Just Another Day In Paradise
By: The Lark
Disclaimer: Hugo owns Les Miz. God owns Heaven. I own zilch
Another day somewhere on a cloud in Heaven. Valjean, Javert, Fantine, Les Amis, Marius, Cosette, Gavroche, Eponine and every other character you can think of are all happily whiling away the eternities. Well, sort of…
Eponine: *shoves Gavroche irritably* You're sitting on my side of the cloud!
Gavroche: *shoves back* Am not!
Marius: *shakes a finger sternly at the gamin* Now, Gavroche, that's no way to talk to your sister
Cosette: *looks annoyed* I'm getting really sick of you defending her all the time
Marius: *shocked* But dear, she did save my life
Cosette: *accusingly* You love her more than me!
Marius: *digs his feet into the cloud awkwardly* Cosette, please…
Cosette: *rubs her head, looking pained* You're right, I'm being overly suspicious. I'm sorry, it's just that all this awful harp music is getting to me.
Grantaire: *looks up from his "Learn to Play the Harp in Ten Easy Steps" book* Hey, cut me some slack! I'd much rather be playing poker or something, but St. Peter keeps insisting that I take up some "traditional" angel pastimes
Enjolras: *snatches the harp and breaks it in half*
*Everyone cheers joyfully*
Grantaire: *scowls at Enjolras* I can't believe I used to worship you
Enjolras: Oh, shut up! I think, if it's possible, you're even more annoying when you're not drunk.
Javert: *stomps over and whacks them both with his nightstick* Why did I have to get stuck with them? I committed suicide! I'm supposed to be in Hell! *the last sentence is directed upward with a shake of his fist* What kind of foolish God are you?
Valjean: *clamps a hand over Javert's mouth* He doesn't mean it! Really!
Javert: *bites Valjean's hand* I do too!
Valjean: *clutches his hand in pain* YEOW!!!! Fine then! See if I ever try to help you again! First, I try to save your life, and you go and jump into a river; now this! *throws up his hand in frustration*
Cosette: Don't worry about him, Papa. They'll never hold him responsible for his actions. He's obviously exempt because of his psychiatric problems. Depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and so on…
Javert: I DO NOT HAVE PSYCHIATRIC PROBLEMS! WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP SAYING THAT?!
Cosette: Settle down, Inspector. Why don't you have a talk with Combeferre? It might be helpful. He's been reading a lot of new-fangled psychology books lately.
Combeferre: *eagerly puts a pipe in his mouth and sculpts a couch out of a lump of cloud* Yeah, I could use the practice. Who knows, if the big guy ever lets me be re-incarnated, I may open up my own psychiatry practice. It's a great line of work. Good pay, good benefits…*darkens* and you'll never have to follow some compulsive LUNATIC to your DEATH! *looks pointedly at Enjolras*
Enjolras: *defensively* It's not my fault we were horribly outnumbered…and outgunned…and that we had no military training whatsoever…*he looks thoughtful* I guess I could have planned the revolution a little differently. *looks around* What do want? I was twenty-one years old. Most guys that age can't even get into a decent fraternity, let alone overthrow an entire regime!
Fantine: *pats Enjolras on the shoulder consolingly* There, there, Enjolras *humoring him* I'm sure you tried your best
Enjolras: *yanks away* I don't need your pity! I'm an activist-pity is MY job!
Fantine: Really, Enjolras, why must you act so bulletproof all the time?
Enjolras: *sourly* Being shot twelve times at close range can do that to a guy
Fantine: *smiles kindly* I'm sure you don't mean that. Under that fundamentalist façade of yours, there must be a sensitive, poetic soul.
Jehan: *clears his throat* AHEM! That job happens to be taken
Enjolras: *sniffs* Ah, you're the only one who understands me, Fantine. *hugs Fantine*
Fantine: *tenderly kisses Enjolras* Oh, Marcelin…I love you!
Enjolras: I LOVE YOU TOO!
Les Amis: *applaud*
Cosette: *to Enjolras* Are you going to be my new daddy?
Marius: *cries* This is all so beautiful! It reminds me of when I met Cosette
Valjean: *hand his son-in-law a handkerchief* Yeah. *wistful sigh* It sort of makes me wish I wasn't all alone.
*Everyone but Javert goes "Awwww" sympathetically*
Marius: Why didn't you ever get married back on Earth? Girls usually go for dangerous types. And with you being an ex-con and all…
Valjean: Yeah, I know. I actually tried asking a few girls out now and then, but it never worked.
Marius: Why?
Valjean: *sigh* They'd always ask me my name, and I'd never know what to tell them.
