"Kotarou! Hey, Kotarou!"

"Taka."

"Kotarou, are you really awake man?" Taka waves his hand in front of Kotarou's face, trying to get a reaction.

"Yeah." Kotarou says, a lopsided half-smile emerging. Taka grins, slapping him in the back in a way that he probably thinks is gentle, but really stings. A habit inherited from his older brother, Kotarou thinks, rubbing his shoulder to ease the sting.

"You're so dazed all the time, you know, I have to check." Taka says, still grinning, and Kotarou rolls his eyes in response, quietly muttering, "You're the one who still cries at old sci-fi movies."

"Shut up!" Again, Taka's hand slaps him on the shoulder, face a little red. "I only cry cause of the memories! The memories!"

Kotarou doesn't say anything, but smirks, and Taka glares at him, about to smack him again when Kirin smacks him upside the head from behind.

"Kirin!" He growls. Kirin sticks her tongue out before remembering to be more ladylike, straightening her shirt and skirt a bit. "What the hell?"

"Stop bugging Kotarou! It's too early in the morning for you to be so annoying!"

"You're the annoying one!" Taka sticks his tongue out, hooking an arm around Kotarou's shoulders. "Kotarou is my best friend, not yours, so bug off!"

"You both are." He murmurs, but it's not heard over the sounds of their bickering.

"Get married already." He mutters, turning out of Taka's arm to walk forward. Kotarou gives him a murderous look. Kirin turns bright red, but also looks horrified, but she's saved any further embarrassment by the arrival of the twins. Takuma jumps from behind, shouting with a cheerful, "Hey!", while Kazuma follows behind him with a soft smile, "Good morning, everyone."

Kotarou only waves, seeing as he's too far away to really chat. Taka runs to catch up with him, hooking an arm around his shoulders again.

"Ah, today I'm gonna visit Aniki and Ryuuichi, wanna come?"

Kotarou nearly pauses his walk.

"...Should you really be bugging them so much?"

"Eh? It's been like, a week since the last time."

"Still."

There's something he'd rather not remember seeing, but mostly, he doesn't want Taka to experience it.

Before Taka can question him further though, Kirin catches up to them again, with Takuma and Kazuma close behind. Midori usually arrives later, skipping first period, "The teacher is boring and I wanna sleep!", an unfortunate side effect of spending too many years with Usaida. They don't share first period anyways, being a year ahead of her, but that doesn't stop all of them from berating her anyways.

Taka wanders down the roadside, wondering what Kotarou meant when he told him to stop bugging his brother and Aniki so much. Usually Kotarou would visit with him, quietly walk the way, though the silence hadn't bothered Taka in a long time. That was just the way Kotarou was. And 'sides, he thought, I talk enough for both of us.

It wasn't like Kotarou was that quiet either, just bad at communicating with people he didn't know well. After you got to know him, he'd open up, cheerful, if a little dopey sometimes. Like his bro, in a way, Taka laughs.

They wouldn't admit it, but he supposes the both of them have brother complexes, not that it's his fault! Kotarou's brother was all he had for years, and Taka's brother, as shitty as he could be, was also all he had in the end. Mom was usually busy, and Dad...He didn't know well enough. Hell, he hadn't known the man was his father until years after their daycare days. It's not that bad anymore though. He's older, after all!

He's caught in that train of thought, hardly realizes he's already opening the door to his brother's shared apartment until he catches a sight in the crack between the door and the doorframe.

Ryuuichi's back is pressed against the couch, his brother's arms around him, hand on his neck and hand on his backside, kissing him hard.

Taka closes the door with a very quiet click and runs away.

Taka doesn't show for class the next day, and Kotarou has a sinking feeling of suspicion.

He makes his way towards the window of the old daycare at lunch, and sure enough, he finds Taka curled up against the wall, staring at the ground, pulling grass out.

He sits next to him.

"...You knew."

Kotarou doesn't say yes or no to the statement, but glances downwards out of guilt. He should have just said something from the start, but...But it hurt to think about.

He knows that his attachment to his brother shouldn't be this strong, and he knows Taka is the same way. The both of them have brother complexes that they should get over, and for Kotarou it's not as hard because he admits things and moves on, but Taka...Taka doesn't.

"Why didn't you tell me." Taka whispers, still pulling grass out. "I'm not a baby anymore."

"You've always cried more." Kotarou murmurs, not sure of what to say. "I didn't...Want to see that."

"I don't cry that much!" Taka shouts, but he's already crying, and Kotarou watches helplessly as Taka sobs, curling back into a ball, face practically smushed into his knees.

Kotarou wishes he could go back to being five again, where Taka was easily placated and there weren't as many social twists and turns.

