He's Austin and I'm Ally. We make up 50% of Team Austin and 100% of Team Auslly. We're the meant-to-be couple that never got to be. We tried, once. The date was awkward and the conversation was brutal. We couldn't write songs anymore and our nervous laughs echoed around us like a thousand knives tearing their way through a bond that was supposed to be inseparable.

We still are, I guess. Inseparable, I mean. We're still best friends, as close as we've ever been. But now there's that lingering memory of a failed attempt to be together. Sometimes it all rushes back, though, and it hurts. When we're standing together and our hands brush each others', we don't pull back like we use to. The heat, the electricity that courses through our veins, becomes very potent and very.. there. But we don't pull back. When our hands brush at the piano and we hesitate, my face flushes and my body literally aches for his hold.

But we aren't Auslly anymore. We're Austin and Ally.

And I hate it.

Our first kiss – and last, consequently – was magical. It was every romantic cliche wrapped in one to create the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced. The fireworks, the spark, the thudding heart. It was all there. And I want it back.

But I can't have it.

I want so very desperately to have Austin wrap his arm around my shoulders and give me a delicate kiss on the forehead and a rougher kiss on the lips. I want him to hold me forever.

But we're not together anymore and that can't happen.

We went back to being friends because it was easier that way. "We're not going to do that, for now," we had told people. The songs wrote themselves and our lives we're in fact easier, but the feelings never went away.

I don't necessarily want them to, either. I don't regret falling for my best friend. My other half. The peanut butter to my jelly. The rocker to my writer. I never regretted any of it. Even now. What I regret is letting everything go so easily. Sometimes, I find it hard to breathe. The guilt gets to me. It was a mutual decision to end what we had but I still feel responsible for not trying harder.

There isn't a day that goes by that I think about how we could have done things differently.

There isn't a day where I don't think about my first and last kiss and how perfect it was.

He was hesitant, almost scared. So was I. But we were both so caught in the moment that we didn't really get what happened until it was over. I was so nervous I couldn't talk. He just stared at me, the two of us shocked. The immediate contact of his lips was what alerted me to the fireworks. It was quick and it was only a simple kiss but it literally felt as if it was a movie scene in slow motion. My eyes were closed, cheeks were flushed, his hand was on my forearm holding me upright. If hadn't been holding me I literally would have fallen in love with him.

It felt like Cinderella.

But I'm not a princess and he's not a prince and this isn't a fairytale. Because fairy tales have happy endings. And I'm alone in my bedroom, recalling for what must be the 100th time what it was like to kiss my best friend. This isn't a happy ending. This is the way sad movies end, where you're in the theatre trying not to cry in public because the girl lost the guy she devoted her life to. The guy she swore she'd love forever.

I hated to think that maybe it's for the best. Because if it was for the best, then why did it feel like the worst? Where was the happy ending I longed for?

I feel stupid, honestly. For spending so much time thinking about the most painful thing I've ever experienced. For sitting in my room and not doing a damned thing about my feelings towards Austin.

I wanted nothing more than to have him lift me up and spin me around, the two of us laughing. Then to have him slowly bring my body back to ground level and lace our fingers together and kiss me. I wanted to feel that spark again.

Resting my head against my pillows and staring up at the ceiling does nothing for my situation but sometimes I wish the emptiness would swallow me whole.

I sigh and turn over in my bed, reaching over for my phone to check for texts. Nothing. Not surprised, I shut it off and go to sleep, hoping to find some peace in my dreams.

I stare ahead at my bedroom wall, throwing the occasional dart at my board, wondering where I went wrong and why I ever let Ally go.

I'm Austin and she's Ally. We make up 50% of Team Austin and 100% of Team Auslly. We're the meant-to-be couple that never got to be. The two peas in a pod. The cliche movie couple that started out as friends and became more than that.

But it didn't end like one of those movies.

We're not together.

We're still best friends, but the memory of our only kiss echoes around our friendship at alarmingly loud decibels. It's quiet at first, then the second we make eye contact or I stare at her lips for too long or we brush hands at the piano, the memory comes back and floods my head with Ally's face.

Or the softness of her hands.

Or the tenderness of her lips.

Or the colour of her eyes.

Or the beauty of her voice.

The memory of our kiss is the worst. It's like a constant reminder that I fucked up. I hate feeling this way.

But I did. I fucked up.

And I can't change that.

I want so badly to make it better. To mend what was our week-long relationship. It shouldn't have been so awkward. I shouldn't have been so nervous. She liked me for me, I shouldn't have tried so hard. It should have been like any other dinner I've had with her except it should have ended with a kiss and a quiet "goodnight", instead of "I'm sorry it was so weird", an awkward breathy chuckle and me just walking away from her house, spewing profanities at myself in my head.

I hate that I messed up.

I remember when we kissed and her lips were extremely soft and tasted a little like cherry. I was reluctant to pull back because it was such a perfect moment but I needed to process that I just kissed Ally after I swore I didn't like her that way. She needed air and I needed half a braincell to realize that I just kissed my best friend.

I should have realized that no matter what happened from that day forward, nothing would ever be the same. I didn't want them to, either, because I was undeniably in love my best friend, the girl who meant the world to me, and I wanted to be with her more than anything.

