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Emotions: Chapter Two.
Dean had learnt so much since meeting Castiel.
Like how to trust a friend's advice - even if he had just bailed on you.
Instead of going back into the bar and drinking his confusion and pain away, he steered the Impala over the speed limit and back to the Men of Letters base. Sam was asleep, of course, head resting on the crumpled paper of a text book - hand sprawled across to the trash can's general area with a tissue tightly scrunched in his palm. Dean didn't even bother to check; he knew it was stained with blood.
"Had to fall asleep there, didn't you Sammy?" Dean grumbled, pressing a hand to his younger brother's forehead. He wasn't too hot, but as a precaution Dean hauled him out of his jacket.
With all of his strength, Dean lifted his brother and carried (or more, half carried-half dragged) Sam to a sofa. Whether it was because his brother was a deep sleeper or he was too ill to wake up, Dean didn't know, but he had a feeling he could push him down a flight of stairs right now and Sam wouldn't stir.
"You'll do there for now Sasquatch." Dean muttered, heading to his bedroom. He removed his jacket and put on pyjama pants - but had no intentions of sleeping. In fact, he was contemplating going to the fridge and downing a six pack of beer - the only thought stopping him from doing that was the fact he could have just stayed in the bar if he was still planning to drink his pain away.
It was just Cas. Sure Cas had stopped him from getting lucky, but Dean could barely remember the girl's lipstick colour right now. She was a forgotten and distant memory already - Dean knew he wasn't feeling crappier than ever because of her.
Castiel had flown off in a blur of black feathers before, joining Dean out of the blue then leaving unexpectedly.
The question was why?
Why did Castiel just randomly leave Dean - had he offended him? Did Cas think he'd offended Dean?
With no other options, Dean resorted to his usual method of reaching the angel.
"Hey Castiel - I'm guessing you're hearing this, but you're not going to show up. It's - it's cool. Whatever, just keep listening yeah? Did I say something Cas? Why'd you just leave? I don't care if I was complaining before about your presence. I..." He laughed breathily. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
That last bit was unexpected, Dean didn't even realize how that sounded till the words left his mouth. Yet, he didn't take it back.
Human emotions weren't worth the trouble they caused.
-LineBreaker-
Castiel had learnt so much since meeting Dean.
The strange 'feeling's' (as Cas had eventually recognized them to be) had subsided, but his mind wouldn't wander from Dean. Nothing would distract him, not the tablet, not the fear of being controlled, not the trials. Just Dean.
Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a voice entered his head. "Hey Castiel - I'm guessing you're hearing this, but you're not going to show up." At that, Castiel felt a pang of guilt - there was no way he was going to go to Dean, even if he was pouring all of his attention into hearing and understanding the Winchester's prayer.
"It's - it's cool. Whatever, just keep listening yeah? Did I say something Cas? Why'd you just leave? I don't care if I was complaining before about your presence. I..." He laughed breathily. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
That. That was the thing that started up that feeling - his heart pounding and that ever demanding desire to be close to the troublesome human. Sometimes, Cas wished he could still be naive enough to be able to blame this sensation on his vessel.
Angel emotions weren't worth the trouble they caused.
-LineBreaker-
Both Dean and Cas had learnt so much since meeting each other.
It was late afternoon, and Dean's day had been uneventful. Sam had woken for a minute or two, but Dean refused to let him help in research for the mysterious tablet writer Metatron, instead pulling him over his shoulder and helping his younger brother hobble to his own bed; where he crashed out immediately - though Dean placed an ice-pack on his head for good measurer.
Dean was about to chug the rest of his half-drunk beer, when Castiel appeared before him.
"Hello Dean."
"Son of a bitch" Dean cursed, clearly surprised at the angel's appearance. "What the Hell Cas, you can't just leave like that yesterday and suddenly show up. It's just not the done thing."
Cas cocked his head to the side. "I'm sorry if I'm not familiar with that particular human custom. I do believe it is at this point that I owe you an explanation,"
"Oh how nice of you to catch on," Dean mocked - scowling slightly.
