I hit an awful road block with the "No way back" and can't seem to break through it. So this is my attempt at breaking, thus it might seem a bit angry and rushed.

The main theme is Incest (twincest if you want) so if that bothers you feel free to hit the backspace key.

There are also other suggestive themes and lots of bad language, but no sex unfortunately. When I came to the part where it was supposed to be it didn't feel right and I did not want to force it. As per tradition, if anyone is interested I might do something about it later =)

So why am writing this? Because I wanted Shiro/Ichi twincest story for a long time and haven't found one that I really like, so I just decided to write one myself.

Hope you like it and please let me know what you think.

Ichigo Kurosaki always considered himself quite normal, thank you very much.

So what if he had orange hair? If you squint and tilt your head to the right it could be seen as your average ginger. And if ginger wasn't that average in his country of origin, it wasn't his problem now, was it?

Just like the fact that his father was a raving lunatic – who thought that a flying kick to the face was a normal way of greeting your son – had nothing to do with his own normalcy.

And if his twin brother was born albino, white everywhere but for his eerie golden eyes and thus scary to any oversensitive idiot whose idea of normal consisted of brown hair and brown eyes on the boring as fuck personality, well it wasn't like he ever cared what idiots think.

His brother was the sun the center of his universe, even though he insisted it was the other way around and looked more like a moon. The moon was dull and could only reflect the light that shone from the other stars, Shiro despite his monochromatic appearance was the brightest part of Ichigo's life.

His brother was his pillar, his most trusted friend.

His brother was now standing in the middle of their shared bedroom dripping wet and clad in only a measly towel around his narrow hips.

And.

Oh.

Apparently, his brother was also hot. And apparently Ichigo was gay. But the latter was really a minor revelation considering that he just thought about his own brother as hot.

And you're not supposed to do that, are you?

Turns out Ichigo Kurosaki was anything but normal.

He could feel himself getting aroused and the heat of a blush spreading from his ears down his neck.

And Shiro was still looking at him intently, his amber eyes gleaming with - was it amusement?

Ichigo felt irritation boil over the unexpected lust. He hated when someone, even Shiro, was laughing at his expense. Being the butt of every joke about oranges and strawberries at school up until he learned to kick their asses - and in some lost cases even after that - did not bode well for one's sense of humor.

He awarded his brother with a thunderous scowl.

"Will you stop dripping on the floor and put some clothes on? I hate stepping into the puddles."

And thinking about how I want to lick that drop running down your... oh, shit.

Brothers were not for licking. And not for ogling ether.

You also probably were not supposed to jump into their bed at the first sign of the rainstorm, but that was 'the consequence of the traumatic event, he had no control over', or at last the shrink their father made him visit every month put it that way. Ichigo could just imagine how said shrink would react if he told her about his immense desire to go to his brother, fall to his knees and suck him off.

'Oh, shit' was right.

"Stop being bitchy, king," Shiro said, thrusting his tongue out and dropping the towel to the floor.

Nope. 'Oh, shit' didn't even cover it.

Ichigo flushed deep crimson and whirled around stalking to the door.

"Hurry the fuck up. We're going to be late again and Suzumine-sensei is going to bitch us out. Again."

"Who bit you in the ass this early in the morning?!" He heard just before he slammed the door shut.

Well, fuck. Now he got into the argument with his brother on top of things. He hated arguing with Shiro, it always felt like he was tearing apart his own soul. Even the smallest disagreements brought him down like a ton of bricks.

"Why'd you do it if it pains you so much?" asked a voice to his left, making Ichigo jump and hit his hand on the door handle.

"Karin! Don't do that!"

Karin just rolled her eyes and raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"What?" He grumbled, rubbing his throbbing hand. "I can't let him get away with everything."

"Right. And what did he do this time?"

"He was…" Ichigo faltered not knowing how to put it and not sound like a winy downer. He finally decided on the grouchy 'mind your own fucking business' and went down to the kitchen.

"I'll tell dad you said 'fuck' in front of me." She sniggered at his retreating back, getting a bird over the shoulder in return, which only prompted her to laugh harder.

This was not fair. The whole morning sucked hairy monkey balls. There was no way he was attracted to his brother. Sure Karin always teesed him that he acted like the sun shone out of Shiro's ass, but this was another matter entirely, this was wrong on so many levels that he didn't even know where to start. If the albino ever found out, he would be disgusted and Ichigo will loose the most important person in his life.

