A/N: This is an AU story, it will not follow the story line of the comics. I wanted to see how the characters would react if it was Dick that the Joker killed.

Ages:

Dick- 16 (time of death)/19 for the rest of the story.

Jason-17.

Tim-15

Damien-11

Any questions/comments please don't be afraid to review but try not to flame me too much.

...

Listen to the Black Raven sing.

Jason Todd.

I remember the day our world changed so clearly. It's been woven into the fabric of time and tattooed on my soul. A phantom that could never be out run. The feel of Dick's old bike beneath me and the frigid bite of the wind against my cheeks. The way my heart beat out an unusual but terrified rhythm deep in my chest and wouldn't stop. Batman streaked ahead of us and for the first time I could see true fear in his eyes.

We had to get there. Just this once, we had to win. We couldn't lose him. Not to the Joker.

I watched Batman throw himself of the seat of his motorbike and charge up the snowy incline. I started to breathe again, we weren't too late and he could still be saved. The snow crunched beneath my tires as I brought the bike to a gentle stop and went to dismount. A terrible explosion ripped everything apart and sent me crashing backward through the air.

"NO!"

It took me a moment to realise that it wasn't me crying out, that I hadn't found my voice yet past the sudden onslaught of grief. The voice didn't belong to Batman; it belonged to Bruce the father. I pushed myself to my feet and stumbled forward. The Dark Knight stood still in the sudden blizzard, his cape twisting in the breeze.

"Bats?" I questioned and silently pleaded for him not to confirm the fears running through my head.

"...Jason. I...I...he's gone."

He turned around and my knees hit the ground but I barely felt the pain. Dick, my glorious golden older brother lay limp and bloody in our father's arms. Bruce cradled him tightly to his chest, tears dribbling from underneath his cowl in a flow that would never stop. Bruce sank to the snow beside me and pressed his forehead against Dick's, snatching at Dick's Robin costume and whispering into his ear. I couldn't hold back my loud sobs as they ripped from my chest. My knees caught on hidden rocks as I forced myself to crawl toward them and take Dick's frozen hand in mine.

"You can't be gone, Dickie. Please." I whispered. "We're supposed to take Damien and Tim to the movies tomorrow, remember?"

Bruce looped one arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. "I'm so sorry Jase."

I looked back down at the dead face of my brother and shook my head slowly. The wind played with his hair and snow dusted his eyelashes.

"You should apologise to him."

"I do. I...I...God Dick. I'm so sorry son."

"What do we do now?"

...

Three years later.

Nothing was ever the same again. The house got darker and quieter and Dick's bedroom became a shrine to him in the middle. Over time, it stopped being a home and became just bricks and mortar. I watched Bruce lose himself to Batman's darkness and almost never shake it off. Tim got lost in books and Red Robin; I didn't know how to breach the gap between us. Damien became this angry, snarling spitfire that didn't listen to anyone and had no respect for his family. He took Robin far away from the joyful happy boy he was supposed to be. It always looked wrong to see the ice in Robin's eyes where I remembered love. Red Hood was born from the blood of that devastating night and from the heartache of the people he loved. An assassin unable to follow Batman's strict rules but unwilling to leave home completely. I still needed that piece of Dick nearby even if it was just his memory. I forgot how to smile, to laugh and how to trust the only man who had ever been my father. Dick snatched the sunlight away with him and I couldn't get it back.

I had no idea how much he meant to me.

It started when Harley Quinn's mangled body washed up on Gotham's docks. Whoever had finally rid us of her had taken their time. She had been pushed around but still her face was perfect. Around her neck though was a string of purple bruises like a necklace. Secretly I was glad someone had taken her out. I knew my brothers agreed. We found Two-Face's corpse on a warehouse roof two days later. His suit was a mess of blood and dirt and when I crouched down to see his face; I could see the horror still in his eyes. For once, Bruce didn't have any answers only endless questions.

Then the whispers on street corners started. A black suited man who melted into the night and attacked with deadly precision. No one had ever seen his face, just a cackle in the night or a silhouette against the moon. The thugs of Gotham couldn't answer my questions even with my gun pressed against their foreheads. Batman dropped everything and put hours into searches for a man who might as well have been a shadow. We found nothing. For weeks he dropped off the radar but people kept talking about him. The nameless warrior who had never spoken a word, not even to the people he rescued.

