This story has been pieced together bit by bit over a year's worth of time. It's not the pretty, perfect picture that I usually prefer to think of Tibbs as, but an honesty develops that I hope can be appreciated it. You may not like this one- if not, that's cool :) Constructive criticism is always welcome! You may love it, and that kinda feedback is always welcome as well ;) I have about half of this (about ten chapters) already written, and plan on posting weekly.

Chapter One

Tony was the second one on the scene from his team. Agent Fornell was leaning over a file folder stretched out across the trunk of his car. The older man appeared worried as he looked up to see Tony approaching him. Tony could have sworn he saw him wince, and wondered what was going on. He had worked with the man for almost two years now, and had only seen that look when he had realized it was Diane calling and he'd forgotten to do something for Emily. Tony had to give him props- that was a rare occasion. He'd come to know the man's little girl meant everything to him.

He joined him at the trunk with a questioning look. As soon as he opened his mouth to ask what the problem was, he heard it, or rather, him.

The voice sent shivers down his spine, and his eyes closed involuntarily.

"What do we got, Tobias?" The voice was heavy and slow, as if forced from his throat.

Tony felt a wave of nausea. He hadn't heard Gibbs' voice in almost two years. Fornell looked up at Gibbs with a death glare that made Tony want to smile, but he couldn't. When things had gotten ugly, he had been surprised to find that Fornell was on his side. Even he had thought Gibbs had made a mistake by choosing to let Tony go. He wasn't quiet about it, and when Tony told him that he wasn't going to be able to keep working with his former lover, Fornell was quick to offer Tony Sacks' vacant spot. Tony took a week to talk it over with his teammates, and then accepted the position with their blessing. They saw how unhappy he was, and each had surprisingly kept good on their promise to stay in touch frequently outside of work.

He just couldn't keep working with Gibbs.

They had been together for six months before Vance had found out about them. They were the happiest six months of Tony's life. He was sure that they were perfect together, that they were both finally happy, or so he thought.

Vance had called them into his office, and gave them the choice: end it, or chose who goes.

Tony had looked to Gibbs for the answer, and saw it in his face. The older man couldn't look him in the eye, and Tony knew what the decision would be. He couldn't believe that Gibbs didn't even want to discuss it. Tony got up, walked out, grabbed his stuff, and left. He waited all night for a call, or for Gibbs to come by, and tell him that it had been a façade, that they would stay together undercover, but he never came.

Tony had shown up the next day, and hid in Abby's lab until Gibbs finally sent McGee to get him. Tony sent McGee off, apologizing for getting him involved in their mess, but saying that he wasn't coming up until Gibbs came down himself. Abby finally called Gibbs, and threatened him after Tony fell asleep on the futon. Gibbs came downstairs, ready to rage until he saw Tony sleeping on the couch. Abby stopped him, and pulled him back.

"Don't tell me that you don't love him. I see the way you look at him. Admit it- you're doing this because you're afraid; afraid that you, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, might actually feel something! Afraid that you might need someone!" Abby let him have it, but quietly enough not to wake Tony.

"Yeah, Abby! I'm afraid! But I'm afraid of what I'd have left when he finally can't put up with me anymore and leaves! I'm afraid that I'm going to give up everything I've ever worked for, everything that I am, and it won't be enough! It's my fucking life! I have the right to be afraid that we'll fuck this up! We always do! You wouldn't know-"

Tony had woken up when Gibbs started yelling, and came out to find Abby with tears running down her face, curling into herself. He walked up to her, and wrapped her in his arms, holding her close while she sobbed. Gibbs saw the mixture of sleep and anger in his former lover's eyes, and realized how cold they suddenly were. Compared to how warm those eyes had made for the past few months, warmer than he's felt in twenty years, their gaze now felt like someone was injecting him with ice water.

"You need to leave." Tony's voice was as cold as his glare.

"Tony…" Gibbs started, defeat and sadness in his voice.

"Leave- now." Tony held the weeping woman against his chest, diverting his eyes to the door to tell Gibbs where it was. He let his lids fall shut as he kissed Abby's head. Once Gibbs finally left, Tony led Abby to the futon where they curled up, and took turns consoling one another while they cried for the rest of the day.

