Author's Note: Originally published on the HP archive "Checkmated" in 2011. I thought that site had disappeared, but when it came back up not long ago, I decided to transfer this piece to FFnet to save it.

Thanks To: WillowWand, who beta'd this story for me on Checkmated.

Pairing: James/Lily canon, but this is a Marauders piece rather than a James/Lily romance. Takes place before Harry's birth.

Basis: "I once saw a boggart make that very mistake - tried to frighten two people at once and turned himself into half a slug. Not remotely frightening." - Remus Lupin, Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban

The Boggart in the Clock

"No... Fourteen down can't be 'banshee'. That doesn't fit with ten across."

"Well, then, I don't know what it can be. You're on your own with that one, Padfoot."

Sirius Black muttered under his breath and gave James Potter an irritated look. "What's the good of having you around, Prongs, if you can't even help me with the bloody crossword?" he demanded.

James merely rolled his eyes. After all, Sirius had been in a grouchy mood for the last two and a half days. Two and a half very. long. days. Being forced to remain cooped up inside any confined space, even if it was James's house, wasn't his mate's strong suit; so naturally, when Dumbledore had told the Marauders to lie low at James and Lily's until he gave them further orders, Sirius had taken the news far more sourly than the rest. He had been complaining nonstop ever since, and James was now starting to fear that his best mate just might run out of crosswords before Dumbledore contacted them again. And if that happened, heaven help them when Sirius bolted from claustrophobia. He would either get himself killed, or take out the majority of Voldemort's Death Eaters in one sweep.

It was a hard call, really.

On the other hand, there was Remus - who had barely spoken complete sentences since Dumbledore's latest orders and his arrival at the Potters'. He had immediately staked a claim on the living room couch and had barely left it, even for meals. His lanky frame was currently sprawled across the entire length, and he was reading a voluminous book with a brown and gilded leather cover. James rather admired Remus's ability to remain calm and passive in the face of either danger, or the act of waiting. It was a marked difference from Sirius, who would prowl the entire downstairs in huge circles if he wasn't doing a crossword.

Then there was Peter, who was just being himself, getting in everyone's way and apologizing profusely whenever he did. This morning, he had been sitting on the floor watching the others in an attempt to avoid trouble, while trying to help with Sirius's crossword addiction and receiving very nasty snarls for his suggestions.

Sirius suddenly threw the paper and quill on the floor and snapped, "This is hopeless. Now I'm stuck." He sat up at the ceiling, leaned his head back, and rolled it, apparently trying to loosen the muscles in his neck and shoulders.

Lily, who was passing through the living room, said coolly, "And if you get ink on my floor, I'll murder you, Black."

"Taken up league with the Dark Lord, then?" Sirius grinned roguishly at her as she disappeared into the front hall.

Lily's voice drifted back to them. "Yes, you know he keeps asking me to become a Death Eater, and I finally just thought, 'What the bloody hell? Sirius has been driving me barmy lately,' and I agreed to it."

Sirius snickered, but Peter squeaked, "That's not funny!" in a terrified voice.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Wormtail..." Sirius sighed deeply in frustration and snatched up his paper and quill again. "Grow up."

James ignored them both. Peter had been overly defensive lately and Sirius overly abrasive. There was little use getting in the middle. Instead, he tried to refocus on the crossword. A seven-letter word... But he hadn't actually heard the clue, so there was no telling if it were any help or not. Sirius had only just mumbled it when he read it aloud, and he was in such a bad mood that James didn't feel like asking for it again and receiving an angry glare in response.

But when Lily suddenly reappeared in the living room, he was distracted from both Sirius and the crossword. His lovely wife looked confused and a bit annoyed as her eyes darted over her husband and his three friends.

"Something up, Lily?" James asked, deciding to tread lightly. There was no telling what Sirius had done to make her come back into the room with that sort of look, despite the fact that James had told (actually, begged) his best mate not to deliberately piss Lily off while they waited for Dumbledore to give them new orders.

"What's wrong with the grandfather clock?" she asked warily.

It took a moment for James to wrap his brain around the question. The grandfather clock had been a wedding gift from his parents, an antique family heirloom that had belonged to Mrs. Potter's grandmother. It was a beautiful piece, and still worked perfectly. Or, at any rate, it had been working perfectly, just the night before.

James narrowed his eyes. "There shouldn't be anything wrong with it," he said slowly.

Sirius looked up from the crossword, though a bit eagerly. "Did it grow an extra set of hands?" he asked.

