I once cried my eyes out. Just the once. About something that happened.
It wasn't something silly like my popsicle broke or something like that. No, I mean really really cry, the sort crying where you can't just stop halfway.
I cried all night long, cried out all my frustration, tried to soothe myself but the sad depressing feeling wouldn't leave me. The next day was also the first day in my life I'd ever skipped school. I really wanted to tell anyone how I felt. But the person I wanted to share it with was gone.
My parents had divorced. My father had taken me along with him, but I knew it was his fault. I hated him. I still hate him. It's his fault I will never see my mom again. I promised that day that I would never forgive him. And up to this day, I've kept that promise. Whenever I catch him hitting on women, a disgusted feeling drifts up from my stomach. And actually, I've let it all go. I've let go of this thing, banned the thought of him being my father out of my head. But the thing that's now pulling me into darkness is...
I noticed a tear rolling down my cheek. Come on, Maka. Don't cry. I stood up from my bed and closed the windows. I glanced at the crescent moon, and I smiled sadly at the pale light. It's fine, I thought. I held my hand near my chest, clenching my small fist.
No one knows, Maka. Let's keep it like that. It's fine this way anyway.
I looked one more time outside, wiped a lone tear away and went to bed.
The next morning, I didn't want to wake up. Usually I'd be the one waking Soul up, but this time he had to drag me out of bed to the breakfast table. Literally.
"Come on, Maka! What's wrong with you? You're usually more awake than that!" he said, swiftly putting some eggs on my plate. He showed a little bit of worry, more than he'd like to admit. He put the plate down and I stared at him. He turned to his seat and ate his own share. I didn't care. I just stared at my breakfast, poking it with a fork. Soul got clearly annoyed.
"Don't make me feed you. Eat something, skipping breakfast isn't cool." He slightly scolded.
"I'm not hungry," I said matter-of-factly, not looking him in the eyes. I stood up, and went to my room to dress myself. I slipped my blouse on, got my usual skirt and vest and stepped into my combat boots. I grabbed a random bag, hoping to have the right books with me, and walked to the front door. I turned to see Soul catching up with me. He smirked his trademark smirk and started to walk towards school.
During our walk to school it was silent. Neither said a word, but I wasn't in the mood to speak anyway. I looked at the ground, watching the path change from asphalt into tiles, until we reached the steps in front of DMWA. I looked at the stairs with a dull look on my face. Soul was already midway the steps. A sudden feeling drifted in my mind. Let's skip school today. I don't feel like it. Why would I go to school if I can't possibly concentrate?
I ignored it, and entered the classroom. I sat down next to Soul, who was busy chatting with Black*Star. I took out a book from my bag, I didn't really care which, and pretended to read it. I heard someone flop into the chair next to me. I still didn't look up, just continued staring at the pages. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up to the right. Kid smiled at me, with a symmetrical (I think) smile. "Good morning, Maka."
I tried to smile back, but turned to my book again. " 'morning, Kid..."
Seems like I hang out with Kid too much, because he immediately figured out that something was wrong. He laid his hand on my shoulder. "Maka, is something the matter?" I didn't want to talk to anyone, so I simply shook my head. Thank the gods my face didn't heat up from his touch. He frowned, but turned his attention towards the door after a while. Stein rolled backwards into the classroom and crashed into his desk. He started explaining what endangered species he'd be dissecting today, and I heard Kid object, saying it's illegal and that his father had forbidden Stein not too long ago from dissecting even more rare animals. I just put in my headphones and started listening to my playlist I made some time ago. After a while I slightly glanced at my right, to Kid, who was fanatically writing his notes, as perfect as possible, of course. Seeing him trying so hard made my lips curl up of a little. I caught myself in the act, and turned back to my book, a slash of pink tinting my cheeks.
Stop it... Don't... just get a hold Maka! I scolded myself, silently fishing a notebook from my granite gray backpack. I started reading through my old notes, I'd just ask Soul or Kid for a copy after class for today's notes. A familiar song came on, and I glanced at my iPod. Endless love, piano edition, huh... The song was simple, very minimalistic, but emotional, the type people wouldn't expect me to listen to. But the way I felt now, I pressed the ‘replay 'till forever' button and stared at the dark clouds outside.
I got tired of the rain pretty quick and ripped a blank page out of my notebook. I grabbed a black fine liner out of my pocket and started drawing, really no big deal. I started with little stickman figures, then moved on to simplistic dolls, but soon started drawing people I'd recognized. I drew a little Black*Star, bawling his eyes out with a broken lollypop in his hand, and a small Tsubaki giving him another lollypop: hers, but she tried everything to comfort him, even just a little.
