A/N: Hey all. It's been a helluva long time since I've updated any of my fan fiction. I barely read any and I kind of fell out of this lovely world. But I was discusiing it last week with a friend and I decided I wanted to update this one, one of my longest and most recent as well as one that I think is a tad bit more mature than some of my others. So here I am, a new chapter of Without You for you all. If I get a response I'd love to keep updating this. Please leave me a review of what you think. Thank you.

The doors to Alec's closet creak as he swings them open. He laughs at the irony. Coming out of the closet didn't end up going that well for him, now did it?

Reaching to the back of the small space, Alec digs out his best suit. Opportunities to wear it rarely came so it was as good as the day Mayrse had made him buy it. Alec frowned inwardly as he thought of his mother and his bastard of a father. He hated how they felt about him, and even more how Robert was treating her.

After all, Mayrse no longer condemned him for being…who he was. Perhaps she didn't hate him after all. But Alec shook those thoughts out of his head and got dressed, putting on his pants, belt. Shirt and tie.

He bent down to tie his shoes and the ground nearly disappeared from underneath him. Alec realized that it had probably been some time since he'd last eaten. But he ignored the hunger pains because if everything went the way it was supposed to, he would soon enough forget all about how hungry he was.

Alec faced the mirror, trying his best not to hate what he saw. All of his flaws were on full display in his rooms little mirror. His hair was unruly as usual, his complexion was somehow red but pale at the same time. His mouth seemed to be turned downward at all times. And his eye, his eyes that Magnus used to go on for hours about, those eyes seemed to be nearly black with sadness.

He turned away from the mirror then. And took a deep breath. With the help of his desk for support, Alec stood both feet on his wooden desk chair. He closed his eyes, and reached up, saying a prayer in his mind.

And grabbed the tiny blue velvet box from the top shelf.

I know we have nothing. But with this, can we maybe make something?

I want forever with you, no matter how long that lasts.

These were the thoughts that made his way through Alec's mind as he made his way toward Magnus'. He'd escaped the Institute without as much as a sideway glance from anyone, thank the Angel.

The streets of New York comforted him, and today Alec decided not to use a glamour. Walking among the mundanes, breathing in the same city they were made him feel like he wasn't alone. After all, they were having problems that could be similar too his own.

Alec took solace in that.

He reached the Bane residence an went up the stair way slowly, gripping the banister tightly. The ring seemed to be burning a hole in his back pocket, Alec wondered if Magnus would like it. Was it him? Was it tasteful? Would he say yes?

And those were the questions that had his hand shaking as he lifted it to ring at the bell. This close to the door, he could hear fast EDM music being played inside. He wondered if Magnus was throwing a party. That would be just like his old self.

But when he opened the door, there was no one except for a girl. A scantily clad one at that. She reminded him of the way Izzy used to dress when she'd seduce demons before banishing them back to hell.

Her long purple hair went all the way past her bum, and her grey eyes smiled invitingly at him, a coquettish smile on her face, Her black short shorts were unseemly and her top, no her bra happened to match.

"Hey doll," she said. "Wanna join in?"

Alec looked at the number on the door to make sure he had the right place. He did.

He looked at the ground. "No, uh I'll come back another time." he mumbled.

She chuckled. "Ok." As he started walking down the stairs, he heard her speak again.

"Catch ya later blue eyes."

And that's when the tears began to fall.

"Who was that at the door?" Magnus yelled from the living room, adjusting his headband as he prepared to lay out on his mat. It was so great knowing a downworlder who also happens to be a bomb ass yoga teacher.

"I don't know. Some boy who had the most gorgeous blue eyes and black hair." said Evelyn, the best yoga teaching faerie in all of New York.

Magnus froze in his tracks. "What color was his hair?"

"Black. With skin like porcelain."

Alec felt like he was going to throw up.

And the feeling proved true because he vomited up bile into the grate on the side of the road.

How the hell could Magnus move on so quickly? And to a Downworlder no less. A female Downworlder.

It was no secret that Magnus was bisexual. Famously so. But the idea of him fucking some slut seared his brain, burned his corneas. The thought of him taking another, cheating on him

But Magnus was no longer his to be jealous of. He could do what ever the hell he wanted to, since he clearly wasn't hung up on him.

And Alec didn't have to be either. He wiped his tears away from his face, and pulled out his phone. He decided to call him, the boy from before. Wyatt.

"Hey," he said softly in to the phone.

"Hi," Wyatt responded. "I didn't think you were going to call."

"I didn't think I would."

The line was quiet for a moment.

"I'm glad you did."

"Me too," Alec smiled into the phone. "Wanna go for a drink or something?"

"I'd love to," he began. Alec could sense the rejection in his voice. "But I have this essay on Voltaire I have to write and —-"

"I love Voltaire." Alec said, cutting him off.

Wyatt laughed into the phone. "That's a hell of a good pick up line. For an English major."

Alec laughed. It felt great to laugh.

"You're coming over. Same place as before."

"Alright."

"Dude, why are wearing a suit? I' m flattered but, c'mon."

Alec shut the door, groaning as he flopped onto the boys bed. "You don't want to know."

"But I do," Wyatt said, as he slid over to him on his sliver chair. "I want to know everything about you."

Alec swallowed, forcing a smile. He wasn't ready for this.

But he took his suit jacket off anyway, and tossed the jacket on the floor. "I tried to propose to my boyfriend. Well, ex- boyfriend anyway."

Wyatt smiled sadly at him. "And I'm guessing…that that didn't go very well?"

"No. It didn't. There was some slut at his house when I got there. I've still got the the stupid ring." I pulled out the blue box and opened it up.

He looked at it, and then he met my gaze.

"I don't know why anyone would ever turn down someone like you. You 're wonderful, and I can't imagine breaking your heart," Wyatt said, with emotion in his eyes that made Alec a bit uncomfortable.

But at the same time, it felt wonderful to hear those words from someone. His heart soared because someone cared about him.

He leaned into Wyatt at the same time Wyatt did. Their lips touched and Alec expected some sort of fireworks, like when he kissed Magnus.

But there wasn't.

His lips were chapped, and a little wet. It wasn't bad…but it wasn't good either. It was comforting, he supposed.

But he was't Magnus, and when Wyatt moved closer to him, it felt wrong. When he put his arms around him and began kissing his neck, Alec felt like he was going to vomit.

Again.

Wyatt kissed his lips again, more forcefully this time, and Alec could tell he wanted something. So Alec shoved him off of him. "I have to go. I need to leave."

"Why?" Wyatt asked, looking a little hurt and I little pissed off.

"There's someplace I need to be, I'm sorry." He grabbed his suit jacket off the floor and hurried out of Wyatt's dorm before he could be asked anymore questions.

Once he made it outside, he vomited again, the taste of his lips still on his mouth.

This wasn't right.

A/N: Thanks for reading. Review!