But when Selina turned up soaking wet and terrified at our front door we realised it was much more personal than we had ever believed. Bruce immediately pulled her into the house and sat her down on the pristine couch. I looked up from my magazine and turned toward the shaking woman. At the noise of her arrival Tim and Damien poked their heads around the door.

"What happened, Selina?" Bruce questioned softly.

She gasped and fluffed out her black hair. "I was in the lower East side and...and...I met him."

"Him?" I repeated. "You mean that guy everyone's been going on about? You saw him?"

Selina nodded and reached into her pocket. She pressed a photograph into Bruce's hands and wrapped her fingers around his. To my shock her free hand reached out and took mine. I didn't ask why, I understood something more was going on.

"His name is Nightwing. He's not a bad guy, just a bit lost." She reported. "But you have to stop him, before he does something he can't take back."

Bruce let me snatch the photograph from his hand and beckon my brothers' over. The man in the photograph was lithe but well built with muscles rippling underneath his suit. Selina hadn't managed to catch his face, just a mass of dark raven hair and a blue insignia across his chest.

"I'm so, so sorry." Selina whispered. "It shouldn't have come to this. He's going after the Joker. Tonight. One of them won't come back."

For a heart beat I was torn. The Joker was the monster who had ripped Dick away from me and he deserved everything he got. But Batman's training whispered in my ear and I knew I would follow it.

"Where?" Tim demanded.

"Where you found Harley Quinn."

Bruce nodded. "Suit up boys."

He stalked away from us without a backward glance, Damien marched behind him. Tim spared Selina one last look and followed after them. I turned to leave but Selina seized my wrist and pulled me back around to face her.

"Nightwing is dangerous, Jason and he's done many things I wish he hadn't. But I want you to give him a chance to explain. Promise me."

There was something in her eyes that frightened me. A secret so terrible she didn't want to believe it herself.

"I...I..."

"Promise me."

"Y-yes. Okay, I promise."

Selina relaxed and let go of my wrist. "Good. Maybe you can fix him."

"Fix who?"

She just gave me a strange, sad smile and swiftly left the mansion. Something sank deep inside my stomach and festered like a disease inside.

"Jason, let's go!" Tim bellowed from somewhere in the house.

"I'm coming."

...

The darkness stretched out over Gotham and brought the stars out in pin pricks against the inky blackness. I landed softly on the rooftop of an abandoned warehouse and listened to the gentle lapping of the water. Batman approached quietly from my right and my brothers' hovered on the next roof. Our trap was set; we just had to hope we got their first.

"I haven't had this much fun in years." The Joker's voice rang out. "Oooh, do it again."

I crept toward the sky light and peered through the dirty glass. Below I could see the Joker strapped to a chair but laughing manically. A figure in black danced around him, moving like a spectre. Batman nodded once and crashed down through the glass. Nightwing rolled away from the shards that rained down on him and span to hide behind a broken box. The Joker laughed again, an eerie sound that haunted my nightmares every night.

"Shut up." I growled.

"This is going better than I planned! Where did he go? I want to see your faces when you work it out."

"Work what out?" Red Robin snarled.

I turned away and paced toward the shadows I had seen Nightwing flee too. Something scuffled and I brought my guns up on reflex. I snapped around the corner but Nightwing had already vanished. The Joker was still cackling behind me, rambling on about 'him' and 'it was worth it'. Above me the breeze rushed in through an open window and with gritted teeth I walked back toward Batman.

"He's gone."

Batman nodded grimly and turned back to the Joker. The painted devil's lips stretched back in a blood red smile and his eyes shone with amusement.

"I know who Nightwing is. Do you want to know?"

Batman seized hold of the Joker's purple suit. "Who?"

"His name is-."

Something rattled down from the rafters and cut of the Joker's words. I glanced down at the object at my feet and kicked it away.

"Cover your eyes!" I ordered.

I flung my hands up just in time as a white light exploded around us and stole away my sight. When I finally regained my vision just seconds later, the Joker was gone. Nightwing had beaten us.

"Damn." I hissed.

"We will be ready next time." Damien vowed.

