"You don't want to do this."

"Yes I do," she replied not meeting her eyes.

"No you don't," she said firmly. "It won't help."

Terra sighed at her, Slade wasn't going to listen, and he wasn't going to just back down.

"You already know what he has planned, you know in your heart of hearts that he isn't going to just stop because of you. You have to tell them"

She rolled the dark dirt beneath them between her fingers. The volcanic ash felt so organic and soft. It seemed like yesterday when Terra had sacrificed herself here and saved the city. A city Slade had been determined to destroy, a plan meant to end the lives of her and her friends, a control he had over Terra before she broke free and redeemed herself.

Perhaps it wasn't too late for Raven to redeem herself.

"You won't if you try to save him," Terra muttered sitting beside her on the lava rock which she had created. "You need to find him and let the Justice League take him down."

"They could kill him," she said frightfully.

Terra looked at her knowingly. "The Justice League doesn't kill criminals. You're being blinded by your love, you're worried about his well-being when you know damn well that you shouldn't be involved in his capture when you're not thinking clearly."

Raven rolled her eyes annoyed. She forgot what a smart-ass Terra could be. "I'm not completely incompetent."

"Really?" Terra asked condescendingly. "You think it was all that different with me? You think I didn't feel as though I had control. I didn't…he did."

Raven pursed her lips together thoughtfully.

"Don't let him control you. He's using your feelings to his advantage… and it's going to destroy everything you care about."

Raven turned to look at Terra, only it wasn't Terra, it was just a pile of rubble and stone.

She opened her eyes in a foreign bed, in a foreign place. Raven didn't consider herself a Space person. The Justice League Watchtower seemed so unwelcoming and uncomforting. How the greatest superheroes in the world could consider this pile of metal floating around above the earth in dark void a second home.

That wasn't the point of this tower though. This wasn't Titans tower, this was the next extreme, this was a place of business.

Today was the day.

Not long after the confrontation with Beastboy had the Justice League called the Titans for a meeting on how to bring down the group of villains that had been slowly tearing them apart.

It was then and there that Raven had finally admitted to herself that she had known all along why they had been taken a beating so badly. She had known all along whom the mastermind was behind all the calculating and demolishing attacks.

Slade.

For whatever reason he was trying to end them. The gunshot that Beastboy had taken not long ago had been Slade. Raven had felt him nearby, she recognized the brand of arsenal, and knew that Slade had been aiming for his heart, not his shoulder.

The only reason Slade had missed was because Beastboy had morphed into a different animal which managed to push his heart away from the aim of the bullet.

Raven knew that she had to make a choice. The Titans or Slade, she already knew the answer to that.

She dragged herself from the guest bedroom and entered the main room that overlooked the earth.

Most of the Justice League was there. Nightwing was there.

Raven felt her throat constrict as she blurted out loudly, "I know where Slade is."

There was a stillness and hushed silence that fell over the room as she spoke. Everyone looked at her as though she had two heads.

"Slade?" Nightwing asked with venom in his voice. "He hasn't targeted us in years, he's been targeting the League, what's he have to do with this?"

"He's behind the attacks…he's trying to kill us."

There had been a moment, so close… so near in death that Slade had almost lost her, where the Titans almost lost her.

If it hadn't been for their bond and the curse of his love for her, she would have died. And if it hadn't been for their bond and all the horrible things attributed to it, Raven could've fallen in love with the man of her own free will.

There had been a large gang disturbance with the city. A bunch of Joker enthusiasts running rampant in his honor. It wasn't anything new to the Titans, especially Nightwing who had had his fair run-ins with similar groups and of course the Joker himself.

The one group Raven detested most of all was sociopaths. They were unpredictable and deeply cold and unfeeling in a way that could only be matched to a psychopath, but unlike psychopaths there was the element of surprise and true lack of any motive other than enjoyment of hurting others.

Raven had been separated from the rest of the Titans in pursuit of one of the members trying to run. All that had echoed in her head was Nightwing yelling her name, warning her not go alone. She hadn't listened.

More than ever she had ventured out alone in order to prove herself and make up for all the wrong doing she had done.

For claiming Slade's mind, for meeting him in secret, for lying to the Titans, she had to make up for it all. She sure as hell wasn't going to let one punk criminal get away.

