Why?

Okay. Basically, I noticed that tmntlover2013 had started a premise for a story by the name of "The Chance of Love" that touched on the idea of an abusive Splinter. Her idea was very inspiring to me despite the fact that she had been unable to finish her story. I asked her permission to write a version of her story with a twist more towards the relationship of the brothers which she gave to me. Thank you, tmntlover 2013!

This is an AU story. Please note that I very much respect the character of Splinter and that this is just a retelling of the TMNT storyline with a twist. Please enjoy.

I own nothing.

Chapter One

I worked hard to execute every move to the exacting standards that Master Splinter expected out of me. The kata was one of the more complex and when I was done, Master's walking stick came across the back of my knees with a force that knocked my legs out from under me making me fall hard to the floor. I panted in agony for a moment before stiffening as a clawed foot stepped up into my line of sight. I knew not to look up as fear washed over me in waves while I stared at Master's foot in horror. I wasn't surprised to feel the kick to my side that left me breathless and shaking in pain.

"Again!" Master snapped as I swallowed the hurt and stood, "More focus! You're skills most be perfectly honed to ensure that you bring your brothers back from battle safe. Muscles tighter. There can be no mistakes."

"Hai, Sensei," I choked out.

I concentrated harder as I performed the kata for the twentieth time in a row. My legs ached terribly from the hit, one hip felt bruised from the fall, and my side hurt from the kick. In fact, there were several places that throbbed with the abuse I had suffered at my nightly training. While my brothers got to relax after a patrol, I was expected to do late night training that lasted far into the early, morning hours. That was when the being who was supposed to be my adoptive father turned into a Master that meted out physical punishment on me to the point that sometimes it was difficult to hide the physical evidence the next morning.

I remember the day that it all began. I had just been made leader at the tender age of nine. I had been so happy to be trusted with such an impressive title. Raphael had been angry at me and said that I was Splinter's pet, but even his snarking couldn't ruin my good mood. That evening I was told about my special trainings and I arrived early in hopes of pleasing my father. That was the first time I had ever known physical punishment. Master was brutal in his instructions and when I stumbled his cane would come down hard across my plastron so he wouldn't leave marks on my skin.

Flashback:

"Sensei, you're hurting me," I whimpered as I bowed low before my father as I hugged my aching chest, "Please stop. I'll do better."

I gasped as I was yanked to my feet by the back of my mask.

"An enemy would not hold back," Sensei snapped as he shook me hard, "A leader must know pain in order to protect his team. Are you willing to allow your brothers to suffer because you are weak as a leader?"

"No, Sensei," I answered as I straightened, "I understand, Sensei. I will not complain again."

End Flashback:

I had kept my promise. I hadn't complained once and I improved my skills, but Master's abuse only got harsher as the years went by. Blood, bruises, and broken bones were things that I had become accustom to over the years. By the time I was thirteen, my room had been emptied of most of my personal items. I had only a pallet, an old teacup to house my candle since I was not allowed a lamp, my weapons, my gear, an alarm clock, and some tactical books. I was told anything else was a distraction. I was forbidden from skateboarding, watching television, playing videogames, or even listening to music. Again, a distraction. My brothers had been angry with me when I started spending less and less time with them. Raph especially accused me of thinking that I was too good for my siblings.

"I would give anything to be allowed some time with you, Raphael," I thought as I came to the end of the kata and dropped to my knees before Master, "I would love to spend just one afternoon not having to be locked away in my room or the dojo. Just one."

I had kept Sensei's abuse a secret. I had realized early on that Master's mind was fractured from his dealings with his old enemy. I feared that he would start hurting my little brothers so I sucked it up and kept silent. When his abuse got worse I usually lied about where the bruises came from. It became a running joke that the "best" ninja of us was the clumsiest when not in action.

"Better," Master stated as I remained passive and internally crossed my fingers that I would be allowed something to eat tonight, "You have improved."

"Hai, Sensei," I barked out as I bowed low, "Thank you, Sensei."

A piece of bread hit the floor beside me as Master Splinter left the dojo and shame filled me at being fed like an animal. I sat back up and wilted as exhaustion pulled at my being once I was left alone. I reached for the bread hungrily and tore it in half to store the other half in my pouch. I always rationed. I never knew when I would be allowed more. My brothers thought that I ate breakfast without them since Master made me get up so early, but I was allowed no food in the mornings. I did get lunch, but I was watched like a hawk so I never got more than one plate. Dinner was always questionable and the feeling of an aching stomach was something else that I had gotten used to over the years.