Then I moved on to draw a chibi Patty, riding a huge giraffe, laughing like a maniac. I drew Liz sitting behind her, with a scared expression clamping tight onto her. After that, I drew Crona with Ragnarock, eating a piece of pie, Crona eating it slowly and carefully to savor the taste, Ragnarock gulping it down like there is no tomorrow. I sketched Soul, on his motorcycle (which I obviously can't draw at all) with his signature grin. Then I hesitate. The only ones remaining are Kid and I. Not like I have a problem with that... I glanced to both sides, just to make sure no one was looking over my shoulder at my ugly ass doodles, then proceeded to draw first Kid, then myself. We were both eating ice cream, walking down some imaginary unfinished road laughing together. I stared at my drawing. I looked at the smiles they wore. How come it's never like this...
I felt another tap on my shoulder. I instinctively held the paper against my chest, afraid others might see them. I turned around on my chair to see Kid standing beside me with a worried look. The classroom was empty except for us. I felt my cheeks heat up. I hadn't noticed the bell had already rung!
Seriously? Very smooth, Maka... sounded in my head. I quickly dropped my stuff back into my bag and threw it over my shoulder. I nodded Kid to go already, since I still had to visit my locker. The worry on his face didn't seem to disappear, not even the slightest. "I'll walk you home. Soul already left, and it's raining outside. I don't think you've brought an umbrella with you, did you?"He said, stepping somewhat closer to me. My grip on my bag tightened, but luckily he didn't seem to notice. I wrapped my headphones around my iPod, and put them in my bag again. I looked at Kid, and said I was ready to leave.
As Kid had said, it rained outside. Water splashed down from heaven like there was no tomorrow. Heck, the way it was now, I didn't even wanna think about tomorrow. Kid took out his umbrella, a symmetrical umbrella, mind you, and held it out for us to step under. I moved to take shelter underneath the black and white umbrella, until I saw Kid flinch.
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Oh no.
Come on.
God, you must really hate me.
He grabbed the umbrella with both hands, mumbled something, then gripped my hand to let it keep a hold of the umbrella. After that, he panicked.
"Oh god, you must be kidding me! (no pun intended) Why can't I hold this umbrella symmetrically? I'm rubbish, garbage, a good for nothing shinigami, I'm not allowed to live, I'm just a shame to my father, oh bother why is this world so imperfect, foolish, foolish to think I could be symmetrical, just foolish... "His legs gave in and he bent over, hands on the floor and head facing the cold tiles. He banged his fist onto the floor, ranting on.
I stared at him, not knowing what to do. He kept on rattling about what a failure he was, and stuff I couldn't hear properly because of the rain pouring down with buckets full at a time. I held on to the umbrella, stepped right next to my friend and knelt beside him. I put my hand on his back, and made sure the umbrella covered both of us. It seemed like he didn't expect to feel my hand on his shoulder, because he flinched and stopped with his rant. He looked up at me, his golden orbs looking into my emerald colored eyes. I smiled at him, at least tried to, and told him: "Look, if we both hold the umbrella with one hand, that'll be symmetrical enough, right? Even if it isn't," I stood up again, stretching out my hand to him, "If we'd go home without umbrella, we'd get wet, maybe catch a cold and even worse," Well in his opinion anyway, "the water stains will make your clothes asymmetrical."
That last comment did the trick. He stared down at his clothing, and saw the wet spots that were caused by the rain. He shot up and grasped my right hand which held the umbrella. He grasped it tight, but gently, as if my hand was made of porcelain, and could break any second. He looked at me, his face etched with a bright smile, which caused a light pink blush on my cheeks. "Thank you, Maka."He said with his tender voice. I looked away, hoping he couldn't see my face turn into an interesting shade of red.
We walked further, still hand in hand (so we both could carry the umbrella, of course), both very close to each other to be able to fit underneath the umbrella. I sneaked a glance at him.
He was taller than me, I think by just an inch or two. He had also changed from when I first met him: He had gotten somewhat more masculine and stronger than before. Also, he'd gotten even more handsome. I don't think he noticed, but there were a lot of girls who swooned over him each time he passed by. There was even a FAN CLUB for him.
I also heard a rumor of Liz liking him, yesterday actually, but I haven't asked her about it. I feared the possibility that it was true. Liz was, obviously, in many aspects better than me: she is tall, pretty, strong, brave, caring, has curves and big boobs (which I obviously don't have, thank you Soul for always pointing out). Okay, I do have better test scores, but it's not like Kid has the best scores. He'd tried to learn speedwriting, which ended in total failure because he freaked out the moment a word went wrong. Up until now, he only got good scores for oral presentations and all the other stuff were all not higher than 20 percent because he couldn't write quickly enough.
