PLEASE READ THIS! I AM PUTTING IT IN ALL CAPS FOR A REASON! GOING BACK I REALIZED THAT I MISTAKENLY CALLED THE CAPTAIN A GENERAL IN THE FIRST CHAPTER. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THAT SO I WANT EVERYONE TO IGNORE IT. IT WAS A MISTAKE ON MY PART: HE IS A CAPTAIN! THAT IS A MAJOR PLOT POINT! Okay, I've let everybody know and now we can have the disclaimer below and then the chapter! Here we go!

Disclaimer: Plot based off of the musical "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum," and populated with characters from Hetalia. I own nothing. This chapter's password is Wow. Leave Wow in your review as the password and (probably) win a prize. I'm doing this because I am pretty darn sure no one ever reads the Disclaimer. And considering I've been doing this for a while now and no one has ever collected the prize… I think it is safe to say that no one reads the disclaimers.

Chapter 3: Things Continue to Spiral Downwards

~~~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~~~~~

Francis watched his wonderful workers buzz around with the fondness of a father. It was refreshing to see the happy faces on the agents of love, and Francis took pleasure in knowing that he had some small part in bringing more love into the world.

He knew most people only thought of him as a cruel seller of flesh. A man making money on the misery of the masses, but they only knew the man from rumors. They didn't know the real Francis Bonnefoy.

While Francis would freely admit to enjoying the finer things in life that could only come with having lots of money; his work held a deeper purpose. He was a man who wanted the world to blossom with love, and he did his part by hooking up the perfect couples, which was one of the reasons selling Alfreda to the captain troubled him a bit.

He hadn't actually ever met the captain. All he had to go on was the description of middlemen and the rumors of the man in battle. He hadn't let Alfreda know this because he didn't want to frighten her, but he didn't know if the two were the best choice. Unfortunately Alfreda was his only virgin "in stock" so to speak so when the debacle with the Dud Virgin happened, he had no choice but to offer Alfreda.

It didn't sit right with him though! He liked to get a sense of the purchaser before finding the right companion for the purchaser and had different elaborate methods of weeding out the "unpleasant" rabble. Higher prices was just one method that worked well to keep unruly prospective out, and had a nice bonus at allowing him and his "stock" to live in luxury.

Not to mention that being wealthy allowed him to go to lower end sex slave sellers and brothels to see if he could buy those unfortunate souls and either get them cleaned up to be sold in his store, OR educate them enough before freeing them to make their way in the world.

In fact, pretty much all his stock were former souls trapped in the lower brothels before Francis was able to give them a chance at a new life. Hence the reason why he didn't have many virgins, or why he wouldn't split up the Italian twins, or why dear Mathilde—despite understanding and likely able to speak common tongue—would only speak Canadian… all his lovely flowers had been hurt before.

Francis knew from personal experience how terrible life was for a "common street slut," and he'd be damned if he let too many others share that experience.

Francis was shaken out of his thoughts by the harsh knocking at his door. Francis grabbed a special rope nearby and pulled twice causing a bell to ring and letting everyone know there were potential customers at the door. A servant calmly opened the door for the parties outside as everyone inside got into their places for the "production."

Francis went to welcome the guests with a happy smile and wide arms before stopping dead in his steps.

It was Manuel Garcia… the middleman negotiator for Alfreda's captain.

Francis gulped before continuing on his smooth stride to meet the portly Cuban and his bodyguards. He cooed, "Ah! Mr. Garcia, it is so fabulous to see you again!"

(The "Front Room Girls," aka the prettiest and most expensive "stock" placed in front to bring in the most customers, peaked from behind their curtains to watch the drama unfold.)

Manuel grunted, "Like I want to be here—look Francis let's cut the bull crap. Captain's gonna be here in about forty-five minutes. You better not fuck this little 'transaction' up again."

Francis winced at both the vulgar language from a vulgar man, and the inadvertent reminder of Alfreda's health, "Ah… HON, HON! Let's not be so crude. Everything will be fine and ready for the captain when he arrives."

"Good," Manuel growled, "because then I guess I don't need to warn you…"

"Warn me," Francis squeaked.

Manuel nodded as he brought up one of his thick cigars, lit it and took a slow drag.

Francis gave a strained laugh and asked, "Of course, you don't need to warn me… everything's fine! But, uh, out of curiosity… what was your warning going to be?"

Manuel gave Francis a Look as he took another long drag of his cigar. Tilting his head back he released the smoke in one long breath; he was like a Cuban dragon. Finished, he turned his head and gave Francis a sickly smirk, sliding up close to Francis' personal space and putting a "friendly" arm around Francis' shoulders.

"Well," he began with a tone of cruel delight, "if you don't deliver this time, the illustrious captain will have no choice, but to 'punish' you. See, because of the last screw up, this time three members of the Imperial family will be here to see the captain's 'virgin bride,' along with most of the captain's top soldiers, and his five chief lieutenants. He can't let you off if you fuck up because of all the attention. There will be too many witnesses for him to allow such a public shaming. Guy's a Freedman and has it tough enough to gain respect without letting a simple pimp dupe him twice, especially if the pimp's a former sex slave!"

Manuel gave a hearty laugh and slap on the Frenchman's back. Then in fast movements he spun Francis around so they stood face to face, one of Manuel's meaty hands on Francis' lower back and the other resting lightly on Francis' throat.

(Neither Manuel nor his guards saw Francis' hand do a small, complicated twist, signaling to his girl's to stand down. Reluctantly, the girls all hid their weapons they'd grabbed when they saw that sick, fat fuck grab a hold of Francis. Still they kept their eyes glued to the scene, ready to pounce if Francis looked like he was in over his head. The girls all knew ways to get rid of bodies so the clean up would only be a slight annoyance.)

"So Francis Bonnefoy, Freedman of Flesh," Manuel purred, "if you manage to mess up again, here's what will happen: your house and all your money will be claimed by the captain for compensation of his reliance on you providing him a bride; your "stock" will either be sold or given to his soldiers as restitution for your breach of contract; and YOU will have your Freedman title stripped and be marked a slave again to be sold by the captain personally for shaming him twice. And if—when—that little event occurs and you are stripped naked to be sold on the block… then I will be there to buy you." The hand on Francis' lower back slipped downwards to squeeze and fondle Francis' ass while Manuel's other hand grabbed Francis' chin roughly. Manuel gave a happy chuckle, "I promise you Francis, I will not ever let you go. I hate Freedmen in general, you know. Once a slave always a slave… but you Francis, you cause me to have a special distaste in my mouth every time I see you. You like to strut around all uppity like you're something other than a whore who spread his legs often enough to buy his freedom, and I could almost live with that. After all, I doubt anyone could say you didn't work hard for that money. However, what I can't live with is you, buying other slaves and setting them up like they're worth something other than property. What I can't live with is how you constantly seduce my customers away from me. What I can't live with is how you STOLE MY CANADIAN FROM ME!"