"There we go, belly, here's something that can fill you up," I thought as I began to nibble slowly on my bread to make my stomach think that I was eating more than I was, "At least I'll get some sleep tonight."

I walked silently to the bathroom and flushed the toilet in case Master was listening so I could pretend to wash my hands. I greedily slurped down some water and quickly shut off the faucet so I wouldn't get in trouble. I entered my room and lit a candle to see my way to my pallet. I hated this time the most. When I was alone in an empty room, there was no hiding from the truth then. I was alone, segregated from my brothers, and used as a means to vent frustration by a being I once thought had loved me. I looked up at the manacled chains that hung from the ceiling. I had spent many a time chained in here alone and in pain.

"It could be worse. You could be forced to stand all night," I murmured to myself to try and feel better as I blew out the candle, "You are keeping your brothers safe from the same treatment. That is all that matters."

But I didn't feel better. I was hungry, exhausted, and in a lot of pain. I had often dreamed of running away with my brothers to make a life for us free of constant fighting, but I was terrified that Master would only track us down and possibly begin abusing my younger siblings. I would suffer in silence. As leader it was my responsibility to protect my brothers. I was ninja. I could survive.

"Just wish my body would realize that," I sighed as I fell into an exhausted sleep despite the pain of my newest injuries.

In my dreams, Master loved me as much as he loved my siblings. His touches didn't hurt and I laughed along with Raph, Donnie, and Mikey as we played in the sewers like we had done when we were younger. I was able to sit at the table and eat food without fear. I was allowed to swim in the rain reservoir as my little brothers splashed at me happily. I shocked awake at the very real feeling of icy water that was dumped over my head.

"Get up," Master ordered me as I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was four in the morning, "You should have sensed me enter the room. What if you were responsible for protecting your brothers just now? Would you have allowed an enemy to slip past you to get to them due to negligence?"

"No, Sensei," I whispered as my teeth chattered at the cold, "My apologies, Sensei."

"More training," Master Splinter ordered as I internally groaned, "Hurry up."

I stood as Master left the room and spread the ragged blankets out that made up my pallet in hopes that they would dry by tonight. I tugged my gear on as I stretched to try and warm back up.

"At least I got three hours sleep," I sighed internally as I hurried to the dojo and kneeled before Master, "What new tortures does he have planned today?"

"Arms out," Sensei snapped as I instantly held them out with the underside facing up knowing what was to come next.

I gritted my teeth as the bokken repeatedly snapped against my lower arms harder and harder with each fall. I held in my cries of pain. I had learned long ago that flinches and noises only made the punishment worse. Finally, Master tired and I was allowed to drop my arms as they throbbed.

"I want you working on the same kata from before," Sensei snapped as he looked down on me disdainfully, "Tonight, it better be perfect."

"Hai, Sensei," I called as Master left the dojo.

Hissing, I looked to my forearms and inspected the new damage to my body. Welts and the beginnings of bruises too prominent to lie about spread over the skin of my arms. I went and got the set of black, arm warmers that fit me from wrist to upper bicep. I always got funny looks from my brothers for wearing the covers beneath my elbow guards since this was not the first time I had been forced to hide wounds on my arms. My body ached, but I practiced the kata again and again as Master wanted me to do.

"Do ya always have ta be so damn perfect, Fearless?" a voice demanded several hours later a I whirled to see Raph in the doorway, "Can't ya sleep in for once in your life?"

Would I ever love to sleep in for a change, Little Brother. You have no idea.

"I'm not perfect, Raph," I denied as I continued with the kata, "I need to work on this form more."

"For what?" my brother demanded as he narrowed his eyes, "Ta be Splinter's little pet?"

"No, Raphael," I denied as I straightened and looked back at him, "To perfect my skills so that I can do what needs to be done if any of you need my help."

"We can take care of ourselves, Fearless," Raph growled, "Maybe ya'd know that if ya ever spent any of your precious time with us except ta train or patrol."

Sighing, I nodded. Raph looked confused at the acceptance of what he was saying.