I stalked away from them and out onto the empty road. The summer night still held its uncomfortable heat and it made my costume stick to my skin. I pushed my guns back into their holsters and swung my leg over my bike. But something made me stop and look back the way I had come. Nightwing stood motionless on the roof, staring down at me through the lenses of his black and white mask. For a moment I couldn't look away from him and he seemed just as surprised as I was.

"What are you looking at Red Hood?" Red Robin questioned.

Nightwing jerked like someone had slapped him and his burning gaze swung around to my brother. I pointed numbly upward and heard Red Robin's answering gasp.

"Nightwing. Will you come down so we can talk?" Red Robin asked hopefully.

Nightwing shook his head and looked past us to Batman and Robin, his hands clenched into fists. As I stared up at him I could see agony and anger in his body and a small amount of sympathy rose up in me.

"Please. We just want to talk." I tried to convince him.

A car backfired somewhere and it stole my attention for a moment and when I looked back Nightwing was gone.

"Something's not right." I breathed. "I thought...I thought I knew him."

...

I ripped off my helmet the second I got home and abandoned Red Hood in the depths of the Cave. Something's even he couldn't protect me from, some mysteries he was too cold to work out. Tim sent me a small smile as I walked past him and turned to report out encounter to Batman. Bruce was a rarity these days; I could barely remember what it felt like to talk to him. I nodded to Alfred as I past him on the stairs and watched a faint smile flicker onto his lips. Alfred had tried to keep this shattering family together but he couldn't do it. We all needed the boy who would never be here again. I wandered past my bedroom to the door that was always kept shut but never locked. I didn't want it to ever be locked, it felt to much like we were trying to force his memory away. I pushed the door opened and stepped into the room, it was exactly the same as the day Dick died. His bed made but the pillow slightly off centre. The pile of mystery novels on his desk and the Sherlock Holmes book he had been reading still marked with a slip of paper. I moved further into the room and let the door slam shut behind me. Despite everything that had happened, there was still a small amount of joy and innocence to my older brother's room. It was welcoming and safe. I slipped underneath the bed sheets and pulled them up over my head and squeezed my eyes shut. They didn't smell off Dick anymore, they had become stale but I pretended they did. Hidden away inside my blanket fortress it was easy to make believe that Dick was laughing at something on the TV or was lying next to me in the darkness spinning an amazing story to keep the nightmares away. I kept my eyes tightly shut; opening them would only ruin my dreams.

"Jason?" Tim called softly.

They're not allowed to call me Jay anymore. Only Dick could call me that.

"Yeah Timmy?"

"Can we join you?"

"Sure."

The corner of the sheets lifted up and I felt my younger brothers' small bodies squeeze in next to mine. I reached blindly out and drew the sheets around us, anchoring them underneath Tim's arm. Finally I opened my eyes and peered into the pale faces looking back at me. I attempted to find a smile for them but it ended up feeling like a grimace.

"I miss him." Damien confessed timidly.

I ran my hands through his hair and sighed. "I know buddy. I miss him too."

"This place isn't right without him anymore." Tim stated tearfully. "I want him back."

"He's not coming back. He can't."

Not when he had been buried in the ground for three years. Damien sniffed and curled up closer to me.

"Do you remember that day when he ate so much sugar he was bouncing of the walls for hours? Bruce couldn't calm him down." I laughed.

Tim giggled. "Yeah. We couldn't get him to come down of the bars. He just kept spinning and laughing. I thought Bruce was going to have a meltdown. He kept playing that song...'Rockin' Robin' all day."

"I wish...I wish I had told him how amazing he was." Damien sighed and turned onto his back. "Do you think he knew?"

"Yeah kid. I think he knew. In fact I am positive he knew that we loved him and that he was our hero."

Because Bruce could never be. Bruce was cold and got lost in Batman all the time. Dick had been warmth and love and had been the arms we had run to when the nightmares had taken hold. Dick had to have known. I couldn't live with myself if he died thinking we just tolerated him.

"Can you keep a secret?" Tim breathed.

I rolled over onto my side and peered at him. "What?"

"You have to swear not to tell Bruce."

Damien nodded and moved so he could see Tim's face. I touched his forehead briefly and quirked my lips again.

"We swear."