At that shout, Mathilde hid behind her curtain and Francis ripped himself from the Cuban. Standing tall, Francis spat, "She is not and never will be yours again, Garcia. I told you that the night I won her from you in a fair poker game and I will continue to tell you that until you get the fact through your thick skull. As for me, well, I think your expectations are going to be very disappointed if you hope to ever see me as one of your slaves because as I've told you twice before: everything will be fine." Francis turned his back and waved his hand in a dismissal, "Now if you will be so kind as to leave? You're odor offends me and ruins the beauty of my house."

Manuel growled and turned to leave after giving one last parting shot, "For your ass' sake, I hope everything will be fine. Otherwise… it's mine."

The Cuban man and his guards left, slamming the doors behind them shut.

Francis calmly walked to the center of the room over to where his "guests" sat. After a moment, he collapsed into the chair and buried his face in his hands.

All his first floor girls ran to him, most of them looking a combination of worried and angry. Mathilde looked the worst though. Tears were gathered in her eyes, and she wrapped Francis in a hug. She began to speak in rapid Canadian while she sobbed. Francis pulled the distraught woman into his arms, cooing gently, "Now, now dear, please don't cry. I don't regret saving you from that animal and I don't want you feeling sorry that I saved you. He is a monster and I wasn't going to let him abuse you anymore! It was fate that we'd become enemies eventually, that man's too much of a bigot for us not to eventually become enemies! So don't cry please…"

Mathilde pulled back and dried her tears, still looking incredibly apologetic. Francis gave her a tired, sweet smile before leaning back into the chair and muttering, "What are we going to do? Alfreda… I won't have a virgin to give the captain! You're all in serious danger…"

"Us," Ilona cried, "what about you? We can handle ourselves, but you'll get stuck with the Cuban bastard! Not to mention be stripped of your Freedman title!"

Bianca gave a small cry and hugged Francis around the neck, "VE, THIS IS TERRIBLE! Oh, I don't know if even pasta will solve this!" Her twin sister just rolled her eyes and snorted.

Two swift claps startled the girls to look at Lin-Lin looking calm, "Calm down, aru! What we need is a plan… and I might just have one that works. Aru first," Lin-Lin looked at the Frenchman with steady, probing eyes, "Master Francis, are you sure that Little Al has this deadly disease?"

Francis looked somewhat confused, "Lin-Lin, if you have ever had to deal with those… awful aliens or one of their plagues, then you'd understand why NO ONE would lie about something so serious."

Lin-Lin closed her eyes and prayed for patience. The alien scourge was one of the few topics that Francis refused to be rational about. Fine, she could still make her plan work; it'd just be more challenging since Francis didn't want to be reasonable.

"Alright," Lin-Lin conceded, "so she does have the plague, aru. However, that doesn't necessarily mean you have to take the captain's anger…" The girls gathered around as Lin-Lin quickly explained, "the captain doesn't know what you look like Master, so all we've got to do is find someone else to pretend to be you and give the "bad news" to the captain about Al while you make your escape, aru. We'll set up with the fake Francis and when chaos breaks out from the captain's anger, we'll slip away and find you. Then we all go to a new city and you can set up shop there under a new name, aru!"

The girls quickly cheered and congratulated Lin-Lin on her sneaky, superb plan.

"Wait!"

The girls turned to Francis in confusion. Francis stood and said, "I won't have it Lin-Lin. I know you just want to save me, but I can't let some innocent person be forced into slavery!"

Lin-Lin cursed Francis' sense of nobility. Sure it's what made the girls want to protect the man, but it was also very unhelpful at times. Luckily Lin-Lin was prepared, "What if I could find someone who knew about the situation and was willing to take your place still? Besides, as soon as the person was to be sold, Manuel will make a big fuss, aru. He'd recognize the person as an imposter and he wants you to suffer, not someone else in your place…" Lin-Lin left the sentence dangling, begging Francis silently to listen to reason and allow her to save him.

Francis sighed and his shoulders slumped; Lin-Lin knew she'd won. "Alright, Lin-Lin, but only as long as this person knows what's going on!"

Lin-Lin waved the condition away. "Don't worry sir, aru, now go and start to get yourself ready to go underground. Let me handle all the details about the decoy. Mathilde, aru, you and the twins go with Master Francis to prepare everyone to move." Motioning to Helena and Ilona, Lin-Lin turned to head back to her room.

The other two women followed her into her room, and watched Lin-Lin as she grabbed her jacket and checked her lipstick in a mirror. Helena, surprisingly, spoke up first, "What's your plan, Lin? No one is going to willingly take a pimp's place in front of an irate army captain."

Lin-Lin smiled a shark's smile, and held up a finger indicating her co-conspirators to be patient, "First, aru, is the wealthy Finnish farmer still on his way to pick up his bride today?" Ilona, confused, nodded slowly.

Lin-Lin clapped and her bells jingled, "Perfect, then we have the bait needed to catch our decoy, aru! Come, come! We must hurry if we're going to pull this off."

The two women followed the Chinese woman out onto the street, and while she paused to search the street for something, Ilona pressed, "Come on, Lin! Just tell us what you're planning!"

Lin-Lin ignored the plea and swiftly walked up the street and headed into one of the alleys. As the two women hustled to keep up with the twinkling Chinese belle, Lin-Lin yelled back, "I don't believe that stupid Albino about Alfreda's 'illness,' do you?"

Ilona and Helena looked at each other before calling out, "NO!"

"Good," Lin-Lin shouted. The Chinese woman stopped in a deserted alleyway. She gave a slightly evil grin and pulled the women close before whispering, "Our little decoy is going to be the same swindler that landed us in this position in the first place." After stating this, Lin-Lin began to laugh in a diabolic manner. Helena and Ilona both joined her and for a few minutes evil laughter filled the alleyway.

(Unbeknownst to them a family had turned down the alleyway, and come to a stop staring at the group of laughing women. The family promptly did an about face and went to find an alternate route to their destination. The little boy tried to ask his mother about the cackling women, and his mother swiftly admonished him not to look at the crazies, he might catch their insanity.)

Helena was the first to stop laughing as she realized a very important fact, "Wait!" She said causing the other two to stop and look at her. Helena looked concerned, "How are we going to get that ass to agree to take Francis' place? I doubt he'll do it out of the goodness of his heart!"

Lin-Lin just teasingly wagged her finger at Helena with a cryptic smile, "Ah don't worry my little Greek friend… I have a plan. Now gather around, because this is what we're going to do…"

Thus the three huddled together and hatched a plan to save their Master and give the Albino Ass a lesson he'll never forget: Don't piss off women.

~~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~~

Gilbert cursed as he searched for another sweating horse. The one he got the sweat from originally was gone by the time he finished dealing with idiots and he'd been wandering around trying to find a new mare. Unfortunately this meant he had to ask "normal, free citizens" if they'd seen horses.

Free Born citizens did NOT like talking to a "disgusting, lowly, wretched, worthless" slave, and Gilbert had the bruises to show their displeasure. What was worse than being spat on and hit, in Gilbert's humble slave opinion though, was that each time he was treated like walking trash… he had to grit his teeth, give a nice smile, and say "thank you sir/madam."