Still, he's handsome, strong, gentlemanly, polite, smart (even though his test scores suggest not) and we even share common interests. He sometimes shares my opinion about certain matters, but he's not ‘bitchy' when we don't share our point of view. I'm lucky to be his friend, was the thought that popped up in my mind. I shouldn't have this selfish feeling, it already was pure coincidence to meet him, or even to become friends with him. I'm not the only one feeling this way. Like his fan girls, or maybe even Liz. I clenched my fist.
"Maka? Are you okay?"
His voice woke me from my thoughts. I realized I've been staring at him for the past five minutes and I felt myself turning red. "Y-yeah, I'm fine." I managed to bring out. His face looked even more worried, if that was even possible. He then noticed something.
"Maka, you're really red. Do you have a fever?"he asked when he brought himself closer to feel my forehead. My blush got a few shades darker and I backed away. "No r-really I'm fi-" that's when my luck left me and I lost my balance. I fell backwards, and when not even a second after I hit the ground, I felt something crash into me as well. I flashed my eyes open and stared into cat-like eyes. The moment I realized what happened I tried to push myself away from him, but his hands which were planted right next to me were in the way. I couldn't control the heat in my cheeks anymore and I was probably beet-red by now. I looked away, refused to meet his gaze, because I was afraid what he might think of the situation right now.
Unknown to Maka at the moment, Kid looked like we was about to cry. The second he sat down next to her in class, he could see something was wrong. He wasn't totally sure though, but he got his proof when she greeted him. Although it was only just a word, he noticed she sounded less energetic than she usually was. Also, when she smiled, he could see her eyes didn't glisten like they normally did.
Even during class, he saw that her thoughts were obviously somewhere else. He saw that she didn't take notes, listened to music and stared outside. He had watched her, almost the whole time, but quickly turned back to work when she looked into his direction. It's a miracle that she didn't notice his cheeks dusted with pink. It's embarrassing to almost be caught staring. But the ends justify the means, right?
He cared about her, and they're good friends that share everything together. When she didn't tell him what was bothering her he felt hurt. He knew that something was off, and the fact she rejected his offers to help her out didn't help either. He thought that she didn't trust him enough. He thought that he did something that caused her to hate him, or to feel wary of him. The moment she fell he reached out to catch her, but missed and fell over as well. He knew she was very uncomfortable at that moment, but his body wouldn't move. He felt his heart break when she tried to get away from him. She really hated him. There's no other outcome than that, right?
He wanted to help her, he really does. But the only way to do that is to know the 'problem'. He lowered his head, his mouth blowing hot air into her ear.
"Maka... I want to know what's wrong. There's something bothering you. Is it me? Did I do something wrong?"
He felt her tiny form stiffen at the hot feeling she felt near her ear. He hung over her, his head in the crook of her neck. He couldn't look her in the eye. He knew that she'd hate him even more cornering her like this, but he had to know. He must know what happened, what caused her to be this upset. He was really worried. He couldn't continue living if this 'problem' turned out to be important. What if she got into trouble because of this? Or even worse, what if she got hurt really badly? He'd have a everlasting feeling of guilt. He'd hate himself for it. She doesn't have to carry her burden all alone, that's what friends are for. That's what he is for. Then why didn't she trust him? Even thinking about it pained him.
Maka on the other hand felt her muscles relax all of a sudden. He... Was worried? Really worried about me? He did all these... Uncomfortable things... for me?
That thought made me feel warm inside. The warmth spread through my body and heat my cheeks up. I wanted to tell him what's on my mind, to secure him my 'problem' really wasn't a big deal, but words couldn't escape my mouth. I wanted to tell him everything's alright, that it really is no big deal. But seeing his reaction that answer wouldn't cover it. He wanted the total truth. Even if I wasn't prepared to tell him yet.
As if on cue, he lifted his head to stare into my eyes. His pleading eyes made me feel weak. I turned away, fearing my eyes would give me away. I couldn't do it. If I were to tell him... If I told him the way I felt about him, what would his reaction be? Disgusted, shocked, confused, mad? If I were to tell, how would that affect our current relationship? I don't want to risk our friendship the way it is now. It's too dear to me.
I knew he'd feel even more distant from me the second I turned away. But I can't afford to lose him even more. I don't want him to find out.
I felt him rising up, putting less pressure on me. At the moment we hadn't even realized the rain had stopped until I felt a small drop fall onto my chest. I looked up at him. This sight really caught me off guard.
He was crying.
Death the Kid was crying.
He was crying over me.
