"Would you cut it out? Even I'm getting bored."

Killua slumped from his spot on the bed. It had merely been a week since he introduced his best friend to the internet. The black-haired boy's following addiction to the technology was almost as grating on Killua's nerves as his own addiction to chocolate was for Gon; not that Killua would ever admit that. The assassin balanced a Chocorobo on his nose while hanging upside down from the mattress, all the while sending death stares at Gon.

Two days ago was when that whole misunderstanding on Deviantart happened. Gon stupidly went around telling people he was the real Gon Freeccs only to get spammed, scarred for life, and banned for impersonating an individual. Not so luckily, Gon had managed to find about ten other sites to replace that blistering need. Another minute his boyfriend spent on the computer was another minute they weren't spending together.

Killua was just about ready to bash the other on the head to at least force him to eat something when the object of his annoyance glanced back.

"Hey Killua," Gon ignored his question. "What's Facebook?"

The assassin froze. He bolted up and slammed the screen shut. "DON'T GO THERE!"

"Huh? Why?"

"Gon…Facebook to you may sound like another stupid site." Killua lowered his head, eyes solemn and posture grave. "But don't be fooled! I heard it's a revolutionary infrastructure that uses an organized application process which only accepts obese sociopaths who live with their moms into their ranks. Their Nen abilities exceed that of us so much they cannot be called human." Gon stared. His irises flashed in caught interest until Killua shut him down.

"Don't even think about it! I know that you're saying to yourself that you can handle it, but these people…rumor is one guy went on the site just once and had his soul sucked out of him. Now all he can do is eat and sleep in front of the computer all day like…like a glutton! This is NO joke!"

To his irritation, the shorter boy simply laughed. "Killua, that's silly-! Everyone knows you can't eat and sleep without going to the bathroom too. Who told you that anyway?"

He hit Gon upside the head. "IDIOT! The guy in the story is my brother! I mean, have you seen that pig?!"

"…No?"

"Oh, right." Killua knew he lost this one. Looks like his best friend would have to see it himself to believe it. Taking in the silence, Gon shrugged and went back to his games.

"I'm going to make my name Gon Freecss-"

"THAT'S TOO OBVIOUS! At least make it so then the league of overweight maniacs wouldn't find and take your soul without lifting a finger."

Gon stuck his tongue out with a grin. "It sounds to me like Killua is scared."

"I AM NOT! I just…don't want to be fat and living with mother until I'm fifty-four, that's all!"

"Then what would your name be? To not make it so obvious I mean."

Killua pushed Gon out of his seat and logged out. He brought out the sign up screen before cracking his knuckles. The great Killua Zoldyck was not afraid of some fat underworld boss. His fingers moved, filling out the form. In minutes, he brought his blank profile up with a smirk. "There."

"…LightningMofoAssassin2?"

"LightningMofoAssassin was taken, okay?!"

Gon made a face. They both knew the white-haired boy had only made an account to prove a point and would probably never use it. After coaxing him from the chair, the two were back on the opposite sides of the room. Gon filled with wonder, and Killua resuming his upside down temper tantrum.

Five minutes later, the chair swiveled. "Killua…! I sent you a request. Look, look!"

"I swear Gon. If it's a Happy Farm request, I'll blow you into smithereens-"

"Nope; there's this thing called a relationship status you can have with your friends. I sent a bunch to you, Kurapika, Leorio, Palm, Hanzo, Knuckle, and Netero!"

Killua fell flat on his face.

"Eh? I got a notification from Hisoka."

"WHAT!" The chocolate treat lay forgotten in an instant, Killua practically sprinted to the laptop. He was unaware one of the chocolate balls was stuck on his forehead. "What did he say?!"

"Aw, he wants a relationship with me too! Hm, 'It's complicated'? That's sounds pretty accurate. Why no-"

"THE HELL THAT'S HAPPENING!"

Before Gon knew what was going on, he was on the carpet, staring up at the spot he was just at to the sight of his boyfriend typing at lightning fast speed. He glared as Killua rejected the offer and sent a photo of Gon's brain frying that the assassin had taken on his cellphone. "Hey! That's not being very nice to Hisok-!"

Gon Freecss is in a relationship with LightningMofoAssassin2.

"There, SEE?! I accepted your request! He CAN'T ask you now!"

With the lack of response, the white-haired boy whipped around.

Gon was staring at him blankly. "…Killua."

"…what?"

The boy tackle hugged him. "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"

"ACK! STOP, IT'S EMBARASSING, YOU MORON!"

"B-But…" Gon tightened his grip. "We're in a relationship now!"

At this, the taller boy turned red. "It's still-"

127 people like this.

Killua gaped. "W-When…! Just, WHEN?!"

"Ooh, it says 539 like us now!" In contrast, Gon seemed delighted as he snuggled against his friend's neck. Killua's mouth moved up and down like a gaping fish. Eventually, he calmed himself enough to run a hand down his tired face.

