PROLOGUE

I watched Logan walk away from me after rejecting his marriage proposal. I wanted to try long distance again but he wanted all or nothing. So I had to let him go, I wasn't ready. I have everything up in the air for me, not sure how to deal with my postgrad life. But if I were to be completely honest, I'm not sure if I would ever be ready again. I love him, I know I do but for the last few years I haven't been completely honest with him.

Most would assume Dean was my first love, but it barely skimmed the surface, not even when we tried again after sleeping together. But I wanted to love him, he was safe and comfortable and dependable. My mother thinks Jess was my first love. All bad boy and passion and angst. Maybe I could have loved him, had he stuck around but he wasn't the first.

No one knows, not even my Mom. Our love was between him and me. It's too precious to share and the memories still vivid as if it was yesterday. I visit our place, his favourite spot. I return to where it started under a willow tree on top of a hill at the old Hartford cemetery or maybe I should have started at a piano bench at Madeleine's or Mr. Remmy's class in Chilton. Ultimately, I decided it started with a wish I made when I was 8 as Lane and I were contently lying on the grass, waiting for shooting stars.