Moshi Moshi
Eight hours. That was the total time agreed upon when Haruno Sakura would be once again voiced by their mint toned den den mushi that had a plain red stripe streaked across it's shell. After the first den den mushi, Nami had declared that finding miniature hats identical to Luffy's was too costly and that the stripe would be sufficient. But that was besides the point.
Eight.
Hours.
When the shinobi had exhaustively explained that she required rest after several more hours of conversation in order to, how did she put it- "...get some overdue sleep and allow myself to wrap my head around this convoluted and insane debacle that by all rights only Naruto should ever have the misfortune of procuring!" -Nami had to translate the words, and Luffy had been upset that his newest crewmember wanted to give up time with him for sleep (he also didn't understand why the more tired she got the more complicated her vocabulary became) of all things and demanded that she stay on the den den mushi or else the moment she hung up he would continue to call her until she picked up again.
For some reason that was obvious to every single one of the Straw Hat Pirates excluding it's captain, the female grew irritated and her voice sharpened to a cold edge; her words cutting deep and building a healthy amount of fear within the hearts and minds of Usopp and Chopper who had clung to each other in their fright.
After an hour of what felt like playing ping-pong with a bomb with it's short fuse blazing away, they had finally reluctantly agreed upon giving the shinobi eight hours to herself. None of the Straw Hats were to attempt to contact her through the den den mushi and Sakura would be the one to call them when she was rested enough within the eight hours. However, if the female failed to come forth within the timeframe, then Luffy would be given free reign over the snail and her little abode would be filled with unpleasant and insistent ringing. Of course in order to reach this conclusion Sakura was growling that she would dispose of the snail if the pirates dared to intrude on her precious hours of peace and quiet and therefore they would never hear from her again, Nami then began violently shaking her captain, hissing that if they lost their den den mushi that she spent her money on because he didn't know the meaning of patience; he would be wishing for an apocalypse to end his suffering.
The good things that stemmed from the situation? Most of the Straw Hat Pirates and Sakura were now on a friendly first-name basis that didn't require any suffixes. Although it could have been a result of the medic-nin being too vexed to care about pleasantries, and Luffy never bothered with them in the first place. The rest of the crew simply followed suit.
So, seven hours and fifty-three minutes later, the Straw Hat Pirates were once again entertaining the idea of poison, mutiny, torture, imprisonment, drowning - anything that would make their captain shut up!
"Hey," Luffy whined loudly. "Has it-"
"NO!" The crew angrily chorused together.
"How much-"
"SHUT UP!" A heeled boot bounced off the back of his head, almost displacing the straw hat from it's place.
"But it's been so loooooong." Luffy complained childishly as he flopped onto his belly and flailed his rubbery arms wildly on the grassy deck of the Thousand Sunny.
We know. The crew mentally groaned. This had been the longest eight hours for all of them, but for an entirely different reason than their captain's. Since the start of the very first hour, Luffy had wailed, bellyached, complained and repeatedly questioned if the eight hours were up and how much time was left like a broken record that nobody enjoyed listening to in the first place. For those who sailed the seas for what could be weeks at a time, these eight hours were utterly unbearable. Please Sakura, PLEASE just call! Someone just end these torturous eight hours!
Puru-
Barely a beat after the den den mushi began to ring, Luffy's rubber arm had snatched the receiver off of it's shell with a speed that could rival his Jet Pistol, and his louder than life voice shot off just as quickly.
"MOSHI MOSHI? SAKURA?! What took you so long? We've been waiting FOREVER!"
"Luffy!" Sakura chided, the snail's eyes rolling as it mirrored the woman's exasperation. "It's only been a couple minutes short of eight hours, just like we agreed on."
"Yeah, but it's not like you had to wait to the end of the eight hours to call!" The rubber pirate pouted. "What was so important that you couldn't call sooner?"
"To be honest, I didn't want to call at all. At least I had an uninterrupted night. For once." Sakura deadpanned.
Sanji was finally able to wrestle the receiver away from Luffy, shoving him away with a well aimed kick to the chest. "Good morning sweet Sakura-chan!"
"Good morning, Sanji-san. How are you today?"
