Okay, so I, for one, love to read bad touch trio stories. I love them so much that I decided to write my own. I hope you like it. Fair warning, Spain's a bit... out there in this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia...

"Okay Francis," Gilbert began, his eyes patrolling the bar. "I dare you... to get that girl's number." The Frenchman looked to where his friend was pointing and saw a gorgeous brunette sitting a few tables away.

"Ohhonhon mon cher, you have good taste but, really? I thought dare's were supposed to be hard or, challenging. Not the kind if the thing I do before breakfast," the blond reasoned.

"But this is way different. This girl is so out of your league! There's no way you could get her number," the Prussian said, chugging down his fifth beer and putting it down. Francis swiftly stood up and banged his fist in the table.

"No one... is out of my league." The Frenchman walked over to the brunette at the same time their Spanish friend came back from the bathroom.

"Hey, where's Francis going?" Antonio asked as he sat down.

"He went to go get turned down by that hot chick over there," the albino explained, pointing to the girl was currently being flirted with by the last member of their trio.

"Why would Francis go over there just to get turned down?" the Spaniard questioned, confused. "That seems like such a hassle."

"What? No!" The red-eyed man turned to look at his brunette friend and grabbed another beer off the table. "I mean, he didn't go over there to get purposely turned down.

"But that's what you told me."

"No, I meant that he went over there to try and get her number but he's not going not be able to."

"Why? Does she not have one? That's not right. You need to have one so you can call your friends. Unless... she doesn't have any friends. Oh, that's so sad Gilbert! Let's go over and be her friends right now!" Antonio pleaded, tugging on his comrade's arm.

"What, no! Stop it! She has a number!"

"Then why can't she get it?"

"She's out of his league."

"Just because she quit his baseball league doesn't mean they still can't be friends."

"Where do you come up with this stuff?"

"What do you mean? You just told me."

"Yeah, but I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?"

"I meant it like... Francis doesn't have any game."

"Well just because he doesn't own a game of Monopoly doesn't mean he shouldn't be able to get her number."

"What, no! This isn't about Monopoly!"

"What is it then? Is it Yahtzee? Does he not own Yahtzee?" Before Gilbert could reply, their French friend came back showing off a piece of paper he held in his hand.

"And done," he said with a smug look plastered on his face. "I got her number."

"Mein gott! How on earth did you do that?" the Prussian asked, his mouth agape.

"I told you, no one is out of my league. Read it and weep." Francis gave his German friend the slip of paper. The Prussian read the slip and started to laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" The blond questioned, his face falling.

"It only says seven!"

"What?"

"Here." The albino gave the paper back to the Frenchman. "Why don't you 'read it and weep'?" Francis read the scrap and sure enough, the only thing on it was one number: 7.

"What?" He asked unbelievingly. "How did this happen?"

"Maybe it's speed dial," their Spanish friend suggested.

"It's not speed dial, Antonio," Gilbert explained, immune to his friend's comments. "I told you Francis, there was no way you could get her number."

"How do you know that? We should at least try. Here, give me your phone Francis," Antonio ordered, holding out his hand.

"It's not going to work. We shouldn't even try," Francis reasoned, shaking his head.

"Give me your phone," the Spainard repeated sternly.

"Okay." The Frenchman gave him his cell phone.

"Okay, now we wait," the brunette said, after he dialed the number and put the phone up to his ear. Suddenly the trio heard Mariah Carrey's "Obsessed" ring through the air.

I was like, why you so obsessed with me?

So, oh, oh, oh, o-

"Oh my god Francy! Is that you?" A voice answered the phone.

"Guys, it was that brunette," the Spainard explained, pointing to the girl who was now talking on her phone.

"Um...hello? I can still hear you, you know," the voice on the phone said.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Here's Francis." He passed the cell back to it's owner.

"Um...hi," the Frenchman greeted hesitantly on the phone. "Who is this again?"

"Francy! How cou- oh wait, I get it. Were playing the "I just met you game". Well, I'm Denise Roberts, who are you?" Francis immediatly put his hand over the phone and started to whisper, "I knew that girl looked familiar. I already slept with that brunette guys, but then she got all clingly. She's the reason why I had to change my phone number."

"Then how is her number on your phone?" the Prussian asked. The blond quickly sat up in his chair and seemed to be taken aback by the question.

"I-I don't know," he realized horrified. They all sat in silence until they heard the brunette's voice from the phone again.

"Hello? Francy?"

"Oh um, yes I'm here," the Frenchman replied, putting the mobile to his ear.

"Oh good. You know, I was getting afraid you wouldn't call me."

"I talked to you 5 minutes ago."

"I know right? It's practically been a year."

"Um, right, okay. Hey listen, I'm kind busy now, so I call you later."

"Promise?"

"Promise," the blond said, as he hung up. "Well, it's official, I'm getting a new phone number."