Too eagerly, James decided, as he glanced at his friend. There was a strange, maniacal light in Sirius's eyes that James had often witnessed when they were battling Dark wizards. He would have to speak to Dumbledore that night, if possible, about giving the wildest Marauder some kind of mission. Anything to temporarily pacify Sirius and keep him safe, even if it was something random and pointless, like protecting the stupid cat from a supposed Death Eater plot. Just enough to keep him in the house, but engaged.

Lily didn't seem notice the expression in Sirius's eyes, but she did frown at him, as though suspicious that he was to blame. She said, "It bounced off the wall when I walked by it." Then, with narrowed eyes and a dangerous hint to her voice, "What did you do it, Sirius?"

"Oh, you know. Voldemort is always asking me to fuck with things in your house, Evans. Just to annoy you, love. So I put a charm on it to do weird things when you walked by it. Be sure to send him a thank you note, will you? All his idea."

Peter cried, "I told you, that isn't funny, Padfoot! Will you knock it off?"

"Oh, honestly. Both of you; shut up." Remus snapped his book shut and gave his two friends a withering look before Sirius could retort. Then, he politely asked Lily, "Was it acting normal earlier?"

"It was fine last night when James and Sirius put the extra protections on the front door."

Remus pushed off the couch and put his book down on the coffee table. Sirius clearly did not wish to be left out, and so scrambled out of the chair he had been sprawled in. And, of course, James wouldn't let them have all the fun (or protect his home and wife when he was the man of this house), so he scampered from the floor and followed.

As they crossed the threshold from the living room into the front hall, the grandfather clock rattled off the wall and shook violently before it settled back into place, rocking slightly on the hardwood floor even as it became quiet once more. Sirius narrowed his eyes dangerously at it while drawing his wand.

"Weird. Never seen one do that before."

"Is it a curse?" Lily asked suspiciously, drawing her own wand.

"No idea. I just said; I've never seen anything like it. Are you daft, woman?"

"Keep it up, Black, and I'll curse you out the damn door, to hell with Dumbledore's orders," she snarled.

James knew they were just joking - Lily wouldn't really kick Sirius out against Dumbledore's orders, and their bickering banter was commonplace since they had become friends. He secretly believed they both loved prodding each other.

Remus, however, looked annoyed, and obviously had no wish to spar verbally at a time like this, because he frowned at both and said, "Ten Galleons, it's a boggart."

Sirius snorted. "Moony, you haven't got ten Galleons. And boggarts don't hide in grandfather clocks. They hide under cabinets and in closets and beneath low-lying furniture."

"I could use ten Galleons," Remus clarified evenly. "Because boggarts like dark, enclosed spaces. And the inside of that clock is a dark, enclosed space."

The grandfather clock rocked again, threatening to topple, and they all instinctively backed up a step. Peter made an odd, strangled noise from behind the rest and shivered. In a timid voice, he suggested, "Can we just leave it alone? It's not hurting us, is it?"

Remus frowned at him. "It doesn't need to stay there, and it's not hard to destroy. Easiest thing we'll have done all week, likely."

"All year, even," James muttered.

"About time, too." Sirius twirled his wand between his fingers and gave the clock a cocky smile. "I hate doing nothing."

"Better than fighting," Remus said sharply.

Lily shook her head. "Agreed, Remus."

"So, who wants to open it?" Sirius asked.

"I'll do it," James said curtly. "It's a family heirloom and you're likely to destroy it instead of the boggart."

"Oh, so you're just going with Moony's theory then, Prongs?"

"Well, for starters, he's smarter than you are, Padfoot."

"I'm sorry, why are you my best mate, again? You can't help me with the bloody crossword, you take the mickey on my intelligence..."

Peter stepped between Sirius and James and turned to glare at them. "Both of you stop it! This isn't helping matters!"

Sirius smirked. "You're right, it's not." And before anyone could say anything else, he abruptly shoved Peter forward, lifted his wand, and pointed it at the clock. The panel at the bottom burst open with a bang.

Instantly, chaos reigned. As Peter had been the closest to the clock, the boggart morphed into the very thing the fourth Marauder feared the most: The Dark Lord himself.