The young juvenile currently made-up in clown makeup and bad gothic wear was actually holding on to a very powerful object. A lot of weapons and magical objects had been stored away in high security banks when the Tower could no longer hold it all.

When this group had decided to target one of the largest banks in the city that hadn't realized that most of the objects they were grabbing at from the safety boxes were not just random jewels, one of the crystals was a teleporting device.

Raven was right on the criminal's heels when he tried to fire a gun at her. Raven was quick to grab the gun from him with her black energy. The criminal stumbled back in fear now completely defenseless.

"Nice try," she muttered dryly as he tried to crawl away. "Now hand over the jewel before you get hurt."

The guy was sweating so hard that his face makeup was starting smear. He held up the crystal defensively, still not giving it up. Impatient with him Raven made a grab for it when the clown imposter snatched a knife from behind his back and stabbed Raven in the stomach.

Raven jumped back too little too late as she felt the cold steel rip through her like butter. The blade was longer than she realized as she felt the cut getting closer to her organs.

She wasn't sure when she had felt him, or how long he had been watching, but the moment the clown pulled a knife Slade landed a devastating punch to the back of his head, not realizing that the impact of the blow caused the powers of the teleportation crystal to be set off.

The rush and speed of the current caused Raven to scream in pain as she felt her wounds open further. Her body was moving so fast through a warp that she hadn't even realized that Slade was holding on tightly to her.

They both landed with a hard thump that sent Raven gasping for air. Her skin was suddenly scorching from the ground she was laying on. Her eyes ached from the blinding sun that shone brightly on her.

Where were they?

Raven tried to stay calm, but the pain radiating from her stomach was too intense for her to focus, she had to heal herself, she had to calm down.

"That fucker," she heard someone hiss.

She looked up as a blurry Slade stood over her removing his helmet. He was red with anger and covered in blood.

The punch to the head he had given the young delinquent knocked him out. During the travel the clown had traveled off in a different direction as well as the crystal, Slade might've been separated from Raven had he not grabbed onto her at the last minute.

For all Slade knew the teleportation device and the random thug could be on the other side of the world, but neither were to be seen anywhere; it didn't matter, what mattered was getting Raven help.

Wherever it was the crystal had transported them to was some kind of desert.

He couldn't figure it out now as Raven was bleeding profusely before him. She gritted her teeth and breathed rapidly as Slade tore away at some of her cloak to wrap her stomach. He could tell her organs had taken a slight, her body was trying to heal itself now but the loss of blood was slowing down the process.

The biggest problem was Raven's inability to focus, Slade was a hindrance to her emotional and mental control, and with her body critically injured her powers would not be able to transport them back to Jump City without killing herself.

Her communicator had been damaged in the travel and Slade had no way of contacting anyone without putting them both in danger.

With no other options Slade picked her up and started walking.

It could've been minutes, it could've been hours, but all they kept seeing was more and more sand and desert.

Raven held onto him tightly for a while before her energy drained and she practically went limp in his arms.

With the heat reaching higher and higher Slade was getting dehydrated and tired. He had no point of reference to tell where he was going, there was a chance they could both. Raven had sealed most of the damage to her organs, but the real damage had already taken its toll.

As they continued to stumble through the vast emptiness Raven started thinking of how little they actually knew of each other. They had an insight to how their minds worked, what their past was and how they felt.

But they never actually talked and delved into what and why certain things mattered to them. How things actually affected and changed them. They got glimpses of each other but no actual explanation or insight.

Raven wanted to know something real, something human.

"Who was she?" she croaked out her words weakly, needing to talk to him, needing to hear his voice. Why she was asking him this particular question she didn't know, but she needed to know, she had to know the name of this other woman who held a place in his heart.

He breathed out heavily holding her even closer to him. "Why is that important?" he asked gruffly. It wasn't something he wanted to share, not with anyone, especially not her. He wanted to protect that secret from the world. He wanted so badly to forget.

"You can tell me…you can tell me anything," she muttered heart-fully.

Slade rolled his eyes and breathed wearily as the sun continued to scorch and cook him. "It's hard to tell much when you already have an idea of what it all is."

She looked at him faintly with a teasing smile on her cracked dry lips, she looked paler than usual. "An idea isn't the same as how you remember it," she scolded.

Slade continued to breathe heavily now realizing his breath had turned labored.

"Pretend like I don't know," she nearly pleaded.