Because slaves were made to be abused and it was a fantastic privilege to be treated like the garbage they were. How lucky was Gilbert that such holy folk would lower themselves to notice he existed by abusing him! Truly it was a wondrous thing to be a slave!

He was about to turn back towards the house when he heard the moaning of maidens. Interest piqued, Gilbert peered around the corner and saw three of Francis' courtesans.

The Asian girl—what was her name again? Kim or Ling or something—gave a deep sigh, "I feel so bad for little Mathilde… she had her heart set on that Albino man…"

Gilbert's breathing increased as he heard the name of his beloved Birdie mentioned, and felt dread begin to curl in his stomach.

The brunette Greek spoke up, "I don't know why she liked him. He was an ass. She'll be better off with the Finnish farmer. He's a wealthy Freedman; not some lowly slave who couldn't even buy his own freedom. She'll have a good life."

The blonde agreed, "Yeah. Even though talking to someone in Canadian was probably a thrill for her, fact is talking doesn't put money in our pockets or food in our mouths as we all know so very well!"

The three shared a laugh, the Greek adding, "Yeah, a man who just wants to talk to a whore is a man who wants different equipment down there."

The Asian sighed again, "Still, aru, I feel for her… especially since right after the deal was done, Master Francis found a woman the Finn would've liked better. Ah, but you know how it is with Master and his contracts, aru; if it was any other man, I could see the Finn getting the other girl and not the little Canadian. Ah, well… she will learn, aru, how to be happy without your dream man in your life like the rest of us."

The three women seemed to gather their things to leave, taking their time about it. Not that Gilbert noticed, in fact, Gilbert wouldn't have noticed if Master Ivan had ridden up on a horse right then naked and dancing. His thoughts swirled and he fought to keep his body from vomiting.

Mattie… His Birdie was going to be sold to another man?! NO! NO! NO! That couldn't happen, not when he was so close! He would be free soon and then he could buy her and they would be happy together… her getting sold to someone else was not in the plan!

He couldn't lose her. He just couldn't… if he lost Mathilde; nothing was worth anything to him anymore.

He slammed his head against the stone wall. Think, think, think Gilbert, he chanted. I can do this. I can figure out a way to save her!

His mind turned the women's conversation over and over and over again. There was a way to save his lover, he just knew it! Now he just had to find it in his stupid head…

The Greek once again piped up, "You know… I can almost imagine Master Francis not minding someone else taking over his position as Head Pimp right now. I've heard him talking to himself and worrying about how he's going to break it to the captain about the virgin. He just get's so wrapped up in contracts and everything… honestly I think he wouldn't mind someone else becoming Francis Bonnefoy for a bit while he could go take a rest."

The blonde snorted, "Right, and I wouldn't mind having another 'wild Danish woman' to do my job either, but you know cloning is illegal and who has the money to bribe both the police and pay for the underground job? Wishing won't get Master Francis anywhere."

"Well," the Asian's voice sounded distracted, as if she was in deep thought, "neither the captain nor the Finnish farmer has actually met Master Francis yet. The long distance from both the Finn's farm and the captain's army posting have forced them both to use mediators for the sales and contracts… so it is possible that anyone could be Master Francis and the two wouldn't know the difference. As long as that person held the right seals, documents, and contracts, why would the buyer ever for a moment think that he was dealing with a fake Francis Bonnefoy?"

"Why would he indeed?"

The women spun around and were startled to see the Albino leaning against the wall. His pose was relaxed with his arms crossed and one foot propped on the wall. His face was turned towards the ground as he spoke, "I hope you don't mind but I couldn't help but overhear your concerns about your Master… It sounds like the Frenchman needs a vacation, and a replacement. Perhaps…" he drawled before looking up at the women with a smirk, "I can help you with the later problem."

Oh yeah, Gilbert, you nailed this in one shot because you are the coolest, most awesome guy around, he thought smugly. Someone is really going to have their work cut out for them to make MY monuments of cool match the awesome that is—

His thoughts were unceremoniously cut off as the three women burst into helpless giggles.

Gilbert felt incredibly perplexed, and it must have shown on his face because the blonde looked up and said, in between laugher, "You (chuckle) might want to check (giggle) a (guffaw) a mirror next time before (cackle) before you (snort, chuckle, snort, sigh) try to act cool." The blonde reached into her mini-skirt's pocket and tossed a small mirror at Gilbert.

The Prussian caught the mirror and opened it up to reveal… a huge purple bruise-bump on his forehead. Great, he looked like an Albino man-unicorn. All of his dreams had now come true.

"Ah, but let's not be too hard on him… after all he does say he will help us," said the Asian.

If there was anything Gilbert had learned in his many years of being awesome, it was: go with the flow. If you're cool, they're cool. "Exactly ladies," the man-unicorn said with a smooth tenor, "I'll definitely trade places with your Master and deal with his little issues while he gets a nice rest… of course that does mean I'll need access to his documents."

"Sure, sure" said the blonde waving a hand, "I'm sure you won't do anything sinister with them, like… give the buyers different girls than they wanted and maybe steal one for yourself."

Gilbert put a hand on his heart and with startled eyes proclaimed, "Why the thought would never cross my mind!"

The Greek spoke up, "Master Francis has to think this is your idea you know… he'll never let you take over otherwise."

Gilbert gave a devil may care grin, "Don't worry your pretty little heads about it… I promise you, your Master will have no idea that it wasn't my idea from the start!"

The Greek wasn't done, "AND… he might try to dissuade you, like tell you that the captain is known for a fierce temper and you risk grave circumstances as the messenger of bad news. I can see Master Bonnefoy even going so far as to say that your life may be endangered…"

That comment stopped Gilbert in his tracks, "Ah… my life endangered?"

(Behind Gilbert, Lin-Lin and Ilona gave a Helena a stern glare.)

"A-ah," the blonde said, "I doubt the captain would be that cruel! I mean, it'll just be Master Francis' way of trying to scare you, and besides…" here the blonde trailed off as she got very close in Gilbert's personal bubble, "you are such a smooth talker," she wrapped her arms around the albino and brought up one hand to idly play with his hair, "so charming and persuasive," her voice was smooth alto chocolate on Gilbert's ear, "I bet you are awesome enough to convince the captain that it was no fault of yours that the bride-to-be had an alien plague! These things just happen sometimes, everybody knows that!"

Seeing their Prussian prey weak, Lin-Lin stepped up and reminded Gilbert, "Besides if you're not there, how will you ever say good-bye to dear Mathilde before she is sent away with the Finnish man? I mean, Master Francis would have to honor his contract…"

An image of Birdie in the arms of another man was the last straw. "I'LL DO IT!"

Gilbert strode off to the House of Bonnefoy with the best plan ever! He would (1) send one of the other girl's off with the Finn jerk and the captain; (2) grab Alfreda's and Birdie's contracts and slave papers; (3) give Toris his girl thus winning his freedom; and (4) free Birdie and make her his wife! It was brilliant!

(He never noticed the three women trading smirks behind him.)

Gilbert took a deep breath and gave a happy grin. Nothing could possibly go wrong!

