The Promise

Jonny smiled to himself as he gazed across to the sleeping form of Jac Naylor. He thought of everything they had been through and survived to get to this moment.

"Jonny" Jac mumbled half asleep.

"Yes" he answered

"Are you staring at me?"

"No" he lied unconvincingly

"Yes you are"

"Well if I can't admire my beautiful fiancée what is the world coming to" he laughed at her pulling her thin body into his arms.

'Stop it and go to sleep' she muttered into his chest. But Jonny was certain he saw a small smile on her lips.

He held her and thought back to just a few months ago when any thought of this small but happy exchange between the couple would have seemed impossible. He had proposed to Jac when she was still pregnant with their daughter Amelia. He remembered the shock on her face. He hadn't planned to ask her but had suddenly decided at work that this was what he wanted. He had seized the opportunity and asked her at the nurses' station in front of a busy Darwin ward. He remembered a terrifying moment of silence before she had whispered 'yes' with a smile on her face and then promptly burst into tears.

He remembered the moment Amelia was born by caesarean section. How the small baby was whisked away before either parent had chance to see her. He had held Jac's hand tight and wiped the silent tears off her cheeks both of them too terrified to speak. He remembered the precious two months they had had Amelia in their lives. He had watched Jac tenderly attend to the baby's needs when she could. He remembered hearing her tell their daughter over and over again how strong, how brave she was and how much she was loved. He remembered holding Jac as she wept into his chest the night Amelia had passed. He remembered Jac asking him to promise that he wouldn't leave her.

She had refused to return to the three bedroom house they had brought together. Instead they accepted Sachas offer to stay with him for as long as needed. He remembered Mo helping him to pack up the house, putting most of their belongings into storage. He remembered sitting the kitchen of that house weeping whilst Mo and Michael removed the items from the nursery to give to charity. He put the house on the market and Jac insisted they accept the first offer they received.

Jonny remembered the way Jac didn't appear to eat anything for weeks, spending most of her time laying down and uncharacteristically allowing herself to be comforted by Jonny or Sacha. Jonny remembered overhearing a conversation between Jac and Sacha where Jac asked if Sacha thought she was being punished. Sacha had soothed her with kind words and promised her that she would not always feel only pain that Amellia had gone but would treasure that she had been.

Neither of them could remember how the funeral had been arranged. The details were hazy. Jonny remembers the feeling of the hard pew beneath him as Jac had held his hand too tight. He knew that like himself she was resisting the urge to run up to the small white coffin to grab hold of the small child contained inside it for one last time. He remembered as the curtain closed Jac had sprung up and run out of the church. He had followed close behind her. He remembered the way she had lent on a low wall for support as her body shook with the force of her sobs. Jonny had pulled her into his arms. 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry' she had sobbed into his chest. 'What for?' he had asked her. 'None of this is anybody's fault Jac'. He had tried to comfort her. 'None of it.'

He remembered later that night Jac had wrapped her arms around him as they lay on Sacha's spare bed together. 'I love you Jonny' she had whispered into his ear. He couldn't speak back because of the lump of emotion in his throat. He instead squeezed her hand and knew she understood.

A month passed quickly and they moved to a quiet two bedroom flat Jac had found. Jonny had been surprised when the first thing Jac unpacked was a framed photograph of baby Amelia. 'Do you like it?' she had asked him nervously. He had nodded his head overcome with emotion once more. Four months on and they were still grieving but Jonny knew they were going to survive. They owed it Amelia to make sure they did.

"Jac? Are you still awake?"

"Hmmm" she answered sleepily

"I love you"

"I love you too"

"Jac?"

"Go to sleep Maconie."