"I understand," I admitted as I looked away, "But Master Splinter has me reading some tactical, warfare books today. I'll be tested this afternoon and then I have my evening training as well as our team training. To be a good leader often means sacrifices."

"So ya're sacrificin' your brothers?" Raph snarled.

"Never," I snarled in return as my brother took a step back in surprise before I calmed, "I've got to stay focused so I don't make a mistake that will lead to any of you getting hurt. Free time is a leisure that I cannot afford right now."

Raph studied me before turning away and leaving me alone. I looked around the empty dojo in sorrow. How empty my life had become.

"The one being sacrificed, Little Brother,…" I murmured, "…is me."

T_T

Raph's point of view:

He was wearing those arm covers again. Leo never used to wear anything on his arms with the exception of his elbow pads and wrist guards. Mikey once asked Father about the arm covers and Sensei had said some bullshit about Leo needing to keep his muscles warm. Fearless never needed to keep his muscles warmed before. There was something that I just couldn't seem to place my finger on. Time to pull out the big guns.

"Hey, Mikey," I called as my baby brother bounced around in the kitchen preparing breakfast, "Wouldn't it be nice if Leo joined us for breakfast for a change?"

Mikey took the bait and ran with it just like I knew he would. The orange-masked turtle had Leo by the arm and was begging for him to eat with us as he dragged the turtle out of the dojo. Our oldest brother kept saying he'd already eaten, but Mikey whined as Master Splinter entered the living room.

"Sensei, make Leo eat with us," Mikey begged as he hopped over to Father, "He's always so busy that we hardly eat together anymore."

I frowned when I thought I saw fear flash in Leo's eyes as Master Splinter silently regarded the quiet turtle.

"A leader should not distance himself from his team," Sensei finally stated as Leo's eyes snapped up to his, "I'm sure that you can make up for the loss of time in your training at a later date, right Leonardo?"

"Hai, Sensei," Leo agreed and again I thought I saw a flash of fear.

Mikey happily jerked our eldest brother to the table and began to chirp at him as Leo listened with a smile, but his muscles remained tense as Sensei sat across from him. There was something there, but I couldn't figure out what it was exactly.

"Penny for your thoughts," a voice said from behind me and I turned to see Donnie looking over my shoulder as I watched from the couch.

"Nothin'," I denied.

"Can't be nothing the way you are staring at Leo," Donnie chuckled out as I sighed, "What's up, Raph?"

"I don't know," I admitted as I watched Fearless talking softly with Mikey, "Have ya noticed anythin' funny about Leo lately?"

"Well, it looks like he's eating breakfast with us for a change so that's pretty different," Donnie remarked as I scowled, "He's wearing those arm covers again. I don't understand why Leo wears those things."

"Donnie, I manipulated Mikey inta invitin' Leo ta eat with us," I sighed out as I watched our brother from the living room, "I don't know…it was almost as if he was afraid ta say 'yes.' Father is so controllin' of his time. I feel bad for Fearless sometimes, but ya better keep that ta yourself."

Donnie sighed as well and nodded. He and I had discussed many times Leo's and Master Splinter's strange behavior. Leo used to look up to our father like he was a god, but lately I felt that our leader was working hard to not disappoint Sensei or something. How could the "perfect son" ever disappoint our father?

"Raph, does it look like the backs of Leo's legs are swollen?" Donnie murmured with narrowed eyes as Leo stood to help Mikey set out the breakfast dishes.

I hissed as I leaned forward and saw that Don was correct. Leo was hurt again. How the shell could someone like Fearless perform the kata he was just doing with such perfection and wind up with so many injuries to his person?

"Don't," I warned as Donnie moved forward, "If ya say somethin' he'll run for tha hills. At least he's eatin' with us for a change."

"I'm going to talk to Father about all of us having a full physical," Donnie insisted, "Maybe Leo's eyesight needs to be checked. He's slipped and fallen way too much over the past year for there not to be something that is causing all of this."

"Ya thinkin' that Leo might need glasses?" I chuckled out as Donnie grinned, "Maybe he just needs ta get his head out of Father's ass ta see around him better."

"Raph, you are the ass," Donnie grunted as he shoved me playfully and went and plopped down beside Fearless.

To be continued…