~~~~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~~~~

Natalya stood by her family's lake glaring at nothing in particular. The visit so far had been absolutely ghastly. Her sick mother was delighted to see that Ivan wasn't there and her father gently reminded her that if she needed to divorce Ivan, there was no reason for her to worry about her financial situation or her social status. Everyone in the "proper circles" of society would understand.

Sadly, Natalya was finding it harder to defend her marriage… especially when she was fairly certain that her husband was back home trying to canoodle with one of the French bastard's whores.

A light cough brought Natalya out of her thoughts, Natalya turned to see her large-breasted older sister, Maria Sofia, smiling gently at her.

"What do you want," Natalya growled.

"Now, now," Maria Sofia chided, "don't act like that. You know Mother and Father don't mean it when they tell you to leave Ivan." Natalya just gave her sister a flat look, and Maria Sofia soon crumbled, "Well, alright, they do mean it, but only because they worry about you!"

Natalya turned away, "I don't want their stupid worry. Ivan and I are perfectly happy together!"

"Are you though?" Natalya turned to snarl at her sister, but stopped when she saw the look of gentle concern in her sister's eyes. "Natalya, please, you don't have to hide anything from me."

Maria Sofia was so worried about her younger sister. Natalya usually always held such a spark of life, but ever since the miscarriage, Natalya seemed to be a little more dead inside each time Maria Sofia saw her. It was killing the busty woman.

But this trip had been the straw to break the camel's back. Watching Natalya come alone and then not even try to fight back against their parents was enough to show Maria Sofia that her baby sister needed her help, whether Natalya wanted the help or not!

She took Natalya's hands and asked, "Natalya, what's wrong between you and Ivan? Is it still about what happened with the miscarriage?" Natalya tried to flinch away, but Maria Sofia clung tighter to her sister, "Natalya, you must stop blaming the world for what happened. It was an accident." Natalya began to wilt as her older sister continued, "It's been two years. I know it's hard, but you must learn to accept the past and forgive the world… and Ivan."

"I don't blame Ivan!"

"Really, Nat… do you really not blame him? He was the one driving the car. If he'd been a bit more careful he might've been able to avoid the drunk driver."

Natalya snarled, "It wasn't his fault! He was just trying to get us to the Blood Battle Arena! It was something he was doing because he knew how much we loved to watch men tear each other apart and fight and die!"

Maria Sofia looked a little green at that, "Yes, I-I remember your love of that… sport. But still…"

"But nothing," Natalya yelled, "Ivan was driving us because he loved me and wanted us to do something together. It wasn't his fault…" Maria Sofia smiled gently, "I'm glad you've come to accept that. Maybe now you and Ivan can go back to being terrifying, very terrifying, but happy?"

Natalya just sagged, "I don't know… after the accident, there were times when I'd just get so angry at him and yell at him for hours. He began to treat me like glass, and now he seems to shiver in fear whenever I try to talk to him. I thought that if we took care of Toris maybe we'd reconnect over acting as guardians for Toris while he was doing his final studies, but Ivan just doesn't seem to want to be near me anymore. I don't know what to do…"

Maria Sofia hugged her dangerous sibling and said, "What are some things you've tried?"

Natalya pulled back and began counting off on her fingers, "I've tried to be scary again so Ivan will maybe get in the mood to torment the helpless again like when he was first courting me. I've tried buying leather outfits and whips to excite him. I've tried insulting him to the point of anger so that he might roughly take me against a flat surface to show me what a man he is. I've tried to make him jealous by employing other painters… nothing's worked!"

"Ah," Maria Sofia approached this carefully, "have you thought that maybe nothing has worked because those are all rather insane and very strange ways of trying to tell someone you wish to be closer with him again?"

Natalya just looked confused, "What part of all leather outfit and whip did you not understand? Plus I know he probably has some hussy on the side… so what else should I do other than try to make myself more attractive to him?"

"Right, of course… my mistake," Maria Sofia rubbed her face. She'd forgotten that Natalya was a little bit odd in the head. She needed a new strategy, "Perhaps you can try… talking to Ivan? Letting Ivan know that you want to become intimate again? That you want to start over? Something that involves a conversation with your feelings and his feelings and trying to regain that bond of closeness and trust you had in the beginning? You especially should confront your insecurities about his supposed infidelity instead of pretending to flirt with other men to try and make him jealous." Natalya sat silently, digesting the wisdom her sister had imparted. Maria Sofia became bold; it looked like Natalya might listen to her and do something not insane for once!

Pressing her advantage, Maria Sofia continued, "Nat… I know you love Ivan and that he loves you, but sometimes in life you've got to fight for your love. This can mean any number of things, like learning to do something uncomfortable like talking about your feelings, or saving your lover from a burning building. It doesn't matter! The point is you've got to take a risk and fight for love!"

Natalya stood up. "You're right. I understand what I need to do now, Maria Sofia."

"Oh, that's wonderful!"

"I need to fight for my love…"

"Yes!"

"I need to do some things I'm not comfortable with…"

"That's the spirit!"

"I need to push even farther with my original plans!"

"Yes, I… wait, no what?"

"I didn't go far enough in my original plans. I only flirted with the painter and just insinuated that I might cheat on Ivan with him. I need to go further; I need to actually have an affair."

"Ah, no… no that's…"

"I am incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of another man touching me, but I've got to do this to make Ivan see that he still wants me. Seeing me in the arms of another man will drive him mad with jealousy. In the fight afterwards, it'll become clear to him that it's him I really want, but he'll need to be assertive if he wants me back and release his inner fire once more…"

"Natalya, I think that's a very bad idea…"

"And we shall embrace and love each other once more! Of course, I'll have to confront my insecurities by hacking any hussy he might have to bits…"

"Nat, combining a bunch of smaller bad ideas into one GIANT bad idea is not going to work."

"Her blood will decorate my blades of fury and Ivan will see in the red liquid my devotion to him…"

"Or he'll see a crazy murderess; really it's a toss-up…"

"Thank you Maria, I will follow your advice…"

"No, what you're saying is the opposite of what I said to do and…"

"I wish I'd come to you sooner. I was so blind not to realize all my previous attempts were too halfhearted to matter."

"You're not listening to me are you?"

"I must go back to the city now; my deepest thanks again sister. I'd have never seen the error of my ways without you. I promise I will be vicious in my fight for Ivan! Goodbye!" With that Natalya charged off, brandishing her knives, shouting for her driver to take her back to the Imperial City. Maria Sofia just sat on the grass, very confused and with a dumbfounded look on her face.

