Natalia sat with her arms around herself, unable to keep the chill out of her bones. Horatio was twelve years older than she was. They both worked in the same job; she knew the dangers, had seen them first hand. She knew there was a possibility that she could spend the rest of her life with Horatio and had chosen to live her life hoping for that outcome. She also knew that she could lose him, without notice, any minute of any day. They shared a common fear, losing the other, both knowing what it felt like to lose someone they loved: Marisol and Jesse. She thought of Horatio, shot, diving into the ocean to rescue her from a car trunk. She remembered the feeling of holding his hand and then losing his touch. She remembered him pushing through the pain, keeping going although neither of them ever should have left the hospital, to find North, the one who shot him, tried to drown her, and then Toller. She remembered the fear in Eric's voice when he told her that Horatio had collapsed, that they had to go to the hospital right then, that moment. She remembered the rush of fear that came over her as she sat by Horatio's bed for hours, ignoring her headaches and fatigue, eating only when one of the team reminded her, never leaving that room until she saw his blue eyes open, saw his smile.

She stood, unable to sit still any longer, walking towards the panes of glass, seeing Horatio in surgery below. It dawned on her that the room was set up very much like the morgue. How often had she found Horatio on the ledge above, watching an autopsy?

"I refuse." Natalia whispered. "I refuse to accept the possibility of losing you. We're not through yet. We have too much left to do." They had discussed adoption, but she'd put it off without really having a reason why. They'd discussed vacations, neither actually remembering taking one before, or at least not in recent years. They'd discussed marriage, but hers had ended as a nightmare and the guilt he still felt over Marisol's death had him running scared as well. "We're not through yet. I refuse."

*****

Ryan helped Angelina move to a wheelchair, shooting dirty looks at Alexx whenever he could get her to look at him. He had made his feelings obvious to both of the women, but neither was listening. Lina had suffered a bad concussion, but there was no keeping her from Natalia and her dad. He could either support her, help her, or wait helplessly until she came back; she was going either way. He wrapped a blanket around her carefully so that she would be comfortable but keeping it out of the way so that the chair wouldn't roll over it. Then he pushed her to where Alexx had told him the surgery was being held. Natalia was standing by the window, crying, and they both knew she wouldn't want anyone to see. Ryan found a chair and sat beside Lina, holding her hand.

"My mom was a CSI," Lina whispered. "Dad was a homicide detective. They met through work. She was the one that got him interested in crime scenes…" She trailed off, realizing it wasn't important, while Ryan just learned something that changed the way he viewed Horatio, especially after her next words. "She was killed at a crime scene. She was the first person to arrive and walked into a trap. I don't…I don't know much about what exactly happened. Dad would never talk about it, never let anyone else talk about it either. He always said he didn't want me to think of her that way. And I don't…until things like this happen." She took a breath and let it out. "We lived with Grandma for a little while, after Mom died. She used to watch me when Dad got called out in the middle of the night. Grandma and Grandpa John were back and forth, off and on. He was very abusive. Sometimes she could be strong enough to kick him out, but she always let him come back. The last time she kicked him out was when we moved in. When she wouldn't let him come back, he killed her." Ryan held her, kissing her head, not sure who he felt sorrier for, her or Horatio. "That's when Uncle Ray moved down here, married Yelena, and had Ray Jr. Dad stayed in New York until he was shot." She had gotten calls in the middle of the night about her dad more times than she wanted to think about wanted to remember. He always survived them, always. "When we moved to Florida, I hated it. I couldn't wait to get away to school. I never thought I'd be back here now, but…Dad and Kyle are all I've got. Dad's always been there, even when I was difficult, even when I wasn't sure I liked myself." He looked at her on that. "I was wild when I went to college. Maybe I wasn't arrested like Kyle, but I should have been, several times. I drank, dabbled in drugs, slept around…" She looked at him. "You wouldn't have liked me very much then. I can't believe I was that person now. But Dad was there. Somehow he always knew what I had done and loved me anyway. I don't…I don't know what I'll do without him. I really don't want to find out."

Ryan was speechless at first. He didn't know what to do, what to say, all he could do was hold her, try to silently reassure her that it was all right, that he still loved her, that her dad would pull through.

*****

Eric dozed in a chair near Calleigh's bed, Mari in his lap. Calleigh didn't believe for a moment that she was incapable of going to see Natalia and Horatio; after all, Lina had gone and she'd had a concussion. Calleigh was having no problem with her breathing when she lay in bed so she got up, careful to make as little noise as possible, telling herself that it was to keep Mari asleep, but she really knew that he wouldn't approve of what she was doing. After all, Alexx had told her that she had to stay in bed, but surely a quick trip to check on her friends wouldn't hurt anything. She was a little woozy, unsteady on her feet, but she took a few more steps. She found her chest hurting, feeling like the room was spinning, and the next thing she knew, the room went completely black.

Eric heard Calleigh when she hit the floor. He put Mari down on the bed quickly, running to Calleigh's side, calling down the hallway for a nurse. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he held her, picking her up, moving her back to the bed, trying to stop the bleeding where she'd pulled the tubes out.

Alexxx had gone to check on her patients, but ran back when she'd heard the code for Calleigh's room. She'd had a feeling that Calleigh would try to get up, but she hadn't expected anything like this or she never would have left. She saw the tears in Eric's eyes, the tears he wasn't even trying to hide. The only thing she could think to do was hold Mari so that the little girl wouldn't be in the way and wouldn't wake up frightened again.

Nitrous oxide was slipped over Calleigh's face again as Alexx finally convinced Eric that he could sit beside Calleigh on the bed without holding her, just until the doctor and nurses finished their jobs. "I shouldn't have fallen asleep. I shouldn't have fallen asleep…"

*****

Horatio found himself in the white round room again, only this time the dream was different. It was Calleigh with the wedding dress, in the middle of the room with him, searching for something, although he had the feeling he was supposed to be the one to walk with her. There were two doors on either 'side' of the room: Marisol stood in the doorway of one, Natalia and Eric in the other, and no one was talking. There was a pull, like an ocean wave, towards Marisol's door, but at the same time he felt pushed towards Natalia and Eric. He could choose to let go, stop fighting, and go to them, or swim against the current and go with Marisol. It wasn't just him though; his decision somehow affected Calleigh as well. Wherever he went, she would go too.