Again.

He won't be able to survive this one. After their mother's death Shiro was the one who kept him sane, this time there won't be anyone left to pick up the pieces.

And, no, Ichigo was not a depressing fuck who thought that his family hated him for what he did. Karin might be drowning him in sarcastic commentary, but it was never anything hurtful. And the ever gentle Yuzu didn't have a mean bone in her body.

Even their father, as touched in the head as he was, always supported him to the point of being overbearing.

The only thing eating him was his own guilt. And the only person who understood that was his brother. Everyone said it was the twins thing. Two parts of the whole and all that rot. But Karin and Yuzu were also twins - though not nearly as look-alike as Ichigo and Shiro - and they never had that kind of connection, nor were they as attached at the hip as their brothers.

Maybe it was going together through the traumatic event thing. Shiro was there on that rainy night and Ichigo always thanked every god ever created by human cultures that his brother was in the back seat with a seat belt on, when Ichigo decided to have a tantrum in a car driving on the rain-slippery road.

"Are you spacing out again, Ichi?" laughing voice whispered right into his ear and Ichigo jumped in his seat bumping his knee painfully on the table.

"Shi! I told you to stop doing that!"

"But I am having so much fun doing that," Shiro simpered with an exaggeratedly innocent look, that did not work for him at all. With a tired sigh, he plopped on the stool beside Ichigo and put his chin on his steapled hands, turning sideways.

"So. Are you gonna tell me what's wrong? Or am I gonna have to pry it out of you?" He suddenly asked in a serious tone, with no trace of the previous teasing and pierced Ichigo with an inquiring stare.

"Why would anything have to be wrong?"

"Because. You're being a prissy bitch. And while it's not an unusual behaviour for you. You usually don't try to bite my head off first thing in the morning. So I'm asking again: what the fuck happened." And then softly: "Did you have a nightmare again? Why didn't you wake me?"

"I didn't... have a nightmare. Nothing happened. Just tired is all."

Shiro eyed him skeptically, but let it go at last for the moment. Ichigo knew it was just a temporary reprieve. When his brother wanted something there was no stopping him – he was vicious and unrelenting.

School was a relief. As seniors, they had some sort of test almost every day, which meant not much time for Ichigo to think about anything not related to studying. But as always, when you're busy time flew fast and he felt like no more than five minutes have passed before they were already on their way home.

On their way to the empty house.

Because really it was only logical that today of all days Isshin would volunteer at the city general hospital, while Karin and Yuzu attended their after school clubs.

Ichigo felt like he was moving through the water, dragging his feet along the paved sidewalk as if he was fighting against the stream. In his mind, he was frantically trying to come up with reasons not to go home and coming out empty. All of their friends were busy and he dropped out all of his club activities to have more time to study. He would not be able to go anywhere else without asking Shiro to join him or raising his morning suspicious even more.

Panic was eating through his gut like an acid, sizzling and buzzing with nervous energy. He tried to keep a calm façade, but from the looks his brother was sending his way, failing miserably. Ichigo knew he was up for an interrogation as soon as they would cross the threshold and that knowledge only made him stagger with his feet even more.

"You know you're not going to get out of talking even if you skip out right now?" Shiro asked quirking one eyebrow in his direction. "There's always night or tomorrow. All those perks of living together and sharing a room."

Ichigo gulped audibly.

If course he knew that.

It was one of those spiders of dread that were crawling up his spine all day.

Shiro hummed contentedly.

"Good. Then stop delaying the inevitable." He said landing one last blow to Ichigo's hope of escaping. That did not mean he complied willingly. You were not a Kurosaki if you weren't stubborn as a mule and Ichigo never did anything half-heartedly.

The trip home that day took them twice as much time as it usually did, which seemed to amuse Shiro and irritate him at the same time. He was alternating wry glances and exasperated huffs by the time they neared the house and Ichigo in last ditch effort to escape remembered that there was no milk in the fridge.

That apparently covered the last stretch of Shiro's patience.

"Yuzu gave dad a grocery list before she left this morning. So, no unless you want milk right now - and I know for the fact that you wouldn't drink that vile substance to save your life - we are going home right now and you're spilling the beans."

