Roommates

SUMMARY: Sometimes Armin loves his roommates, loves living with Mikasa and Eren. And sometimes, Armin wishes he could live with anyone but a sex-starved fitness buff and a pyromaniac. Levi x Mikasa, Armin x Annie. Modern AU.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I got a prompt for a smut Levi x Mikasa fic on tumblr and this happened. Rated T for quite a bit of dirty talk.

"Stop it!" Followed by a giggle.

"Hey, don't touch me there. You know I'm ticklish." Laughter.

The creaking of bedsprings.

Loud moaning through the paper-thin walls.

Armin blushed red to the roots of his gold head. "Sorry about the noise," he apologized lamely.

Annie sighed, a frustrated noise. "I thought Mikasa was at Levi's."

Armin turned his gaze to Mikasa's room, his face dark. "I thought so too."

An explosion.

"And I didn't know Eren was home, too."

This time, Armin's glare was directed at Eren's room. "He said he was going to the arcade. Something about a new Titan-Hunter game he wanted to set the high score on."

The door burst open and Eren popped his head out. Smoke began pouring into the hallway as he hastily tried to prevent it from reaching the detectors that dotted the ceiling, particularly around his room. "Did you say Titan-Hunter 4? I already got the high score. That's why I'm home early."

"And what are you doing now?" Asked Annie snappishly. "Playing with the chemistry kit Armin got you for your fifteenth birthday?"

"N-no!" Eren stammered. He ran back into this room and slammed the door.

"Sorry," apologized Armin for the umpteenth time.

"It's okay," said Annie. "It's not your fault that Mikasa can't keep it in her pants and that Eren gets off exploding things."

"I should really move out." Armin shifted closer to his girlfriend, loosely slinging an arm around her shoulders.

Annie leaned on his shoulder. "I like your place. And Mikasa isn't that bad when she's not having sex. It's just that when you invited me over for a movie, I thought we'd have some privacy."

"I haven't had any privacy since I was nine years old," said Armin. Annie could hear the hopelessness in his voice and see it reflected in his eyes.

"Poor you." Annie kissed her boyfriend on the cheek and turned her attention back to the movie. "You couldn't have chosen something scary?"

"I get nightmares."

"You live with two other people."

"Do you think I'd go knocking on Mikasa's door in the middle of the night? Or ask Eren to make me a cup of tea?"

Annie nodded, her expression troubled. "You'd either walk in on your pseudo-sister having sex or get served a cup of possibly explosive liquid. Tough."

"Or I could call you."

"In the middle of the night?" Annie scoffed. "I'd drive over and rip your nuts off for disturbing my sleep."

Armin crossed his legs, wincing. "I'm surrounded by terrible people."

The moans coming from Mikasa's room quietened and eventually stopped.

"Finally!" Armin shoved the bowl of popcorn off his lap and placed it on the glass coffee table. "I can hear myself think!"

Mikasa's door, decorated with an assemblage of pages torn out from fitness magazines and empty condom boxes, opened. Mikasa Ackerman walked out, wearing nothing but a pair of white underwear and headed for the kitchen.

"Mikasa!" Armin dove to close the curtains despite the fact that they were on the twelfth floor. "Put some clothes on! We have guests!"

That got her attention. But, to Armin's utter dismay, it only spurred her curiosity, causing her to actually walk over to the couch. "Oh, it's only Annie. Hi Annie."

Annie waved from her perch on the sofa without even looking. "Hi Mikasa." At Armin's look of distress, she said, "I've seen Mikasa naked more times than I've seen you naked."

Mikasa laughed as she opened the fridge door. "That's probably very true. I bet Armin showers with all his clothes on." She grabbed a carton of milk, unfolded the opening, and raised it to her lips.

"S-shut up!" Armin pouted, prompting Annie to wrap a mock-caring arm around him. "And don't drink from the carton!"

"We should go to the gym together," said Annie to Mikasa, eyeing her abs with slight jealousy.

"No!" Armin protested. "Mikasa goes to the gym with Levi and they have sex in the changing room!"

"What's with all this goddamn shouting?"

Armin swore that the gods were out to get him today. Mikasa's boyfriend, Levi, stood next to the couch. At least he was wearing underpants and for some godawful reason, a cravat.

"Levi!" Armin scolded. "Would it kill anyone to wear some clothing?"

Levi looked down at his lack of attire. "I don't see the problem here."

"Levi, a cravat doesn't count as a shirt!" Armin considered throwing popcorn at him, but looking at his sizable muscles, decided against it.

Levi shrugged. "Do you have any extra lube?"

Armin wondered how much jail time he would get for attempted homicide. "Don't ask me!"

"You mean you go in dry?" Levi cocked his head. "That's really gotta fucking hurt. I pity you," he said to Annie who only nodded sympathetically.

Mikasa laughed, wiping her milk mustache. "Armin used my lube to fix a squeaky door-hinge once."

Levi shook his head, sighing. "There's nothing wrong with a little anal."

"Armin's all about the anal," said Mikasa, eyes glinting.

"She means uptight," said Armin to Annie, who raised a brow questioningly. "She means uptight! I'm uptight!"

"Are you talking about anal?" Eren had joined the conversation. His hair was sticking up in all directions and he seemed to be missing half an eyebrow. "Armin's crazy-anal. He's super anal."

"Uptight!" Armin waved his hands around. "I'm uptight!"

"So, you don't have any lube?" Levi asked. At Armin's furiously shaking head, he sighed disappointingly. "Looks like we can't use the strap-on tonight."

Mikasa mirrored his expression. "We can do plenty of other stuff, though."

Levi brightened up. "Lead the way."

The two finally went back to Mikasa's room and Armi found himself able to breathe normally.

"Armin, do you have any duct tape?"

Armin turned to Eren. "Why do you need duct tape?" He asked slowly.

Annie didn't even look up from the movie. "He probably broke something."

"That's it," said Armin. "That's it. I can't stand it here anymore." Grabbing his girlfriend by the hand, he stomped over to the door. "I CAN'T STAND THIS PLACE AND THE CONSTANT EXPLOSIONS AND PEOPLE HAVING SEX TWENTY-FOUR/SEVEN. IF ANY OF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE AT MY GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE, CREATING EXPLOSIONS OF MY OWN." He slammed the front door behind him, feeling immensely satisfied.

"Hm."

Armin looked over at his girlfriend.

"While I won't deny that your little outburst turned me on, that probably wasn't your best idea," said Annie.

"Why not?"

"Because I have roommates of my own."

"Reiner? He's not that bad," said Armin, remembering the friendly blonde.

"Except that Bert is over and when Reiner and Bert get together, I like to leave the premises for a good twenty-four hours."

Armin felt a headache coming on. "Do you just want to go to the movies or something?"

With some difficulty, Annie slipped her hand into her boyfriend's clenched fist. "That sounds great."

"I forgot my wallet, though."

"Fine, but you owe me."