Minutes later she came out of her trance enough to ask the air around her, "…What just happened, and did… did I just accidentally start a massacre?" Only the quiet of the peaceful countryside answered.

~~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~~~

Gilbert watched the busy mayhem from the third floor of Francis' home/brothel. All of Francis' slaves, eunuchs, and courtesans were scrambling about trying to grab the necessary items before they moved to their temporary new home. He watched in dull interest as two of the eunuchs gathered up with the Asian girl—Lin-Lin, he'd finally remembered—called set pieces. He'd been skeptically about the necessity of moving any of Francis' stuff into his house, but Lin-Lin had pointed out that the captain was expecting a brothel and not a regular home. If Gilbert wanted to be a convincing whoremonger, she'd snapped when he tried to question her, he needed his house to look like a whorehouse.

So… the House of Braginsky was getting a makeover.

His sharp eyes watched as Francis and a small handful of bodyguards were ushered out the back. The Frenchman hadn't been the easiest to convince, but eventually Gilbert and Lin-Lin persuaded him to hide out for a bit in a small apartment near the city's docks. Once this minor (both Gilbert and Lin-Lin stressed the word "minor") confusion and miscommunication was cleared up, he could return and set up business again under one of his other names.

Another small bit of commotion rattled about as two of the other courtesans started bickering over a piece of cloth. Quickly Lin-Lin went to deal with the newest chaos. Perfect! Gilbert smiled, and crept away from the balcony and to Francis' locked office door where he kept all his papers. Gilbert pulled out the key he'd palmed from Francis earlier and unlocked the door.

He entered in the room and began searching for his prize. Technically Gilbert already had the identification papers he'd need: he had the ones showing "his" license to sell; the one stating that he was Francis Bonnefoy; and the contracts for the girls to be sold today. What he still needed though was Birdie's slave papers.

Gilbert wasn't able to read, but he had memorized the look of slave papers… after all, he had stared in hatred at his own for long enough to be able to recognize the detestable seal of slavery next to his picture (for easy identification by the authorities). Normally Gilbert cursed the paper, but it would help him now.

Gilbert began to ruffle through papers as fast as he could. He didn't have a lot of time. For his plan to work he needed to get Birdie's slave papers and then find Francis' slave seal. He had to be fast though, as much as Lin-Lin thought she was already helping him, he didn't think she realized that Gilbert had something bigger in mind than simply keeping his love away from some fish-fucking Finnish farmer.

Finally he felt victory in his hands as he found Birdie's slave documents. Folding them up and hiding them in his shirt, he next searched for Francis' slave seal. He looked around for the tiny stamp. He was getting nervous; he'd already been in the office for too long. If he wasn't careful—OUCH!

Gilbert bit his lip hard to keep from screaming. He'd step on something hard and his foot was hurting like a bitch. Once he got himself a little better under control, he dropped to his knees to find the offensive piece and have his revenge. His hands searched under the papers until they felt something small and hard. Pulling it up, Gilbert this time had to hold back his exclamations of joy. He'd found the slave seal!

Even when he was unlucky he was lucky!

He pocketed the seal, put everything back where he'd found it before hightailing it out of the room. He raced down to the second floor, counted to three and then casually walked down to the first floor. Lin-Lin was frowning deeply at him. "Will you hurry up," she hissed, "and where were you? We need to go! The Finn and the captain will be here soon and you don't want them to catch you coming out of a supposedly condemned house!"

He gave her a wave, "Don't worry about it; I was just trying to find a place to piss. We can go now, and remember! It's Master Francis now."

Lin-Lin gave a tight smile, "As you wish… Master Francis."

Gilbert nodded and the two headed out the door. As they left, Gilbert caught sight of his beautiful Birdie. He ran up and embraced her. In Canadian, he whispered, "Don't worry my love… soon you will not have to worry about Finns or being sold to anyone ever again."

Mathilde just tipped her head in confusion, unsure what Gilbert could possibly do to help her, but gave him a sweet smile and a chaste kiss on the cheek anyway. The kiss seemed to draw Gilbert in as he went for another kiss, but Lin-Lin pulled the albino away by the ear.

Mathilde pouted, why couldn't Lin-Lin ever let her have fun with cute boys?

~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~

Toris was getting incredibly annoyed now. He'd gone through ten horses and not a single one of them was a female! Was he doomed to never have his beloved? No! He couldn't think like that! He was a man on a holy mission of True Love! He would succeed!

His faith in True Love and its mystical powers were rewarded when Toris came across a beautiful white FEMALE horse! Toris did a small jig in happiness… before stopping because that might attract unwanted attention from the owners of the horse. Quickly Toris tried to gather up some sweat only to find the horse was a cool customer. Not a drop of sweat was on the stupid thing! Toris nearly threw down his cup in anger, but managed to restrain himself.

He would get the horse to sweat… one way or another. He'd just have to think and be creative.

His first idea was to ride the horse about and get some it sweating through physical assertion, but when he jumped on the horse to try and make it run, it just stood there completely uninterested. But Toris wasn't giving up yet. He tried to pull the horse to move. It didn't work. He tried bribing the horse to move. It didn't work. He tried pushing the horse… and it farted on him.

True Love, Toris was starting to gather, did not always seem to understand when it was needed to produce miracles.

~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~

"Okay," Gilbert said with a tone of finality as he surveyed the 'new' House of Bonnefoy from the outside, "we've got the inside done up and now the outside looks great too. The banner of 'Welcome, Great Captain!' was a nice touch."

"Yes," Lin-Lin agreed, "Marietta and Bianca are very nimble and quick with the paint-brush, aru." Here Lin-Lin paused as though she was considering something of great importance. She finally came to a conclusion and asked, "Who was that strange girl dressed in all the leather that you made us gang up on, tie up, and then lock inside one of the upstairs' rooms, aru? She was a slave right? Because you know you can't do that to Freedwomen or Free Born Citizens without their consent."

"Ah, ha," Gilbert gave an awkward chuckle before patting on the Asian's back, "that was just one of the pleasure slaves that my Master and Mistress don't like to admit to owning. You know how it is with the upper class sometimes." Lin-Lin nodded, some people just could not handle it getting out that they liked to be the submissive in a BDSM game.

Their admiration of the newly transformed House of Braginsky into a bordello was interrupted by a man running in front of them in a long red coat and huge red hat, screaming, "Second time around the hills I go!" Lin-Lin just shook her head in amazement, "Some Westerners are so strange, aru."

Gilbert just gave a placid nod, and agreed. Lin-Lin announced she was heading back inside to look for any last out of place items, and Gilbert remained outside looking over the banner and giving himself a pat on the back for a job well-done.

Suddenly a loud horn blared and in a great rumble and clatter, a hover chariot soared down the street before coming to a stop near Gilbert. Gilbert figured these guys were with the captain, but waited for them to make the first move. Better to always let the other side give you all its cards rather than risking your own.

