A/N: Thalico bothers me (Nico is mine, k?) and it bother Nico too (cause he's in my room, k?), so I wrote this. I'm just a bucket full of laughs, aren't I?

Btw, a few comments here such as Nico's hotness/badassyness, are him thinking them of himself, not me complimenting him. Though they are all true... Ugh just read the dam story!

Disclaimer: Percy Jackson is owned by the evil troll, Rick Riordan.

Nico was bored all alone in the Hades cabin. Most of the campers were at school for the year, the only person he knew was Thalia, but she was not someone he would walk up to and start a conversation with.

So Nico did the only thing he could think of, he picked up his laptop he kept in his cabin, along with his YA novels. (A/N: inside joke, read my other pjo one-shot) With a smirk, he typed in his name.

What surprised him, was when half a million hits showed up. Why was his name— though sexy and alluring— so popular on the Internet?

Nico selected a random link and clicked on it. It was Fanfiction?

There was a story. And it was about him!

The top read: Nico's bad day, Rated: M, Nico A., Thalia G.

Why would there be a fanfiction about Thalia and I? Nico wondered. And what did rated M mean? Mattress? Mean? Maybe for children?

Nico scrolled through the fanfiction, reading it quickly for someone who had a problem reading English. Anyone looking in his window, probably would have laughed at his expression which was slowly getting more and more disgusted.

Eventually, Nico slammed his laptop shut, yelling, "That's it!"

The door to his cabin flew open. "What's it?" a distinctly female voice asked. Thalia.

Nico blushed bright red as she walked into his cabin and sat on his bed.

"N-nothing," Nico choked out, thinking of that fanfiction. He couldn't even look Thalia in the face.

"What's up, Death Breath?" she asked with concern, after all, they were cousins. She lifted her hand to place it on his shoulder.

Nico dodged her hand, falling off his comfy chair and hitting the floor with a thud, landing on his pile of hardcover books. Just his luck.

"I— I," Nico stuttered out, finally looking Thalia in the face and blushing bright red. Thalia's face slowly became shocked.

"You don't... like me, do you?" Thalia said nervously, "because I am a Huntress and we are cousins and—" Thalia was cut off by Nico's loud shout.

"I KNOW I AM A SEXY BADASS," he shouted, making Thalia jump and surprise, "but I do not in any way have a crush on you, do not even suggest such a thing!" Nico crawled under his bed.

"Uh, thanks I guess," Thalia said, rather confused about the whole thing. "But seriously, what is your problem?" Thalia pulled up the fabric covering the entrance to under the bed.

"I— don't— fanfiction— M— M MEANS MATURE!" Nico yelled, crawling back out from under the bed, sitting up and banging his fists on the floor.

"Nico, what are you talking about?" Thalia asked slowly. She was mentally considering sending him to a mental hospital.

Nico just pointed at his laptop and managed out, "Read. It." before he spontaneously burst out crying.

Thalia looked at her cousin for a moment before she sat in Nico's comfy— and black— chair, setting the laptop on her lap.

*5 Minutes Later*

"I am a Hunter of Artemis, an eternal maidan! Forever a virgin! What part of that do they not understand?" Thalia growled. "And we're cousins! That'd like me and Percy dating!" Thalia shuddered.

"And besides, I thought you had liked Luke and cause he went to the bad side, you decided there was no other boy you'd ever want to be with," Nico piped up, having stopped crying several minutes ago.

Thalia glared at him and rolled up her sleeves, making Nico cower in fear.

*10 Minutes Later*

"Now that that's done," Thalia said, searching around in her pockets, "it's time to kick some ass."

"I can't... feel... my legs," Nico gasped out. Taking a beating from Thalia wasn't fun. "Are you sure you aren't a child of Ares?"

Thalia glared at him. "Are you sure you aren't a child of the stupid?"

Nico just crossed his arms and looked away.

"I don't why anyone would pair me with that idiot," Thalia mumbled under her breath. "I mean, we're cousins, and he's the most annoying person I've ever met. He's also technically eight years older than him. AND I AM WAY OUT OF HIS LEAGUE!" Thalia started panting, shaking her head.

"Hey!" Nico complained, shakily standing up. "I'll have you know I am extremely sexy, and there are a ton of girls who love the dark and mysterious look! Just because you—" Nico was cut off as his legs gave out on him, still numb from being beaten up by Thalia.

Thalia rolled her eyes and handed him a piece of ambrosia. "Insufferable fool," she muttered.

"Hey!" Nico squeaked. Thalia just shook her head.

"Come on, Dead Boy, it's time to kick that author's sorry ass!" Thalia grabbed her bow and an arrow from her quiver.

"Okay, Pinecone Face," Nico replied with a grin as he headed out the door. Thalia twitched slightly, but said nothing in response.

*At the Aphrodite Cabin*

"It worked!" one of the many girls squealed. "Your brilliant work will cause Thalico to happen!"

The writer of the fanfiction smiled. "At least we know they'll never find out it was one of us!"

The door burst open, revealing a furious Thalia with an arrow ready to fly and a scary looking Nico, his sword out.

"Okay," Thalia yelled, "which one of you wrote the fanfiction?"

This is why Mortal, Edward Gus, who was passing by the road to Camp Half-Blood, could hear terrified squeals coming from the strawberry patch on top of the hill.

A/N: So yay! Another PJO fanfiction! I'm quite proud of this one.

Yes, I love writing Nico. I absolutely adore him, and I love making him act like this.

If you have any one-shot requests, you can always comment or PM me :-)

Ugh I hope that whole SOPA thing doesn't get passed. I love and need fanfiction.

Leave a review telling me what you think, please!

Bye everyone! Hope to see y'all in a new one-shot soon!

- Queen Elizabeth III