Hello everyone, here's another chapter translated from The Labyrinth for you. I'm trying to work on the new chapter in Portuguese, but it has been easier for me to take the time and translate what is already done than actually stop to write something. I had some previous ideas that were already written, but I decided to change it a little and, for that, I thought it would be better to translate and get used to these very complex characters again, so that when a new chapter is ready, you don't think it looks too different of others. Thank you very much for the criticisms I received about the previous chapter. I hope this is easy to understand, despite my many likely translation errors. Enjoy and stay tuned, soon I will have news in history in Portuguese. Stay at home! Take care of yourselves.

The storm

I come back irritated to my room. Another fruitless encounter, more emotional exhaustion, more irritation. She is doing everything to upset me, to test my ability to stay calm, to maintain control. I know that I have control over her. Control of your body and your emotions. She has no way of escaping from here and knows it.

The funny thing is that, even though we discussed it again today, I thought I made some little progress with her, because we tried to talk in a civilized way, despite all that. She even seems to have been jealous of me with Anna. I don't know why she thought I danced with her sister. I didn't dance, we just talked. I told her that, and even then, Helen didn't believe me. More and more she feels confused and I have been taking advantage of this, because if she is not going to give in, I need to continue to keep control of the situation.

The fact I needed to travel was also great, as I instructed Frau Künzel not to let her daughter serve her and to personally take care of Helen, and to talk to her as little as possible. I know that in situations of strong emotional stress, the lack of human contact can leave a person even more fragile. I suffered that period I needed to travel on business, but from what I saw of Helen's behaviour today, it was quite productive. She missed having someone to talk to, and since I'm the only person she can turn to, it means that, in a very crooked way, Helen missed me.

Lying in my bed, I wonder if there is any other strategy I can have with her. Helen has been in my house for more than a month and all I have achieved so far has been to be insulted. She doesn't want to give in and I don't want to, but honestly, as it is, I don't know what else could be possible. Maybe if I told her that I'm going to do something against Anna, maybe she'll give in. As I understand it, Anna is the type of woman who is easily seduced. Maybe I threaten Helen with the possibility of seducing her sister, of becoming her brother-in-law... Who knows!

The next day, I decide that I'm going to give Helen a little freedom, so she can see I can give in a little. Let's see how she will behave...

When I open the door, I find her sitting at a desk, dressed as if she is ready for a walk. She wears one of the dresses I chose for her and I'm happy with how beautiful she looks with it. It is a beautiful white dress, printed with small blue flowers and forearm-length sleeves. She is wearing blue shoes, and she is wearing makeup and do her hair, as if we are really going for a walk. Her hair is tied up in a casual bun that looks great on her. I see she's even wearing a pair of pearl earrings to match. I am excited about such a beautiful sight early on.

- Good Morning. Shall we have coffee?

She looks up at me, doesn't answer my greeting, gets up and comes towards me.

I don't force an unnecessary conversation. We had our coffee together, but we didn't exchange a word. It was that I realized that the maximum concessions she could make at this first moment was to have taken care of getting ready. I invite her to go to the garden at the back of the property. It is an open place, as she wanted, but quite reserved, as I have no close neighbours.

On the way, I offer myself as support for her, who still walks with great difficulty, but with her hand, she makes a gesture that I understand as a refusal. We haven't talked yet, and since she waived my help, it took us longer to get to the garden. As soon as we arrive, I try to break the ice again.

- You look very beautiful today, Helen.

Surprisingly, she answers me.

- Thanks!

- Do you want to sit there in the arbour?

- Yes, my leg is a little sore.

- Let me help you.

Again, she makes the gesture that repels my approach.

We approached the arbour. Helen chooses a chair away from mine to sit on. After a disturbing silence, I decide to light a cigarette.

- Shall we be silent today?

She doesn't answer.

- Helen, please be reasonable. Didn't I bring you outside to get some air?

She remains silent.

- I'm giving in... Why don't you...

In this, I am interrupted sharply by her.

- Now, do me a favour! I gave in too. Am I not all dressed up here? I had a full meal with you by my side and I didn't provoke you. I think that's enough for today, don't you?

- No, Helen. I do not think so. If you didn't want to get dressed, I would bring you here wearing pajamas. I said I would try to make things a little easier for you. But I also said that you should give in a little too, so that things could improve a little.

Then she takes a long breath.