His eyes squeezed shut, tears flowing out of his eyes. He didn't even seem to try to hold back his tears, like a certain "cool" guy I know. He clenched his fists, leaned further up until he sat on my lap and whipped his tears away with his right sleeve. The crying slightly became less. His eyes were still wet, and slightly red. He looked further down, his bangs blocking my view. I felt guilty. He thought that I didn't trust him well enough to tell.
Silence was painful between us. He stood up, a pained expression on his face.
"I guess... You really hate me, huh..."
He looked like he'd go back to crying again, but he turned his back towards me, picked up his umbrella. I wanted to say something, but he cut me off.
"You know, just because I'm Shinigami's son doesn't mean you have to be my friend. I guess I'm sorry to force you into becoming my friend. I'm sorry Maka..."
Tears started welling up in my eyes as well. Kid, you got it all wrong. I don't hate you, I...
He turned his head to me, and smiled a sad smile.
"I guess this is a goodbye, Maka. Take care."
He turned and walked away, he even didn't notice he stepped in puddles which made uneven stains on his pants.
I shot up, tears finally touching my cheeks, and ran after him. I hugged him from behind, stuffing my face in his broad back. I felt him slightly flinch, and he stopped walking. I sobbed softly in his black jacket, my arms wrapped around his waist. I don't want to let you go. I don't want you to leave me.
He widened his eyes. She came after him. He felt pretty lame, crying in front of the girl he liked, but he was slightly happy. she came after him. She didn't hate me, was the thought rushing through his head. He hesitated, but slowly put his hands on hers. They stood there for some time. Maka didn't want to let go of him, scared of losing him. Kid wanted this moment to last forever. The silence continued to exist until Maka finally found the courage she needed. She slowly let go of him, laid her fists against his back.
"Kid... Whatever you may think now, I don't hate you. It's just... I'm scared to tell you... I-I'm afraid of you hating me after telling you..."
He felt her head leaning against his back. Feeling her warmth on his back made him blush slightly.
"... I won't hate you... I will never hate you Maka..." He managed to bring out, not as fluent as he wanted. He cursed himself for sounding like he doubted himself.
He turned on his heels, facing Maka again. He placed his hand on her shoulder, and she looked up. She looked at him with teary eyes, but she rapidly wiped those tears away. She looked down at the ground, as if he'd blind her if she looked at him. She shook heavily, sending a shiver through his spine.
The silence took place, too long for his liking. He calmly said, even though he was shaking inside, "Maka, please tell me. I will not hate you, no matter what you say. It's a promise."
"A promise you won't keep." Called her weak voice with a sniffle.
"Maka, I'm serious. If I were to break my promise to you, you can do anything you want to me. Do you understand?"
"Yeah, I understand. But do you?" She glanced at him, tears had respawned in her eyes.
"What if I... the thing I'll tell you, might not make /you/ hate me, but others. I can't..." She couldn't finish her sentence as only sobs came out of her throat.
He brought her closer to him, letting her sob in his (nice, broad) chest. Blush crept on his cheeks again as she continued to press her head into his shirt. He was thinking of saying comforting words, but his mouth betrayed him. Instead, he slowly patted her head, feeling the soft silky hair brush his hand.
"I'm pretty sure our friends would understand. If they are real friends and value your friendship, they'll never hate you Maka. And I know they do value it."
He slipped his hand past her cheek and tilted her head up, making her look into his eyes.
"Tell me."
She tried to look down but his hand held her face in place. She didn't look him in the eyes anymore and his heart began to break a little more.
"I can't."
That's when he lost hope. What was he supposed to do now? He didn't want to force her, but he was dying to know and worried as hell.
"Why...?" Was his reaction.
"B-Because..." She stuttered, "I just... I-It's too embarrassing!"
Embarrassing? That's the last word he'd expected. He thought she was talking about something terrible, something worth crying about. Or maybe...
"Don't tell me you got raped. I'm gonna kill the one wh-"
"I-I WASN'T RAPED!" She shouted on top of her lungs. Her shallow breathing filled his ears and he looked at her again. His hand had let her go again and he waited for an answer.
"I... W-wasn't r-raped or anything like that... I'm totally fine, it's just..." She took a deep breath. "I just... Can't tell you that easily... It takes a lot of courage and I've never experienced this before. I... Just don't know how to tell you."
His mind suddenly turned blank. So it wasn't something like that. But then what could it be? He didn't know what to think about this, what to feel about this. Happiness, sadness, wonder, confusion, fear? Nothing seemed to fit in this situation. What was he supposed to do?