"Wonderful now that I can hear your beautiful voice!" The cook joyously cheered how pleasant their Cherry-chan was once well rested and then turned a glare to Luffy who was attempting to regain control of the den den mushi. "Although anything would be better than this idiot's whining for eight hours straight. The fact that your voice came to us in our time of need means you must be an angel sent from heaven, Sakura-chan!"
"Ahh… that's-"
"SANJI! GIMMIE THE DEN DEN MUSHI!" Howling, Luffy lunged at the blond, his legs latching on the man's torso first before the rest of the captain's rubber body snapped forward, their foreheads clashing together with a thunderous crack.
"SA...SANJI!" Chopper exclaimed, his eyes wide as he scurried over to the now unconscious man and checking to see how extensive the damage was. "Can you hear me? Are you alright?"
"Is everything okay?" Sakura inquired, slight concern touching her dulcet vocals.
"Yup." Nami plucked the receiver from Luffy's hands. "They're just being idiots, like usual."
Their snail smiled almost fondly, and the pirate crew paused a heartbeat before grinning happily back. Perhaps their idiotic captain wasn't that bad in his hard-headed decision to force Sakura into their crew.
"Shishishi!" Luffy laughed to himself, obviously pleased that his entire crew (Sakura included) were getting along. He'd let them talk to his shinobi for now since bonding between crewmembers was crucial, but he only had so much patience.
"Hey, Sakura?" Nami continued when the other female responded with a light hum. "Do you have any experience at sea? Or on a ship at all?" It wasn't absolutely necessary that she did, however having previous knowledge would make it easier for them to prepare for their newest crewmember.
"I've been on a ship to Mizu a couple of times, but it doesn't take long to get there. I was also merely a passenger." The shinobi then sighed. "This isn't about me becoming a pirate again, is it?"
"Of cour-"
"Oi, Shinobi."
"Hey! Zoro give it back!" The swordsman ignored the orange haired navigator and stared the snail down with his single eye.
"Yes, Zoro-san?" The woman had remained miffed with the swordsman because of his continuous jabs at her expense. It was a bit of harmless fun that not only garnered an amusing response from the female, but it also riled up the stupid cook.
"You don't know about the sea, but what about fighting? You said you worked at a hospital, and I thought you said you were a shinobi, not a nurse." The other pirates (other than the still unconscious Sanji) perked up, listening intently, curious to know more about the mysterious shinobi.
"Oh, I'm a medic-nin. When I'm not on a mission, I occasionally help out at the hospital."
"So, you're strictly a healer?" Zoro and Luffy frowned. The former disappointed that the woman wouldn't be a challenge, and the latter believing that shinobi should be cooler than just healers.
"No no, not just a healer. All shinobi have to have at least genin-level combat abilities, and I'm currently a jounin."
"What's a jounin? Does that mean you're strong? Can I eat it and become a shinobi?" Luffy leaned towards the snail, his excitement bubbling up once again. After the medic-nin explained the shinobi schooling system, the exams and ranks, he was practically vibrating with glee. "So jounin are super strong! Shishishi! You're awesome, Sakura!"
The mint green snail's little arms pulled up to cradle it's lightly blushing cheeks.
"I'm not really that-"
"SAKURA-CHAN!" A male and boisterous voice bellowed out of the den den mushi, and not a single trace of blush remained.
"What- NARUTO! What are you doing here?!"
"AHH! SAKURA-CHAN! Why are you just wearing you're chest bindings and panties? You're practically naked!"
"CHERRY-CHAN IS NAKED?" Sanji bolted upright from his previous comatose state, his heart pounding wildly in his ears and the blood rushing to his head at the thought of his angel clad in frilly white and pink undergarments.
"SHE'S NOT NAKED YOU PERVERT!" Nami whacked the back of the cook's head angrily. "And that reaction time was way too fast!"
"Where are those voices coming from? Sakura-chan! There are intruders in your apartment!"
"The only intruder is you Naruto! I just got out of the shower and had to call the pirates before their captain began to abuse their poor snail so I haven't had the chance to dress properly yet. Besides! I'm in my own apart-"
"Excuse me, Sakura-san." Brook interrupted the female's explanation that would do no more than confuse her boisterous friend.