A smart man knew how far he could stretch his luck, so Ichigo for once in his life shut up and did as he was told. He trudged reluctantly into the living room, dropping his bag near the coach and himself on it, all the while his mind was frantically searching for an excuse for his unusual behavior.

He can't use the nightmares, because he's already denied this morning that his mood had anything to do with them. He can't claim just being tired, Shiro would not believe such a lame excuse after the lengths he went to avoid the conversation. No it's gotta be something serious enough to warrant his defensive and prissy attitude.

And there was nothing. Nothing unless he was willing to tell the truth.

And he was definitely not willing.

And he definitely didn't have the choice. He's got to say something. Anything. Something…

"I think I'm gay."

There was a loud choke and then coughing, a half empty can of soda rolling over and off the table.

"Give lad a warning why don't you," Shiro gasped out, bending in half and beating himself in the chest.

Ichigo's eyes darted to Shiro's face, searching.

This might work. This was the truth, but not the most dreadful part of it. Sure, his brother might still be disgusted with him, but at last not as disgusted as he will be if Ichigo opened the whole can of worms.

His fingers squeezed the couch cushions, creating rays of creases around them and soaking the sweat from his palms into the material.

Please, please, let him swallow this. Please.

"And that's all?" Shiro asked coming down from his coughing feat. "So, you like it up the ass. And I'm an albino. It's not like we can do anything about it and since when do you care what others think?"

Ichigo was looking at him wide-eyed and slack-jawed.

"So, it won't bother you? You know sleeping in the same room with a gay guy?"

Shiro gave him a confused look.

"Why would it?" And then his lips morphed into a teasing smile.

"Unless you have a crush on me, a-ni-ki?" he asked, laughing at his own joke.

But apparently, Ichigo wasn't quick enough with his own laughter, or maybe not convincing enough, because his brother stopped abruptly and those mesmerizing ochre eyes locked on his.

"You're not are you?"

Ichigo gulped.

"Of course not," he answered quickly, his voice too thin around the edges.

"Ichi?"

"Look, Shi, you know I would never..."

"You would never what?"

Ichigo bit his lower lip hard, drawing blood. It was too late. He knew, whatever he said right now would not matter. His brother would know and Ichigo would lose him.

"Shiro. I swear I would never try anything. It's just a phase. It'll pass. I'm just discovering my sexuality. And you're attractive, so of course I'll... but it doesn't mean anything. Please, don't hate me. I-I can't lose you," he pleaded, his voice melting into whisper and eyes squeezing shut.

His only answer was the silence and Ichigo felt a tear rolling down his cheek.

It was over.

"No, no," his brother's raspy lilting voice sounded right in front of him, warm dry hands taking a hold of his face. "Ichigo, listen to me. Are you listening?" Ichigo half sobbed out his confirmative reply.

"Good. Because, Ichi, I could never hate you. You are the most important person in my life."

"But… I'm just… everything is…I'm such a freak. I'm…"

"No!" Those warm hands squeezed his cheeks, shaking his head a little. "Never, ever say or even think that again. You are not a freak, Ichigo. You are the most amazing person I have ever known. Don't ever doubt that."

Fingers threaded through his hair, making Ichigo swallow loudly.

And then suddenly there were soft hesitant lips on his and Ichigo's eyes flew open. They met a pair of warm amber ones, so close, hypnotizing. Ichigo's breath caught in his throat and his lips parted fractionally. He tried to protest, because 'No, Shiro you don't have to do this!' but then those lips were back, more insistent and parting his dazed ones. Ichigo' hands came up to Shiro's shoulders, but instead of drawing him closer like he really wanted to, he pushed his brother away.

"No, Shi, I can't let you do this for me, this is too much. You're already sacrificing so much..."

"Ichigo. I'm not sacrificing anything. I already told you: you are the most important person to me in the world. I'm not making myself do anything. I'm doing what I want to be doing. And right now I want to kiss you."

"But... isn't it wrong? Aren't you disgusted?"

"Are you?"

"No. But I'm a..."

"If you say freak, I'm gonna kick your ass."

Ichigo was still looking at him, searching his face for any hint of deceit and not finding any.

"You're really...?"

"Yes."

"But..."

"No more talking."

And as his brother's lips once again descended on his, Ichigo decided that normal was overrated.

Yes, that's it. Maybe more later. I had fun with it and probably poured out some of my own furstration here, sorry =)

And again please le me know what you think.

Valeria