"Do you wanna go?" Gilbert asked.

"No, we just got here. Plus, that's not the first time that's happened. Anyway, now it's your turn..." Francis scanned the bar, searching for his next victim. His eyes stopped when he saw a blond sitting by the bar.

"I dare you to go and up to that guy, turn him around on his stool, and kiss him." The albino looked to where his friend was pointing and saw a blond guy in a red oversized hoodie sitting by the bar.

"Oh yeah, I saw him when we were entering the bar. He had violet eyes, though I remember his hair being a darker blond though."

"It's probably 'cause it's so bright in this bar," Antonio offered.

"No, it's dark in here."

"So? It's still brighter then before."

"No it's not. The didn't change the lighting in here, so the guy's should be the same hair color as before."

"No...I don't think so."

"But th-"

"Are you going do the bet," the Frenchman interrupted. "or are you guys just going to talk about this guy's hair all night?"

"I'll go with talk about this guy's hair all night for two hundred Alex!" the Spaniard exclaimed, banging the table like a buzzer.

"Oh, I am doing the bet," Gilbert said, standing up and taking another swing his beer. "Come on guys, kissing a complete stranger? That's child's play. Consider this challenge...accepted." The German finished his beer before his setting the bottle on the table and approaching the blond. I could've sworn his hair was darker, the albino thought, as he stood behind the man sitting at the bar. But again, what do I know? I only got a glimpse of him. The albino nodded in agreement to his thoughts, before swiftly turning the blond's chair around, and forcing his lips onto his. The blond sat there completely frozen for about two seconds, before pushing the Prussian away.

"Get the fuck away from me, you bloody wanker!" the man cried.

"Oh come on, don't act like you didn't enjoy getting kissed by the awesome me," the albino said, wiping his lips and regaining his balance. " I mean, when I saw you before you had this bashful appearance but now that I see you clearly.. I can tell that you are not him." Now that he got a look at this guys face, he could tell that this was definitely not the same guy he saw before. For one thing, this guy's eyes were green and angry, nothing like the first guy's sweet and violet eyes. He also had these big bushy eyebrows that he was afraid might hatch at any time and turn into butterflies. But he was wearing the exact same jacket as the first guy though...

"Why are you wearing that jacket?! It doesn't belong to you!" the German realized.

"I don't have to bloody explain myself to someone who practically raped me!" the blond yelled.

"Arthur! Are you okay?" a man asked, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. "What happened?" Now this is definitely the guy, Gilbert thought, looking at the man who just showed up. Although he isn't wearing his red hoodie anymore. So bushy brows is wearing his jacket! I was right! Well, of course I'm right. It's physically impossible for anyone as awesome as me to be wrong about anything. The albino looked back at the green-eyed man who was still shooting daggers with his eyes at him. Okay well, that doesn't count.

"No I am not okay. This bloody pervert just molested me!" Arthur cried, jumping off his stool.

"Whoa, whoa," the white-haired man said, raising his hands in defense. "I may be a lot of things, like awesome...and awesome...and well, more awesome, but a pervert is not one of them."

"Arthur let's just go, okay?" the violet-eyed man suggested, pulling his friend away. "Lovino said he only had to serve one more person before his shift ends and then we can leave."

"Wait, no! Don't go!" Gilbert pleaded, grabbing the darker blond's arm.

"Let go of his bloody arm, you pervert," the Brit cried, slapping his hand away and turning to face his friend. "You got to be real careful with this kind if people Mattie. They wait until you're not paying attention and then they do a sneak attack. That's how they get you."

"I'm not trying to molest him. I just want to talk to him, Arthur."

"How the bloody hell do you know my name? Have you been stalking me or something? See, I told you Mattie, this is how they get you."

"Mattie here," the German began, winking at the darker blond. "just said it."

"Do you have something in your eye?" 'Mattie asked. "It kinda just twitched."

"What? No, I just w-"

"We don't care what you did, just stay the bloody hell away from us!" Arthur yelled, turning around and walking right by the other blond.

"Does he expect you to follow him or something?" Gilbert asked, looking Arthur sitting down at a table with his arms crossed.

"No, he probably just forgot I was here," the violet-eyed man smiled sadly, looking at his feet.

"Well, I'd never forgot about you," the Prussian whispered into the man's ear, making the blond shiver.

"That's very sweet of you, but I've gotta go back to my table. Sooner or later Arthur going to realize that I'm gone," he said softly, walking away.

"Wait Mattie," he cried, grabbing the blond's arm. The sound of his name made the shorter man turn around.

"Mattie?"

"Yea," the albino chuckled. "That is your name, right?"

"Well actually, it's Matthew. My friends call me Mattie."

"Well then... there's absolutely no way I can call you Mattie then."

"What?" Matthew asked sadly, before shaking his head. "I mean, that's fine. I had to go back anyway." He started to leave when the Prussian grabbed his arm again.

