Chapter 14: Her Weekends

Sunday morning found Sesshoumaru wandering about from his original parking spot near Peace Roaster Coffee in Minato-ku. He knew this place very well; his foot kept carrying him along the familiar path bathed in the pleasantly sweet and bitter aroma. He had wanted to get wine, specifically those from the Atago Konishi store, which was next door. But here he was, standing in front of the store hesitating and hating himself… for lying, for being a coward and for being stupid. Did he really think he can do this? Just round the wine store corner, head up those stairs, straight to the shrine, and he would be able to see her. Then what? He would be on his knees and begging nonsense? But then again, because, he was one lost and foolish man, he decided to walked towards his goal anyway, despite not having a definite plan yet.

Ascending the 86-stone-steps didn't take long enough for him to mentally count all the reasons justifying this. So he only vaguely had some ideas. And it generally felt like his heavy footfalls were blindly leading him towards his suicide. One, he wanted to find refuge from the bustling metropolis. Two, he wanted to be surrounded by the air that held her presence, her home. Oh, and three, he had all Sunday void of events and obligations…. Oh, and he really just wanted to see her. The anxiety and fear bubbling within his chest threatened to fail him all together, regardless of the mental preparation he had conjured up for days. He looked up the sky for inspiration, only for it to stare back at him with gray and cold vacant eyes.

Fresh air enveloped him, playing with his white hair gently as he neared the cleansing water basin. He tugged the scarf down to his neck and calmly walked over to pick up the ladle. Pouring the freezing water over his hands, and wiping his mouth, he realized that it was probably his first time following the proper religious routine at the Higurashi's shrine. Because most of the time, he was too occupied with her to follow the usual shrine's visitor etiquette. The thought of her, along with the pathetic act of trying to cleanse his sins, brought a bitter smile to his face and pulled his stomach a little harder.

It was eerily quiet, only green branches of nature shuffling slightly in the early morning wind. There was not a soul to be seen around besides him and his leaden heart. Perhaps, the lack of a witness was the motivation that made him feel a tiny sliver of bravery as he briskly paced through the red lacquered gate, towards the main shrine.

Sesshoumaru was never one to be religious. Yeah, didn't he already state his reasons for coming here earlier? Religion was not one of it. He stood in front of the Shinto gods and prayed anyway. In actuality, he spent a good few minutes staring at the statues, trying to gather his words. Sesshoumaru realized then that he couldn't very well just request that they would happily give their shrine maiden to him. The gods would definitely take offense for such insolence. So he merely bowed, and hope the message was conveyed somehow through his silent prayers and the pathetic wails from his festering heart.

Stepping out of the shrine, he walked a few steps toward the wishing cards booth. Fortunately there was no one around, so he put 4000 yen in the money box, and picked out a wooden plague. There was a variety of themed cards- heart shaped, dragon, fortune, books, young kids… But he grabbed the one with a picture of a traditional Japanese house instead. It was crazy beyond his rational comprehension that one day, he, Sesshoumaru, would hope that the gods would grant this particular wish.

The black sharpie held tight in his grip, hovering just above the blank surface of the back of the wooden plague. The persistent silence surrounding him amplified the soft cry within his heart. He eventually found his spiritual savior when his knee hit the ground uncomfortably, leaving his arms propped awkwardly on the table. His right hand still rigid, he began to write. A few minutes later, he successfully hung the wish up on the large rack, containing multitudes of others' wishes, around a very old and large tree. His head turned up to its vastly leafy foliage and felt the swaying wind somewhat lifted a small part of his worry. With one last look at the Higurashi's household perched on the far left of the premise and a quick glance at the koi pond, he forlornly began to trace his steps back to the exit.

His head hung low as his feet kept paddling. He saw a pair of black rubber boots in his peripheral vision and he halted. But when he looked up, the fear slowly invested within him was quickly banished. It was just mama Higurashi. Her lightly wrinkled eyes rounded in surprise. Yet he maintained his stone cold outer appearance as he bowed low and proceeded to walk away.

"Are you looking for Kagome?" she softly spoke, the basket of fish food laid slack in the circle of her arms.