"When I was looking at Nightwing I was so sure I knew him, you even said it yourself Jason. There was something about him that I recognised and it made me feel...safe."

"What are you saying Drake?"

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. "I think Nightwing is Dick."

Stunned silence greeted his announcement and the pain of hope shot through my chest.

"Dick is dead, Tim. I saw his body. The warehouse blew up, he couldn't be saved." I snapped.

"I know what happened Todd. But you saw something in Nightwing just like me. Nightwing should have attacked us when we ambushed him. He didn't. He has only ever gone after the villains that tried to hurt us and he let Selina see him."

"...Selina...she knows!" I exclaimed and jerked upright. The blankets fluttered down around us and I took a deep breath of the cool fresh air.

"What?" Damien asked

"She told me to 'fix' him. The way she spoke about Nightwing it made me think she knew him. She was upset about the choices he had made. But I can't believe it's him."

"Why not? Just think about it. We could have him back."

"Because he can't be. I'm sorry Tim but it's impossible."

I climbed of the bed and padded toward the door.

"So? We see the impossible everyday Jason. Why can't we have a miracle too?"

"I can't."

...

But Tim's words got stuck in my head and kept whispering loudly in my ear. The hope pressed down on my heart and my soul and made me believe that perhaps I hadn't lost Dick that night. I crept out late at night once everyone had fallen into dreams and stole into Gotham's streets. It was foolish of me to brave the city as Jason Todd but Dick's little brother could get closer to him than Red Hood ever could. I danced around the corner and ducked away from a large group of thugs. They laughed boisterously and pushed against my shoulder and sent me crashing into a trash can. I span around and sank my fist into the gut of the man closest to me. He let out an angry cry and smashed his foot into my knee. Taken by surprise at the speed he recovered I crashed to the ground heavily. I leaped to my feet and lashed out, feeling cartilage shatter beneath my fist. His friends reacted violently and something heavy landed on my back and brought me back down. The fists rained down on me and I curled up to protect my face.

"ENOUGH!" A voice roared.

"Crap its Nightwing. Move!"

Nightwing leaped over me and chased the thugs down the alleyway a few meters and then paused. I pushed myself to my knees and spat out a mouthful of blood. Nightwing didn't turn to face me and I wondered if he was contemplating his choices. To stay or run.

"Something you want to tell me Nightwing? Catwoman is convinced I know you."

He chuckled humourlessly and looked back at me. He was standing in the right place from the buildings around us to cast a shadow on his face. I wanted to shake him in my anger and longing.

"You shouldn't be here." He scolded. "It was stupid to be out here without your suit on."

I stepped toward him, my palms started to sweat and my heart raced. Nightwing didn't move, just watched me approach him.

"It's you, isn't it?"

"Jay...stop. It's best you don't see me."

I shook my head and stubbornly walked toward him. "Tell me it's you. Dick, please."

Nightwing sighed and kept watching me walk toward him. "I mean it Jason. This is your last chance to walk away. It's the only way I can keep you safe."

I was close enough to touch him now. "Say it!"

"It's me Jaybird. I'm Dick, promise."

My hand reached up and curled around the corner of his mask. He let me peel it gently away from his skin and pull him into the semi circle of artificial light. The changes in Dick's face nearly took my breath away, the boy had become a man and we had missed it. His eyes were still a beautiful sharp blue but they seemed so much older, there was a sea of sorrow buried deep inside that I didn't understand. I swallowed back my tears and grabbed him, terrified to let him go.

"How are you back?"

"It's a long story. I don't have time to tell you right now."

"Come back to the Cave."

"...Jay...I can't..."

"You can. Please! Come back."

"But Bruce..."

"Screw Bruce. We need you. Tim, Damien and I. I can't go back to them and tell them I let their older brother run away. Three years, Dick." I bowed my head against his chest. "That's too long. Please, I've missed you."

His arms wrapped around my back and his chin rested on my head.

"I can't Jason. I'm sorry. Bruce doesn't want to see me. It's best you forget you did."

He pulled away before I could fully understand what he had said to me.

"NO!"

I tried to grab him but he slipped through my fingertips and tore down the alleyway. I didn't have a hope of catching him and my heart felt so much heavier as I walked glumly back toward the manor. Dick had come back. His secrets would not take him away from me again.