"What I meant was, since all your friends call you Mattie, the awesome me cannot call you that 'cause we're obviously more than just friends."

"What? No we're not," the blond blushed. "We just met."

"Okay, so let's fix that. Give me your number," he said, holding out his hand.

"Wow, you sure don't beat around the bush."

"No, I don't. I set fire to that bush." the German grinned. "Now give me your number." The blond bit his lip as if he was contemplating the idea, but eventually shook his head.

"I'm sorry, but no. I don't want to give my number to a complete stranger."

"Fine, my name is Gilbert Biederschmict and yours is Matthew...something. See? Now we're not complete strangers. So give me your number."

"Sorry, but it's still no. Besides, Arthur would kill me if he found out I gave his molester my phone number."

"Okay, first of all, I did not molest your little friend over there and secondly, if you don't want him to find out, then don't tell him," Gilbert suggested, leaning on the bar.

"No, I still won't give you my number. Sorry."

"You know, I'm starting to think you're not really sorry. And you do know, that if you won't give me your number, I'll just call all the numbers there are out there until I find you. The awesome me would do that."

"Matthew!" Arthur exclaimed, his eyes searching the room for the Canadian. "Mattie where are you?"

"Looks like I've gotta go. It was nice meeting you though." The blond waved goodbye as he went over to join his friend at the table. I will get your number one way or another, the albino thought as he ordered himself another beer.

Meanwhile over at Antoino's and Francis's table.

"Okay, I'm going to go the bathroom, so if the waiter comes over just order me another drink," The Frenchman said as he headed towards the facilities.

"Okay," the Spaniard agreed as a waiter approached his table.

"What can I get you?" he asked, taking his notepad and giving Antonio a menu. The brunette was about to order when he looked up at his server.

"You're really pretty."

"What the?" the waiter asked, taken aback by the comment. "What the fuck did you just say?"

"I said, you're really cute Lovi," the Spanish man repeated, now stroking the brunette's arm.

"Get you fucking hands off me!" the server yelled, slapping the man's away. "And why the fucking hell are you calling me Lovi, you creepish bastard?!"

"You name tag says Lovino, but I think Lovi is so much cuter."

"What can I get you?" Lovino gritted through his teeth, using all his willpower to not punch the man. His boss said if he had one more 'accident', he would be fired. Oh no, Antonio thought. He doesn't like me. Maybe I should use one of Francis's lines, that always seem to work...

"I'll have one of you, with no clothes, and a side of whip cream," the Spaniard said smugly, handing the menu back to the brunette.

"One of me with a side of whip cream..." the brunette waiter chuckled. He put his notebook down on the table and patted down his apron.

Punch.

"Oi, my nose!" the Spainard cried, cupping his nose and rolling on the floor. Lovino grabbed his notebook and took out his pen.

"Now that that's settled, care to order?"

"My nose," the green-eyed man groaned in reply.

"No? Okay, then I guess my shift is over. I hope your nose is broken, you fucking pervert!" The Italian spat as he removed his apron and walk over to where Matthew was sitting.

"Come on Mattie, let's go," he ordered.

"We can't yet, Arthur just went to the bathroom."

Meanwhile, in the bathroom...

"Trying to rape me, stupid pervert..." Arthur mumbled while walking into the bathroom. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't realize where he going and bumped into someone.

"Oh pardon, je suis tres desole." The man apologized, as he turned to look at the Arthur.

"Don't just stand there, you idiot!" The Brit reprimanded. "Apologize for what you just did, you bloody wanker!"

"But I already did."

"No you didn't, all you said was that gibberish thingy when you hit me."

"That gibberish was French, which I apologized in."

"Well how was I suppose to bloody know that, you twat?!"

"Well, if its anyway consolation, I'm sorry."

"Well it's not." The Brit was about to turn around when the strange blond man grabbed his arm.

"How about I take you out to dinner? You know, to properly apologize," he offered.

"Why would I want to eat dinner with someone basically just copped a feel on me? I swear, this is the second I've been molested today!"

"What? No! I did nothing of the sort. I just accidentally bumped into to you!" the Frenchman defended.

"Oh please, I know how you people are. You cop a feel but you cover it up by 'accidentally' bumping into them. That's how they get you!"The Englishman accused, poking his finger in the man's chest, making their faces dangerously close.

"You know," the blond whispered seductively."I'm still holding your arm." The Englishman looked at his arm to see that what the man had said was true.

"Then get it the fuck off me, you bloody trouser!" he cried, swatting his hand off his arm. The Brit rushed past the Frenchman and left the bathroom. He went to go join his friends at their table.

"I swear, everyone here is a bloody rapist," he declared, plopping down in his seat.

Please Review! Just so you know, I'm don't know if I shall continue this story or not... I'm still in the process of deciding. Ta ta for now!