Well, well, well. It's been crazy busy in my real life, but good old Delly and Gale won't leave me alone. Chele really came through with ideas and wonderful creative stuff! The dream sequence is hers. Isn't she great? and it was just recently her birthday. Happy birthday, sweet lady!
Smile Ch 13
Delly's stay lasted another five days. In those days she had daily sessions with Dr. Aurelius, or as she referred to him, "The Most Wonderful Doctor Ever". His prediction was true. Not all their sessions were as productive or pleasant as their first one. Her least favorite was the one where the Good Doctor introduced her to EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization Therapy. Delly had to think of a disturbing memory and then the doctor would do something to engage her in lateral eye movement. It seemed really disjointed and wacky to Delly. She almost felt like she had motion sickness at first. She had to admit at the end of the session though, when she returned to the memory of Leevy blabbering on to her on the street corner, she didn't get the sweats, her hands didn't go numb and her head didn't hurt. It wasn't her favorite, but she promised she would try to continue when she got back to Tulsa.
Dr. Aurelius also changed her medication. She had started out on some heavy duty tranquilizers, which had made her really groggy. That first day had felt like trying to swim through a pool of jello. After their first session she was switched to an anti-depressant, anti anxiety medication. Her side effects seemed to be minimal and she slept better in the hospital. The first two days that's all she seemed to do - sleep. No dreams, just lights out.
Dr. Aurelius explained that it would take about two weeks to get her to a fully therapeutic dose. Gale, while trying to be supportive, was completely suspicious of all medication. Delly said she was worried about the cost. Although she had health insurance, the prescription coverage was crap. But, she trusted Dr. Aurelius and wanted to give it a shot. Begrudgingly, Gale said he would support whatever decision she made. Dr. Aurelius reiterated that it would take about two weeks for her to notice a change, but the medication would hopefully help with her sleep problems, panic attacks and depression.
Niall came to see her. That was hard for Delly. She felt she had spent most of her life taking care of him. It was weird for him to be taking care of her. Niall told her that was silly; they loved each other and always took care of each other. Hugging each other fiercely, Delly and Niall returned to the place they always had been; them against the world. Then Niall started to make her laugh, telling her stories of his adventures at his internship. His story of trying to act all macho to impress another intern, Chelsea, had his sister giggling right away. He was trying to replace the water cooler bottle, but took off the whole rubber top, instead of just the paper cover. When he lifted it up and turned it upside down to attach it to the cooler the water came gushing out all over the floor, soaking Chelsea's brand new suede shoes. Leave it to Niall, he wound up taking her shoe shopping and they have a date set for next weekend. Delly laughed so hard, she could hardly breathe. Man, she loved her little wise brother.
As much as she and Gale wanted to drive back and revisit the Great Serpent Mound, they decided to take a plane. Gale got all her stuff together from his mom's and Peeta and Katniss drove them to the airport. Delly felt kind of bad about not being able to say goodbye to Hazelle, Haymitch and Mrs. Everdeen. She really wanted to thank them for all they had done. She would just have to settle for sending a heartfelt letter to them. Gale reassured her that his mother would love a letter almost as much as a hug.
The departures at the airport were tearful. Gale could hardly speak. Peeta had bought the plane tickets and would not take no for an answer.
"Tigris told me I would have to learn how to accept help," Gale said, with a large catch in his throat. "Honestly, Peeta, I don't know what I would have done without you. You too, Catnip." and he hugged them both, fiercely.
"We all need somebody from time, to time, Gale," Peeta assured him. "I'm just glad I was there to help."
Delly hugged Peeta and said to him, "I knew you were my best friend, Peet. I just didn't know how deep that actually went between us. You have given me everything! I can't tell you how much you mean to me. I hope someday I can do something great for you."
"You already have," he said. "You trusted me enough to accept my help." He kissed her cheek.
"Who would have thought those mud pies we made together would be the foundation for such love?"
"Hey! Speak for yourself, Delly. My mud pies are legendary love inducers!" Peeta smiled his thousand-watt smile.
As Katniss and Delly hugged, Delly felt she had to say something about the wedding. "Katniss, I'm so sorry for making all this trouble right after your wedding. You know it was a beautiful day and I can't remember a nicer ceremony or a better reception - especially that thanksgiving dinner! But, I still feel like I messed up your glow."