To pass the time as the members in the hover chariot scrambled around under the steely eye of their superior, Gilbert observed (with a small bit of jealousy) the marvelous form of the hover chariot. A rather recent invention—only being around for about fifty years—the hover chariot was a modern warfare marvel and one of the key strengths of the Hetalia Army. It resembled the chariots that were around in the Roman era, but the simplicity and antiquity of the design hid the machine's power and capabilities. It could fit anywhere from two to five people depending on the size and hovered above the ground about two meters. The general design on the outside was that of a chariot, but inside there was an easy to use panel to control speed, maneuverability, offensive and defensive capabilities. The chariots could zip across the earth at incredible speeds, and was so easy to use that only one person had to worry about driving (and even then the computer's AI was advanced enough to allow for at least two minutes of complete autopilot) while the other could worry about attacking or defending.

The enemies of the Empire of Hetalia had laughed when the first hover chariots had appeared on the fields of battle—but not for long. Soon those enemies would find that the only thing that could out-run, out-maneuver; out-anything on a hover chariot… was another hover chariot. Gilbert dreamed of owning one someday, but alas, for even Free Born the prices for a hover chariot was high, it was laughable to even think about a slave ever owning one!

Gilbert's fan-boy gushing over the hover chariot was brought to a halt when the superior finally found what he was looking for and called out, "Where is the House and Person of Francis Bonnefoy?!"

Gilbert gave a smirk. That was his cue to take center stage.

He strolled over to the hover chariot and asked with a sturdy, commanding voice, "Who seeks the House and Person of Francis Bonnefoy?" He made sure to give the officer his best sneer.

The officer bristled, replying tersely, "My name is Chief Lieutenant Vash Zwingli of the Eagle Brigade of Oak Legion of his Most High Imperial Majesty!"

"Ah! I see you come from the captain. He is coming for his bride I presume?"

"Yes," the soldier continued to look annoyed, "and may I presume that you are Francis Bonnefoy?"

"You can presume much," Gilbert answered.

Lieutenant Zwingli just snorted and held out a sealed document, "My captain will be here in twenty minutes and wishes for you to acknowledge and in good faith perform your contract." Gilbert took the sealed paper opened it and tried to make some sense out of the jumbles of squiggly lines. He cursed silently as he found nothing on the paper that he could recognize and give some hint.

Zwingli gave him a glare, "Are you having troubles, Master Bonnefoy?"

Gilbert gave a chuckle, "What? No, no I merely appraising over what a beautiful work of words and ink and meaning this contract embodies. I mean look at this word here," Gilbert pointed to a word at random and motioned for Zwingli to come closer, maybe he could trick the man into giving him some clue as to what the damn thing said so Gilbert could bluff better when the captain arrived, "isn't it such a graceful, majestic word?"

Zwingli squinted at the word; read it, and then looked at Gilbert look the albino had lost his mind, "You think the word 'and' is graceful?"

Sputtering Gilbert said, "Of course! You can't do much without that simple word. It links so many great things together, often going unnoticed as an unsung hero. Where would we as an empire—NAY!—as human civilization be without the humble workings of 'and' in our vocabulary? There would be no peanut butter AND jelly, no divide AND conqueror, no protect AND serve… yes 'and' has done many things for us. Let us never forget, my friend." Gilbert concluded his heart-felt speech with both hands clasped on Lieutenant Zwingli's shoulders.

"If you do not remove your hands from my body, I will shoot AND torture you."

Gilbert removed his hands so fast he created a mini-sonic boom.

Zwingli sighed in unhappiness and through gritted teeth said, "Look, I only need confirmation that you understand your contract and will perform it."

"Ha!" Gilbert exclaimed, "You insult me, sir! These words on this paper are as important to me as my skin! I will stand by these words as long as my name is…" Gilbert posed with one hand stretched to the heavens, the other across his heart, "FRANCIS BONNEFOY!"

"GILBERT!"

"As long as my name is FRANCIS-GILBERT BONNEFOY," he amended with a sickly smile, "my dear mother's maiden name… a way to honor her you understand." Zwingli looked at him like he was crazy, and Gilbert was beginning to think he might be, "If you'll excuse me for a moment to speak to my head eunuch. Please, enter my house and relax good Lieutenant while I take care of trivial unimportant matters." With that said, Gilbert turned on hill and yelled at Roderich, "COME HERE YOU STUPID EUNUCH!"

Roderich gaped as Gilbert strode up to him. As Gilbert pulled him behind a pillar, he hissed, "How dare you call me a eunuch… you go too far Gilbert!"

Gilbert tried to calm the irate Austrian, "Come on Roderich… you know it isn't true, and I know it isn't true so what does it matter what they think." The Austrian was not swayed by the argument and continued to act like a ruffled peacock. "Anyway, we might be having a little bump in our plans… the captain comes to claim his bride."

The Austrian's indignation was instantly replaced with fear, "B-But Master Ivan wants the girl now!"

Gilbert threw his hands up in exasperation, "You think I don't know that? Look, he can't have her! So keep him in that house for as long as you can, and I will try to deal with the problems over in this house, okay? Now doesn't that sound like a fair deal?"

"But Gilbert," Roderich whined.

Frantically, Gilbert looked around and hissed, "I'm Francis!"

"But Gilbert—"

"I'm FRANCIS!"

"Gilbert…"

"I'M FRANCIS! And I still have that blackmail if you don't get your ass in gear!"

"Goodbye Francis," the Austrian began to say with a strained smile, "it was nice talking to you, Francis. I hope you have a great day, Francis." He pointed to Gilbert and told some very confused foot soldiers, "He is Francis!"

Gilbert just wondered how he could be stuck with so many idiots as he went into the house to make sure the girls were ready to entertain. The Austrian stood somewhat awkwardly on the street, unsure what to do now, until a whistle brought his attention up to Kirkland's balcony.

Roderich looked up and saw his master wearing only a towel and gesturing for him to come closer to the house. "Yes Master," Roderich asked as he approached.

"Have you gotten my passion potion made yet?" Ivan asked with an impatient look.

Roderich wanted to flinch until he realized fate had gifted him with a wonderful opportunity to stall. "Not quite sir," Roderich called up as he backed up towards the Braginsky Bordello, "I'll finish getting it made for you soon Master." With that he turned tail and ran into the middle house.

He breathed in a sigh of relief. He was finally inside his home again, a place of order and sanity.

Roderich then opened his eyes and felt a small part of his heart die as a lower part of his anatomy felt a little livelier. All around him were women and men walking in skimpy clothes, all the furniture had been moved around, and the scent of something sweet and intoxicating filled the air.

A young man in only a very tight pair of pants saw the dazed Austrian and blew him a kiss with a "come hither" wink. Roderich blushed to the tips of his ears and rushed into the kitchen with his eyes focused on the floor to avoid making eye contact with anyone.