Two weeks later, Tony was starting with Fornell's team, being trained as he went.

It had been a rough couple of years, switching to the Feebs, and letting Gibbs go. He'd drank himself into oblivion more than a few times, and Fornell had made him sober up permanently. He was finally fitting into his new life, learning to be whole again, and trying to live without constantly thinking about the man that had just appeared behind him.

Tony's eyes locked onto Fornell's for a moment before he steeled himself, and turned around. He'd heard from Abby, Tim and Ziva that Gibbs hadn't been himself since he left. The team was struggling to keep together. Abby and Gibbs had never fully mended their relationship, which probably had something to do with the fact that Abby was by Tony's side for the past two years, helping him through the worst times. He had been running with Ziva every Saturday morning for the past eight months since he had started his sobriety, and she had filled him in on some of what was happening. Tim was spending a lot of time training new agents for the basement, trying to stay out of the way of Gibbs after Vance forcibly appointed him to SFA. He hadn't asked for it, but Gibbs wasn't willing to replace Tony, saying that he'd eventually come to his senses and be back.

Tony saw the exhaustion on Gibbs' face, the deeper lines around his eyes, and the way he swallowed hard when their eyes met. There was something he never thought he'd see in those blue eyes- regret. It tugged at Tony's heart, and he had to take a deep breath in order to keep himself in check. He had known that he, himself, had aged over the past two years, but he was surprised to find that they had aged Gibbs as well.

"Tony." Gibbs' voice came out vulnerable and sad, and it did its best to tear down the walls Tony had spent the past two years building around him. It hadn't been a greeting, it had been a question, as if though Gibbs couldn't believe he was staring at the younger man before him. His eyes squint just a little, and his head of silver hair tilted slightly to the side as his shoulders lost a bit of their stiff edge.

Tony gritted his teeth. He wanted to do so many different things in that moment. He wanted to punch the man, scream in his face, stare him down, cry on his shoulder, and feel his warm arms around him protectively like they used to be before he was crushed under the weight of that moment in Vance's office.

He finally managed to offer a curt, "Gibbs." His eyes never left the sad blue ones staring back at him, and he felt every muscle in his face tense as he bit down on his anger.

Gibbs' eyes finally dropped, and he nodded once in recognition of the anger in an oddly understanding way. It threw Tony off, but not enough to let his face betray it. He turned his back on Gibbs, and joined Fornell over the folder on the trunk. Fornell began to explain what had happened.

It was their Natoli case. Weapons dealer by the name of Giovanni had been making good on killing off the family and friends of one of his runners turned snitch. The kid's girl, his brother, and a cousin were all dead. The rest of the family had been whisked away into protective custody, but his Aunt Roberta had insisted on waiting for her son to come home on leave that evening. They were sending a car for them in the morning, but they received a call saying that the young man had been killed as he was heading out to a club, despite the warnings not to leave their home. He hadn't even gotten into his car yet when someone drove by and shot him.

Roberta was surrounded by LEOs in the house while the three men discussed the case outside. They were going to have to process the scene, and then transport the woman into protective custody. Ja'Rell Thomas, and Pammy Brandonburg, two agents that had been working with Tony and Fornell on the case for almost a year now, arrived with Ziva and Tim on their heels. The NCIS agents looked up to see Tony's expression, and looked from him to Gibbs. Tony realized that their tension was as palpable as his own, but he was relieved to see them.

"McTim! Ziva! Hey!" Tony moved past Gibbs without a look or a touch, and walked up to hug Ziva, and even hugged Tim briefly in a bro hug before giving them the very short and somewhat redacted version of their case. They kept looking up at Gibbs nervously, and Tony wondered if they were waiting for the inevitable order to get their asses in gear, or if they were both just nervous about the history between him and Gibbs.

Pam and Ja'Rell had approached Fornell for a rundown of the situation as Tony talked it over with his old team. He could feel Gibbs' eyes boring into the back of his head just like they used to, only this time, he knew that he didn't have to feel intimidated. There was nothing the older man could do to him. He's already done enough damage, he thought. Couldn't possibly do anymore.

