March Of Mephisto

Merlin looked at the beautiful woman before him, her raven locks flying wildly in the unnatural wind in her bedchambers, her usually emerald eyes a glaring gold color. She had magic, there was no denying it anymore, not to himself, and certainly not to her. He closed his eyes, he should have told her before, he should have been there or her, maybe she wouldn't be so scared now, maybe she wouldn't be standing before him like an angry goddess now. If he had told her… confirmed her magic… told her of his… she wouldn't have had to find out from Morgause that he had magic, that he was Emrys…

"Morgana…" he said softly, pleadingly.

"Who are you?" she demanded angrily.

Merlin looked at her, his eyes sad and wistful. "Morgana, you know who I am. Please, don't be so distant."

Morgana glared at him, but behind the anger in her eyes was a sadness, the sense of being lost. Merlin felt his eyes widen in realization. Morgana was lost. She wasn't evil, she was only lost and confused. She needed a friend, someone to share her sorry, to comfort her.

"Morgana…" he tried again. "Morgana, I am here to share your grief, your confusion. Waiting for you, for your sorrow to drive you to me, it's the only way I can comfort you, to share your grief."

Morgana's eyes widened as she stared at the young man standing in front of him, somehow, despite her great power, she felt so vulnerable. She saw Merlin's eyes soften as he watched her vulnerability begin to show, it was a reminder of the innocence of youth, for not so very long ago Morgana had been so innocent, so naïve. She hated that, had never wanted to be so innocent, so vulnerable, yet somehow she could not bring herself to regret it, for had it not been for her naivety she would not have become so close to Merlin.

"Merlin… Why do you care?" she demanded, unable to force coldness into her tone this time.

"You're lonely," he stated simply. "You have been forced into solitude, Morgana. You're scared, you feel alone. You've been raised to believe magic is evil and corrupts the very soul of anyone who possesses it, only to find out that you have magic yourself. It's hard to know how to feel, what to think. The initial fear of who and what you are, knowing that you would be executed in a heartbeat if anyone found out…"

"You're lying, Merlin. I am not lonely. I have Morgause, or had you forgotten?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I speak the truth, Morgana, I know it is true. Morgause may be your sister by blood, but where has she been your whole life? She knew you were in Camelot, she knew of Uther's hatred of magic, she knew that you would be scared and alone, yet she didn't take you away from here, didn't try to teach you anything. I sent you to the druids, I tried to help you."

"You lied to me, Merlin!" Morgana screeched, the pain and fear turning back to anger rather quickly.

Merlin took a step towards her, tentatively reaching for her, she pulled back, afraid of his touch. Afraid of any man's touch.

"Morgana, tell me what happened to you…" he begged. "Tell me who hurt you, tell me what they did to you. Tell me everything, every detail. I want to help you, Morgana. I… I l…"

"Don't!" she snapped, instantly cutting him off. "Do not say it. Do not say it is love which drives you to care about me. Your heart is so fragile, Merlin, you love so completely and so easily, I could shatter your loving heart instantly, should I so choose. Rather than find that sweet and want all the more to return to your 'good' side… It merely feeds my contempt, Merlin. You could have helped me. You could have told me…. I trusted you, Merlin! I trusted you more than anyone. I asked for your help… I needed your help. Now all I want is your death." The last word was hissed and nearly seemed to drip with venom as it left her sinfully red lips.

Merlin moved closer to her, feigning a confidence he did not feel. "I don't believe you want only my death, Morgana. You once wanted so much more. You wanted my friendship, you sought me out so many times for comfort. How can I believe you now want only my death?"