"What?" he asked not collecting what she had said.

She lifted her head weakly trying to look at him. "Pretend like we don't know each other, pretend as though you've just met me… and if you could recall one thing about the person you loved…what would it be?"

He huffed loudly, shifting her as gently as possible in his arms. His strength was starting to wane. "First of all, if we had just met I wouldn't talk to you about it. Secondly, she was the one who shot my eye out, so why is it so important that you know who she is?"

Raven's eyes closed as she continued to talk. "Because it hurts you to talk about her, because I want to know something real and honest from you."

He shook his head stubbornly at her. He wasn't going to tell her about Addie. His ex-wife had aggressively lashed out at him a taken his eye, something to this day he still didn't forgive her for. She was long since dead, being targeted by assassins and he was glad she was dead.

And in a sick sense he couldn't wait to be dead too. Maybe…if he were lucky, he would have the freedom of his mind back from the young Titan he was now carrying.

But in truth he was almost glad to be able to feel this again. He was almost glad that Raven had forced her way in his life and caused him to feel something different from his usual hate and corruption. He didn't even know what his life would look like if he and Raven hadn't been so tightly intertwined.

It was meant to be, two sick and twisted individuals, thrown together by fate whether he liked it or not. Even if their bond had died with her father, they would still be forever connected, even if he had never seen her again she would still be a big impact in his life and he in hers; Even as they were both getting ready to possibly die in the desert… it wasn't so bad.

"You don't need to know," He said into her ear finally answering her question. "She's no longer important…you are."

His legs suddenly went out and he fell forward managing to land on his knees and not drop her. The jolt sent Raven gasping in pain.

Guilt fled him as he nuzzled her closely. "I'm sorry." It took him all his might to stand back up and start walking again. Raven's eyes were starting to roll in the back of her head. "Stay with me," he exhaled feeling panicked now. "Stay with me."

As her eyes rolled in the back of her head and her world turned black, Raven's mind suddenly went to her friends. They would worry about her, they would search for her, and they would find her dead.

Dead in Slade's arms.

The thought sent a shot of adrenaline through her system and her powers went off without warning. When she awoke she was in Titans medical bay without Slade.

When Raven's powers had taken them to Titans Tower it hit him that her last dyeing thought was on her pathetic family. It was the one thing she had over him, she had other people. He didn't… she was the one person in his left that had any significance to him.

She had been dead when they returned. He had pumped and pumped at her heart forever before he got a faint beat.

The Titans had been out looking for her, when he broke into the tower he knew they would be there within seconds to save her and take care of her.

He was grateful on the one-hand in the knowledge that they would take care of her, he was angered on the other hand knowing he could not do that himself.

It was then and there he had decided to eliminate the Titans. He gathered their old enemies and some new ones and laid out various plans and attacks. However no one was to kill her, he made that clear from day one and was always nearby to make sure that order was followed.

He stayed far away enough though so she wouldn't sense him too much or so the Justice League wouldn't figure out who the real mastermind was. He wasn't always perfect though. The day he shot Beastboy he knew Raven had figured it out, and that she was going to battle with herself on what to do next.

She might have loved her family more than him, but barely. Her emotions towards him had made her weak. He would use that to his advantage and finally have her to himself. The Titans had to go.

It was a stupid idea, a very, very stupid idea. It was the kind of thing she would tell herself not to do, the thing the Titans told her not to do, what the Justice League told her not to do.

Yet here she was

When you're the daughter of a demon no one expects anything of you…anything good. When you're the daughter of a demon you don't expect anything of yourself…at least you shouldn't.

Raven had never expected to be a hero or a saint, but she had tried. She never expected to be seen as human, but she tried. She had never expected to have a family, but she tried to have one. She never expected to fall in love, and she never tried to and yet that had happened.

Maybe not naturally, maybe not organically, but it had still happened.

She had tried to be a hero and failed, she had tried to be human and failed, she had tried to have a family and failed, and she had tried not to fall in love and failed.

Everything Raven had tried so hard so fight in becoming and not becoming had overcome her will and proved just how in control she wasn't. You couldn't defeat fate. Fate hadn't wanted her to be a hero, be human, or have a family. It wanted her connected to her dark side forever, that connection was Slade.

Raven felt a breaking in her faith, an awareness in her core to which she could no longer deny. She was going to go through with this. There was no turning back now.