Tim kept looking up over Tony's shoulder nervously. "Tim- it's okay. We'll deal with it. We knew this day would come eventually," Tony said, forcing a little smile, sounding surprisingly more confident than he felt. Tim took a deep inhale and nodded.

"He has not stopped staring at you since we got here, and has yet to make eye contact with me," Ziva said, barely moving her lips as she reached for her necklace.

Tony sighed. "Yeah, I know. This sucks. I honestly have no idea how we're going to make it through this case without killing one another." Tony dropped the hopeful attitude, and rubbed his face with his hand.

"I do not think you have to worry about him killing you, Tony," Ziva said softly, looking into his eyes, trying to convey more than what she was saying. Tony looked at her curiously, but Ja'Rell came to join them, interrupting their personal conversation. Tony forced a smile and looked up to greet him. "Hey! Ja'Rell Thomas, I want you to meet Special Agents Tim McGee and Ziva David."

Ja'Rell smiled, and shook both of their hands. "Nice to meet you! Tony's said a lot of good things about the two of you. Don't know how we managed to snatch him away from NCIS with the kinds of things he's told me."

"Well, working for Gibbs, we've all thought about coming over to the dark side at some point or another," Tim joked nervously. The rest of the group chuckled.

"So, who's processing? Gibbs fighting to claim the body?" Tony asked, trying to move the conversation on to the case.

"The M.E. called Fornell and told him he was going to come for the body. Should be here shortly. I think we're sharing custody. Gibbs doesn't seem to be all with it. Guess he was deep in sleep or something when we called him," Ja'Rell joked.

Ziva and Tim both looked past their new comer and Tony in order to take a peek at Gibbs, who was still standing there, frozen to the spot, staring at Tony's back. When they both exchanged unabashedly concerned looks, Tony froze.

"He still standing there, gawking?" Tony asked, fury starting to build within him. Ja'Rell looked at him in confusion before moving to turn around to look at the man behind them. At that, Gibbs dropped his gaze and moved towards Fornell.

"Uh, not anymore. What's going on?" he asked.

"Gibbs has never been able to see past the reasons why Tony left the agency," Ziva said tensely.

"I would stay clear of him if I were you, just until he gets over the initial shock of having to work with Tony again," Tim added. "He's not the friendliest on a good day, but he's been pretty grumpy lately, so this won't help things."

"Good to know. Thanks for the warning. Listen, I need to go talk to the LEO's, get some info. Pammy is on her way in to talk to the aunt. We gonna tag team the sketch?" He shuffled his hands between the three people in front of him, and Tony nodded, looking back and forth between Ziva and Tim. "Excellent! See yas in a bit!" Ja'Rell turned to walk away when he saw the NCIS truck approaching. "Oh! There's your people!"

"Thanks Ja'Rell," Tony smiled, waving at him as he left. He turned back to Ziva and Tim. "Grumpy lately?" he asked, raising his eyes up towards the truck as the doors opened.

"Two years is lately, right?" Tim said shrugging. Tony had to resist the urge to reach out and head slap him. Thankfully, Ducky and Palmer walked up to greet them and join the huddle.

"Anthony! So good to see you!" Ducky said, reaching out to clasp Tony on the shoulder. "It has been far too long. Probably six months now since our last meeting. We should really make time for some tea soon, don't you think?" Tony couldn't help but smile at his old friend, glad to see that he hadn't changed much.

"Tony! How's it going?" Palmer asked with a quick pat on the back.

"Was going pretty good until I showed up and found Gibbs here. Not that seeing all of you isn't great, but the tensions are kind of high, you know? I'd stay away from Gibbs if at all possible." Tony grimaced, and looked around the group as the expressions showed way too much understanding. "We should probably go get to work though before Fornell chews me a new one. He's not nearly as scary as Gibbs when he does it, but he's sneakier with it in a way that's just as troublesome."

"Yes, well we should get going. Jethro hasn't been himself lately, so he's probably going to be unbearable. The more we can expedite this collaboration, the better off I think we all will be." Ducky moved past Tony, and Tony turned to follow him a moment.

"Hasn't been himself lately?" Tony asked, bewildered. "Do I want to ask what happened? How long is lately?"