- Herr Kommandant, I'm trying. But, try to look at the situation with my eyes. I am not here willingly. I never wanted to be here. I'm stuck in a place with the person I most fear and hate in this world. You were my executioner. You cannot expect me to have any reasonable feelings towards you.

- Stop calling me sir. We have already overcome these formalities.

She shrugs.

- Okay. - I insists. - Let's start all over again. What do you want to talk about?

- About you. - She says.

Surprised, I answer:

- About me? What do you want to know?

- How did you escape from prison in Krakow?

- Do you really want to know?

- Yes.

So, I tell her the whole epic was my life so far, about the escape plan, the exchange places with the prison guard, the bribes, Majola's removal, about the daughter I had with her and I didn't know, about the flight to Argentina, crossing the European continent in a clandestine manner until reaching England. I told her about how I forged Anton Klaus Prauchner's identity, how the money diverted from Plaszow ended up in my accounts in Geneva, anyway, I told her about everything. I did not omit anything, not even about women who crossed my path, the trips I took and the plan to return to Europe, already in the persona of a reclusive millionaire. When I thought she already knew enough, I realized we had already dismissed Frau Künzel several times and we had lost track of the hour, as it was already after four in the afternoon. She seemed to hear everything carefully and in silence. When I shut up, we stayed in silence for a while.

I think I had smoked almost all the cigarettes in my cigarette case when she spoke to me.

- And what is it like to live a life of pretense? - She said, harshly.

- I don't consider my life a pretense. I live well with the identity I chose.

- Do you sleep well at night? - She insisted on hurting me.

- Yes.

- Has your conscience never weighed? The deaths you carry on his back... All that brutality in the field... Does any of this affect you?

- Not at all.

- And if you could go back in time, would you have done things differently?

- Do you mean Nazism, the position I held and the crimes I committed?

- Yes.

- No, I wouldn't do anything different.

She looks at me with a mixture of horror and indignation, which honestly doesn't affect me. I have no problem with my conscience, let alone with my past. So, she tries to change the conversation a little bit.

- And don't you miss the lost freedom?

- What freedom? - I asks.

- You didn't change your face... You lost weight, it's true, but I recognized you in the minute I saw you. Aren't you afraid to expose yourself like that, to be recognized by a survivor from the field, like me?

- I already had this fear. I take some precautions, I live quite reclusive, I barely go out. But, so far, I have had no problems. As I told you before, I don't stay long time in one place, I travel a lot, so I'm calm. I lead a calm existence, without major disturbances. But, as you see, I am so comfortable with my new identity that I returned to live in Vienna.

- I wouldn't have that tranquillity...

- Why not? I was judged, wasn't I? For all intents and purposes, I was executed. Amon Goeth paid his debt to society, paid with his life for all the crimes he committed. Anton Klaus Prauchner, however, has nothing to fear. He has nothing to do with Amon Goeth, with war, with Hitler...

- You're pathetic...

- No, Helen, I'm practical. And I'm not stupid. It made all the difference.

Helen seems to have been shocked by my words and is silent again. I propose to leave there, to explore the garden a little more. She agrees. Another long time in silence passes, until she decides to speak.

- And your children?

- What about my children?

She stops, which forces me to stop too. I look at her, who is staring at me in a very intense way.

- Do you miss them?

That question hits me straight. Disturbed, I look away, at anything other than her eyes, and respond, a little annoyed, after another long pause.

- Every day.

I take another breath and continue.

- Helen, in your eyes I am a monster. But you must understand, before I am a monster, I am also a human being, however difficult it may seem to you. I was married, I loved other women, I love my children, even Monika, my daughter that I never even met. I love them, intensely and truly. But it was necessary to give them up, even to preserve them. They are growing out of my shadow and this is very good. But there isn't a day when I don't think about them. How Werner is developing, how much Ingeborg must be learning at school and how Monika has lived without even having met her father. I miss even my son who died and who also lived very little with me. I miss... I wish...

I decide to shut up, because I think my feelings don't interest her and also because I feel defeated, because she hit me at a very delicate point. Talking about my children is very painful, because I had to give up paternity in order to stay alive... It is a side of my life that had to die, but that still lives, in a corner of my heart that I don't usually access, just to avoid suffering.

It was then I noticed my eyes moistened, although against my will. Yes, for many, I am a monster, the man who carried the nickname "Plaszow's butcher". But I also have a human side, a side that is not cruel, a loving side that is sorry and that seeks her eyes, perhaps in search of some sympathy, or perhaps waiting for a new condemnation.