"Yes Brook?"
"Wait! They're talking through the snail?"
"I have a question, for you."
"What is it?"
"Sakura-chan! Stop ignoring me!"
Brook paused dramatically before taking a serious tone to his voice. "May I see your panties?"
"YOU PERVERT!" Nami shrieked at the skeletal musician, her boot smashing into his face and sending him crashing to the deck.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO ASK TO SEE SAKURA-CHAN'S PANTIES YOU BASTARD!"
"Naruto!"
"But she's already just in her panties isn't she? And you good sir already have the best view." Brook attempted to reason with the woman, and Sanji realized that the angel was in her unmentionables while another man was in the same room as her.
"UNACCEPTABLE!" The cook raged. "YOU! THE SUSPICIOUS MAN UNDESERVING OF SAKURA-SAN'S GLORIOUS PANTY-CLAD BODY! HOW DARE YOU JEOPARDIZE HER PURITY!"
"Oi oi, why are you talking to such strange people, Sakura-chan?" The medic-nin grumbled about strange snails, hospital shifts and migraines.
"It's a long story… I'm going to put some clothes on, come on Naruto."
"WHAT?! Why are you taking him with you, Cherry-chan?!"
"Because! The last thing I need is for the crew and Naruto to get together and come up with something idiotically disastrous and detrimental to mine and everyone else's well being!"
"Oh, here. Just put this on."
"Naruto!" Sakura growled at the man. "I am NOT wearing that disgusting shirt and shorts that you dumped in my apartment in hopes that I would wash it for you! Leave and take your festering poor excuse for clothes with you!"
"But Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined.
"You seem to be having a difficult time, Shinobi-san." Robin observed out loud, and the navigator nodded sympathetically.
"You have no idea." Sakura groaned. "Do you have the same issues on the Sunny too?"
"Nope!" Nami happily popped the P at the end. "I charge the crew for any grievances related to personal hygiene, so I have absolutely no issues!"
"That must be nice." Sakura sighed wistfully. "I wish it were that easy here…"
Nami and Robin shared a grin, the raven haired woman's words then taking on an encouraging tone with hints of enticement. "Well, once you join the crew you won't have to worry about it at all, I promise you."
"Sakura-chan, what does she mean-"
"Robin! I'm not-"
"Ugly, why are you talking to a snail?" A new male's voice that was likened to stagnant water that could only reflect the scenery around it, yet remained colourless on it's own.
"Yo! Sakura-chan, are we parading around in our underwear today?" The second man had an almost lethargic feel to the carefree tones, and it was clear that both of them were just as familiar with the medic-nin as Naruto was.
"H-How dare you, you, you cretin! To refer to Sakura-chan as ugly!" Sanji growled at the ridiculously un-gentlemanly men around the woman.
"Hahahaha!" Zoro clutched his abdomen with mirth. "I knew it! She really must look like a sea king!"
"Kakashi! Sai! What are you doing here?"
"What's a sea king?"
"I'm going to kill you, marimo!" Sanji's leather heel clashed with the swordsman's forearm, both of them grinning madly with the promise of a beat-down.
"Hey! Answer my question!"
"Heh, I'd like to see you-"
"Shut up! It's simply a nickname that Sai gave to me! This snail is a communicator of some sorts and I'm talking to Luffy and his crew! Now Kakashi, Sai, why are you here and why can't you stop using my windows like I've asked?!"
"You should have better traps on your windows if you don't want us coming through them." The lazy-toned Kakashi quirked back, and then muttered as an afterthought, "...not that it would do any good."
"Yeah Sakura-chan! I'd feel safer knowing that old perverts like Kakashi wouldn't be able to get into your room at night." Naruto admonished.
"P-P-Pervert?!" Sanji stuttered with a bitter cocktail of anger and disbelief that an old pervert had such easy access to Sakura's room. How could they leave their angel in such a barbaric place?
"Excuse me? Would you please be so kind to remind me why I no longer have traps on my windows?"
"How should I-"
"It was practically four in the morning, and you were coming back from a mission."