God… why couldn't it be Elizabeta throwing him bedroom eyes and kissy faces?

~~~~~~0~~~~~~

Elizabeta was not having a good day.

In fact her day could rightfully be described by such colorful adjectives like: shitty, terrible, awful, headache-inducing, embarrassing, painful, unsuccessful, or all of the above plus the extra adjective "fucking" before all the other adjectives!

She growled as she continued to slowly work herself out of her bonds. She didn't know who those hussies were that Gilbert had convinced to restrain her, but if she ever got her hands on the blonde one with the ax… oh, that one would get IT! The little blonde bitch would learn the hard way not to fuck with Elizabeta Héderváry the Slave Punisher; that was a promise.

In fact, the only person who was higher up on the "Shit List" was Mr. Gilbert Beilschmidt. Her mouth moved into a savage grin around the gag in her mouth at the thought of what she was going to do to him once she was out of these ropes and out of this room.

He would regret this day… of that Elizabeta would personally ensure.

~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~

Toris' day was continuing its downward spiral with only small little uplifts of joy just so life could make him weep harder when it wanted to smack him down again. Case in point: Toris had just spent the last forty some odd minutes trying to get a horse to move and all he had gotten for his troubles were as follows: countless stares and mocking laughter from passersby; he now smelled like a horse's ass from the many times the damn thing had decided to either break wind or relieve itself; HE was the one sweaty from trying to move the horse; and he'd been bitten numerous times.

Good news was he had finally managed to find a way to make the cursed creature move: his tears. The horse apparently was a sadist and found either the sound or sight of Toris' helpless crying to be the epitome of a good time. So to get the horse moving all Toris had to do was completely demean and prostrate himself in front of the animal like he was worshipping a god. The brunet wished this method of cajoling the horse had been a surprise. Stupid sadistic horses… he hoped it ended up in the glue factory soon.

Naturally, this happy bit of good news was followed immediately by more bad news. While Toris could now get the horse to move, it still refused to put forth any greater effort than the mildest of trots. There was no way he could get the horse sweating at this rate!

He needed a new plan… he needed something that could cause someone to sweat even if they weren't moving. To make something sweat that wasn't moving required heat. So Toris needed to go somewhere hotter than the city, but if he left the city, he'd never get the potion in time! Where can you go to be hot enough to be sweaty even if you're not moving in the city?!

A splash of water drenches him and brings him abruptly out of his thoughts. He turned to see an old woman looking at him with the deepest of disdain. She said, "You boy need to go to one of the baths! You smell worse than your horse! If you don't get yourself cleaned up soon, I'll call the constables on you and have you arrested for disturbing the peace with your stink!"

Toris held still for a moment before letting out a loud yell of happiness, "THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH!" The baths, of course, why didn't he think of it sooner? The more expensive baths had private sweat rooms big enough for him and the horse to get into! He'd be able to get the horse sweat and clean off before heading home to see his lady love!

The old woman stared off the insane child as he pushed and pulled an old mare down in the direction of the nearest bath house. She shook her head sadly; it was always so heartbreaking to see youth be spoiled on the young.

~~~~~~~0~~~~~~

Natalya tapped her foot impatiently. "Driver," she called, "will we be there soon? I must return to my home now, go faster!"

The poor, hapless driver stuttered, "M-Mistress, I c-can't go any f-faster. T-the speed l-limit says…"

"Fuck the speed limit," Natalya said in a slow, low voice. "I want to be at my house soon, right now, you are the only thing that is keeping me from getting that desire." She pulled a knife free from somewhere in her dress and held the blade up to catch the light for just a moment before bringing it down to clean the edge. "Think carefully: Do you really want to be the only thing keeping me from something I want?"

The driver gave a pitiful whimper and Natalya smiled in satisfaction when she felt the hover car begin to move faster. Soon, she thought as she admired her reflection in the deadly blade, soon I'll be home… and then we shall see what must be done next.

~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~

Three very bored girls sat at the counter for the public baths. These three poor souls were free spirits currently chained to do a menial "community helpful" activity as punishment for daring to dream of a life a little more exciting. Truly they were tragic visionaries, always fighting a never-ending war against the Battalions of Banality and Boredom, never to be understood in their time; only appreciated in the future for their courageous stand. Pity them, friend, pity them.

Their only solace in this world was each other. Sisters by blood, and comrades by nature, they were: The Trio of Terror!

Unfortunately their last attempt to liven up the world landed them in especially hot water so they had been unfairly burdened with "community service" by working at one of the many State-owned bath houses for the mildly well-off. However, today was their last day so the three had some special plans for fun after their last hellish shift ended.

The farthest on the right loudly popped another bubblegum bubble as she stared with fierce intensity behind red-framed glasses at the clock. The middle girl—occupied with pulling the girl on her left's hair into an adorable pony-tail—gave the bubblegum chewer a bemused look, "You won't make time go faster by staring at the clock, Fan. If anything, it'll probably slow down to tease you."

Turning her attention back to her living doll—ah, younger sister, the middle girl cooed, "Now don't you look so adorable, Star? Oh! I could just take you into the back and do horrible, incestuous things to you!" The taller seemed to begin to act on her words by pulling Star into her lap and nuzzling the girl.

"Huh?" Star said confused, coming out of her book to find herself being cuddled by her elder sister. The one on the right snorted at her younger sisters, saying dryly, "Rose wants to molest you… again."

"Are you jealous?" Rose teased, "Because you can always join us. I never can have too much of my two adorable sisters—OUCH!" The tallest yelped as Fan slapped her on the head with a book. Rose pouted, "You can be so mean sometimes."

"Don't call me cute," was the growled answer to the accusation.

"But I can't help it," exclaimed Rose. She gestured wildly with one arm (the other still keeping her little sister trapped on her lap), "Look at your blush! How can you say you're not cute when you blush like that?!"

"I am not blushing!"

"You are so blushing right now, and you know what? It makes you look adorable!"

"Guys," frantic, Star tried to calm her sisters down, "no fighting! You promised not to fight on the job!"

"I'M YOUR OLDER SISTER, YOU WILL RESPECT ME OR SO HELP ME I WILL PUT YOU OVER MY KNEE!"

"Is that a threat or a promise?"

A cough interrupted the sister's, uh, argument. Three pairs of eyes locked on the interloper. A young mousy male stood at the door watching the three with a "Deer in the Headlights" look.

The three stared back at him.

In the silent seconds that followed, Toris sized up the three strange women. The girl who had been screaming about being the oldest sister had slightly wavy blonde hair cut into a feminine bob that framed her heart-shaped face. Her red glassed framed stormy grey eyes, and her mouth was twisted into an unhappy frown. She was short, wearing a black, sleeveless shirt with purple, blue, and green butterflies. She was short and curvy and her nametag looked like it had been edited to say, "Hello! My name is Fearless Fan the Fantastic."