Eventually Taka mutters, "I. I wasn't in love with him or anything. How could I be in love with a shitty brother like that?"

Kotarou doesn't say anything. He himself had been, sort of, in love with his brother, though he could maybe pin it down as a sort of possessive desire instead, to keep the only thing that had been in his life since he was born for as long as possible. But he knows Taka is lying because it hurts him, the truth.

"But I," He scrubs his eyes, "I dunno. I thought he was gonna be single forever and we'd keep being like always and he'd never- I thought- Aniki..."

Screw social twists and turns, Kotarou thinks, pulling Taka into a half hug. Taka stiffens, but he's always been weak to physical affection, and soon enough he's weeping into Kotarou's shoulder, snot and tears getting on his uniform, not that he cares. Taka is worth more than his uniform.

A few tears fall from his own eyes as he realizes his older brother isn't his either anymore.

Taka looks up sharply when he feels Kotarou's tears, stops crying with what looks like physical effort, and Kotarou feels guilty again. By some crazy complex, Taka stops crying when other people start, a switch or something turns on him and he becomes the caretaker. It doesn't matter who.

Kotarou blames Hayato for it. Hayato had always pushed him for crying, and eventully it had sunk into Taka, to not cry in front of others, and to be the stronger one.

Except Taka has always been weak, not physically, but he's all over the place with his emotions, pushing them away when he starts to feel down, acting like nothing is wrong. Not honest at all.

"Ha, Kotarou, why're you crying?" He says, rubbing his face with his sleeve. He reaches for Kotarou's face and rubs the tears off. "I guess I know why."

Kotarou buries his face in Taka's shoulder instead of answering. The tears keep coming out, and now their positions are reversed, with Taka patting him on the back, muttering somewhat soothing words, "Damn Aniki, making us both cry again", "it's okay, cry as much as you want, I did", "Sorry about your uniform, I didn't mean to ruin it for you". Kotarou clings to him, full sobs wracking his body, Taka murmuring whatever comes to mind.

"Aniki, are you dating Ryuuichi?"

There's a pause from the other end of the phone. Taka waits for the answer he already knows.

"...So that was you."

"Ain't got no idea what you're talking about." He says, pretending to get pissed. He's gotten a lot better at lying to his brother, though sometimes he gets called out on it anyways.

Luckily, today isn't one of those times, because he's not sure what he'd do if that was the case.

Kotarou is sitting in his room, casually looking through his rather empty bookshelf, but Taka knows he's here for support.

"...If I was?"

"Wouldn't matter to me." Taka says. "Don't think it'd matter to Kotarou either."

There's an audible sigh of relief, which makes Taka want to laugh, tease his brother, but he ought to be a little serious about this. Kotarou has paused his perusing to listen more closely, and Taka wonders if Ryuuichi is doing the same thing on the other end of the phone line.

"Kotarou's there, isn't he."

"Well, yeah."

"I bet he figured it out, not you."

"Give me some credit, dammit!"

"Yeah right. Credit for being an idiot with a smart friend."

Taka finds himself relieved. Nothing about them has changed.

They chat more - argue would be a better word for it - before he hangs up and sighs, flopping into his bed. Kotarou's already occupied a part of it, flipping through a book about movie sets and special effects, because some interests only expand the older you get. Thank god for crappy special effects that only a five year old could love.

His hand drifts down to the one that Taka has thrown out onto the bed, almost as if he's not really thinking about it. He gives it a light tap, then rests his hand there, not really pressing, just resting it there. Taka wraps his fingers around his hand.

There's comfort in contact, and both their pulses are steady. They end up falling asleep like that and don't mention it the next morning.

It takes over three months for him to come to terms with the very idea that his feelings for his older brother have faded and found a new place for someone who is loud and sometimes annoying and a crybaby and also (one) of his best friends.

It takes another two to realizes that the idea isn't an idea, it's an actual, real thing he's feeling. And then another one to think about saying something.

Taka has been all right, in that time, the same as always around everyone. He's cried a few times in Kotarou's presence though, the last time being three months ago, which had also been the point of realization in Kotarou's life that he really, really wishes Taka wouldn't cry and not just because he hates to see him cry but also because of the reason he's crying.

He doesn't hate Hayato, far from it. He's good to his brother, he's good to Taka even though they bicker, and he's nice, even though his kindness is covered in a lot of ice. But lately he can't look at him without feeling jealousy, and not over his brother. That's unsettling in itself.

Taka is blissfully unaware, which is both heavily reassuring and extremely frustrating, because he's much more touchy, a skinship demon almost, though Kotarou knows he doesn't mean to drive him up a wall. He's just clinging to whatever helps him the most.