By now they were a bit of distance away from the rest of the group. Ducky stopped and looked Tony in the eyes, and Tony knew immediately that whatever he was about to be told, he wasn't going to like it. "Things have not been the same since you left, you know that, Anthony."

"This is the second time tonight that someone has said that things have gotten worse somehow. Please, Ducky, what happened?" Tony stared him down. Ducky saw the genuine concern, and felt something inside of him knot up. He took a deep breath as he stared at his younger friend.

"Things have not been the same since the Fourth of July," Ducky said quietly.

Tony felt himself take an involuntary step back. They had started seeing each other on Independence Day, two years prior. It was a cold October night, now. Whatever happened to change things, happened on what would have been their two year anniversary of sorts.

Tony's mind drifted back to that night.

It was such a great night. The team had gotten together for a barbeque at Gibbs' house for lunch. Everyone had plans that night except for him and Gibbs. Tony had decided that enough was enough. He and Gibbs had spent a lot of time together for the two months before, hanging out at one another's places, going running together, just talking with beers at a bar after work. The dynamic between them was changing, and for the better. Tony had a perfect idea for something to do that night that they couldn't do any other night of the year- they were going to go watch the fireworks.

It had taken an hour to convince Gibbs to go with him to a park far enough away from the inner city that they would still have an excellent view of the fireworks, while being able to stay out of the crazy traffic they always caused. They put a couple of beers in a cooler with something to munch on to keep Tony occupied, and Gibbs pulled an old blanket out of the hallway closet upstairs. They drove to the park, and found a spot where they were fairly secluded from everyone else, yet had a good clear view of the sky.

They joked and laughed as they waited for the spectacle, and when the fireworks started, Tony was mesmerized by the bursts of light in the sky. That is, until he turned to see that Gibbs was watching him, not the fireworks. They had leaned into one another, slowly letting their eyes close, and their lips met in a feather light touch of a kiss. It repeated and deepened, and neither of them saw another firework for the rest of the evening.

Tony snapped out of his memory as Ducky's hand came to rest on his shoulder. "I know he doesn't deserve it Anthony, but please, be gentle."

Tony didn't know what to make of such an odd request. Part of him was enraged that Ducky would ask something like that of him, but when he saw the honestly worried and pitying look in the older man's eyes, he realized that things weren't being said about how Gibbs was really doing. Part of him ached to know, suddenly pulled back into the caring, loving, mode that he had once lived out of when it came to his ex. Another part of him was angry, trying to find a smug satisfaction in the fact that Gibbs wasn't doing well, while he had managed to move on. As he stepped away from the M.E. and headed for the scene, he found himself becoming angrier and angrier at the fact that he was suddenly worried about the man that had crushed him, and taken away his life.

He kept going past Fornell, and made his way to the scene. He looked around, not sure of what he was doing standing there staring at the mess in front of him, but it seemed appropriate to witness the blood and guts on the pavement, because that's what he suddenly felt like all over again.

))))))))))NCIS((((((((((((

Two hours later, between the motley crew of FBI and NCIS agents, the scene was processed. They were saying their goodbyes when they noticed Gibbs and Fornell arguing by Fornell's car.

"You're going to have to put your personal feelings aside, Jethro. I am not just going to hand this entire investigation over to you blindly simply because one of the victims is a sailor! It wouldn't be fair to my team and everyone who has worked their asses off on this case for the past nine months! Deal with your mistakes on your own time! Don't drag them into the middle of my goddamned case! If you can't handle this, then turn it over to another team that can." Fornell was laying into Gibbs, right up in his face, the fullest throttle of his anger being thrown at him in a way that Tony had only seen his boss use on the most disgusting perps. He felt oddly touched at the protective nature he was displaying, and the corner of his mouth twitched in a sad smile.

He turned back to the NCIS agents. "Okay. I wish you guys the very, very best of luck. I'm getting the hell outta here. Call me or Fornell if you find out anything, and will someone tell Abby I'm going to have to reschedule, but I'll call her at some point tomorrow?"

Tim was staring at the altercation still as it was simmering down. Tony waved a hand in front of his eyes. "What? Oh, yeah, I'll tell Abby. This is going to be a nightmare. He's going to be…" Tim shook his head a little before looking at Tony. He sighed deeply. "Go on, Tony. Get out of here. I'll let you know if anything comes up."