"Ahahaha, but Sakura-chan, I came to see you because I miss-"
"Four. In. The. Bloody. Morning. And you know what else was bloody?" The snail was the perfect picture of calm, yet everyone could hear the viper that lay under the surface just waiting to strike.
"Uh, well I could guess-" Usopp and Chopper began to sweat when the now skittish snail looked marginally frightened.
"You were you idiot! Poisoned and bleeding everywhere and then you stupidly came to my apartment instead of the hospital that I had just spent thirty-eight hours at before you decided that you MISSED me."
"But Sakura-chan!"
"And THEN you got caught in my trap because you were too incapacitated to notice it and THEN you had the gall to accused me of being a terrible medic for trapping my patients who were looking for help!"
"Uh… Sa-Sakura-cha-" Their den den mushi's eyes were absolutely terrified, it's body and shell shaking violently. The sharpshooter and doctor clutched each other in fear but unable to tear their eyes away from the horror show in front of them.
"Maybe I should put the traps back up! Because then you wouldn't interrupt the little hours of sleep that I rarely get, someone else who isn't already chakra deprived could peel you off the bloody pavement if you happened to survive and then maybe you would get it through your thick skull that my apartment is not your personal clinic!"
"But Ugly, your landlady wouldn't be happy with the mess left over."
"I suppose you're right, Sai."
"You know how I hate hospitals, Sakura. Are you suggesting I should attempt to stitch myself up?"
"No! Kakashi, stop trying to guilt-trip me!"
"But it works so well."
"Kakashi!"
"Hey." Luffy took over at the slight pause in conversation, and then bluntly added, "can you guys go away? We just want to talk to Sakura."
"Luffy!" Sakura chided, and his crew sighed with part bemusement and exasperation.
"Oh? And who might you be?" Kakashi questioned, and it was obvious that the man was displeased with the comment. Despite still holding it's carefree inflection, there was a tone that had the Straw Hat Pirates straightening their spines with alarm. This man would be a threat if not handled correctly.
The crew were tense as they speculated how to respond, however the issue was resolved for better or worse when their headstrong captain took charge in his own stubborn way.
"Monkey D. Luffy! The man who will become the Pirate King!"
"Hmmm. And what would a pirate want with our Sakura?"
"Wait! Luffy-"
"Sakura is our nakama! We're taking her with us to find One Piece!"
"One Piece? Hmm. Well, I'm not sure what you're going on about, but pirates have no business with Sakura. Sai, get Sakura ready, Naruto, you take care of this." Kakashi commanded the other two shinobi and the pirate crew bristled at the man's refusal to allow Sakura to join their crew. As if he had the right to do so.
"Are you trying to order us around, you damn shinobi." Zoro snarled, his fingers twitching to draw his katana.
"Zoro!"
"Come on Ugly, you've been requested for an anbu mission."
"Hold on a second! Wait! Sai! Kakashi!" The medic-nin's voice grew distant, and the pirate captain was now glaring at their den den mushi.
"Hey, Monkey-whatever!" The once sunny voice was now dark and threatening. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto, the next Hokage! You want to take our Sakura-chan for your crew?"
"Sakura's already our nakama. She's already a Straw Hat Pirate!" The future Pirate King bellowed.
The den den mushi's eyes narrowed, it's mouth stretching into an almost feral, challenging smirk.
"Bring it on pirates, I'd like to see you try and take her."
Kachak!
A/N:
THE END! Well, kinda, maybe. You may vote on the poll on my profile concerning the future (if any) of Moshi Moshi.
Edit: I feel like I should clarify. Moshi Moshi, this story, will end here. If there were any sort of continuation, it would be under a new title and have a different format. I apologize for any confusion.
Honestly, I hate this chapter. Like the first, I wrote everything in one sitting, simply forging forward without going back to edit or delete. It's probably why it's come out so quickly (releasing a chapter within four months of another is monumental, so two in one month is brain-constipating), well that and because of the tremendous support and push from my reviewers for this unplanned second chapter. Thank you everyone, I hope I didn't disappoint TTvTT
I went back to edit the first chapter (had errors in my AN /sobs), and maybe one day I'll fix the problems in this one too.
Thank you for reading, all thoughts are welcome C: