He slept with Toni Stark within a couple hours of meeting her for the first time.
"Agent Phil Coulson from the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division."
"You need a shorter name", Toni said.
"We're working on it", Phil replied. "I need to debrief you about the incident in Afghanistan."
"Tell you what: you get me out of here without Christine Everhart noticing and you can debrief me all night."
The lecherous curl of her lips did something treacherous to Phil's insides.
"Deal", he said.
He did get them out without a hitch.
/
"I still need to debrief you about Afghanistan", he said a couple hours later.
"Kinky", Toni replied, sprawling on the sheets. The ARC reactor glowed between her breasts.
"Does it hurt?" He asked, touching her chest just underneath it where the scars wove a complicated pattern through her skin.
Toni shrugged. "Not really." She hooked a leg around Phil's. "Think the debriefing can wait?"
It could.
/
"Hi Pepper", Toni waved cheerfully around a mouthful of pancakes.
"Miss Stark", Pepper said and added, "Good morning Agent Coulson."
"You know each other?" Toni asked.
"We met at your press conference", Pepper told her. "I assume you got your debrief?"
"Thoroughly", Toni purred.
"I'll see myself out", Phil said quickly.
/
"This party is boring", Toni said when he answered his phone.
"I imagine terrorist hunting is hard to beat", Phil deadpanned. He wasn't surprised that Toni had his number but that she called him.
"Why do you think that was me?"
"The ARC reactor on your chest is a dead giveaway."
"Don't you want to debrief me about that, too?" Toni's voice dropped suggestively.
"Debrief isn't a euphemism for sex", Phil told her and glared at Fury when he snickered.
"It could be."
"Are you that desperate for my company?"
"Pepper is pouting because I forgot her birthday, Rhodey hasn't forgiven me for Afghanistan yet, both times, and Obie thinks I'm losing my mind."
"I'm your fourth choice, that's uplifting", Phil said dryly.
"Number five actually. It's Happy's bowling night."
"That makes me feel so much better."
"You're ranking above Christine Everheart."
"Are you trying to make me hang up on you?"
"If that means you on your way here, yes."
"Fine, give me half an hour."
"Try to wear something less bland than last time", Tony said and hung up.
Phil glared at his phone and then at Nick who was laughing.
"God, Phil you should marry that woman."
Phil glared harder.
"She's a flying weapon, it'll be good to have her on our side."
"She's volatile, narcisstic and incapable of teamwork", Phil said.
"Since when are you adverse to someone like that?"
"When it concerns my private life."
Nick raised his eyebrows. "Is that why you dated Victor von Doom and Remy LeBeau and – "
Phil left the room, hearing Nick laugh when he closed the door.
/
He didn't sleep with Toni that night, just made sure she went to bed and called Pepper to tell her about the situation.
"Do we have anything on Obediah Stane?" He asked Nick over the phone.
"Do you remember a couple hours ago when you wanted to keep your work and your private life separate?"
"Stane wants to remove Toni from SI's board."
"And?"
Let's call it a hunch."
"Did you swap personalities with Barton?" Nick sighed. "I'll keep you posted. Stay put for now."
/
"Hey", Toni grinned when she saw him. "Here to debrief me?" Even as banged up and exhausted as she was, her words had an effect on Phil.
"Still not a euphemism", he said.
"Your mouth says no but your body says yes."
"The painkillers are giving you hallucinations."
"How can you say no to this?" Toni leaned back, letting her hands glide down her body.
"You look like raw meat."
"And isn't it the most tempting raw meat you've seen in your life?" She purred.
"That's disturbing even for you", Pepper said.
/
"I am Iron Man." She said and hell broke loose.
He didn't know why he had ever expected Toni to follow the cover story but he couldn't help but smile. Next to him Pepper looked like she wanted to punch Toni and kiss her at the same time.
"I'm gonna kill her," she muttered.
"How about I take you out for a coffee and we iron out the details for that?"
"God, yes!"
/
Somewhere between Toni's publicity stunt and the senate hearing Nick decided that Phil would keep an eye on Toni.
"What makes you think she's going to listen to anything I have to say?" Phil asked after Nick had told him about his decision.
"I don't. But I want someone with an eye on her. It was a toss up between you and Natasha but considering you already have a foot in the door I chose you."
"Just because I slept with Toni doesn't mean – "
"You're still sleeping with her", Nick interrupted him. "And that obviously means she tolerates you to a certain degree."
Phil conceded his point.
/
"Maybe I want to join the mile high club." Toni purred as she threw her leg over him. They were alone. Pepper was taking a different plane to DC and Happy was sleeping in another compartment of the jet.
"Didn't you do that with the co-pilot on your flight to Singapore in 1997?"
For the fraction of a moment Toni looked surprised but she caught herself faster than Phil could blink. "Maybe flying makes me horny."