The girl in the middle (who had stood up when he made his presence known, but had yet to relinquish the third girl) was taller than the other two. She had a broad, muscular build with big hips and breasts, and incredibly wild, curly red-gold hair. Her face was a longer oval shape with brown curious eyes. She wore a deep red shirt with brown lace stitched along the (very) low V-neckline. Her nametag said her name was Rose.

The last was a girl who loved the Gothic Lolita style. All black lace, ruffles, pleats, and layers. To combat all the black were turquoise accents on her scarf—reminding him uncomfortably of his Uncle Ivan—, on her pantyhose and her lace gloves. Her nametag introduced her as Star.

"Can we help you, or are you just going to stand there and stare? Because that's going to get annoying pretty fast," snapped Fearless Fan the Fantastic.

"Ah! No," Toris remembered why he was braving these weird people and straightened his posture, "I need to rent a private sauna and bathing room please."

Rose put Star down and stepped behind the cash register. "What services would you like and for how long," she asked in a bored tone. Star had gone back to reading, dismissing Toris as being boring.

"I just need the basic package of sauna and bath for about twenty minutes in one of the hottest rooms you've got please. I don't have a lot of time you see—"

"We don't care," sang Fan. Her younger sister admonished Fan, "Don't be rude, Fan…" It would have been nice of her, if her voice had carried any degree of rebuke, or emotion… or if she looked like she was paying the slightest bit of attention to her surroundings.

Rose clicked a few more buttons on the cash register, "Okay, I've got a room open right now, anyone else or just yourself?" She gave him an amused glance and teased, "By the way, you know you have to come into the building to get to the rooms right?"

Toris blushed and gave a mumbled, "ah, yeah, of course…" and shuffled inside. The reaction was immediate: all three girls immediately started to gag and shout at Toris. He quickly retreated behind the front door again.

The three coughed and covered their faces. "My god," Fan choked, "did you roll around in shit or something?" She gave another cough to emphasize her point, "No wonder you want a bath."

"Look I just want to bathe, so can I just pay for my room and throw my credit card at you while I run by on the way to the room," Toris said with a tired tone.

The three girls nodded, and Rose choked out the price, "that'll b-be (cough) sixteen credits."

Toris' jaw dropped, "SIXTEEN CREDITS! That's offensive! The State bathhouses usually run around nine credits even for the nicer ones!" Rose glared at him, "Your odor is offensive! The extra is going to go to fumigating and potentially just burning the room you use to the ground after you're done."

Toris grumbled, but agreed. He needed to hurry and needed one of the more expensive Public bathhouses so he'd get the private room. He tossed his card to Star who carefully handed it to her sister. Toris turned around and opened the door pulling his equine companion through as fast as he could. If he was fast, maybe he could get the horse through without any—

"WHAT A MINUTE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT HORSE?!"

-problems… there went that faint hope. "Look," Toris tried to explain, "I know it's a horse but I really need to get it into the bathes with me so if you could just look the other way and I'll get it in and out as fast as I can."

Fan glared at him, "Look the other way! That's not some little book of smut you can smuggle in here for some good times; that's a four-legged breathing creature!"

Toris tried looking pathetic in hopes of raising some sympathy, "Please… just this once?"

The trio of glares told him his answer.

Toris' slumped in defeat. Great, now how was he going to get the horse to sweat if the bathhouse wouldn't let him take it in?

"I'm sorry but the rules are the rules," Rose said.

"No, no, it's okay… I understand," Toris replied in a dejected voice.

"Right… you're new total will be twenty-two credits," Rose said as she swiped his card before throwing it back to the flummoxed male.

"W-What… I don't…" Toris' voice trailed off in confusion.

Star giggled at his clueless face, "Didn't you read the sign?" She pointed to the wall on the right. Toris scanned the list of "Do's and Don'ts" before seeing near the bottom: Rule 34: All customers must be paid for including but not limited to barnyard animals, dogs, cats, horses, birds of any kind, snakes, animal-people hybrids, pandas, and fish as they are seen as companions of the customer. However, bees and insects are not allowed as they are too prone to mischief.

Toris wondered what the hell happened in this place to have such an interesting list of "companions."

"Hey!"

He blinked as Fan tossed him some keys saying, "You better get going; you're time's started." Toris panicked at hearing these words and with great effort pushed his "companion" past the grimacing and gagging women before disappearing down the bath's hallways.

The doorway to the bathing-sauna area swung close behind him. Immediately Rose ducked under the counter before coming up with a spray bottle. She walked around the room with quick, nimble feet and a maddened arm out-stretched spraying every spot in the room with the odor-neutralizing spray.

Her sisters watched her frenzy with unimpressed eyes, this side of their sister was as commonplace as her "cuddly" (or molesting if you asked Fan) side. Star looked over to the door of the bath hallway again with probing eyes.

"Some guys," she said to Fan, "have the strangest kinks. I wonder if the horse will like it."

Fan shrugged and went back to popping her gum and watching the clock, "Eh, for him to have smelled like that before he got here means they were probably already 'playing' earlier. Whatever, it's not as strange as the one guy with his dolphin 'companion' that one time."

Star thought about this, nodded her agreement and went back to reading her book as Rose finally joined them again now that her cleaning frenzy was over. Rose pulled out a nail file and inspected her nails for any flaw. Thus the three peacefully passed the time waiting for the horse "lover" to be done with his "companion" and their shift to be over.

~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~

Gilbert observed his "troops" lined up in front of him against the wall. "Alright, ladies," Gilbert growled, "we all know the plan, right?"

Marietta rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah, bastard. Bianca and I will distract the captain and keep him in a happy mood and the others will keep his soldiers entertained and amused."

"Really, you act like we've never done this before," scoffed Helena.

"Yeah," chimed Ilona, "these are just soldiers, and any 'working woman' worth her salt knows how to play soldiers."

Gilbert nodded in satisfaction, "If everything goes right, we'll all make it through this day… positions ladies, DISMISSED!" The women ambled off.

Gilbert quickly grabbed Lin-Lin though and whispered, "You've got the replacement for the Finn, right? All of her papers are in order?"

Lin-Lin gave him a sweet smile and discretely pointed to a very, tall pale woman wearing tight jeans with strategic holes slashed through it and a very tight corset-styled shirt that revealed a toned midriff and an impish belly-ring.

Gilbert's happiness at a plan coming together died a little when he heard off in the distance the sounds of many horns blowing the pattern used solely to inform of a captain's arrival in the Imperial City. His stomach tightened into knots, but Gilbert quickly shrugged off the anxiety.

He had a plan. It was a good plan. Nothing could go wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~~~~

The end, and on such prophetic words! You'd think Gil would learn by now. So, we've got villains and OC people and I want to give a big thank you for your reviews and an even greater thank you to my two best friends on this site. You girls are the best! Thanks for letting me use your images for this story!

Please Read and Review!

Much Love, 91RedRoses