Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with The Mentalist and am making no money off this.

Author's Note: This popped into my head and wouldn't go away. It was inspired by the Season 6 spoiler about a new female lead. I'm not sure I like the premise, but it came fully formed, so here it is!

The laughter drifting back from the elevators was a happy sound, but its effect was anything but, Cho mused as he glanced at Lisbon's office. It was late, and Rigsby and Van Pelt had left within five minutes of each other an hour ago. They weren't even trying to hide anymore, he thought with a mental eye roll. Jane had waited around until his date had arrived—she worked long hours too—and now they were hurrying out, barely pausing to bid him and Lisbon a good night on their way to somewhere chic, to judge by the fact that Jane was wearing a tie. Cho wished them well, but he hated that their happiness was at Lisbon's expense.

With the Red John case behind them, life had changed. There was no sense of lurking menace, no quest for Jane to randomly disappear to pursue. There had been muted celebration and a sense of uncertainty immediately afterward, but Jane had seemed to pick himself back up after a couple of weeks and return to normal. Well, sort of normal. Okay, just weird. After ten years of gloomy, self-absorbed obsession interrupted by manic bursts of activity that spelled trouble for everyone around him, Jane seemed to have decided to rejoin society. He bought new clothes and new shoes. He made small talk with coworkers waiting for the elevator without telling them uncomfortable truths about themselves.

He started dating.

That was the weirdest part. Not that Cho begrudged him a social life, but couldn't he have picked someone who didn't work for the CBI? And if he couldn't manage that, couldn't he at least have kept it under wraps? Watching Lisbon watch Jane leave every Friday night with his girlfriend was getting to be painful. He wondered if she knew how much she gave away, even at a distance.

There had to be something he could do about this. Not about Jane, because that was a lost cause, but about Lisbon's sadness. She'd get better in time, Cho was sure. Everybody did, sooner or later. But maybe he could make the misery a little more bearable in the meantime. Sometimes having a friend helped.

He finished up his report and went to Lisbon's office, pausing outside the door. She apparently hadn't realized he was still here, because she was sitting with her face in her hands instead of working. Cho knocked to give her a moment to compose herself, then went in.

"Oh, hey, Cho. I thought you'd gone home," she said, managing to sound almost cheerful.

Yeah, he thought, or you would have kept your game face on. "Just finishing up. You headed out anytime soon?"

"Yeah, soon," she replied. He knew it was a lie, despite the fact that she looked exhausted.

"Plans for the weekend?" He hated small talk, but he had to work up to his goal.

"Sleep," she smiled. "Assuming we don't get called up for anything. You?"

"Meeting up with some guys I used to know tomorrow afternoon, but other than that, sleep sounds pretty good," he replied. He paused, at a loss for a transition. Finally he just said, "Looks like we're the only ones with sense enough not to date our coworkers."

Lisbon gave him a sharp look; he was treading too close to the personal, and he knew it. Then she sighed. "Been there, done that. I try not to repeat my mistakes."

"Yeah, me too," he said. Summer hadn't exactly been a coworker, but close enough. "Hey, you wanna go get a beer? I feel like one, and I hate drinking alone."

"No, I really should finish this. But I appreciate the offer." He thought she might actually mean it.

"You sure? It's been a long week."

She sighed. "Yeah, I'm sure. You should get out of here, enjoy your weekend. I'll see you Monday morning."

"Okay." He hated that he hadn't been able to cheer her up, but he wasn't going to push. He nodded and headed for the door.

"Wait," she called suddenly. "You know what? Why not. I haven't been out for drinks with a friend in forever."

He smiled. She was down, but not out. Good. "Me either."

mmm

They settled in at the bar in a little place down the street, which was beginning to empty out now that the happy hour crowd was heading off to their next destinations. They ordered a beer and made small talk for a few minutes, but quickly ran out of topics since that wasn't really either of their strong suits. After ordering their second beers, Cho decided the time was right to jump in.

"It sucks when everybody else is happy," he remarked. He didn't expect her to agree with him because it was, after all, pretty selfish, so he kept talking. "I hated seeing happy couples after Summer left."

