finish the sentence. He didn't know how. He never… He never meant to do this, he never meant to not do that… He never even realized Yumichika was hiding from him. He never wanted to hurt his best friend.

"And what I said to you the other day…" Maybe if you'd used your true power, I wouldn't have had to literally save your ass. "F-Fuck," he wavered desperately, unable to think of how to apologize for something so unforgivable. "You didn't deserve that. It was the most horrible thing that's ever come outta my mouth. And the worst part is…I meant it when I said it." His entire body tensed with the overwhelming guilt. "I…" Ikkaku could barely speak, but he forced the words out. "I know that hurt you…deeper than almost anything else."

He didn't speak for a few seconds after that. He couldn't. Words died in his throat, turning into choking whimpers.

"It wasn't fair…" Ikkaku finally managed to say. "…Because that's our burden to share, and I shoved it all on you. But I'm taking it back now, my part of the burden. All that pain is too much for one person to deal with. I can barely fucking cope with just the memory…" The vivid images fled back into his mind, and he tensed with guilt once more. "You said that a part of you died that day. A part of me died too. I lost something of myself… My soul was torn apart, and there was one piece I never got back. He took you away from me." The words were muttered through clenched teeth, shaky and burning with hatred. "Ever since that day I've been convinced that it's not okay to have the kinds of feelings I do. I ignored them for decades and decades because I thought they were dirty and…and wrong."

Another period of heavy silence went by before Ikkaku continued.

"But the truth is…you're as much a part of me as that stupid sword I staked you with. And if you don't wanna follow me anymore, I'll…I'll follow you. We're supposed to be together. You and me, that's the way it's always been, and that's the way it should stay! Everyone else in this world can disappear… But as long as I have you, as long as you're at my side…I'll be happy. Because you mean more to me than any of them, any of them combined, and…I don't know how to live without you. I need you. I…"

Ikkaku felt a soft touch on top of his head, and looked up to find Yumichika's fingers resting gently on his smooth scalp. But he was still looking away.

"Don't," Yumi whispered. His voice was weak. Tears continued to fall from his eyes. "Please. I need some…time."

Yumi's hand slipped back onto the bed. Ikkaku stared at it, bit back the urge to touch it, to hold it, just for a second. Yumi wanted him to go away for now. He'd do whatever Yumi wanted.

So he left. Dragged himself up from the floor and went back to the room he'd woken up a few days ago. And collapsed onto the bed.

Just as Ikkaku left, a big-busted woman climbed in through the window of Yumichika's room. She quietly pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and sat down, running her hand through her strawberry-blonde hair.

Yumichika didn't meet her eyes. "You were listening," he said simply.

"Of course I was," Rangiku chided. "Like hell I'd miss that speech."

"Well? Did you enjoy it?"

"Don't get snippy with me," the woman sighed. "It broke my heart. His too." There was a heavy silence. "Why did you send him away?"

"I need time."

"Time for what?"

"…I'm not sure."

Rangiku gave another long sigh and sat back in her chair. "I always had a feeling, y'know," she said thoughtfully. "I mean, the fact that he never stared at my chest was kind of a tip-off, but something else… I'd gotten so used to the two of you being together that it never really hit me how much time you actually spent by each other's side. It's just…not normal for people to be around each other so much and not get sick of it. But it was like breathing for you guys, so natural. It was weird to see just one of you. Like…you weren't fully there without the other."

Yumichika couldn't stop the few tears escaping his eyes, so he turned and buried his face into the pillow.

"There was one time," Rangiku continued, "when some of the high ranking officers went on a mission to kill some Hollow in Rukongai, remember? The old fart sent us out in two teams to two different districts. It was me, Ikkaku, Iba and Hisagi in the 16th, then you, Kira, Hinamori and Renji in the 18th. Well, Iba and Hisagi were doing just fine but Ikkaku…he was getting his ass kicked. I had to help him out at one point. I asked him what his deal was and he just kind of stared at me. He looked lost. It wasn't until later that I figured out why, and then I wanted to smack myself for not seeing it sooner. It was because you weren't there."

Rangiku was silent for a few moments, watching as Yumichika tried not to cry into the pillow.