Eponine: *nods* I know how that feels. My dad changed our names seventy-three times! Fabantou one week, Jondrette the next, Thenard the next…
Valjean: *intrigued* Really? We should talk some time
Thenardier: *sitting nearby with Mme Thenardier* It was only seventy-one times, you little ingrate!
Eponine: Mama? Papa? What are you doing here?
Mme. Thenardier: *looks nervous* Never mind that.
Eponine: How did you get in? The last I heard, you two were both being sentenced to the eighth circle of Hell for child abuse and extortion
M. Thenardier: *glances around guiltily* Shut up before you-know-who hears! *jerks a thumb skyward*
Eponine: *grins wickedly* Ah, so you broke out again, did you? *cups her hands and yells upward* God! They did it again!
*A large, glowing hand descends and flicks M. and Mme Thenardier off the cloud*
Eponine: *giggles* Hehe. That'll teach 'em to knock us about, eh Gavvy? *playfully nudges Gavroche* Gavvy?
Gavroche: *depressed* Why can't I have a normal family like everyone else?
Javert: *incredulously* Like everyone else? Are you kidding? You think you're family is bad, you should have seen mine. My dad was a jailbird and my mom was a Gypsy fortune teller. I've been haunted by my background all my life!
Gavroche: *wipes his eyes on his sleeve* Me too!
Javert: Aw, come here you little gamin, you! *scoops Gavroche into a bear hug and begins to cry*
Gavroche: *crying onto the Inspector's shoulder* I guess you and me ain't so different after all, Inspector.
Javert: You're alright, gamin, even if you did try to have me executed *musses Gavroche's hair fondly*
Gavroche: Aw, why can't I have folks like you?
Javert: Who says you can't? *smiling* Gavroche, how would you like for me to adopt you?
Valjean: Adopting lonely orphans? Guess I finally rubbed off on you, huh, Javert?
Gavroche: Yay! I have a daddy!
Javert: *leads Gavroche away* Let's go get the papers signed right away…son!
*Everyone goes "Awww" again*
Eponine: *puts her head in her hands miserably* First I lose my parents, now I lose my brother. What next?
Valjean: *understandingly puts an arm around her shoulders* I know exactly how you feel. I lost my family too. Then I got carted off to jail
Eponine: You're been in jail?
Valjean: *bows his head in shame* Yes
Eponine: So have I! I never realized how much we have in common…
Valjean: *awkwardly* Say, Eponine…I know you have that thing for Marius…but…I…I…
Eponine: *leans her head onto his shoulder* Marius who?
Marius: *smiles to Cosette* Isn't it romantic?
Cosette: *clings to her husband in horror* The way things are going, I'm going to be stuck with Enjolras for my step-dad and Eponine for my step-mom! I don't even want to think about it!
Marius: Oh, don't worry, Cosette. Everything will be just fine *smiles a smile reminiscent of Mary-Ann on Gilligan's Island*
Cosette: Your blind optimism is really getting tedious, Marius
Grantaire: *snickers* You can say that again, Mme. Pontmercy.
Marius: *looks wounded* Why do you have to be such a killjoy all the time? Ever since we were tortured to death by those Eponine/Marius fans, you've been crankier than Javert when "The Fugitive" was released.
Grantaire: Stuff it, Pontmercy. She's right-you do kind of give me a toothache
Cosette: Finally, someone who sees things my way *gives Grantaire a high-five*
Javert: *walks in beside a little boy in blue*
Everyone: *stares at Gavroche* GAVROCHE?
Javert: *beams with pride* I took my son shopping on the way back from the registry. Say hello to little Gavroche Javert
Gavroche: *smoothes his miniature police uniform*
Javert: That's my boy! So, what did we miss?
Valjean: 'Ponine and I are in love!
Cosette: *looks like she has swallowed something incredibly bitter* WILL YOU SHUT UP, ALREADY? God, all this mushy stuff is making me sick!
Grantaire: *watches Cosette with admiration* Wow…I think I'M starting to fall in love now *pulls Cosette into his lap*
Marius: *shakes his head sadly* I guess it's over then
Cosette: *nuzzling Grantaire* Guess so
Marius: *throws himself facedown on the cloud and cries*
Gavroche: Aw, shucks, Marius, don't cry
Javert: *shakes his head sadly* Poor boy. He's all alone
Gavroche: Say, he's one of us, then, isn't he, Papa?
Javert: *melts* Marius, how would you like for me to adopt you?
Marius: *looks up, brightening* Mean it?
Javert: Welcome to the family!
Gavroche: I have a daddy AND a big brother!
Valjean: *kisses Eponine* A happy ending for everyone!
