CHAPTER3

The next day dawned bright and cheerful, the sun blazing down on the busy streets of New York City. Birds chirping, the sounds of cars rushing by, people on their way to work, trains making their way through town, the rustle of leaves in the almost non-existent wind. All these things meant nothing to the young shadowhunter standing in his bedroom window on that sunny day, contemplating how the day would turn out. Because today was the day. To the shadowhunter it felt like the day that could change him, the day in which he finally embraced his sexuality and stopped trying to constantly suppress it.

Alec Lightwood thought of himself as a very observant person. He noticed many things others overlooked, the truth in an expression, the meaning of a touch, the hidden secrets in people eyes. He noticed all the sounds around him on that morning, but he didn't care for them at all, not when he was going to visit a certain warlock today.

He somehow felt lighter than before he went to sleep, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. That might be because of his confession to Isabelle the previous night; he always felt a little better after speaking to his sister.

So Alec, always the early riser, was dressed and awake well before your typical teenage boy. Being a shadowhunter, he was expected to awaken at dawn most mornings, something he seemed exceptionally good at. He sported an old pair of jeans with a hole in one of the knee caps and a plain dark blue t shirt; he didn't care for fashion like Isabelle did.

He had a few hours to kill before he could actually go and see Magnus, Alec didn't think the warlock would be very grateful for the early wake up call, even if he held a little soft spot for him. So he went to the training room, hoping that no one else would hear him if they were awake, primarily Jace. He really didn't want to face that particular shadowhunter today.

He crept through the halls of the Institute, trying his hardest to be surreptitious. It wasn't needed at all; he had etched a soundless rune onto each shoe before leaving his room, just to be extra cautious. The halls in the Institute had never really changed from when Alec had first seen them all those years ago. They were home to him, he felt safe in its walls. He'd grown up here, got his first marks here, became the shadowhunter that was now.

He reached the training room and headed straight to the shooting range, his most comfortable station in the room. Picking up his favourite bow and sheath of arrows he stood up straight, flexing his still sore muscles and taking aim at the various targets around the room. He felt nothing as he hit the centre of the targets almost every time, nerves consumed him on that sunny morning, leaving little room for self-gratification.

He carried on like that for a few hours, taking an arrow from the sheath attached to his back, lining it up in the bow, standing as still as a statue facing the targets, inhale aim, exhale release. The same routine over and over. Time seemed to speed up, it felt like he'd only been there for about 5 minutes, so he was greatly surprised when Isabelle appeared announcing that it was lunch time and not so kindly telling him to get his arse in gear and get to Magnus's house very soon.

The nerves, momentarily numbed from training, flared with a new kind of violence, making Alec's stomach clench unpleasantly. This made him glad he'd skipped lunch, he didn't want to throw up when he was with Magnus – could be seen as a bit of a buzz kill. He headed to the kitchen, filled a glass with water in an attempt to calm his nerves and checked the time. It was 12:27. Surely he'd be awake by now?

Alec knew if he didn't go soon he'd talk himself out of it, then kick himself forever because of his own cowardice, therefore he made a pact with Isabelle. If he hadn't left the Institute by at least 1:00 Izzy had his permission to force him out the doors and lock them behind him, obviously trying to be as inconspicuous as possible as not to alert the other inhabitants of the Institute of this particular venture. This deal made him feel a little better, knowing Isabelle wouldn't even hesitate to shove him out of the doors, almost definietly kicking him in the goolies if he put up even the tiniest trace of resistance.

"Alec, you know if you don't go now you won't go at all," Isabelle reminded him for the tenth time in the past 5 minutes sitting across from him at the table in the kitchen. She had made some kind of 'soup' which looked like it contained every substance found in the cupboards, it looked like cat shit to Alec.

"I know," he said, sounding awfully monotone even to his own ears. Trying not to offend her in some way by his flippant tone he added, "You know I'm just over-cautious. You know I'm a rebels nightmare."

Isabelle chuckled. "Don't I know it."

"Alright, I'll leave now. Right now. Happy?" He asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.

She grinned, straightening up and walking to the door ahead of Alec. Well that answered his question. Alec rose from his seat, waltzed cautiously to the door Izzy had just opened, winking at him. "After you, darling brother."