"You're always there when he fights," she said quietly. "He's not used to it any other way. He needs you, in more ways than one."

Another heavy silence fell between them.

"Will you forgive him?" Rangiku finally asked.

"Yes," Yumi replied almost immediately, turning back over. "But will he forgive me?"

"For what? You didn't do anything."

"For lying to him."

"Didn't you hear what he said? He doesn't care if your Zanpakutou is Kidou-based."

"I'm not talking about my Zanpakutou."

"Then what are you talking about?"

Yumi didn't respond right away, and when he did, his voice was barely audible. "How I feel."

Rangiku just sighed and ran her hand through her hair again. "I think you'll find that he'll forgive you for that pretty quick. You should've seen him these past few days. He did nothing but sit by your bed and sob into your arm. He didn't eat, didn't sleep until he was too tired to cry. He wouldn't let anyone into your room except your captain, Yachiru, and Captain Unohana. If he wasn't planning to forgive you, I doubt he would've stayed right by your side for all that time."

"He did that out of guilt. He feels guilty."

"If only you'd seen how pathetic he was, you'd know it wasn't out of guilt."

"Why then?"

"Because he loves you, obviously."

Yumichika turned his face into the pillow again and cried harder. "That's not funny," he muttered.

"Do I sound like I'm trying to make a joke?" Rangiku said firmly. "He was damn near about to say it himself when you stopped him. And you knew it, didn't you? Why didn't you let him say it, Yumichika?"

Yumichika's breaths were steep and sharp as he cried in silence. "He doesn't love me," he whimpered. "He just feels guilty. Guilty for being too late to stop me from being raped, guilty for stabbing me, guilty for pushing me aside. It's guilt, not love."

"How can you be sure?"

"Why would he love me?!" Yumichika hissed. "What reason does he have?"

"Why does he have to have a reason? Love isn't reasonable. It's painful and wonderful at the same time. It makes no sense."

"He doesn't love me," Yumichika murmured through his unending tears. "He can't…"

"Is that what you've been telling yourself these last hundred years?"

"Shut up, just shut up," Yumi muttered.

Rangiku gave a long sigh and got up from her chair. "Suit yourself. But we're all here for you. Just look around."

There were at least a dozen vases of flowers set up around the room, each one with an attached card. Rangiku flipped one open. "Get well soon, Yumi. Sincerely, the owner of the 2nd most beautiful Zanpakutou in Soul Society." It was Rukia's writing.

Rangiku smirked, looked back over at Yumichika who had rolled over, facing away from her. "I want to be alone," he said.

So she respected his wishes and left the room.

x.x.x

"He won't see anyone. Refuses to eat. Not even I can convince him. It's only been a day since he's come to, but I'm concerned for his health. At this rate, he'll waste away."

Kenpachi clenched his jaw at the weight of Retsu's words.

"I thought all this shit was over and done with."

"The recovery period is often more difficult than anything else," Retsu said.

She and Kenpachi were walking down an empty hallway in the relief station, empty because everyone quickly vacated the space when they felt the two captains approach.

Retsu studied the tall man's angled face, which looked more haggard than usual. "Kenpachi," she said softly, coming to a halt.

Kenpachi stopped as well, not quite able to look his companion in the eyes. "Hrm?"

"Perhaps you should speak with Ayasegawa-san."

"You just said he didn't wanna see anybody."

She reached up to his chin and coaxed him to look at her. "And when has that stopped you from barging right into a room?"

"Damnit." The man pulled away from her and stomped off in the direction of Yumichika's room.

x.x.x

Kenpachi stood in front of Yumichika's door for several seconds before knocking. When he finally did, there was a weak "Go away" from the other side.

"Tch," he growled, barging in anyway.

Yumichika was sitting up in bed, staring at the wall in front of him. The flowers seemed to have multiplied since the day before.

"I said go away."

"Think you can just order your captain around?" the tall man grumbled. He pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and plopped down into it. "I have some things I wanna say, and I ain't leavin' till I say 'em."

Yumichika glared half-heartedly at his captain. His eyes were bloodshot from the constant onslaught of tears.