Eponine: Except for my mum and dad, of course
*Everyone laughs gleefully*
By: The Lark
Disclaimer: Hugo owns Les Miz. God owns Heaven. I own zilch
Another day somewhere on a cloud in Heaven. Valjean, Javert, Fantine, Les Amis, Marius, Cosette, Gavroche, Eponine and every other character you can think of are all happily whiling away the eternities. Well, sort of…
Eponine: *shoves Gavroche irritably* You're sitting on my side of the cloud!
Gavroche: *shoves back* Am not!
Marius: *shakes a finger sternly at the gamin* Now, Gavroche, that's no way to talk to your sister
Cosette: *looks annoyed* I'm getting really sick of you defending her all the time
Marius: *shocked* But dear, she did save my life
Cosette: *accusingly* You love her more than me!
Marius: *digs his feet into the cloud awkwardly* Cosette, please…
Cosette: *rubs her head, looking pained* You're right, I'm being overly suspicious. I'm sorry, it's just that all this awful harp music is getting to me.
Grantaire: *looks up from his "Learn to Play the Harp in Ten Easy Steps" book* Hey, cut me some slack! I'd much rather be playing poker or something, but St. Peter keeps insisting that I take up some "traditional" angel pastimes
Enjolras: *snatches the harp and breaks it in half*
*Everyone cheers joyfully*
Grantaire: *scowls at Enjolras* I can't believe I used to worship you
Enjolras: Oh, shut up! I think, if it's possible, you're even more annoying when you're not drunk.
Javert: *stomps over and whacks them both with his nightstick* Why did I have to get stuck with them? I committed suicide! I'm supposed to be in Hell! *the last sentence is directed upward with a shake of his fist* What kind of foolish God are you?
Valjean: *clamps a hand over Javert's mouth* He doesn't mean it! Really!
Javert: *bites Valjean's hand* I do too!
Valjean: *clutches his hand in pain* YEOW!!!! Fine then! See if I ever try to help you again! First, I try to save your life, and you go and jump into a river; now this! *throws up his hand in frustration*
Cosette: Don't worry about him, Papa. They'll never hold him responsible for his actions. He's obviously exempt because of his psychiatric problems. Depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and so on…
Javert: I DO NOT HAVE PSYCHIATRIC PROBLEMS! WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP SAYING THAT?!
Cosette: Settle down, Inspector. Why don't you have a talk with Combeferre? It might be helpful. He's been reading a lot of new-fangled psychology books lately.
Combeferre: *eagerly puts a pipe in his mouth and sculpts a couch out of a lump of cloud* Yeah, I could use the practice. Who knows, if the big guy ever lets me be re-incarnated, I may open up my own psychiatry practice. It's a great line of work. Good pay, good benefits…*darkens* and you'll never have to follow some compulsive LUNATIC to your DEATH! *looks pointedly at Enjolras*
Enjolras: *defensively* It's not my fault we were horribly outnumbered…and outgunned…and that we had no military training whatsoever…*he looks thoughtful* I guess I could have planned the revolution a little differently. *looks around* What do want? I was twenty-one years old. Most guys that age can't even get into a decent fraternity, let alone overthrow an entire regime!
Fantine: *pats Enjolras on the shoulder consolingly* There, there, Enjolras *humoring him* I'm sure you tried your best
Enjolras: *yanks away* I don't need your pity! I'm an activist-pity is MY job!
Fantine: Really, Enjolras, why must you act so bulletproof all the time?
Enjolras: *sourly* Being shot twelve times at close range can do that to a guy
Fantine: *smiles kindly* I'm sure you don't mean that. Under that fundamentalist façade of yours, there must be a sensitive, poetic soul.
Jehan: *clears his throat* AHEM! That job happens to be taken
Enjolras: *sniffs* Ah, you're the only one who understands me, Fantine. *hugs Fantine*
Fantine: *tenderly kisses Enjolras* Oh, Marcelin…I love you!
Enjolras: I LOVE YOU TOO!
Les Amis: *applaud*
Cosette: *to Enjolras* Are you going to be my new daddy?
Marius: *cries* This is all so beautiful! It reminds me of when I met Cosette
Valjean: *hand his son-in-law a handkerchief* Yeah. *wistful sigh* It sort of makes me wish I wasn't all alone.
*Everyone but Javert goes "Awwww" sympathetically*
Marius: Why didn't you ever get married back on Earth? Girls usually go for dangerous types. And with you being an ex-con and all…
Valjean: Yeah, I know. I actually tried asking a few girls out now and then, but it never worked.
Marius: Why?
Valjean: *sigh* They'd always ask me my name, and I'd never know what to tell them.