To my surprise, she is no longer looking at me inquiringly. I can't guess what's going on inside, but, strangely, it didn't seem like a judgment.

Realizing I try to guess what she is thinking, she also looks away. Then I hear her talking, very softly.

- I'm sorry about that. - She then looks back at me. There is no hatred, there is no grudge, there is not even sympathy... But I see that she is not completely indifferent to me.

- Let's not talk about it anymore. This matter doesn't concern you. - I comment.

She doesn't say anything.

In silence, we headed back to the house. It was that, unintentionally, I tripped over a small rock and fell out of balance. Helen quickly grabs me, avoiding a bad fall. Embarrassed, I look at her, so small and delicate, holding me tightly. I pull myself together, and when I look at her, I see she is no longer looking at me with horror or disgust. This encourages me and I decide to restart the conversation.

- Thanks. You avoided quite a fall.

She releases me without saying a word and we go home. When we're almost at the door, she stops and speaks.

- It is very difficult for me to look at you and not see a monster.

I look at her and change the subject.

- I would like to hear some music. Will you accompany me?

She nods and we go to the library.

- What do you want to hear? - I ask her.

- I think it will be better if I don't listen to classical music. - She says, and I agree, because I don't want to see her crying for the conductor.

Suddenly, I hear the sad chords of Szomorú vasárna, the well-known hungarian song by Rezsõ Seress, famous for leading many people to suicide. I myself heard this song many times, in my lonely nights in Plaszow. I am uncomfortable with her choice. The sad song echoes throughout the library.

"Szomorú Vasárnap száz fehér virággal,

Vártalak, kedvesem, templomi imával,

Álmokat kergető vasárnap délelőtt,

Bánatom hintaja nélküled visszajött".

- Helen... I think we can hear something else.

- Why? If that's my state of mind.

Irritated, I turn off the record player and look at her, who is now standing, facing the window. I approach and realize she has her eyes closed, plunged into the depths of the damn song.

I approach and place my right hand under her shoulder. She gets scared and starts to shake a little. I realize my touch bothers her, so I pull my hand away quickly, so as not to provoke her further.

- I just wanted you try not to be so unhappy.

And then, surprisingly, Helen comes face to face with me. Your eyes are full of tears. I am deeply dismayed to see her suffer so intensely. All the other times I saw her cry or beg to go home, they hadn't touched me like they did now. Maybe I'm fragile too, under the circumstances. The conversation we had today affected me deeply. Probably because I don't talk about my children to anyone, it's a subject that has been dead and buried for so long, I never had the opportunity to talk about it with anyone, especially with her, that she never gave any opening for me to talk about whatever it was with her.

Her crying is so heartfelt, so touching, when I found myself, I had already wrapped her in a strong, narrow and passionate embrace.

And, incredible as it may seem, Helen did not try to escape, did not move away, did not complain. On the contrary, when I realized, she had wrapped her arms around my back and wrapped me in a tight hug. Suddenly, we were both there, united by an unexpected embrace, as close as we had ever been. Our hug didn't mean a truce, it didn't even mean the love I feel for her. It was something more intense, more profound and that will certainly be marked as one of those inexplicable things that happen without planning. It just happened.

I got lost in her arms.

I let myself be carried away by the emotion of that rare moment and allowed myself to feel my eyes moisten. I didn't cry, like she did, but it was very close. Then she said, in a choked voice:

- I hate you so much...

- I know.

She buries her head in my chest and continues to cry, intensely. So, I pick her up and leave the library. I walk through much of the mansion with her on my lap, still crying. I go up the stairs, walk down the long corridor and take her to her room. Helen seems to have gone back many years, because when I look at her, I no longer see the sophisticated lady she became when she turned 30. She looked like that innocent girl again, so simple, so sad...

I go with her into her room, walk over to her bed and deposit her there, still bathed in tears, but already trying to compose herself. Night had long since fallen and, even with the windows closed, it was possible to hear the noise of a very strong storm whipped the trees in the garden and caused the windows to howl because of the wind. It was then we heard a crash of thunder, loud enough to make Helen's eyes widen.

When I am walking away from her, because I was concerned with such a commotion in the library, I realize she is gripping my arm tightly, to the point of almost making me lose my balance and fall over her.

- Please, don't go!

- I want you to rest now... You are very nervous.

At that, we heard another deafening crash, caused by thunder, and Helen squeezes my arm even harder.

- Stay!

- Are you afraid?