"And I ain't talkin' till you eat some food, ya damn toothpick." Kenpachi shoved some jello in Yumichika's face. "Yer captain's orders."

The 5th seat took the jello, scooped a miniscule amount into the spoon and swallowed it down.

Kenpachi shrugged. Good enough. He cleared his throat. "So…" He hesitated, scratched his head. "Ah fuck. Look, Yumichika. I feel…" Oh god, Kenpachi hardly ever started sentences like that… "I feel like I'm partly at fault here."

Yumichika was silent. He just shoved a little bit more jello into his mouth.

"As both your and Ikkaku's captain…it's my responsibility to make sure…everything's…good with you." Kenpachi nearly rolled his eyes at himself. What a poor excuse for a sentence.

"Eloquent as ever, Captain," he said, taking another spoonful of jello.

The condescending tone of his subordinate's voice put him at ease, like he was the old Yumichika for a moment.

"Plain and simple, I'm the reason Kidou-type swords aren't valued in the squad. It's my fault Ikkaku thinks that way. I suck and I'm sorry and that's gonna change."

"He had that mindset long before we met you."

"Well, I couldn't have helped it any."

"No. You're everything he strives to be. You don't need a Bankai or even a Shikai. Just you and your sword. No tricks. He would love never to have to use his Shikai."

"Or his Bankai."

Silence fell over them. "So you know about it," Yumichika said quietly.

"I'm not as dumb as I look. And he's not as stealthy as he thinks he is. Not like you."

More silence. Yumichika stopped eating.

"I didn't know you were so good at Kidou. I mean, I knew you could probably do it. But I didn't know…the extent. How'd you learn that stuff?"

"I taught myself, mostly. I love kendo. But every day, hour after hour… I start to lose my mind. I've never been like everyone else in the squad."

"Brain dead? You're right."

Yumichika laughed for the first time in days. It made Kenpachi relax immensely.

"You said you're…still my captain?"

Kenpachi nodded. "Wouldn't blame ya if you forever hold a grudge against me."

"There's nothing more hideous than a grudge. I don't have any of those." Yumichika stuffed the last bit of jello in his mouth. "I'm…sorry for all the trouble I've caused."

"That's what we do in Squad Eleven. Make trouble. And I expect you to be making more of it when you get outta here. You and Ikkaku."

Kenpachi stood up and started out of the room.

"Captain…" Yumichika said. Kenpachi stopped, turned his head. "Thank you."

With a nod, he shuffled from the room.

He found Retsu sitting in front of her bedroom, looking out over the courtyard. He sat down next to her and she poured him a cup of tea.

No words were exchanged. None needed to be. They both sipped their tea and stared up at the stars.

x.x.x

Ikkaku didn't know how long he'd been staring at the ceiling. He sure hadn't been able to sleep for the last several hours. His eyes were burning but his soul was burning even more.

Floorboards creaked in the doorway and Ikkaku sat up. It was dark, but a silvery dark. He couldn't quite see through it. He couldn't quite tell if he was awake.

"Yumichika?" he asked.

Slow footsteps got closer until the darkness was no longer silvery, but clear, deep blue. A figure stood just inside his doorway, covered up to its ribs in the most vibrant green peacock feathers.

It stepped further into the light and Ikkaku could see the figure's angled face and the deep blue hair draped over its back like a silk curtain. The parts of its torso that weren't covered in feathers – abdomen, chest, shoulders – were taut with perfectly toned muscle.

The eyes were almost the same purple color and they pierced right through Ikkaku. Just for a moment, then the eyes flitted toward the open window. Ikkaku stared as the figure looked at the moon, bathed in its light.

Ikkaku's body felt heavy again, like he was between sleep and wakefulness. This wasn't a dream. It couldn't be. This was real. He felt it. He felt…him. He was surrounded by a familiar scent and

All he could manage to do was mumble, "Ruri'iro…Kujaku."

The Zanpakutou spirit turned from the window to Ikkaku, leveling his violet eyes at him. They grew larger as he floated closer and soon, Ikkaku was staring up at them like they were stars.

Ruri'iro Kujaku leaned in towards the bald man, who didn't move a muscle. The spirit nearly nuzzled his face, but instead breathed him in without ever touching him. The spirit's lips parted and he inhaled through his mouth.

