"Why have we become the messengers in this War of Words between Joker and Riddler?" sighed Jonathan Crane, as he once again tapped a sealed envelope against the door to Joker's hideout.

"Because we're the only ones neither of them will kill," retorted Tetch, leaning on the bell again. "Because they don't perceive us as a threat."

"That's rather insulting, you know," retorted Crane. "I think the two of us could easily destroy both Joker and Riddler if we chose to do so."

"Could, but wouldn't," agreed Tetch, nodding. "We both have a conscience, Jonathan. And we would never forgive ourselves for destroying a brilliant mind like Nygma's. I mean, it's nothing compared to ours, of course, but it would still be a regrettable loss."

"And Joker?" asked Crane.

Tetch shrugged. "He's not unintelligent. And his death would greatly upset Harley."

"Yes, there is that," sighed Crane. "Curse our honorable natures, Jervis."

"I would rather keep my sense of honor than live like an animal," retorted Tetch. "Like Batman."

The door flew open at that moment and Batman stood in the doorway. Or at least, it appeared to be Batman at first glance, but the figure suddenly ripped off its mask, revealing Harley's smiling face. "Hiya, boys, c'mon in," she said, holding open the door.

"Uh…Harley…why are you dressed as Batman?" asked Crane, puzzled, as they followed her inside the hideout.

"Oh, Mr. J and I are just playing a little game. Y'know," she said, winking.

"Er…no, I don't," said Crane, slowly. "And I'm not sure I want to."

"Ok, Harley, I'm ready for my beating now," said Joker, emerging from the bedroom and smiling. "And if you could try to do the voice, I…"

He trailed off when he saw Tetch and Crane staring from him to Harley. Then he laughed. "Harley, you little minx, you're wearing the wrong costume!" he exclaimed, turning to her and smiling. "Why doncha change back into your regular harlequin outfit?"

"You asked me to wear this, Mr. J," said Harley, puzzled.

"Harley, you little scamp, don't make up lies like that, or you'll get a spanking!" laughed Joker. "I didn't ask you to do anything of the kind."

"Yes, you did, puddin'…" she began.

"Just go change!" he snapped.

Harley hurried off. "So boys, got another message for me?" asked Joker, smiling. "Shame Batman got there in time to save Eddie from the jaws of death, but there's always tomorrow, am I right?"

"Yes, I suppose so," agreed Tetch, handing the envelope to him. "Should we wait for a response?"

"Nah, I prefer to deliver my responses in person, if ya know what I mean," chuckled Joker. "Bullet through the eye, that kinda thing! Why don't you two just go home? And forget that Harley was wearing that costume – the kid has a huge wardrobe, and she's easily confused. Not the brightest bulb in the shed. I say Harley Quinn, she hears Batman, go figure. See ya around!" he said, ushering them out and slamming the door.

He opened the envelope as Harley bounced back into the room in her usual costume. "You want me to beat ya a little to get ya in the mood, puddin'?" she purred, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Yeah, but get back into the Batman costume," he muttered.

"What? But I just changed outta it!" she snapped.

"Well, change back into it!" he retorted. "I want a beating from Batsy!"

Harley sighed. "The things I do for love," she muttered, heading for the door. "What's the letter say?"

"'Obviously you're too stupid to figure out riddles, so I'll just tell you: Bruce Wayne is Batman,'" read Joker. Then he snorted. "Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna fall for that old joke again! Nice try, Nygma, but you can't just go around saying random people are Batman and then expect people to believe you. He's like the Boy Who Cried Wolf!"

"Yeah, Bruce Wayne?" laughed Harley. "The billionaire philanthropist and the brooding Batfreak? Don't make me laugh! Like a celebrity like him could hide being Batman! Eddie's just grasping at straws now, puddin'."

"Well, when I see him again, I'm gonna make sure the only way he can eat is through a straw, pumpkin pie," said Joker, patting her head. "And then he really will be grasping at them."

"Oh, Mr. J, you're such a funny guy," cooed Harley, nuzzling against him.

"Not as funny as Nygma this time, I gotta admit!" laughed Joker. "Bruce Wayne as Batman! It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life!"

He threw the letter into the trash and followed Harley back to the bedroom, laughing. "Quite the joke, really! Quite the joke."

The End