"Everything makes you horny."
"You do."
"I'm already here. You don't need to flatter me."
"You shouldn't sell yourself short, Agent Coulson" Toni said in a sultry voice. A shiver ran down Phil's spine at the dirty way she said his name. He didn't need her to know what effect she had on him. "But you should debrief me before we land."
"Will you ever stop with this?"
"Not likely."
/
Forget what I said Fury texted him after the Senate hearing was over. You'll get Romanov as back up
Considering that Pepper's plans to kill Toni now numbered in the dozens that was probably not a bad idea. Not that she would actually kill her before she had signed the papers that gave her reign of Stark Industries.
He and Pepper had celebrated the news by getting drunk on colourful, fruity cocktails. Now they would need to stay friends because they each had blackmail material for years.
"Jealous that Tasha gets to fly to Monaco with Stark and not you?" Clint asked with the biggest shit eating grin he was capable of as he dropped from the ventilation shaft into Phil's office.
"Toni can do whatever she wishes to", Phil replied calmly. He knew she was dying of palladium poisoning and a part of him wanted to go with her but he also knew he had no claim on Toni.
"And you know very well that I don't sleep with targets", Natasha said.
"That's what Phil said", Clint grinned. "Oh, could you swap places? Just imagine what would happen if Phil turns up as Stark's new assistant?"
Both Natasha and Phil gave him unimpressed looks.
"You two are no fun", Clint muttered.
/
What happened in Monaco was a nightmare not only for Toni's publicity. Vanko was undoubtly brilliant but all of Shield's attempts to recruit him had been for nothing. The man was out for revenge and considering what Howard Stark had done to his father Phil could even emphasise with him. Only that Toni wasn't Howard and taking it out on her was not acceptable.
"Hey Phil, how do you cook an omelette?" Toni asked as soon as he answered his phone.
"What makes you think I can cook?" Phil asked back. Clint was playing Pokémon on Phil's couch and perked up as soon as he noticed that it was not a work related call.
"I assumed your general competence extended not only to the bedroom but cooking as well."
"Why are you cooking in the first place?"
"I need to make Pepper smile."
"Does Pepper even like omelette?"
There was a moment of silence on the other side of the line until Toni said, "Look, can you help me or not?"
"You mix eggs, milk and salt and whatever ingredient you like and fry everything in a pan."
"Thanks."
He hesitated but then asked, "Toni?"
"What?"
"Are you okay?"
He heard her breathe and then she said. "I don't want to go home."
She sounded so goddamn vulnerable that it hurt him.
"Where do you want to go?"
"Venice maybe or Valencia, anywhere really."
"You're Toni Stark. You can go wherever you want to and not give a shit."
"That might not be such a good idea at the moment. Also, Pepper would kill me, omelette or no omelette." Toni laughed a little. "And I have to come back. You need to debrief me about Monaco."
"Good luck with the omelette, Toni."
"No debrief?" The pout was so exaggerated that he almost laughed.
"Who am I to deny you anything." Phil asked dryly.
"Exactly. Now, I'll make up with Pepper and you can go back to sharpening pencil's and make Fury's coffee." She hung up before he could reply anything but he had heard the smile in her voice. That was enough.
/
Toni didn't fly to Venice. She didn't fly to Valencia either. Instead she went home and trashed her house at her own birthday party while shit faced and then took off.
"She's at the edge. Now we can pull her in", Nick said before he stepped on the Quinjet.
"Just don't push her over." Phil knew Toni worked better when the stakes were high but he didn't want her to get hurt more than she already was.
Maybe he should have told her to meet for their debrief in Venice.
"Have Howard's stuff ready when we get back to Stark's house." For a moment Nick rested his hand on Phil's shoulder. "It'll be alright."
"If you say so, boss."
"I do. See you at the house."
/
"And you remember Agent Coulson, right?"
"Yeah."
"Oh and Toni? Remember I got my eye on you." Phil didn't know whether to laugh or to hide his face in shame. Sometimes Nick just didn't know when to stop.
Toni looked similarly unimpressed by his comedic side.
Natasha told them about the disabled communications and then she left as well, leaving only him and Toni.
"If you so much as step on the side walk I will taser you and watch Super Nanny while you drool into the carpet."
Toni sighed and threw an arm around his neck while her other hand played with his tie. "You were much more fun when we first met."
"I didn't know you back then."
"Words can hurt, you know?" She wrapped his tie around her hand and pulled him close. "You promised to debrief me."
"I believe Director Fury just did that."
Toni pushed away from him with an eyeroll. "I will get you to use debrief as a euphemism."
"Hard goals are important", Phil told her. "Enjoy your evening's entertainment."
/
Toni came to his room in the middle of night. She climbed into his lap and held a finger to his lips when he opened his mouth. "Don't" she whispered and there was something in her voice that reminded him of the call from the plane. He didn't ask any questions after that, just let her have him as she wanted.