"Mmm," he hummed, the sound like gentle birdsong.

Ikkaku finally got enough control of his body to lean in toward the spirit, but the spirit stood back up, their lips missing by a few centimeters. Ikkaku grabbed the spirit's hand in both of his.

"I'm sorry. For the way we met. Both times, I was…"

"Ikkaku." It almost sounded like Yumichika saying his name. Ruri'iro Kujaku smiled at him. "I did two things recently that I've always wanted to do…"

The spirit's hand was still encased in Ikkaku's, but he retracted it. He lifted his hand to Ikkaku's face and let his fingertips caress his cheek. They traced his brow, his chin, his jawbone, and then his lips. There they lingered as Ruri'iro Kujaku brought his face very close to Ikkaku's again.

"I saved your life…and I got to taste you." When Ikkaku's lips parted, the spirit ran his thumb gently over the bottom one. "I've never tasted anything like it."

"My reiatsu," Ikkaku said. "You consumed it."

The spirit nodded. "Do I disgust you?"

"No."

"Don't lie. I did at first."

Ikkaku shook his head. "I was confused."

"And are you still?"

"About some things." He sighed. "What do I do? How do I…" Ikkaku's voice trailed off as he got choked up. He covered his face with his hands.

Ruri'iro Kujaku laid him down like a baby and held him in his arms. Ikkaku didn't protest. His eyes were heavy and he just couldn't keep them open.

"Want to be with him," he mumbled desperately, speech slurring. "Want him to…love me."

The spirit smiled, porcelain cheeks burning pink, as Ikkaku nuzzled against him like a helpless child. "We do."

And Ikkaku finally fell into a deep sleep, velvety-soft feathers all around him.

Ruri'iro Kujaku admired the bald man's peaceful face for a long time, because it was the most magnificent face he'd ever seen.

x.x.x

Yumichika didn't want to sleep. He'd been lost in sleep for days. He wanted to feel all the pain and grief and anguish and despair because he thought he deserved it.

Ikkaku didn't love him. It was impossible.

There was a creaking of floorboards a few meters away. Yumichika didn't have to look to see who was there. It was hard to mistake that spiritual pressure.

"Come in if you want, Houzukimaru."

The hulking hairy beast that was Ikkaku's Zanpakutou spirit stepped into the room. He was uncharacteristically shy and stopped after taking one step into the room.

Yumichika finally turned his head to look at him. He reached his arm out and gestured for the beast to come all the way in.

It took Houzukimaru a few cautious steps to reach the bed. His eyes, painted red underneath, were trained on Yumichika's stomach, beneath which was the wound from Houzukimaru's blade.

Yumichika knew what he was looking at, what he was thinking. "It wasn't your fault," he told the spirit.

But Houzukimaru was not at all convinced. He looked more like a scolded puppy than the fearsome demon he was.

Yumichika took the spirit's massive hand and placed his palm over the bandaged wound. Yumi sighed. The spirit's hand was warm and strangely soothing.

"I drew your blood," the spirit said in his deep, rough voice, completely ashamed of himself. "I was inside of you. I took your life. Just like—"

"No," Yumichika cut him off. He brought the spirit's hand to his lips and held it there. "No. No. Nothing like that," he whispered. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Houzukimaru lowered himself to the floor next to the bed. He didn't remove his hand from Yumichika's grasp, but he let his head rest on the mattress. Yumi turned a little so they were face to face.

"You could wound me in the same spot every day for a hundred years and it wouldn't come close to being as painful as…that time."

Huge tears started bubbling from the spirit's eyes. Yumichika wiped them away with his fingertips. He let his fingers wander into the mass of thick, bright orange hair that surrounded the spirit's huge head. A smile crossed Yumi's face. He always thought Ikkaku didn't have any hair because his Zanpakutou took it all.

"Will you stay with me?" Yumi asked. Houzukimaru nodded. Yumichika cradled the spirit's huge hand closer against him and closed his eyes. He drifted off into a peaceful, comfortable slumber, nothing like the deep sleep he'd been lost in for days.

Houzukimaru didn't take his eyes from Yumichika's face. "Forever."