A/N

This is based entirely on secretagentbob/filmcow's Llamas with hats. The dialogue is copied from Llamas with Hats, altered slightly in the form of names and adding small bits of speech ("aru" and "da") I take no credit for the dialogue, only the concept of adding much-loved Hetalia characters to the premise. I plan to continue with all 4 "Llamas with Hats" with the same characters if no problems arise, and maybe other video series' as well.

Also, a douli is the common conical Asian hat, and an ushanka is the ear-flap hat common in Russia.

Enjoy, and hopefully giggle much~

Hetalians with Hats

"Ivan, there is a dead human in our house!" A man wearing a bamboo doƻli exclaimed in shock.

Russia and China were standing together in their living room, some poor man lifeless laying between them. While China had a look of disturbed surprise, Russia stared back with his usual deadpan expression, a black ushanka on his head.

"Oh, hey, how did he get here, da?" Russia replied with poorly feigned surprise.

"Ivaaaann, what did you do, aru?" China asked with a whine.

"Me? Da, I didn't do this." Ivan denied sounding offended.

"Explain what happened, aru!" China demanded.

"I've never seen him before in my life." Russia stated flatly.

"Why did you kill this person, Ivan?!" China wasn't buying it.

"I do not kill people. That is, that is my least favorite thing to do, da."

"Tell me, Ivan, exactly what you were doing before I got home."

" Well I was upstairs..." Russia began.

"Aru."

"I was sitting in my room..."

"Aru."

"Reading a book..."

"Go on..."

"And, well this guy walked in, da."

"Aru."

"So I went up to him."

"Aru..."

"And I, da, I stabbed him 37 times in the chest."

There was a short pause as China took this in.

"Ivaaaaannnn, that kills people!" He scolded.

"Da, well, I didn't know that."

"Ivaaannn, how could you not know that?" China asked irritably.

"I, da, I'm in the wrong here."

"Ivaaaannnnn!"

"I suck." Russia was still straight-faced, and he pretended to be both innocent and remorseful. Another pause lapsed as China stared exasperated at the cadaver.

"What happened to his hands, aru?" China suddenly inquired.

"What?" Russia asked, still keeping up his act.

"His hands, Ivan. Why are they missing?"

"Da, well I kind of cooked them up. And ate them." Russia stated as though it was perfectly normal.

"IIIvaaaaaannn." China sighed.

"Well, da, I was hungry. And you know, when you crave hands that's"...

"IIvaaann! Why would you do that!"

"I was hungry for hands," Russia pouted, "Gimme a break."

"IIIIIVVVVAAAAAAAAAANNN." China drew out his companion's name even longer than before.

Suddenly Russia went dead serious, his trademark purple aura surrounding him. "My tummy was making the rumblies," he began,

"IIvvaaann..."

"That only hands could satisfy." Russia finished without the aura so much as tapering off.

"What is wrong with you Ivan, aru?!"

"...Well I kill people and eat hands, that's two things." The large nation took the question very literally.

The End!