"Let's do something stupid", Tony said, straddling him. Her shirt was open and he could see the dark lines rising up from the ARC reactor.
"More stupid than trashing your own house?"
"Marry me."
If she had hoped to shock him she was disappointed. "Okay."
"What, really?" She asked surprised.
"You asked me."
She grinned. "Let's go."
They celebrated with sex which Phil still steadfastly refused to refer to as debrief. Actually he refused to call the second bout of sex debrief. The first one was pretty spontaneous in the car in an abandoned parking lot. The second round happened there too, the third was in the living room on the couch and the fourth on the balcony.
She was gone in the morning.
/
"Coulson, I need you in New Mexico. We're setting up camp there. Romanov has to handle Stark on her own."
"Toni is gone." He told Nick.
"I know. Natasha called it in. He's at Stark Industries. Miss Potts nearly bit his head off with good reason so most likely she'll head home."
"Is there no one else you can sent to New Mexico?"
"If I did would I have called you?"
"I may have married Toni last night."
For the first time in the whole twenty years he had known him Nick Fury was speechless for whole five seconds. Then he laughed. "Congratulations. But I'm still sending you to New Mexico."
"Understood, sir."
Somewhere the universe was having a laugh at his expense.
Toni would kill him.
/
New Mexico was a mess with an alien object falling from the sky and a scientist close by. Phil knew after years at Shield that scientists were usually a little too curious and stubborn.
And because the universe had a truly terrific sense of humour Bruce Banner chose this week to show his face in the US again. Not to mention that some of the usual threats Shield dealt with had reared their heads again.
"I've heard you breached the perimeter." Phil chose not to comment on Toni's newly decorated cellar.
"That was like three years ago. Where have you been?" Toni scoffed.
"Doing stuff." That was probably the worst excuse he had ever given in his life.
Toni raised her eyebrows for a moment. "Come on, we're playing on the same team", she said, turning back to her work.
Phil nearly had a heart attack when he saw a half finished Captain America shield lying in one of the boxes. At least he hoped it was half finished and not half disassembled.
"What is this doing here?"
"That's it." Toni grinned and took it from him. "Okay, lift the coil, put your knees into it."
Only years and years of training made it possible for him not to gasp when Toni pushed the shield under the coil.
"So, what do you want?"
"Goodbye. Director Fury wants me in New Mexico."
"Super Secret Stuff?" If she was disappointed she was hiding it well.
"So I've been told."
"Well, if this doesn't work then – "
"It will. You're Toni Stark."
Toni gave him a small smile for that. "And if it does, you'll have to come back and debrief me, right?"
"Take care. We'll need you."
"I know."
"Not that much."
Her laughter followed him up the stairs.
/
"Does that make you her trophy husband?" Clint asked with an obnoxious grin.
"I can restrict your range access."
"Or did you marry her because she's dying and you'll inherit all her money? Because that would be cold."
"Or send you to the PBDE in Antarctica."
"Well played in any case. You gonna get a fortune."
"I'll hand you over to the IMF permanently."
"Come on, Coulson", Clint nudged him in the ribs. "I'm happy for you. "
"You just accused me of marrying Toni for her money."
"Nah, I know your motives are pure. She'll keep your masochistic side in check."
"I will make you walk the last hundred miles to the site."
"Did you keep your name by the way? Or are you Agent Stark now?"
Phil glared at him.
"Agent Coulson-Stark? Stark-Coulson?" Clint offered.
/
"Hey is that one of your wife's?" Agent Frost asked when a giant robot turned up right in front of them. Within 24 hours everyone in Shield knew about Phil's marriage to Toni Stark.
"No idea, that woman never tells me anything." If that turned out to be one of Toni's he would sic Pepper on her, palladium poisoning or no palladium poisoning.
Unfortunately it wasn't one of Toni's.
/
"Let's get you back to LA. Your wife must be worried." Clint grinned as Phil opened the passenger door. Privately he doubted it. Between the palladium poisoning, Vanko and Hammer Toni had more than enough on her plate. Hell he doubted that Toni would have married him if she wasn't dying.
"You never did tell me why you married her."
Phil glared at him.
"Everyone thinks it's some sort of secret plan. No can believe that level seven Agent Philip J. Coulson would actually go and fall for the target."
"What makes you think it isn't a way to secure Toni's loyalty to Shield?"
"Cause I know you're a big softie inside", Clint said and elbowed him slightly in the ribs.
"Shut up and drive."
/
"So you didn't die", Phil said when he saw Toni. She looked like she had been through hell.
"You didn't die either." She eyed the scrape over his brow.
"Just a normal day at the office."
"Sweet", she rolled her eyes and kissed him.
"Fury wants to make you a consultant."
"Cool, you guys do need me."