Sesshoumaru turned around, saw the sympathy swirling along with something else indecipherable in her eyes, and found his words, "Yes."

The hard look in the older women eyes soften, "She left early in the morning to Nakagomi with some friends. May be I can pass on your message to her?"

"It's alright," he spoke solemnly, the pit of his guts dropped even further. Yup it's quite okay. Like he'd already said, he was not really ready to face her yet.

"Thank you. Have a good day, Higurashi-san."

With that, he made a bee-line to the descending stairs located on the side of the entrance, his left hand gripping the railing. Reaching the ground level, he saw a blue Nissan Note, sitting next to Higurashi's old Toyota Corolla. It was shiny and very new, probably a 2015 model. He cautiously approached it. There wasn't a license plate yet, just a piece of paper with a row of numbers on the rear window. A quick peer inside and he spotted a grayish pink fluffy flush throw blanket neatly folded in the back seat, a Hello Kitty wearing black frame glasses perching on the dashboard, a string of faux marshmallow and strawberries charms hanging from the rear mirror, and a pink-and-white bow-shaped cushion sat on the neck of the driver seat. The stark contrast of the girly decorations against the metallic blue paint of the car body made this whole ensemble a really cringe-worthy piece of work… What's gross was the way this monstrosity stood glaring against the grayish asphalt and the worn out scenery that was filled with naked trees. And he laughed softly.

Sesshoumaru could only think of one person who could have been the owner of it. Hah… knowing her, she probably already named the vehicle James, Peter or something exotic and boyish like that. But then she just had to emasculate the poor thing by decorating him with Kitty-chan and her cutesy stuff.

He wanted to smile, thinking of her. She was doing great, happy and healthy. But relief soon abandoned him once his self-consciousness awoke him to his current position in her life. And melancholy washed over him anew. He felt jealous. He wondered which friend of her had helped her with automobile advices because obviously, Sesshoumaru knew that she didn't know much about cars. He wondered at what point she had grew tired of commuting with public transit. He was curious and he felt left out for not being there to make these decisions with her and for not having the slightest idea of her whereabouts, of her doings. And what was she doing in Nakagomi anyway? That was a three hour ride!

Here he was, helpless, useless, and having nothing to do…

She was supposed to lead him, taking him around and making him do things, not leaving him to his own device like this. She was supposed to barge into his office weekday afternoons, during his most tedious hours, dragging him out for food… saving him. She was supposed to invade his weekends too, winding him up, making him younger and more energetic, and bringing joy to his otherwise boring bachelorette life. Then, she was supposed to track him down during the holidays, haul him out of his comfort zone and do garish cheesy things in this overcrowded city.

He sat on the last stone step, his mind tumbling to one last conclusion. It gripped his heart, tightened his chest and stung his throat. He sat there, his ass cold, his lips chapped, his nose and hands numb… His happiness practically depended on her presence. Her love was so strong, so generous, and her personality was so vibrant, it swept him in so thoroughly that he hadn't had a chance to notice since when had his life started thriving on it.

He had been content and happy. She could be annoying sometimes, rubbing rainbows and sugars into his life. But whenever they sat down to read or chilled out for a walk, he had never felt more comfortable and pleasant. It definitely wasn't boredom. How could he come to the conclusion that their relationship was getting wearisome? But he went and botched up, simply because he thought someone more similar to him would be a better match - someone who wouldn't rile up his ire, breech the serious and bland cocoon that envelope his life, someone who would speak his language, think at the same wavelength, and leave his personal space alone. He was one blind and ungrateful man… How could one as smart as him fall prey to stupidity? Was it because he was being too rational and too calculative? Sesshoumaru chuckled grimly, his eyes red, already mourning for a lost Christmas to come.

….

Tires rolling on the worn rural gravel, calmly paced at speed limit, as the SUV breezed its way back toward Tokyo. It was late afternoon, the sun disappeared quickly, leaving the uncrowded and forest-covered vicinity bathing in a chilly pink hue.

Yet, the joyous atmosphere inside the car remained unaffected. The two adults in the front seats chattered non-sense daily life issues. The younger people in the back seats were huddling over electronics. Souta occasionally screamed and cursed over his DS. Yuki alternated between whimpering in sadness and giggling softly over the screen of her reader tablet.