"Ah my little bird, even when you're safe from everything in a dream the reality is we never find true understanding in ourselves, we just do whatever we believe in."

She felt cold as he stroked her back rhythmically. She still felt like such a stranger in his bed. Raven turned to look at him and stared into his grey cloudy eye. "What do you believe in?"

Slade was unprepared for the question, he felt as though she already knew, that she already formed an opinion and a solid idea as to why he did the things he did.

He stopped caressing her as he went through an explanation of who he was in his mind. "The truth of the matter is I believe we all have a job to serve in this world and I knew what I was capable of; even after I left the army I knew I had things to take care of. I let fate decide what hand I would be dealt with."

He paused and chuckled at the irony. "And I came across the Titans."

She shrank away from him and bitterly said, "And now you're trying to kill them."

Slade knew this was going to be an issue, even if she invited him into her world he'd still being sharing room with her little adoptive family. "I'm sorry Raven but I had to do what I needed to do, after all you can't tell me that now you regret it."

Raven wished she could lie and tell him otherwise but she'd already lost the strength for that, there was no use in it anyway, they both knew. Still that didn't mean her friends had to suffer from it all. "It doesn't matter Slade. My friends don't deserve this."

Slade finally got up from the bed. "What we deserve doesn't really matter either Raven because most of the time we don't even receive it. You're friends asked for it one way or another when they decided to become heroes. It's still my job to rid the world of them."

Raven swallowed hard as she sat up in the bed and shook with fury. "It's still my job to stop villains," she warned dangerously. "Don't think I still don't know who you are Slade, don't think I've forgotten."

He glared at her with equal veracity. "And don't think I've forgotten who you really are Raven. Just because your father's dead doesn't mean you're any better than him."

He was trying to hurt her, trying to aim for her weak spot.

Stay focused.

"You're father chose me for a reason," he added still trying to get her to fall apart.

"Because you needed your body back," she snapped pointedly.

"Because I was the one who could get the job done," he replied venomously. That was all she had been to him in the beginning, a task, another target, nothing more, nothing less. "Don't think in a million years that you will ever find someone who doesn't truly fear you, unlike me."

He moved away from her to the other side of the room agitated.

Raven swept her hand through her hair. This wasn't part of the plan. This wasn't where she wanted to take the conversation, and she was going to do what she promised herself not to do. She was going to offer him a way out.

"I can still reverse this," she said slowly, making sure he had heard. He had, and he was trying to ignore her. "I can make it like it was before and me and you can finally have it out, and finally finish this."

He looked at her almost intrigued by the idea. "What have a bloodbath? Because you know that's what it would lead to."

She shook a little harder, knowing what was about to come. "Slade…please," she begged desperately.

Slade didn't know that Raven had been hiding a secret from him. He wasn't as exceptional as he thought he was

None of it was real, all of it was false. Yet he didn't know that. Raven had learned how to have full and complete mastery over her subconscious world. It was something she learned to do long after that alteration of their emotions, and she had learned it for selfish reasons.

She had done it to make the dreams more accommodating to herself. She did it to get the best out of Slade, to get him to reveal more of himself without him realizing what he was doing. He woke up every morning believing that the dreams were just acts of desires and wants. Never realizing that Raven had been using him to make herself feel good.

So when she used her power to attack him inside the dream world it came as one of the biggest betrayals he had ever faced.

Raven' level of manipulation and control had gone above and beyond what she had ever wanted. She could've reversed her doing a long time ago and stopped the dreams from becoming so perverse and violent.

However the targeting of her family had finally brought things into perspective and she remembered what was truly important again. But she had forgotten… she had betrayed them and Slade and herself.

Why?

Because it had felt good, being loved and cared about was so good it was unreal, but she had forgotten…it was unreal.

She fought to have what she had never had and didn't deserve, and she still never had it or deserved it.

The kind of attack Raven performed was a kind of mental and spiritual one. She had attacked him from the inside in such a way that some of the magic enabled members of the League had shrunk away from her in disgust.

Again, not the plan.

The plan was to monitor Raven's dreams in the hopes to find Slade, because they knew Slade would be able to sense Raven if she tried to lead them to him. They figured keeping Raven far away from him was the best option.

But she hadn't told them about her ability to control dreams or her ability to physically attack someone from the inside out.