Castiel offered Dean a confused tilt of the head before continuing. "You say angels cannot feel, correct?" Dean shrugged.
"Well, mostly. Then again, angels don't learn free will either yet here you are."
Unsure of what to make of that statement, Castiel pressed on. "Yet, my vessel cannot feel whilst I inhabit him."
This time it was Dean's turn to look bewildered. "Well, I guess not. Your point?"
"If it is not Jimmy, then I do believe I have been having odd feelings which confuse me. Since my freedom from Naomi, I believe these feelings involve you."
Dean stopped drinking his beer mid-swig, setting down the bottle and standing up. "Woah, woah. What exactly are you saying Cas?"
"Well, as I recall my time enslaved by Naomi, I remember the time when I was ordered to kill you. Prior to it, I was ordered to kill hundreds of fake Dean Winchester's, and in the end I was blindly killing you the way I killed brother Samandriel." Castiel looked shamefully downwards. "Something I regret deeply, I assure you."
"Who? Oh, Alfie. Yeah, look Cas you're confusing me." Dean said.
"When it came to killing the real you, however, I couldn't do it."
"You beat me up pretty good though," Dean muttered.
"Against my will. For once, I argued with Naomi. I couldn't do it - there was no way I was going to kill my friend. I'd smite myself. In the end, she gave me a choice. The angels, or you." He didn't dare meet Dean's eyes.
"Who'd you choose?" It was a stupid question.
"I believe it is obvious, judging by the fact you're still breathing."
There was a slightly awkward silence for a second, until Dean broke it. "This...It's all incredibly fascinating Cas, and you have no idea how that makes me feel." Dean didn't know either, actually. Happy? Relieved? Cared for? ...Loved? "But still, what has this got to do with your - uh 'odd feelings'. Oh, and just a reminder Cas, I don't do chick flicks, so stow whatever cutesy or sad crap there may be."
"Well, since then, I have realized these odd feelings are not because of Jimmy, but because I'm experiencing emotions the way a human would. When you are around worthless women feel enraged, when you are in danger I feel as frightened and as vulnerable as the time I discovered that my father could not be counted on for all the answers. When you tell me what I've done wrong I feel shame and when you praise me..." He shrugs. "That is what confuses me. My heart hammers wildly and my hands are beaded with sweat and I cannot think straight."
Cas stared at Dean, who looked as if he'd been hit by a freight train, and muttered:
"Please explain to me what is going on."
Dean began to stutter, as if he were a teenager again. "I- Cas...I...I..." Dean didn't want to say it. Have it said out loud. Love. Angels didn't feel that, and Dean sure as Hell didn't feel that for other guys!
So why was Dean now so tempted to close the space between them and kiss him?
He smiled, but was unable to meet Cas' eyes. "This might make that feeling a bit better." He gave into temptation, walking forward and standing barely a centimeter from Castiel - his breath rebounding on the angel's skin.
"Do you not care for personal space any longer?" Cas questioned, but instead of being graced with an answer, Dean closed that tiny gap between them - brushing his lips onto Cas'.
It took a second, but soon Cas' lips were working back in rhythm with Dean's. He felt as if the confusion, the self-torture, the emptiness and the mere unexplained feelings were explained and sated in that moment.
Dean's reaction to his own actions? He'd felt a stronger connection than he'd ever felt with others. Not the chicks he'd pick up casually at the bar; Cassie; Lisa. Lisa was a distant memory compared to how this felt. Lisa he'd allowed Cas to wipe her memory with only a sore heart and emotional wounds that would heal. Losing Cas in this moment made Dean want to die all over again - as if the thought was too much to bare; which only made him kiss Cas harder.
When Dean pulled away for breath, he found it surprisingly easy to look in Castiel's eyes - he even mustered a smile that was, again to his surprise, genuine.
Cas mirrored his actions instantly.
"How did you know that would work Dean?" Dean laughed slightly.
"Call it human instinct." With that, he leant forward again, feeling lighter and happier than he thought he'd be able to be considering his lifestyle.
Angel and Human emotions weren't worth the trouble they cause...Then again, sometimes they are.
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