Katniss just looked at her with a trademark friendly scowl. "Now Delly, when have you ever used the word 'glow' to describe me? I'm just not a glowing kind of person. And don't worry about the wedding. Real life doesn't come in nice packages. You know you and Gale mean more to us than any ceremony or dinner."
"OK. I owe you a pie, though."
"Deal." They all hugged again and before they knew it, Gale and Delly were on that plane.
And before they knew it, they were home again. Annie and BT had picked them up and brought them home, stopping for dinner at a diner they all loved. It was great to see their friends again, but they were both incredibly tired. Annie and BT were tired too, Annie having taken on double shifts to help keep Delly's job for her. They all promised to call each other the next day, which happened to be Sunday and a day off for them all.
They breathed a huge sigh of relief when they reached their apartment. As Gale closed the door, waving good bye, he turned around and grabbed Delly into the tenderest embrace. They just stood there and rocked each other. Neither had to say it, they both knew the last two weeks were like nothing they had expected when they went back home. Delly said it anyway:
"I love you, Gale-man. I could never have had the strength to get through these last few weeks without you. I love you so much, I don't think I ever really knew what love was until I had you... I love every bit of you...I..."
She didn't make it any further as he kissed her deep and slow, winding his tongue around hers, sucking her lower lip, planting wet kisses along her jaw and neck. He looked at her and smiled a crooked smile. She suspected something sexy was about to be said and suddenly she felt a little unsure. Was she really ready for sex?
"Oh my goddess, Gale. You are just the sexiest beast on the planet when you give me that look. But to be honest...and I hope you know that's important for us...I just...I just..."
"You don't have to say any more, Dels. You've been through hell! I just want to hold you and lie down and fall asleep in each other's arms and maybe not get up again until Tuesday. Let's go."
Delly let out a long breath she had been holding. They made their way to the bedroom. She took her medication out of her bag and checked to see if it was time to take another pill. She glanced at Gale, knowing he was still pretty suspicious about her chemicals. She quickly got some water and downed her dose. Then she snuggled into his arms and he kissed her forehead and smoothed her hair, while she in turn reached his face and traced the planes of his face, gently holding his cheek. He rubbed her back, as his embrace drew her closer to him. She sighed, contentedly and closed her eyes. Safe in his arms, safe in his love.
The morning light found them still in bed. Their clothes abandoned, Gale's strong back to Delly's curvaceous front; her arm encircling his waist, he cheek against his shoulder. Covers were askew and legs entangled. Hair was messed and slight snores came from both their mouths. Gale's eyes opened first and he stretched like a cat in a sunbeam, turning to face her. Delly's mouth was a little bit open, as sound sleepers can look, and he touched her plump lips lightly with his finger. She snuffled and rubbed her nose, eyes still closed. He tried again to wake her. His morning erection undeniable, he kissed her gently. Her ice blue eyes popped open, surprised by her circumstance. She responded to his kiss, but broke first.
"You're really cute when you're sleeping, you know that Dels?" She blushed, astonished that she had not woken before the kiss. She knew him well enough to know he hadn't kept his hands to himself and she could feel his rock hard penis next to her. Judging by the snuffly feeling in her nose, she guessed she had been snoring. Lovely, she thought.
Gale looked deeply into her eyes. He reached for her again and kissed her ear and down her neck. He could tell she was still nervous. He didn't want to push her, or make her talk about something that she wasn't ready to say. He took her gentle hand, kissed each finger and brought it down to his cock. Then he gently traced back up her arm with his fingers, warm and soft.
Delly wanted so much to give him all of her self then, but she held back. Confused about her feelings and what was really happening around her, she took her time. Gradually, she gently stroked his penis, so velvet and iron at the same time. He made a low grumbling sound of pleasure. More confident, she reached his balls with her other hand and cupped them sweetly, as her rhythm increased. He moaned and arched his back, then began to rock his hips back and forth. She watched the chords in his neck strain and the blood rush to his face and she suddenly felt bold and pushed him on his back and took him in her mouth.
It wasn't long before his release came. "Now that's what I call a breakfast drink!" she said. A deep belly laugh came from him. The day seemed full of hope and promise. They laid in bed a while longer and talked about their plans for the days ahead. Most of the conversation was simple logistics: grocery shopping, calling for appointments, etc.
"I have to find a job that pays some money, Dels. I cannot go on thinking I'm going to go back to Boggs' shop. And we have pretty much wiped out our savings...well, your savings."