"I should have never said that."
"I'm your wife, you should shower me with compliments. Now do you want to debrief me?"
"You'll never give up on that one will you?"
"Nope", she took his tie into her hands. "You have some marital duties to fulfil and then you can tell me about those aliens you met in New Mexico."
Phil didn't even bother to ask her how she knew about this.
/
The following year was actually somewhat calm. Pepper was still running Stark Industries which left Toni with time and freedom to refine the arc reactor and her suit. She alternated between Malibu and New York while Phil went wherever Nick sent him and spent his spare time with Toni. So far the press hadn't caught on to them for which he was more than grateful.
Sure there was that incident with Ross but Toni accomplished the mission and it made for a good story around the office on top of that.
Despite the fact that she was no longer dying Toni hadn't asked for an annulment or a divorce. And Phil was enjoying her company too much to ask for a reason. Toni did things at her own pace and pushing her would lead to losing her and Phil didn't want that.
/
"Why do I get the feeling that you're not here to celebrate with me?" Toni asked when he came through the lift doors.
"I need you to look this over", Phil said and gave her the tablet. It was testament to their relationship that Toni simply took it.
"Is that about the Avengers?" Pepper asked. "Which I know nothing about", she added quickly.
"The Avengers Initiative was scrapped. And I think I didn't qualify."
"I didn't know that," Pepper said.
"Apparently I'm volatile, self-obsessed and don't play well with others."
"That I did know."
"This isn't about personality profiles anymore," Phil said.
"Whatever." Toni waved at them. "Agent Stark, on a word."
Phil rolled his eyes and Pepper hid her smile behind her hand.
"Haven't seen you in a while", Toni said casually as she browsed through the files.
"I was busy."
"Too busy to debrief me?"
"Still not a euphemism."
"Isn't there something in our vows that says you have to obey me?"
"In your dreams, Toni."
"My dreams are way naughtier than that."
"I have to go back to word", Phil said as much to her as to himself. They hadn't seen each other in a while and it was tempting to put things off a little. Not to worry about Clint and Natasha and Thor's homicidal little brother.
"You could stay."
"You have work to do."
"What when I'm finished?"
"It's a lot of work." Phil rested his hand over her arc reactor. It glowed reassuringly bright and steady under his fingers.
Toni kissed him and he was so close to giving in to her Nick and Maria would never let him live it down if he did.
"I'll see you soon."
/
And then all hell broke loose.
She sat at the conference table feeling numb and cold. Fury's little speech barely affected her because she wasn't listening.
Phil was dead. He wouldn't come back, wouldn't roll his eyes at her jokes again or tease her only to take Pepper out for coffee.
Phil was dead.
"Agent Coulson still believed in that idea. In heroes." She stormed off, not able to take it anymore. Fury might have lost his right hand man, his one good eye or whatever he called him but she had lost Phil. He didn't need to give her a speech about her failings as a human being when Phil had already paid the price for that.
"Was he married?" Steve asked tentatively when he joined her in the cage room.
"Yes."
"I'm sorry. Should we tell his wife?"
"She knows."
"He seemed to be a good man", Steve said after a moment.
"He was an idiot", Toni gritted her teeth. She was angry at Phil. What the hell had he thought?
"Why? For believing?"
"For taking on Loki alone."
"He was doing his job."
Toni scoffed. What did Steve know about Phil's job? "He was out of his league. He should have waited. He should have - " She felt her voice breaking and stopped. She would not cry especially not in front of Steve fucking Rogers.
"Sometimes there isn't a way out, Toni."
"Right, I've heard that before." If Steve didn't stop with the platitudes soon she couldn't be held accountable for her actions.
"Is this the first time you lost a soldier?"
"We're not soldiers!"
/
For most people it would be a strange thought but when Toni flew through the wormhole she thought, I did marry him because I loved him.
She watched as the nuke hit the alien ship and then everything went dark.
Thor, Rogers and Hulk stood around her when she woke up. Her whole body felt like one giant bruise but she was not dead. For a moment she didn't know whether that was a good thing or not with Phil gone but then she decided she was okay with being alive. No matter how much it hurt she really didn't want to be dead.
/
Turned out Phil wasn't really dead. Toni socked Fury in the jaw without taking her suit off first and then kissed Phil.
"Oh", Steve said, "he's married to you."
"Damn right he is", Toni replied. "If you ever pull something as stupid and reckless as this again I will – "
"Pot and kettle", Phil said.
"Don't you think it's enough when one member of this marriage does that?"
"I'm not going to be your stay at home husband."
"You're no fun."
He gave her a tender look. "We will need a long time for the debrief though. As soon as we're both up to it."
The grin that broke out on her face and the general confusion around them was pretty much worth finally giving in to her. They had both died within the last 24 hours after all. If he couldn't indulge his wife now, when else?