Sighing in exasperation he headed through the door, listening to the sound of Isabelle's footsteps following him to the elevator. Her soft footfalls calmed him, reminding him of the normalities in life, the need to put one foot in front of the other in order to get anywhere in life. He pressed his finger to the cool button on the elevator when they reached it and stood patiently for the grate to open and permit him entrance, the whole time aware of Izzy breathing down his neck with every step. She sounded smug, the dolt.

The grate creaked open, allowing the two shadowhunters to clamber into the elevator. The grate clanked shut after them and slowly descended. Alec's nerves were returning the closer he got to the front doors. In no time at all the doors opened again, and there were the wood panelled front door. Isabelle, seeming to notice his nerves, placed her hand in his and guided him towards the door. She stretched out her other hand and opened the door when they reached it and gestured for him to go ahead. He did.

Alec, hesitating for the briefest of moments, walked outside into the daylight. The sun blared down onto him with a surreal intensity, making him wish he'd worn something more appropriate than jeans. He felt hollow, like his insides had been gouged out with a spoon. He turned back to Isabelle, upon seeing his expression her face softened. "You'll be fine, honestly," she squeezed his hand. "Now get out of my sight and get yourself a warlock," she grinned slyly. Alec smiled a little in response, squeezed Izzy's hand in return and walked down the street, thinking about what was to come.

"Whoever this is had better have a very good reason for disturbing my beauty sleep," a voice growled down the intercom.

Almost the entire trip to Magnus's house Alec had been surprisingly calm, scary calm some might call it. He hadn't thought much about the destination, primarily focusing on the journey itself. Putting one foot in front of the other was a lot easier than thinking about where he was actually going. So the journey to the elusive warlocks humble abode lasted about half as long as Alec have previously thought.

"It's Alec," he said breathlessly, trying to get the two words out in one breath, his nerves mounting.

There was a pause. "Hello again, Alec," Magnus said, his voice softening. "Hold on, I'll buzz you in." At the sound of his voice Alec let out a breath he wasn't aware of holding.

Well that was easy. Alec heard the door click open and proceeded up the stairs to the second door. He raised his scarred hand and hesitantly tapped his knuckles on the door. After a moment or so the door was thrown open to reveal a rather bedraggled looking Magnus Bane. He donned a pair of blue and green silk pyjamas, slightly crumpled from what Alec assumed was his recently disturbed slumber. He was barefoot, showcasing his immaculately painted toe nails. His hair hung around his face, making his features more prominent. Alec noted, with a spark of surprise, that the warlock was not wearing any form of make-up, except nail polish. His hair contained no glitter and hung limply, crowning his softened face, not a trace of glitter or eye liner or mascara could be found there either, making him look younger, a new aura of vulnerability about him. Alec was oddly giddy to have seen this other Magnus, the one without the glamour, he preferred this version. He seemed more real to Alec, not something far and out of reach.

Magnus looked at Alec and grinned. "Do what do I have the pleasure of your company for two consecutive days, shadowhunter?" He purred, leaning in the door way. Again with the bloody doors.

It took him a second to get his bearings. "I, um, said that I'd come and see you again. So this is me," he indicated himself with a flick of wrist, "seeing you again," indicating the house with another flick of his wrist.

For a moment Magnus seemed at a loss for how to respond, then he recovered himself and moved out of the door way. "My company is to die for it's true. Well, I suppose you'd better come in then."

Alec did. He strolled past Magnus and went to the room they had been in the previous day, occupying the same arm chair and sitting back. Chairman Meow quickly landed in his lap again, looking up at him innocently, waiting to be petted. Alec complied, revelling in how soft that cat's fur was. He let out a content purr, snuggling deeper into Alec's lap.

Magnus appeared in the other arm chair, much like the previous day and sat back, regarding the shadowhunter thoughtfully. He placed one leg over the other and laced his hands together, placing them on his knees, still looking at Alec discreetly. After a moment he said, "I'm all ears, what did you want to tell me?"

"I hope that wasn't in a literal sense, it could be potentially problematic," he said, losing his nerve slightly.

After a moment, he grinned and pointed an accusatory finger at the young shadowhunter. "You are avoiding the question."

Alec flushed in embarrassment, looking like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar. "Am not," he muttered, avoiding his eyes, focusing on his gaze on his lap in an attempt to mask his embarrassment.

"Oh yes you are. Now, the question is why?" He leaned forward, scrutinising Alec's face, trying to unearth something from its depth.

Alec looked up and wished he hadn't. Magnus had turned his piercing gaze on him, the yellow and green in his cat eyes glowing, making his head spin and his knees go weak. "I, uh, well I…"

"I thought we were past this, Alexander?" He sighed, sounding a little exasperated.

"So did I," Alec mumbled in return. He heard Magnus snap his fingers and two steaming cups of coffee appeared on the table in front of them. Alec looked at Magnus, a little shocked, a little in awe.

"You didn't pay for them did you?" Alec asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

He merely grinned. "Now that would be telling."

"You should pay for them you know," Alec chided, he felt bad stealing business from this company, even if he had no idea who it was.

"Fine, if it'll help you sleep at night," he snapped his fingers again; presumably to deposit some money at the place he got the coffee.

Alec felt a little better when he knew he wasn't drinking counterfeit coffee so picked his up and took a sip, letting the caffeine seep into his every crevice and energise him. When he looked up again he saw Magnus staring at him, on odd expression on his face.

Alec, being a little self-conscious, asked, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He seemed to ponder that for a second. "You're not a regular Lightwood are you?" He said, more to himself than to Alec.

Alec just looked at the warlock in confusion. What did he mean, a regular Lightwood?

"Shadowhunters, so clueless," Magnus mumbled. "What I mean is that your sister and that Jace are more like the Lightwoods I remember than you are."

Confusion was still present on his face. "Jace? But Jace isn't technically a Lightwood, he's a Wayland."

Magnus looked like he regretted what he'd said, Alec couldn't fathom why that may be. After a moment he said, "Yes, but he acts more like a typical Lightwood than you ever could."

Alec felt a little angry at the insinuations he was making about his family. How dare he assume those things when he barely knew them?

"What's that even supposed to mean?" He asked, anger lining his tone.

Magnus looked shocked at Alec's outburst. "I wasn't trying to offend you."

"Well just don't talk about my family like that please," he said, his anger quickly depleting. He didn't like people talking about Jace and Izzy like that, especially Izzy. After everything they'd been through he was so protective of his sister.

"Point taken," he said, sounding weary. "I just meant that you're more candid than the others in your family that I've met."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. Jace says what he thinks," he said, blushing slightly.

Magnus noticed the tint to the Nephilim's cheeks. "Yes he does, but he says it in different ways. He's arrogant sometimes, using sarcasm to his advantage, hiding behind the wit and the snark. You just say it like it is, when you're not nervous or scared."

Alec looked at him, astounded. He'd noticed all that in the short time he'd known him? "But, Jace is… Jace," he said lamely. "Everybody seems to love him in some way."

"Not," he said, leaning forwards in his chair again, his face closer to Alec, "everyone."

Alec looked down, embarrassed. At the sound of Jace's name rolling off Magnus's tongue so easily his heart quickened. He'd carefully not thought about Jace in his haste to talk to Magnus, knowing it would plant doubt in his head, doubt that he could move on, doubt that he was doing the right thing after all.

When Alec didn't respond Magnus leaned across the table and gently placed his finger under his chin, pulling Alec's face up. When Alec had no choice but to look him in the eye he said softly, sympathy encasing his words, "Does anyone know you're gay?"

Alec, surprised, jerked back like he'd been slapped. He wasn't offended just caught off guard, was he really that obvious? "How… how do you what that?" He was startled that Magnus had come to that conclusion so fast, it was disorientating.

Magnus looked like he didn't know how to respond, he deliberated his answer before finally saying, "I'm a warlock, and a fairly old one at that. I notice things about people, things other people overlook. But that doesn't answer my question, does anyone know?"

"Just Izzy, and Clary but that was accidental," he found that his breathing had increased slightly, making his breaths uneven.

"No-one else? Not at all?" he asked curiously, disbelievingly.

"No," he replied, a little self-consciously. "Why?"

"I'm just surprised no one else noticed. So your parents? Jace? They don't know anything?" As he said it he leaned further forward, his gaze calculating.

"No, they can't know!" He blurted out, his voice rising in anxiety.

"Why?" his face scrunched up in concentration, his eyebrows knitting together.

He couldn't tell him why. So he just said, albeit lamely, "They just… cant, okay?"

"They obviously care about you a great deal, you parents rushed back all the way from Idris when you were hurt and Jace went to pieces. They care about you, I think you could tell Jace at least," he said solemnly.

"I just can't, okay. I can't do it. I'm fine with just Isabelle knowing, I kind of have to live with Clary knowing and now you know. That's more than enough for me."

"I think you should, it'll make you feel better," he said gently, reassuring him.

"I've never had a date, never kissed anybody, I'm about as sexually active as a door stop," he said, standing up in exclamation, causing Chairman Meow to jump off his lap indignantly. "I can't-"

Alec was abruptly interrupted by the arrival of another pair of lips seemingly glued to his own, causing him to squeak in surprise. Magnus Bane was kissing Alec Lightwood. He wasn't even sure how Magnus had gotten across the table so quick, he'd just appeared there, he felt disorientated all over again. The desire and loneliness he had endured for most of his life melted away, seared away by the heat of their intimacy. They fit together effortlessly, he was engulfed in fire and a passion he didn't think he was possible of. His lips were soft on his, the heat coursing through both of their bodies awakened every fibre and cell and nerve in Alec's body – he felt alive for the first time.

For the first few seconds he remained unresponsive, not sure what to do, scared he do something wrong and make a prat out of himself, then that dissolved wholly. Alec hesitantly moved his hands to the warlocks hair, revelling in how soft and silky it was, running his hands through it luxuriously once he gained a little confidence. So glad there are now spikes in it today he noted. He could feel Magnus's skilled hands fingering either side of his waist, pulling him closer to him. Alec removed his hands from his hair and placed them on either side of Magnus's face, the moment oddly intimate.

Much too soon for Alec's liking they pulled apart, hands lingering where they had previously been. For a moment neither of them said anything, just stared at each other, temporarily lost in the moment. Then Alec's cheeks burned beet red and he hung his head in embarrassment. Almost instantly he felt a hand under his chin and pulling his smouldering face up.

Having got his attention, Magnus stole one more lingering kiss on the shadowhunters lips. Then he chuckled, making Alec self-conscious all over again. When Magnus didn't offer a reason for his laughter Alec asked, "What?"

Magnus moved a hand from Alec's waist and gently stroked his red cheek, "So easily embarrassed," he said, dropping his hand to join the other at Alec's waist, "And I think you can safely say you've been kissed now."

Alec grinned at the warlock, the euphoria he had felt before still burning inside him like a crescendo of flames. "I suppose I can," his hands wrapped around his neck, interlocking his fingers. "But I still have two more things to achieve so," he paused, summoning all his courage, "Will you go out with me?" It all came out in one breath, Alec really hoped he'd heard it the first time, he was afraid he'd puke if he had to repeat it.

"Yes that sounds divine," his voice resounding in Alec's head like a purr. "I'll cook for you, come here at around 7ish on Saturday?" He asked. Alec thought he made this whole romance thing sound really easy, the amount of courage he'd had to summon just to come here and the words just roll off the warlocks tongue effortlessly. It wasn't fair.

"That sounds great, Magnus," he grinned.

"Good," he grinned in return. After a moment he said offhandedly, "I think our coffee's gone cold."

Alec laughed, feeling his nerves diminish, feeling comfortable with Magnus. "I don't care about the coffee honestly, I am quite surprised we didn't knock any over." He couldn't help but smirk.

"Yet," he said mischievously. He leaned towards Alec's ear, he felt his warm breath on his ear lobe. "There's still time," he whispered suggestively in his ear.

He blushed at the insinuation, feeling Magnus's chuckle when he saw. "I love making you turn that colour," which made him go a darker shade of red.

And it was on that day that Alexander Lightwood finally embraced his sexuality and threw himself into its waiting grasp. Because he, Alec, liked one Magnus Bane and one Magnus Bane liked him, Alec, in return. Therefore he was happy, even for a little while. He forgot about Isabelle who would be waiting anxiously at the Institute for Alec to come home and demand to know everything, and how he knew he'd have to tell his family about him before it was too late, and having to tell Jace and all the problems that would produce. And he momentarily forgot about Valentine and the threat on the shadowhunter world and all the lies and secrets because he was content, in the arms of this warlock. And it was in that moment that he really understood why everyone was so hyped when it came to love, because he could finally relate to it, in his own little way.