"God damn it," the young man muttered, exhaled heavily, dropping the console onto his laps.

Yuki turned her head, snickering quietly, "Fail. Like I told you, if you would just switch to the other sword…."

Kagome turned away from the drama in the back seat, giggling at their bitching and bickering. Ike-san was saying something, and she only faintly caught the last part of his trailing words, "You asked how the car was?"

"Yes, did your family like it?" Ike asked, his youthful face eager, his eyes on the road.

"Mama and Ji-chan like it a lot. And I think you were right. The Aqua was cute and fuel efficient but clearly smaller than the Versa Note. Old people really need that leg space."

"Yea….. and tall young people like me as well," Souta interrupted from the back.

Kagome rolled her eyes and her scolding voice filled the space, "Oh gosh, you're going to be getting a job and getting your own car in less than a few years."

"Oniisan, Kagome was still crying over the sky blue Aqua the other day," Yuki supplied, looking expectantly at her brother, who, in respond, gave Kagome a quick inquiring lift of his eyebrow.

"That one was really pretty, but I agree, it's kind of too small. What's the point of having a car if you can't store enough things in it? And I do like the Note and its color," the older girl explained.

Ike nodded his head, smiling in silent acknowledgement, glad that he had been able to help her in picking out the right car. As they began to talked about traffic and gas stations, there was a gasp from the back and a foreboding "OH MY GOD". Silence ensued as everyone anxiously waited for Yuki to elaborate her vocal outburst.

"Geez….. Did the boys finally confessed?" Souta joked, assuming Yuki was reading some obscure fanfictions.

"No, you ass," the girl bit back, looking up from her tablet screen, "Tokyo is going to snow tomorrow, may last until Wednesday, at least 10 centimeters expected depth."

"Oh my god, is it for real?" The older girl cried, mouth wide and eyes gleaming in excitement, "Amazing! I can't wait"

"Damn, I wish they would cancel school," Someone in the back seat whined. It was hard to tell if that was from the boy or the girl.

"I'm actually surprise you get some signals there, imouto," the driver only coolly commented as his crisp laughter at the commotion inside rang about.

"Oniisan, can I be excused from work tomorrow evening?" Yuki politely asked. Her brother only grinned and looked at Kagome mischievously, but stayed silent. Annoyed, she conceded, "FINE. What can I do to earn that?"

"I'll think about it," his calm slipped and he started snickering again.

"So petty," Kagome shook her head in disbelief.

He only grinned harder and changed topic, "Let's stop somewhere for dinner." A loud chant of yeahs followed after. They began to argue about whose playlist would get to go next as Ike slowed down and scanned the small town they were entering.

…..

Sesshoumaru looked on glumly as his phone screen turned black again, "Snow huh?"

He debated whether he should reply to Kagura's message or not. Troubled and shameful, he decided to remain being a coward until the weekend is over. He saw the content of her text asking for his schedule when his iPhone alerted him two days ago. But he hadn't actually open to read the whole thing, so it was still counted as he was too busy to check. He sighed, like Kagura would actually buy that.

Detached and perturbed by the whole stinking mess he had made out of his life, Sesshoumaru got up from his office and monotonously dragged his feet down to the kitchen. He would need to find food for dinner, wouldn't he?

The mahogany door shut with a resounding thud, echoing around the quiet and unoccupied work room. The cell phone screen was alighted, white and steady within the dark vicinity... "Sesshoumaru, you will need to explain to me about the sudden huge charity to Tokyo U you just decided on yesterday. I will drop by your office tomorrow," from father, it read. And the room went black again as distant clanking noises were heard from downstairs.

A/N:

I hope this chapter is not too boring… And I'm really really really sorry for the lazy updates. I can't believe I took five months for this. Despicable me... (T.T)

And I lied, the first part of the chapter got out of hand, so this cliffhanger wasn't really the actual cliffhanger that I had promised in the previous chapter. But…. It will definitely get more interesting next chapter. Thank you so much for the reviews! They really meant a lot to me.