"We'll manage somehow, Gale. We try to live simply and I still have my little job..." She didn't finish her thought; as long as I don't screw up now that I'm out of the looney bin.
"Babe, I just don't feel safe. What happens if you start..you know...feeling panicky again? What if you have to go back to the hospital? What about the cost of those damn pills?" He knew his voice was getting louder. He couldn't seem to help it. He wanted to take care of her and she wasn't letting him.
She looked at him with her big eyes, lip quivering, tears about to spill over. She said in a tiny voice, filled with emotion, "I just don't want you to take some crazy job that will make you all stressed out. It won't do us any good if we are both too freaked out. and your shoulder isn't completely better. Please, Gale, take something normal if you have to take a job."
"Honey, what normal job would have a guy like me? I'll do what I have to do for as long as I have to do it!" He took in a big breath and let it out. He looked at her again. "Besides, if you bake me enough pies I'll be able to stand anything."
She laughed. She was worried, but she knew he was right. "I'd better get started then."
A week later Gale was working at Thirteen Stars Oil Company as an oil rigger. Because of his experience with mechanics he was assigned to all sorts of jobs on the site. He would be called on to fix broken equipment, followed by laborer work on the rig itself, sometimes driving truck, sometime shoveling...whatever they told him to do. He was a good worker and low in seniority, so he was often called in for overtime. He had to take the bus to a pick up spot and be driven to the site for an hour and a half. That made for a very long day.
He took the job with the promise that he would be a full time driver. He was doubtful, though, from the looks and attitude of his fellow workers. Seems there had been lots of promises made, not a lot kept by the owner, Alma Coin. His boss, Mitchell seemed ok, but didn't have a lot of clear answers to Gale's questions. It reminded him of the mines his dad had toiled away in back home: the company was full of lies and stomped on workers like they were insects.
Despite the fact that it was dirty, bone grinding kind of work, it turned out to be a good thing he had that job. Soon after Delly returned to work she wound up sleeping right through her shift. Her medication was still not completely worked out. The owner hated to let her go, but said he didn't have a choice. He did say that he would buy as many pies from her as she wanted to bake. They agreed on a price that wasn't half bad, but there went her health insurance. She felt so bad she stayed in bed for three days. When she wasn't sleeping, she was crying. Gale was beside himself with worry. He had no idea what to do to help her feel better.
So there they were.
Gale would come home sweaty and filthy and banged up from work every day. Every muscle hurt and he was exhausted. He tried not to let it show, but some nights he didn't even make it through dinner before his tired eyes closed and head drooped. Delly rubbed his muscles and tried to keep it together for him, but she felt guilty and sad that her free-wheeling rebel geek was getting lost in being a "provider". She would often close the door and , even though she tried to hide it, he could hear her soft sobs. In turn, that made him feel more worried that she wouldn't be well. He wanted to take her to Tigris, but couldn't get the time off work. The whole thing was getting to him, but he thought he had to stay strong. And so it went for a few months. Past Christmas, past New Years, the days droned on in what seemed like an inescapable path leading no where.
One night, when he wasn't completely dead on his feet, Delly met him at the door with a kiss and had made him lasagna to remind him of their first dinner. She had been feeling better and had started to organize her pie making business, which she called "Mud Pies". He jumped in the shower and raced back to the dinner table as fast as he could. He ate as if he were starving. After dinner they sampled her latest creation: orange cream pie with a chocolate cookie crust. Gale approved enough for two helpings. They had a great meal and talked and laughed. He sketched out some designs for her business cards. They even danced to some tunes, nice and slow and close. But when the romance started to heat up, Gale found that "Mr. Happy" wasn't so happy. He was as limp as a noodle. Delly must have told him twenty times not to worry about it, but he had never had that problem before. Not even in his drunk days. He was mortified. He went to sleep on the couch. He tossed and turned, but finally fell asleep. He began to dream.
In his dream, Gale stood at a window in an old farmhouse, looking out on a large field. The light of the early morning warmed the mist that rose among the rolling landscape. It seemed to be early spring; no flowers yet, earth just reawakening after a winter sleep. He looked across the field and saw something that wasn't quite a hill, but was higher than the rest of the field. What was it? Some kind of earthwork? A sculpture?
Suddenly he heard, "Daddy! Daddy! I need you!" Gale looked around for the little voice. He had never heard it before, but he knew that he loved it more than anything else. He turned away from the window and began walking through the house looking into every room. As sometimes happens in dreams, the house felt familiar, but he knew that he had never been there before in his waking life. As he walked down the hallway, he passed a room painted like a forest. but it was more than that, it was his forest from home. As he paused in front of the door, he saw the crib and the toddler bed with toys all over the floor where it looked like someone had just been playing, but hadn't yet put away the toys.
He heard it again, "Daddy! I need you! help me!" said the little voice. It seemed it was getting more urgent the more it called for him. So he hurried down the hallway, looking into another room. This one had a old fashioned barber's chair. He looked closer and it looked like the same one from the tattoo shop. Then, on the wall and on the table were all of his paints, and his favorite gun. On the walls was the different pictures of some of the better tats he had worked on. Gale wanted to stay in that room and look some more, but he heard again...
"DADDY! Where are you?"
There was a bedroom at the end of the hall. He walked into what could only be the master bedroom and there sitting on the bed were two little ones; both boys with bright shining faces. The older one had his granite colored eyes and blonde hair. He was perhaps 2 or 3. Lying on the bed beside was a new born about 7 weeks old. Delly's blue eyes this time, along with more blonde hair... propped up on the pillows so they could see what was going on too, wide eyed and looking straight at him. As he approached the bed, the older child launched himself into his arms. Gale caught him and swung him around and the sweetest giggle bubbled out the boy. Chubby little arms circled Gale's neck and a wee little voice whispered, "Big, big hugs". Leaning back so his little eyes could look into his father's, the little guy said "mommy needs you to help her... she is a little lost right now... she wants you to be happy...can you help her daddy? Can you be happy? She needs us too... daddy? ...can you still hear me? ...daddy..." It seemed to Gale that a veil, or a mist was drawn over the scene. He felt like he was falling backwards...falling...
With a bump he landed on the floor and woke with a start. Looking around, he could still hear the little voice in his head. Once he remembered that he was in Oklahoma and not in the house with who could only be his children, he felt a tear run down his cheek as he missed them already. His children. His and Delly's children. A future. A home. A life. A whole life.
He went into the bedroom. It wasn't morning yet, although he would have to leave for work before it would be light. Delly was sitting up in bed, turning on the light. She turned to him. He made no attempt to hide his tears. She opened her arms wide for him. He curled his long frame next to her; he said nothing, but held her tight as well. Allowing himself to be held, allowing himself to be comforted, he felt a great weight lift off him.
Delly spoke first. "Gale, I've been thinking. What if we moved back home?" He looked at her in awe. Was she some kind of mind reader? He sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve.
"Why would you want to do that, Dels?" he croaked, blinking back new tears.
"I think I need to finish what I started. I moved here to get enough distance between me and my demons to look at them and figure out how to become whole. I love it here. I changed my life in so many ways here. I learned to like myself, even love myself here. I found you here. I love you more than anything, Gale. I can't stand to see you kill yourself with this job! It's eating you alive and we don't have enough support here to help us make it through...And I need to tackle these old demons back home. I can't let some insensitive boob like Leevy turn me into mush! I have to get my strength back. I feel it...it's like it's around the corner. And Dr. A, well he was amazing and I think I need to be closer to him to do it."
"This job is killing me. I feel myself dying a little bit every day. I don't mind the hard work, it's all the bullshit games they play. I never know what my days are or what job I'm going to be on or what I should be paid for the different jobs. I've made good money there, for sure. But I feel my soul being sucked out a little bit more every day. And...I didn't want to tell you this...but a lot of those guys take stuff to keep them up or help them sleep or just to not be bored...and there's this bunch of racist, sexist homophobes who can never shut the fuck up with all their negative shit. I hate it there." He felt his anger rising just thinking about how frustrating it was.
"And I haven't made it to AA in I don't know when...I'm scared...I'm scared I'll relapse. Oh God! Dels, I can't do that to you!" He collapsed on her again and was really crying. She held him gently, let him get it out. She rubbed his back and shoulders and kissed him about a hundred times as he sobbed in her arms. She felt she had never loved him more.
He called in sick that day. They sat down at the kitchen table with a big pot of tea and figured out what they could sell and what they needed to keep. How much money did they have in savings? What kind of work could they find at home? They called Hazelle and Haymitch and Peeta and Katniss and Niall. By the end of the day they had made a plan. A plan for their life together. For their future. For their survival.