"Thanks, McGee!" He gave Ziva a really quick hug, and took off for his car. He got into it in record time, buckling his seatbelt and driving off.

Ziva looked at McGee. "You can do this, McGee. Just remember, you are not who he is really angry at."

Tim swallowed hard. "Easy for you to say. You're not supposed to be his SFA. In his eyes, I'm evil incarnate right now, trying replace his favorite agent ever and the man he's still in love with."

Ziva looked over at where Gibbs was standing alone now, staring ahead while Fornell drove off. "Do you really think it's too late for them?" Ziva asked quietly.

Tim raised his eyebrows at Ziva. "For a long time, I thought that Tony deserved better. Watching him since the Fourth though, knowing a little more about what's going on there, how he's holding on… it makes me wonder."

(((((((((((((NCIS)))))))))))))))

Tony went back to his apartment with dreams of taking a two hour long nap. Since the majority of the case was going to be processed by NCIS, he had a bit of leeway, and Fornell knew he needed it since they had both worked late the night before.

Once he opened the door, he tossed his keys onto the table inside of the doorway, and locked the door behind him, making sure to slide the chain. He didn't bother turning the lights on, but made his way to his room, stripping down quickly and falling into the bed, placing his phone on the side table.

He was exhausted, getting less than two hours of sleep after a fourteen hour work day the day before. He'd been processing the paperwork for putting the Natoli family in protective custody, on top of running research for where they might be able to find Frankie Giovanni, the son the Giovanni mob boss, and a psychotic up and coming arms dealer. He had a few possible leads, but they were still too fragile to start tugging on loose threads.

Their snitch was shanked in prison the first night of serving his dramatically reduced sentence. They had no problem making the deal with the kid because they knew that he would never make it out of the pen alive. Some called it justice, some karma, but either way, they got their answers and one more creep was off of the street that had been putting guns into the wrong hands.

Tony wasn't thinking about any of it though. As soon as he laid down in his queen sized bed, he felt the weight of being alone in a way he hadn't for months now. Sure, he had had moments in his bed at night where he wished he had the warm, strong body of the older man that haunted him next to him under the blankets, but this was different. This was an ache do deep, that it felt like a bottomless well, and every time he felt it, he wished he could finally be put out of his misery and drown in it. It was that pain that had made him try to drown himself in the bottom of bottle after bottle of liquor and beer.

His mind wandered back to that Fourth of July, and what it meant to him… what he had felt when he finally had Gibbs' lips against him, arms around him, honest and open murmurs of affection in his ear…

Then he thought back to that horrible day in Vance's office. They had decided to move in with one another. They were happy… Tony was so happy. They had told the team, and the team had done well at keeping their mouths shut. Vance must have overheard someone talking though, because two months later, they were sitting in his office, being told to choose between their old version of happy, and their new version of happy.

Tony believed that Vance knew what he was doing by asking. He knew that either way, one of them would go. Things turned out for the worst in ways that even Vance hadn't expected. Tony moved on, Gibbs had become apathetic and angry. Something in the mix had ruined his plot, and now he was paying the price. They all were. Tony wanted to punch the man, but his ultimatum had made things real, and brought out the truth.

Gibbs' words to Abby as he yelled at her in the lab had etched their way onto Tony's heart. "How long until one of us fucks this us? We always do!"

Tony couldn't take that any other way than personally. It had hurt badly, and when he saw the tears on Abby's face, his pain and his anger collided, and he knew then that he would never forgive Gibbs- they were over.

So why was he lying in bed, unable to stop thinking about the way they used to hold each other for hours, unable to sleep, just being close to one another? If they were so damaged that Tony would never bring himself to care about Gibbs again, why was he aching to find out what had happened on the Fourth of July to make things worse for Gibbs? And was that really regret he saw in those tired blue eyes? He thought about how dim those typically fiercely blue orbs were tonight when his name escaped from Gibbs' lips, and he felt his heart break all over again.

He rolled onto his side and let the tears slip over his cheeks until he broke out into sobs, his body jerking and convulsing in heaving motions as he cried for an hour until he fell asleep.