"God, online people are creepy…"

"How are they creepy?" The spiked boy snapped. "They're just being nice! OH! Look, Killua! Look…!"

He had a hand over his eyes to keep himself from witnessing the disaster. "What now?"

"It says we can change our status to say that we're married!"

"Gon, stop. Don't you dare click anything else!"

"But why…?" The brown eyed boy truly seemed hurt. "We've been together so long; isn't that what married people do? You don't think we're close enough? K-Killua…"

"N-No, that's not what I meant!" Killua tried to comfort him. There was an awkward pause. "What do you want me to say in a situation like this?"

Gon made a hopeful puppy face. "That we are?"

Killua didn't know what to do anymore. All he could muster was to look away from those eyes to stare at a spot on the ceiling. He sighed. "F-Fine. Seesh, you're so selfish."

"So we are?!"

"If it makes you happy…" He slowly moved out of his best friend's grip to get a handle on the mouse. Killua swore that as his fingers moved and those brown eyes watched him excitedly, his face was growing redder. Seconds later, the screen flashed with the confirmation. "Th-There."

Gon hugged him again. "I love you, Killua!"

3687 people like this.

"Hey," the curious boy's mouth formed an 'o'. "They really like us!"

"…in bed probably…" Killua muttered darkly.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." The assassin quickly corrected his slip up. "Can we shut this thing off now? I can feel the fat guy pounds adding up already."

"Aw, you're no fun, Ki-" Gon had chosen that moment to look at the screen. His eyes widened. "Uh."

"What?"

He slammed the laptop shut. "Nothing!"

"Oh no, it's something. You know how I know? Because you're a moron. Now move it!" Although Killua had sworn never to step foot in this site again, Gon's sudden soberness added to his own curiosity blew all of that away.

Kikyou Zoldyck says: My little Kill is getting married?! OOOH, I sent out the invitations and booked a date when I found out! *heart* Illumi and his charming friend Hisoka are on their way to pick you up so you can come home and organize it. Father wants you in a pretty wedding dress, Kill and no we don't care that you're a boy and 12.

Zeno Zoldyck tagged you in a photo.

"…"

"…That IS a pretty dress."

"…"

"I didn't know your family has Facebook. Maybe this site is as deranged as you said it was."

"…" A short chuckle erupted.

Gon was beginning to back away. "Killua…?"

The addressed boy was shaking. Suddenly, he threw his head up in hysteria. "Phaha…that's REAL hilarious. A huge joke, I'm just-hahaHAAAHAHAHA!"

Gon's eyes peeled. "Ehehehe…?" Only to have his white-haired lover grab him by the collar, an off-the-edge grin sent his way.

"You know what would be equally hilarious? YOU wearing that THING."

Gon blinked.

"Actually, let's forget the wedding dress. You can just wear a dress everywhere you go from now on!"

Gon blinked again.

"While we're at it, you should rename yourself as Gale! She's just like you but a girl. Of course we'd have to grow your hair out and make you take ballet lessons too!"

Gon tilted his head.

"My, good morning, Gale." Killua imitated a house wife. "It seems you forgot your dumb pink school uniform in the wash. How about wearing this maid outfit instead? Surely it'll match your pale girly skin. With those tender brown eyes and cute face, it will…"

Silence, Killua's voice had suddenly dropped back to its original tone. "…compliment your sunny smile in a really…" Eyes gazed over, "really short lacy…skirt."

"SURE! Why not?!" Gon beamed.

Killua, the stealthy assassin he was, burst into a nosebleed. "N-No. You know what, d-don't. That was a horrible idea."

"But Killua," he whined. "It sounds like so much fun. We could even take some pictures of me and post them on Facebook!"

"THAT SITE AGAIN…!" The chocolate lover spun his head ninety degrees to glare at the screen. It was all that horrid site's fault.

"So can I be the bride or not?"

"Gon. We're twelve."

"We'll be 13 soon!" The black-haired boy's patience looked to be wearing thin. He wanted to get married to Killua as soon as possible. "Besides, your nice parents already created an event for us. 7000 people are going! We can't cancel it now."

It seems Killua Zoldyck lost another one.

"…you better wear that damn dress."

"Of course!" A beep brought both of their attention back to the screen. It was a message this time.

Illumi Zoldyck says: I. Am here. To pick you up. Come outside.

Killua stared. "Wow. He even makes himself boring on the internet."

Before he could plan his escape, Gon grabbed his hand and dragged him to the exit of their small hut. Outside, Illumi in a fabulous kimono was waiting with Hisoka a few feet away.

Illumi eyed their interlocked hands. "I. Am happy. For you."

At this, Hisoka's grin dropped ever so slightly. "That sounds abysmal. I thought we practiced your line on the way here."

"I. Am so happy. I could die."

The clown clapped. "Much better!"

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

This was originally a collaboration script I wrote with Phoenix-Thunder (please check out her stories!) for fun. It ended up so long and wacky that I just had to spruce it into a story and post it.

More chapters to come.