Indecision flickered briefly in Morgana's eyes before she spoke again, her voice much softer, much more innocent and vulnerable. "I wanted more than that, Merlin. I wanted more than friendship from you. You have such a kind and loving heart. I always wanted to wed someone who was caring and loving, as you are, I had no real hope, of course, as I am a lady of the court. Your loving heart, the light in your heart, it kept me grounded, Merlin, when nothing else could. Even the year I was with Morgause, after you poisoned me… Even then, when I was locked in the dark tower, when I was being tormented by visions of Uther, Arthur, and even Gwen, torturing me, hurting me in some way, ridiculing me… You, Merlin, were the only one who did not torment me in these manifestations… I think it was because I had seen darker sides, even if only briefly, of all of them, but never you. So long as I remembered the goodness and kindness of your heart, Merlin, nothing could truly hurt me, I could keep some semblance of my sanity. I returned to Camelot, and I know you thwarted my attempts to kill Uther multiple times, but I was so glad of that, Merlin. I never truly wanted to kill him, some small part of me did, I suppose, but that was never who I truly was. So long as it was you thwarting me, I could understand, I knew you were looking out for me, for Camelot, for everyone, I could live with that and understand it. But then… I was taken by the Sarrum… I was kept chained to a wall in darkness, I was so hungry, so thirsty… And he had Aithusa…" she shuddered at the memories.

Merlin moved closer and pulled her gently against his chest, stroking her hair tenderly, letting her regain her composure before she continued.

Morgana took a shaky breath, closing her eyes briefly, leaning into Merlin for comfort and support. "He put Aithusa in that horrid dark and dank pit, we rarely saw the light of day. Merlin, it was so horrible…" she whimpered softly, hiding her face against his shoulder briefly before she continued. "Aithusa, she was so small… only a baby… She was still growing. That dreadful pit was far too small for her, she grew so fast… her back, her legs, her wings… she didn't have the room to grow properly, I doubt she will ever be properly able to walk, or fly. She was so beautiful when I first saw her, so innocent and pure… And now… now she is a sickly, crippled mess, because of me. Merlin, this, everything that happened to her is because of me!"

Merlin kissed the top of her head softly. "What was done to you, to her, it was not your fault, Gana," he murmured.

"We so rarely saw the light of day. Only when they would throw down the rare crust of bread for me and scrap of meat for her. Or when they… when they wanted… fun… Merlin… The things they did… I would rather endure the sting of a thousand lashes, then the pain… the humiliation… they put me through…"

Merlin frowned, Morgana hadn't said it so many words, but it was only too easy to know what she meant, what the Sarrum and his men had done to her. No wonder she was nearly mad. He held her close, glad only that she allowed his gentle comfort, rather than pushing him away.

Morgana tilted her head up, starling Merlin by capturing his lips with her own.

"Gana…" he groaned in a half-hearted protest.

"Please, Merlin…" she begged. "Heed, chase, this urge… I want this… We belong together, Merlin, for all you deny it, for all I deny it, we are meant to be. Please, Merlin, do not deny me a kind touch, a night of love, something I never received there…"

Merlin stared into her eyes, seeing the vulnerability, the fear, and the desperate need to be loved staring back at him. How could he deny such desperation? Especially when he did love her? He leaned in and pressed his lips tenderly against hers, feeling her fingers tangle in his hair. He held her, kissing her lovingly and allowing her complete control over the situation.

Morgana found herself content to simply kiss Merlin for a long while, afraid of doing anything more. She sighed softly against his lips before breaking the kiss and resting her head on his chest. Merlin smiled softly, stroking her hair.

"After tonight, Merlin, things will go back to the way they were, won't they? I will be forever the thorn in your side. Seeking accomplishment, recognition, acceptance, for something, anything. Even at the cost of reminding all mortal's that their death could come any time…"

Merlin nodded. "More than likely," he agreed. "It doesn't have to be that way, Gana…"

Morgana smiled faintly. "Merlin, you are an angel, heaven sent, to destroy the darkness within me. Perhaps… given time, you could. You are truly Emrys, my destiny and my doom. My destiny, my love… My doom in that you will destroy the darkness… You, Merlin, are the master of all. I… Well, I am merely the urge of the flesh."

And with those words, Merlin found himself suddenly lying on his back on Morgana's small bed, with her straddling him, her raven locks falling in a curtain around their faces.