He didn't really have ideas of what to do, but had unconsciously begun to stroke her cheek with his thumb. The moment he caught himself doing it he retreated his hand immediately and blushed. He looked at his previously-stroking-hand, and then turned his attention back to Maka, his blush somewhat faint but still visible.
He smiled awkwardly, and then got an idea. "Maka, if you tell me first what you're hiding from me, I'll tell you something too. A secret I've been keeping from you a long time." He knew he'd rather faint pathetically than to tell her, but he can't run away forever from it. It was a high price (which will cost him a lot of courage and maybe even their friendship if it went wrong), but he was ready to pay it. He would do everything in his power to help her.
He saw her doubting, thinking about his offer. He felt his nerves all of a sudden. He reassured himself pretty quick though: he knew Maka well enough. The moment he mentioned he had a 'secret' as well, she became curious. That's the way she is. And knowing Maka, she will find out what it is, no matter what the price will be.
And he was right: Maka was seriously considering his offer. She was dead-curious to find out, but felt nervous to tell him. What if it wasn't worth it? He knew her well enough to just make up some stupid lie, only to get her interest. But she knew him good too: Kid didn't lie. He never did. But still, will it be worth the sacrifice?
Though a small voice in her head gave the winning vote: he'd find out sooner or later. And that won't change her feelings nor his.
She took a shaky breath. Alright then. "Okay." She brought out. "I'll tell you."
He patiently waited for her answer, though patient wasn't the right word. He was trembling. He was happy, confused and afraid at the same time. Was it a good decision he made? She did say she was finally going to tell him. It's too late to chicken out, and not keeping his word is not his style. He slightly bit his lip and his eyes looked into hers.
Her legs began to feel like noodles, as if she could collapse any moment. She swallowed hard and gathered her courage. "I, Maka Albarn..." She started and decided to give her all. She shut her eyes closed and shouted with all her might.
"I am deeply in love with you, Death the Kid!"
She gasped for air, slowly opening her eyes again. She again waited for his reaction, rejection or even worse. She closed her eyes again, waiting for his answer. But instead, a laugh erupted from him. Tears welled up, and she watched him with confusion. But he smiled at her and stroked her cheek, closing their distance from each other. He smiled his brightest smile and whispered, "Do you want to hear mine now?"
He erased their remaining distance and their lips touched. He closed his eyes and, after a short while, let go of her lips. Seeing her flushed face, he whispered in her ear, "I, Death the Kid, am madly in love with Maka Albarn. And I hereby ask permission to make her my girlfriend."
He grinned at her stunned form and waited until she became conscious of what was going on.
To his surprise, she caught up quickly. Kid had kissed her. He loved her back. There was a lot she wanted to ask, but her mouth felt numb thanks to her 'previous sensation'. Thanks to the former as well, she was as red as a fully grown tomato.
Tears began to slide down her cheeks as she stood there, dumbfounded. Kid panicked, and with shaking hands he dug into his pockets for a tissue, the other trying to comfort her. She put her hand onto his, and she smiled. His hands stopped moving, and he met her gaze.
"I'm... These are happy tears, Kid. I-it's just, I thought you loved Liz, and-"
"Maka." His lips curved into a sweet smile. "I love you, and only you. Besides, Liz has a boyfriend." She gave him a confused look. "You didn't know? I thought you'd know, since she's dating Soul out of all people."
"Soul? Really?" Now that she gave it some thought, Soul had been away a couple of nights. And today, he didn't wait for her to walk home together, too. She was so busy with her own feelings to notice his. Oh really, how blind has she been these last days?
He bowed down to pick up their abandoned umbrella. The sun had appeared again, shining as if it hadn't rained all day. He held out his hand, waiting for hers to grasp it gently. She pulled his arm towards her, to hug him tight right after. She felt his arms do the same and after a while they let go and their hands entwined together.
"Let's go home. My clothes are soaked." He suggested with a chuckle.
"Let's do that." She agreed and they started heading towards the Gallows. She wiped the dried up tears from her cheeks and squeezed his hand, feeling it squeeze right back.
Yeah, we can all agree that was a tricky situation everyone fears. Of course, it can go totally different than this case. When you find out, you can be happy or sad. But in the end, it's a truth worth the gamble.
-/ /-
Dedicated to my friend, who'll most likely never read this (since she's not a fan of KiMa *gasp*). Still, I'm happy she finally got together with her now boyfriend, and I hope they will have many happy times together. As for me, you could say I'm in a similar situation as Maka, the only difference is that I barely speak to him. *sigh* alright, REVIEW PLEASE. I wrote this some time ago, finally finished it this last holiday. I hope you all enjoy reading this. Until my next update! See you again desu~!