- Thunder reminds me of bombs... War... I... I'm very afraid of thunder.

- Okay.

I gently take her hand off my arm and head out into the hall. She widens her eyes and speaks a little louder.

- Won't you stay?

- Wait a minute.

I go out, go over to the intercom in the hall, hidden behind a painting, and ask Frau Künzel to come and talk to me. When the old housekeeper comes into the hall, I hand the key to Helen's room into her hands.

- I want you to lock us out.

- Isn't that too risky, sir? She can attack you and...

- She won't attack, believe me.

- What time do I come to open the door?

- I'm going to ring the bell in her room to open the door.

Facing Frau Künzel's look of concern, I insist.

- Don't worry. Everything is under control.

- Certainly. It will be as you wish.

I enter the room and, under Frau Künzel's apprehensive look, slowly close the door. I hear her turn the key twice from the outside.

- Helen, I'm sorry, but I had to lock us out.

When I look at her, I see that she has changed her clothes and is now wearing one of the beautiful nightgowns I have carefully chosen for her. Seeing I am watching her in wonder, she pulls the blanket as if she wants to protect herself from me. I notice she was embarrassed and try to reassure her.

- Helen, calm down. I won't do anything with you. Remember, I made a promise to you.

She continues to look at me with a startled look. To reassure her, I sit on a couch near her bed.

- I'm going to sleep here on the couch. Don't worry. It isn't because we are locked here that I am going to do something you don't want.

Then she seemed to relax a little and lay down on bed.

- Mind if I sleep now? I'm really, really tired.

- Of course not.

- Are you going to sleep?

- I am sleepless. - I lie.

She accepts my answer, however, she pulls the blanket up over her head, as if she wants to make it very clear that she doesn't want to see me around. It doesn't take long and she starts snoring very lightly, tired of the day's events.

And I, who was thinking I wouldn't sleep, soon started to sleep too.

I was sleeping, but in no way was I dreaming. It felt more like a light waking sleep, from someone who is not really relaxed. It was I felt a cold hand touch me on the shoulder. I open my eyes and there she is, looking at me intently.

- I got up to go to the bathroom and saw you are only in your shirt sleeves on that cold sofa...

- I'm fine, don't worry. - I lied, because deep down I was in a lot of pain in my neck from sleeping in an uncomfortable position.

- You can share a bed with me... - She seemed extremely embarrassed to make this invitation.

- Are you inviting me to sleep with you?

- Yes, in the strictly literal sense of the word "sleep". Herr Kommandant, you can lie down next to me, but doesn't mean I'm allowing you to touch me.

Without waiting for my answer, she reaches out and leads me, still sleepy, to her bed.

- Do you allow me to take off my pants? It bothers me to sleep... I... Helen, it's just to make me more comfortable... I'm not going to take off my underwear.

She nods, but looks away so she doesn't see me pulling my pants down. As soon as I'm comfortable, I lie down next to her on the bed, taking care to stay as far away as possible. I close my eyes in a desperate attempt not to think that I am beside the only woman I truly loved, sharing a bed with her. The sensation is sublime, even though she has not allowed any kind of physical contact. Just being there makes me immensely happy. It is much more than I had imagined she would be able to yield. I'm trying to stay calm, thinking that again I will have the opportunity to sleep beside her, only this time with her fully aware of it.

So, nature seems to collaborate to make this night even more unusual. We heard a new and quite scary thunder boom. Helen is so frightened that she quickly jumps onto my side of the bed and hugs me, scared.

I can't help but affectionate comment.

- You look like a little girl. - I say that to her, her face is buried in my chest. She doesn't say anything.

And then, without thinking too much, I realize my hand made an involuntary gesture. I gently stroke her hair, but I disguise the affection by pretending to be pulling the hair out of her face. She doesn't seem to care or didn't notice my caress, as she is still quite scared.

She realizes then she is holding me again and tries to walk away. I force you to stay.

- No, please. Stay here.

- I... I... - She is still reluctant.

- Stay.

She agrees, giving a slight nod. I look at her, who looks away and closes them again, too tired and scared to walk away from me.

I reach out my arm, turn off the lamp light and wrap my arms around her again, determined to protect her from thunder, rain, dark night and myself.

It doesn't take long and I hear his breathing steady in a soft snore. Surprisingly, Helen was in her dreams.

And I, without knowing if all of this was a dream, hold her in my arms and give in to my tiredness. Exhausted from so much war, we found in a violent storm, a little glimpse of peace.