Eponine: *nods* I know how that feels. My dad changed our names seventy-three times! Fabantou one week, Jondrette the next, Thenard the next…
Valjean: *intrigued* Really? We should talk some time
Thenardier: *sitting nearby with Mme Thenardier* It was only seventy-one times, you little ingrate!
Eponine: Mama? Papa? What are you doing here?
Mme. Thenardier: *looks nervous* Never mind that.
Eponine: How did you get in? The last I heard, you two were both being sentenced to the eighth circle of Hell for child abuse and extortion
M. Thenardier: *glances around guiltily* Shut up before you-know-who hears! *jerks a thumb skyward*
Eponine: *grins wickedly* Ah, so you broke out again, did you? *cups her hands and yells upward* God! They did it again!
*A large, glowing hand descends and flicks M. and Mme Thenardier off the cloud*
Eponine: *giggles* Hehe. That'll teach 'em to knock us about, eh Gavvy? *playfully nudges Gavroche* Gavvy?
Gavroche: *depressed* Why can't I have a normal family like everyone else?
Javert: *incredulously* Like everyone else? Are you kidding? You think you're family is bad, you should have seen mine. My dad was a jailbird and my mom was a Gypsy fortune teller. I've been haunted by my background all my life!
Gavroche: *wipes his eyes on his sleeve* Me too!
Javert: Aw, come here you little gamin, you! *scoops Gavroche into a bear hug and begins to cry*
Gavroche: *crying onto the Inspector's shoulder* I guess you and me ain't so different after all, Inspector.
Javert: You're alright, gamin, even if you did try to have me executed *musses Gavroche's hair fondly*
Gavroche: Aw, why can't I have folks like you?
Javert: Who says you can't? *smiling* Gavroche, how would you like for me to adopt you?
Valjean: Adopting lonely orphans? Guess I finally rubbed off on you, huh, Javert?
Gavroche: Yay! I have a daddy!
Javert: *leads Gavroche away* Let's go get the papers signed right away…son!
*Everyone goes "Awww" again*
Eponine: *puts her head in her hands miserably* First I lose my parents, now I lose my brother. What next?
Valjean: *understandingly puts an arm around her shoulders* I know exactly how you feel. I lost my family too. Then I got carted off to jail
Eponine: You're been in jail?
Valjean: *bows his head in shame* Yes
Eponine: So have I! I never realized how much we have in common…
Valjean: *awkwardly* Say, Eponine…I know you have that thing for Marius…but…I…I…
Eponine: *leans her head onto his shoulder* Marius who?
Marius: *smiles to Cosette* Isn't it romantic?
Cosette: *clings to her husband in horror* The way things are going, I'm going to be stuck with Enjolras for my step-dad and Eponine for my step-mom! I don't even want to think about it!
Marius: Oh, don't worry, Cosette. Everything will be just fine *smiles a smile reminiscent of Mary-Ann on Gilligan's Island*
Cosette: Your blind optimism is really getting tedious, Marius
Grantaire: *snickers* You can say that again, Mme. Pontmercy.
Marius: *looks wounded* Why do you have to be such a killjoy all the time? Ever since we were tortured to death by those Eponine/Marius fans, you've been crankier than Javert when "The Fugitive" was released.
Grantaire: Stuff it, Pontmercy. She's right-you do kind of give me a toothache
Cosette: Finally, someone who sees things my way *gives Grantaire a high-five*
Javert: *walks in beside a little boy in blue*
Everyone: *stares at Gavroche* GAVROCHE?
Javert: *beams with pride* I took my son shopping on the way back from the registry. Say hello to little Gavroche Javert
Gavroche: *smoothes his miniature police uniform*
Javert: That's my boy! So, what did we miss?
Valjean: 'Ponine and I are in love!
Cosette: *looks like she has swallowed something incredibly bitter* WILL YOU SHUT UP, ALREADY? God, all this mushy stuff is making me sick!
Grantaire: *watches Cosette with admiration* Wow…I think I'M starting to fall in love now *pulls Cosette into his lap*
Marius: *shakes his head sadly* I guess it's over then
Cosette: *nuzzling Grantaire* Guess so
Marius: *throws himself facedown on the cloud and cries*
Gavroche: Aw, shucks, Marius, don't cry
Javert: *shakes his head sadly* Poor boy. He's all alone
Gavroche: Say, he's one of us, then, isn't he, Papa?
Javert: *melts* Marius, how would you like for me to adopt you?
Marius: *looks up, brightening* Mean it?
Javert: Welcome to the family!
Gavroche: I have a daddy AND a big brother!
Valjean: *kisses Eponine* A happy ending for everyone!
Eponine: Except for my mum and dad, of course
*Everyone laughs gleefully*