It's Kirin who confronts him about it.

"Kotarou, you need to tell him!"

"What do you mean?"

He really doesn't know until she directs her stare at Taka, who's laughing with a few people that Kotarou's less acquainted with. Still, he acts like he doesn't get it until she sighs and sits in the chair beside his, glares at him eye to eye.

"You and Taka. That's what I mean."

She's never really known how far their brother complexes go(or went, in Kotarou's case), but she's intuitive enough to tell they exist. Kazuma and Takuma probably know as well, and Midori, but they don't ask like Kirin does.

"Is he still...?"

"I don't know." Kotarou shrugs. She frowns.

"Kotarou, you know, I've known you long enough to know that you're hiding something."

He stays silent. She frowns harder.

"Kotarou, you've always been hard to read, but I can tell what you're feeling."

"Really?"

"Yes! And I," She pauses for dramatic effect, then leans close, "Know that you like Taka. I don't know why you would, seeing as it's Taka, but I just know you do!"

He tries to give her a flat look, but her presence is overpowering as always, and he relents with a sigh, nodding.

"And there's no way Taka doesn't like you." She whispers, conspiracy in her voice. "He's awful at hiding it."

"He's acting like always." Kotarou mutters.

"Not even! He's way more clingy- Hey, Kotarou!"

He's turned his head to not listen, knowing Kirin tends to over analyze. Taka is the same as usual. He's more touchy because he's comforted when Kotarou is around, because Kotarou understands what he's going through, not because of anything else.

The flush in his face doesn't really help though.

Kirin pokes her finger hard into his forehead. "Ko-ta-rou! You need to tell-"

"-Tell who?"

Taka pops in, grinning as usual, though he tugs a little on Kirin's hair-bow before sitting down in the desk in front of Kotarou's.

"Kotarou's gonna tell someone something?"

"Ugh! You get out of this! This is a matter between me and Kotarou!" She fiddles with her bow, making sure it's in place before growling. "Now out!"

"Hey, any matter involving Kotarou has gotta involve me too, okay?" He sticks his tongue out at her. Kotarou tries not to smile as widely as he feels. "He's my best friend."

Kirin scoffs. "He's my best friend."

"You're both my best friends." He smiles softly.

"But I'm your best best friend, right?" Taka says, punching him in the arm, and Kirin glares at him, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Kotarou! Tell him! This is proof!" She commands before making her dramatic exit, a habit adopted from watching her mother's plays. Taka gives him a sidelong glance.

"Tell...him? Who? Ryuuichi? What'd you tell her?"

He's upset, and Kotarou briefly wishes that Kirin's pushy nature was...Less. Instead he gets up, pulling Taka out with him by the wrist. It's still passing period, after all, and ditching class is no hard feat.

"Oi, Kotarou-"

"I'll tell you, just, wait a minute, okay?" He pulls Taka along.

His voice is wild with confusion, but Taka agrees.

The end up where the window is by the old daycare, and Kotarou lets go of Taka's wrist and sits where he was a while ago, when he'd been watching Taka cry his eyes out. Taka stands, giving him a half glare, half curious stare.

"Ko-"

"Do you remember a long time ago when Kazuma and Takuma went on a kissing streak?"

Taka blinks.

"Uh, kinda? It's been a while, you know."

"And you got really mad at them." Kotarou laughs softly. "You were going to kiss me because they kissed me, but you considered yourself my best friend."

Taka is silent, and Kotarou takes a breath, derails.

"You know we can't do anything about our brothers."

"...Right."

"And I'm..." He glances up. "I'm not in love with my brother anymore."

Taka blinks, then sits down, probably because Kotarou feels like crying, probably looks like it. The way this hits him is just as bad as when he realized that he was in love with his brother, the realization that it's over, at least the most of it.

Taka doesn't look at him, but he mutters, murmurs, mumbles, "I'm...I'm not either. I haven't been since...Since I think a couple months ago."

He pats the dirt. Kotarou pats his hand.

Their fingers intertwine one by one, as if they aren't sure if this is all right, and when they turn to look at each other, they aren't sure what to do.

"They say first loves don't ever last, right?" Taka says with a smile, quavery as it is.

"Right." Kotarou answers, pressing their foreheads together. Privately he wonders where Taka heard that from, guesses it's from his stack of hidden romance novels, the ones that he hides in between his mattress.

It's a little awkward, how they move closer with stuttered breaths, dry lips touching barely, a chaste sort of kiss where their noses bump together.

Hayato corners him when they come over holding hands, tells him quietly, "I doubt it'll happen, but if you ever hurt Taka and it's not his fault, I'll murder you and hide the body."

Kotarou can only smile.