When the League finally realized what Raven had done it was too late. When they found him he was in a bloody mess. The trauma from the attack from with his mind had caused much of his body to self-destruct and rip itself apart.

It truth, Raven had stabbed him in the back, many times over.

Back at the Watchtower she could feel all the eyes on her, all the mistrust and nervousness. She deserved it.

The League had actually tried to save him, they weren't murders, but she was about to be. He was starting to slowly slip away.

"You can't see him," Superman ordered placing himself in front of her.

"I can if I want to," she said numbly.

"I said no," said Superman more sternly.

She didn't want to have to defy the man of steel, but there was no alien, wizard, or god that would stop her from seeing him.

Just as she was getting ready to put up a fight Batman put a hand on Superman's shoulder and grunted out, "Just let her, the bastards going to die soon anyway."

Superman looked at Batman disapprovingly before looking back at Raven with untrusting eyes. "Ten minutes."

Raven maneuvered her way through the hall and into the medical bay. It was like walking in slow motion.

The sight took her breath away.

Dozens of monitors, wires, tubes and blood…lots of blood, and in the center of it all was him.

The lone eye, the mask, the nightmare, the extension of her demons.

She exhaled slowly as she pulled up a stool beside his bed and looked down at him in both pity and relief. For that moment she didn't love him, she didn't have enough fake love in her to mourn him or want to comfort him.

He was dyeing and that's the way she wanted it.

His eye was squeezed tightly shut in intense pain. His organs were starting to fail and his breathing was becoming more sharp and shallow. He finally peered his eye at her and gave her a cold angry look.

"Well if it isn't the hero herself," he spat sarcastically coughing up more blood.

She observed him quietly, coming to grips with the final moments of his life, and hers as a Titan.

"Yeah, well not anymore," she replied dryly.

She knew they were discussing her position on the team; she was already planning to leave.

Despite the pain, Slade still laughed. "Perfect, you get to be the hero and the martyr."

She didn't hear him, instead she looked blankly at the wall and thought about their day in the desert where they had both almost died…when he had tried to save her life. "Who was she?"

He looked at her in fury before spitting out, "Haven't you asked me this before?"

"Tell me," she demanded. If he didn't she would rip it from his mind, it wouldn't be the first time.

Slade gave her a cold smile and flatly responded, "My ex-wife. She shot out my eye because I had gotten our son killed after a business deal had gone bad."

She had known some of this, only because of the invading she had done in his mind. What shocked her was the coldness and lack of remorse he had. He was a mercenary first and always. The fact that he had gotten his son killed and hurt the woman he loved was of little consequence and meaning to him… and it was no different with her.

"I should've just let you kill me." She let out a sad laugh and changed her statement. "Hell, you should've just stayed dead when Terra killed you. My father should've retuned you to the grave instead of keeping you around as a zombie, and giving you the chance to retrieve your body."

"And this is what I get in return for all my hard work. You could've just let me kill your friends, we could have been together like you had wanted."

She didn't look back at him. "I want you to die."

He looked at her with some amazement on his face. "Die?"

Again she only looked ahead at the wall as she continued to talk. "Yes... I can't believe I ever let you have me. I can't believe I actually thought this would save me from becoming my father when you were already the replacement for him. Instead of defeating you I chose to give into an easy desire. I succumb to the fears of my demon side and nearly killed my family. "

"Technically I nearly killed your family," he retorted.

"For me," she said exasperated. "To have me all to yourself, when you knew how much they meant to me." Tears started forming in Raven's eyes. It was all a big mess. But at least she had saved them, at least in some small way she was repaying them for all her disservice and lies. "Garfield was right, I'm so fucking stupid."

As she got up to leave Slade called out to her one last time, "You're going to be lonely for a very long time after I die, you sure you want to start early?"

Raven finally turned to look at him with pity written all over her face. "I'd rather be alone for all eternity then spend another day with you."

He gave her a similar look. "Fine but don't think I won't be here in your head still. The worst has already been done and I think we're both satisfied wouldn't you agree?"

"Fuck you Slade."

"I believe we've already covered that my little bird."

A/N: Jesus that was way longer than I wanted it to be, and fuck that was way longer than I intend to update. Anyway thank you to those who did read and thank you to those who reviewed and if you didn't like the last chapter…oh well.