The troubles I faced then, trying to prove my love for her, seem almost insignificant now that we aren't together again. We let our relationship get in the way of our writing and it cost us a lot. No matter how much we try to look on, I'll never forgive myself for letting her go so easily.

Even since the break-up, I've written two songs about how much I love her. I've told Dez a million times that there will never be a girl as good as Ally. I deliberately linger my hands near hers to see if I still feel the spark that used to be there. Sometimes I feel it, and I have hope for us. Sometimes I feel nothing and I feel broken again.

That's what I am without Ally. Broken. I'm a half of one. One love. One partnership. One relationship. One friendship. I'm a half of Auslly.

My other half to all of these things, Ally, is broken, too. But I don't know if she feels as broken as I do. I don't know if she feels like she's deteriorating from being away from me like I do. I don't know if she has a hard time breathing without me like I do. I don't know if she cares at all.

But I do.

And I really don't want to go without Ally. Ever.

Not again.

I throw my head back in frustration and look at the clock. 2 o' clock in the morning. School started in 6 hours. I knew that I had to get to bed. But sleeping was like a foreign concept I couldn't grasp until 3:30, finally passing out.

When I woke up, I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. As much as I wanted to see Ally, I didn't want to have to see her at school. But I have to, as we have the first three periods together before lunch.

I dragged myself from my bed, seeing the bags under my eyes from across the room in my mirror. I groaned and changed into a white tee, purple sweater and black jeans. I grabbed my bag and trudged down the stairs, my eyes watering from the obnoxious white lights in the kitchen.

"Mornin' honey," my mom says, greeting me. She always was a morning person. "Tired?" All I do is nod. She pours me one of her signature breakfast smoothies, and hands it to me. I grunt a thank you and take a drink. I love them because most people only put healthy things in their breakfast smoothies. She puts strawberries, raspberries, a single scoop of vanilla ice cream, a splash of vanilla and some milk. Once it's blended, it's more like a milkshake but if she's going to give me healthy junk food in the morning, I won't object.

Once I'm finished and only a little more awake, I leave my house, still dreading the moment I see Ally in math first period. I walk a little slower than usual, careful of my time. Once I reach school and I'm at my locker, luckily without Ally around, I swap out my books for my algebra textbook and notepad. Lately, to distract myself from everything, I've actually been doing my school work.

I get in to the math room only seconds before the bell rings and take my seat.

"Hi," Ally says cheerfully, giving me a toothy smile. I really wanted to see if she was wearing that lip gloss again.

"Hey," I grin, halfheartedly. She doesn't notice and redirects her attention towards our teacher.

She begins to give us a lesson on basic polynomial functions as review and I tune it out immediately, writing down everything she writes and answering the questions she hasn't expressly told us to do, yet.

I feel tired and sad.

I wish I could go home sick. But my mom knows why I've been distant and she'd know I wasn't sick.

My only option is suffer through all of these classes.

Math went by easily and by Spanish I was a little more lively, though completely dead inside. Ally and I spoke a little more, but not much. Just sort of random chit chat to fill the silence.

When Music came around, she was enthusing about another song she had an idea for, showing me random lyrics while I showed an appropriate amount of interest. I shared ideas with her, only really saying words that sounded right. Maybe they didn't make sense, but I said them anyway.

The second the bell rang, I made up the excuse that I had to use the washroom and rushed off from Ally, knowing I had to meet her, Trish and Dez by our lockers.

I so wasn't ready to deal with this right now.

I walked towards our lockers, relieved that Austin had to leave for a minute, as my thoughts and feelings were getting ready to spill from me before I would have known.

I turned the dial to my lock until it opened, and I was soon joined by Trish and Dez. I greeted them and they continued bickering like before. I pull my wallet out of my backpack and pulled a twenty out for lunch.

I sighed as I leaned my back against my locker.

I really had a hard time in class today pretending I was okay. Pretending that I didn't wish he'd kiss me at every second of every period. I frown slightly, looking to the floor.

I had hoped to have weird dreams last night to get my mind off everything. Or even nightmares. But I dreamt of nothing so he takes up everything.

This can't be healthy.

Fuck it, was all I could think. I decided that I was going to kiss her. Now. No matter what. Nothing worse could come of it, right? My heart already aches for her.

I storm out of the washroom and around the corner, pacing quickly towards the lockers where Ally was staring at the ground and Trish and Dez just noticed me coming. They back up a little and Ally looks up, confused. I then run towards her, wasting no time, and crash my lips on to hers, pushing her back up in to the lockers. Her bag drops to the floor and she whispers a breathy "ouch" in to my lips, not once breaking the kiss.

I pressed her harder against the locker. "Sorry," I whispered back. I take her head in my hand and toy with her hair, bringing her head closer to mine. I deepen the kiss by grabbing her waist and pulling her as close as I can and I can tell that people were staring. I didn't care, obviously. "I love you," I breathed. "And I'm not letting you go again."

"I love you, too," she answered, pulling away. She looks me in the eye and I can't help licking my lips at her beauty. She's heated and I can see beads of sweat starting to form on her forehead. I pull her in to a hug, digging my face in to the crook of her neck as we have so many times before.

And then I realized that I wouldn't take back any of what happened if I could. Nothing would ever be as spectacular than what just happened. I wouldn't ever want to forget.

Austin and Ally went back to being inseparable. They were the yin to others' yang. They were Auslly again.

And that was how they got their fairy tale ending.