As the boggart-Voldemort emerged from the panel, there was a cold, triumphant look on his snake-like face and in his blood red, slit-like eyes; his mouth curved upward into an evil smile. He advanced towards the group menacingly. Lily shouted with horror while Peter screamed and panicked. James yelled, "Bloody fuck, Wormtail!" and Sirius took control of half of the situation by grabbing Peter and forcibly shoving him back towards the living room, out of the way. James reacted just as quickly by grabbing Remus and pushing him to the front instead.

With a sharp crack, the boggart-Voldemort became a silvery moon that hovered benignly above them all.

Remus sarcastically snarled, "Thanks ever so much, Prongs. I appreciate the fact that I'm so damned useful."

Sirius wiped the sheen of sweat on his chin with the back of his hand. "Trust me, you're extremely useful. We'd be battling a boggart Voldemort if it weren't for you and that blasted full moon, Moony." Then, rounding furiously on Peter, he practically shouted, "What, in the name of Merlin's sagging arse, did you think you were doing?"

Peter whimpered; he had collapsed to the floor and was shivering violently. "B-but h-he's what s-scares me the m-most!" he cried. "And you shoved me forward, Padfoot! This is all your fault!"

"You call yourself a member of the Order of the Phoenix?" Sirius thundered, ignoring the accusation that he had been to blame for what had just happened.

Peter fell silent and looked morbidly ashamed. Lily was the only one who seemed sympathetic towards him; James had to admit he was still fuming over the fact that Lord Voldemort had materialized in his house, and couldn't quite find it in his heart to be cheerful at the moment.

"It's all right, Peter," she said kindly, ignoring the others. "I understand."

Peter just shook his head and buried his face in his hands, mumbling something about how no one understood. Lily sighed and must have figured she wouldn't be able to make any headway with Peter since Sirius had been so snappish, because she looked back at her husband instead. "I can't destroy it," she admitted in a flat voice. "If I go in front of it, I'll see you, James. Dead. And there's no way I can make that funny enough to laugh about it." She suddenly looked as miserable at Peter.

"That's okay." Sirius grinned at her and tried to cheer her up. "We need you for other things anyway, Evans. Battling Death Eaters... Defying the real Voldemort..."

"Excuse me," Remus interrupted. He was looking up at the orb with a sour expression. "I find nothing humorous about any of this at the moment, so you'll forgive me if I don't destroy it for you."

Sirius sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He was obviously in the minority at the moment, as far as humor was concerned. "Guess it's down to us then, Prongs. Shall we?"

James nodded with a sigh and walked past Remus, with Sirius falling into step on his other side. There was another loud crack, and the moon vanished - only to be replaced by a horrible screaming that echoed through the house in ear-splitting waves.

Remus and Lily immediately tried to peer around James and Sirius to find out what the boggart had changed into and why it wasn't scaring either young man, but before they could ask, both James and Sirius let out a shout of raucous laughter.

"What? What is it?" Lily demanded, trying to push her husband out of the way.

Sirius collapsed on the floor, clutching his stomach as tears clung to his lashes, and James leaned against the doorframe howling, revealing the boggart to the others.

Apparently, it had become confused when they had stepped in front of it together, and not knowing which person to scare, it had changed into two things - half a slug, and half of Sirius's fanatical mother.

In hindsight, James decided, it had really been rather hideous. Mrs. Black's half was screaming about purebloods and something along the lines of someone smearing the name of her ancestors, while the bottom half squirmed and wriggled disgustingly on the floor, leaving awful, sticky streaks. But the laughter was the ticket. As Sirius rolled onto his stomach and beat his fist against the floor, his loud barking laugh echoing through the house, the split boggart vanished with a crack, in a puff of smoke.

It was still at least two minutes before both men could stand up. Lily and Remus waited silently, though James was certain it probably wasn't with much patience. Finally, he managed to crawl over to Sirius and staggered to his feet, then extended his hand to help his mate off the floor. Sirius took it, but as soon as they were facing each other upright, they burst into laughter again.

"Dear me, but I'm afraid I must have missed something incredibly humorous," a sudden, unexpected, but cheerful voice said.

Instantly, the laughter stopped. James and Sirius whipped around. Dumbledore was standing at the rear of the hall, his mustache quivering.

"I let myself in through the back door," he said conversationally. "I knocked, but no one answered, and I was naturally concerned, of course."

James was instantly on his guard; he raised his wand in a heartbeat, as did Sirius, Remus, and Lily. What on earth had they been laughing about? There was a war on!

"If you are really Albus Dumbledore," Sirius demanded coldly but steadily, "what is your favorite type of jam? Answer me!"

Dumbledore chuckled. "Raspberry, of course." And, as they slowly lowered their wands, he added, "Excellent, excellent. I was worried for a moment you wouldn't question me! But now that we've established that... Tell me, what has been so exceedingly entertaining this morning? I must know; there is so precious little these days to laugh about, after all!"

James and Sirius glanced at each other, and the humor quickly flooded back despite the momentary douse of reality. They burst into a fresh round of snickers - even Lily's lips twitched, and Remus finally grinned, though he was trying hard not to. And, all at once, the story tumbled forth, told by four people. Dumbledore's eyes clouded when he heard of the boggart-Voldemort, but sparkled again when they explained how it had turned into two things at once when James and Sirius approached it together.

James turned to find Peter, to tell him everything was fine and to stop sulking in the living room. But when he glanced over his shoulder, he was surprised to find his friend standing at the window, peeping out of the curtain with a sad expression.

When he stopped to think about it, there had never really been much danger - certainly not what they had faced only two weeks prior, battling Death Eaters in Hogsmeade to keep them away from Hogwarts. They had lost two good wizards and one excellent witch that night. The boggart had, just as Remus said, been the easiest thing to destroy in a long time. So why on earth was Peter so upset about it?

Dumbledore noticed as well, because he said gently, "Why don't we all have a nice cup of tea? I daresay Mr. Pettigrew could use one." He cleared his throat. "There is no shame in fearing anything, Peter. Especially Lord Voldemort. Come join us, will you?"

Peter turned to look at them dolefully. "Yes, sir."

James watched as the fourth Marauder followed Dumbledore and Lily into the kitchen, his hands in his trouser pockets and his eyes lowered to avoid looking at his mates.

As soon as the door swung shut behind them, Sirius rolled his eyes. "Git. Turned a boggart into Lord Voldemort, of all bloody things. He won't live that one down for years."

James felt an uneasy squirm in his stomach. "Let him be, Padfoot," he said quietly. "Voldemort scares a lot of people. Just because we don't fear him as much as other things doesn't mean Peter doesn't."

"Exactly," Remus said, before Sirius could complain. "So don't tease him, Sirius. He already feels bad enough about it as it is."

"Fine, I'll pick on you instead. You could have gotten rid of the bloody thing yourself, you know. Why didn't you? You've probably destroyed a hundred boggarts in your lifetime, with all your knowledge of Defense!"

Remus looked annoyed for a split second, but then smirked just slightly, even though James could still see the exhaustion in his green-flecked eyes. "But if I'd destroyed it, you wouldn't have had the chance to change it into half a slug and half of your charming mother."

"You had no way of knowing that was going to happen!" Sirius argued.

"Enough," James said, sighing heavily. "Let's go see what Dumbledore wants with us. And be serious for once, Sirius. Please?"

For a moment, the three looked at each other, and they were serious in that instant. There was a bloody, horrible war taking place all over the country, and they were fighting it. They had lost friends and family. Innocent people were dying. No one knew whom to trust. Their lives might end at any second. They were tired. They were worried. And they were incredibly young to be fighting so hard.

Sirius was masking it by wanting to fight - that was how he always handled fear. The more he fought, the less tired he seemed to be. But if he stopped, he instantly realized how exhausted he was from trying to stop Death Eaters, and how scared he was, though he would never admit it for all the gold in Gringotts. Then he would crash and become almost hopeless, listless...until someone pushed him back to his feet to make him start fighting again.

James avoided it by trying to remain in control - in control of any situation that came up. But the moment things slipped from his control, he began to desperately try and regain ground. He hated relying on others, preferring to do things himself to avoid a botched mission, but lately things were too dangerous not to need others' help. But that was a lack of control, and James tended to panic then, too.

Remus hid his weariness by studying curses and counter-curses and preparing as much as possible for each fight, but he hated to sleep because he would dream of his condition. The result was that he often crashed heavily after staying awake too long, and then only slept a few hours before he was awake again, trying to focus. James had no idea how Remus managed without killing himself in the process. The full moon was bad enough on his friend, without the stress of war on top of it.

And he thought that perhaps Peter wasn't the coward Sirius believed him to be, after all. Maybe they were all cowards, in a way. Maybe they were all just scared teenagers, fighting something so much bigger than they were.

Sadly, they turned together and headed for the kitchen to hear Dumbledore's next moves and plans.

Because suddenly, they all knew that there really was very little humor in their situation, at all.

~FIN~