She nodded. He'd never admitted to his relationship with Summer in front of her before, but he had no doubt she knew. Jane had probably mentioned it after it was over and she wouldn't have to take any action. That was back when Jane cared about Lisbon's feelings, he thought sourly.

"It's hard when it seems like everybody else is pairing off," she agreed.

Cho waited until she had a mouthful of beer before saying, "We should pretend to date."

She didn't spew beer all over the bar, but she nearly choked trying not to. He patted her on the back, making sure his expression didn't betray his amusement. When she had finished choking, he said, "Sorry. Just thinking how much fun it would be listening to all the gossip."

"For you, maybe." She cautiously took another swig of her beer.

"It would never work anyway. Jane would see right through it," Cho reflected, glancing at her.

"That assumes he'd even notice," Lisbon grumbled. Then she sighed. "I'm happy for him. I am."

Which one of us are you trying to convince? Cho wondered. "Yeah. Me too. It could be worse; he's not distracted while we're on cases, at least." It was true; when they were working, Jane had his head in the game. He didn't moon around like Rigsby sometimes did.

"True." Lisbon took another drink and fell silent.

It had to suck for her, he thought. While on cases, Jane was pretty much his old self, except better dressed and slightly more socialized. He still tended to stand too close to her, still made the odd flirtatious remark, still teased her. Except now everybody knew he didn't mean any of it. That was a hell of a way to repay someone who'd put her ass on the line for him repeatedly. And the bastard had to know how she felt. It was obvious to anyone who'd been paying attention.

He said, "The worst is when you try to help them and then they ride into the sunset with somebody else." Realizing he couldn't help Summer without removing her from her environment had been excruciating. It was only when he started worrying she would end up dead that he'd found the strength to push her onto a new path, knowing all the while it would lead her away from him.

Lisbon set her bottle down a little too hard and said nothing.

"She sent me a picture of her kid. Cute." He was saying more than he'd intended; he'd never talked about this to anybody.

Lisbon relaxed a little, wrongly assuming he wasn't talking about her and Jane. "Yeah, that sucks. But the worst is when they don't ride off into the sunset," she added, very quietly.

Cho nodded. He couldn't imagine how painful it would be if he had to see Summer every day and be continually reminded she didn't love him anymore. And Lisbon didn't even have the comfort of knowing Jane had ever loved her, he bet.

"Love stinks," he said.

Lisbon held out her bottle to his, and they clinked them together. "Amen to that."

mmm

When her phone rang at 3 a.m., Lisbon thought her head would explode. God. She should know better than to drink with Cho, who was obviously impervious to alcohol. He hadn't even staggered as he'd helped her to her cab. But then, his pain was scabbed over, while hers was raw and bleeding. She'd needed more alcohol to numb it.

"Lisbon," she muttered into the phone.

"Boss, we're up. Red John copycat," Cho said.

She groaned.

"You okay?" he asked.

"No." She was in no shape to drive, much less work. She hadn't taken a sick day in years, so surely she deserved this one.

"Okay. We got this. You get some rest, fluids, and aspirin."

He hung up before she could find the words to remind him this was all his fault.

Her phone began ringing again, but this time she looked at the caller ID first. It was Jane, the other person responsible for her current state. She slammed the phone down on her nightstand and ignored it. She also ignored the text that followed. She was sick, and she would deal with it all when she no longer wanted to die.

mmm

That turned out to be well after lunchtime. She dragged herself downstairs to get some coffee mid morning, then dozed on the couch until someone knocked on her door. She first thought it was Jane, but then decided he was probably out somewhere with his girlfriend. It was most likely Grace bearing chicken soup. Cho wouldn't have told them she was hung over, so they must think she had the flu or something. Visitors were the last thing she wanted, but she felt sufficiently pathetic to be grateful for any evidence that someone cared about her well being.

She shuffled to the door wrapped in an afghan, and her jaw dropped as she realized it was Jane after all. Though she might be forgiven for her moment of uncertainty since he was wearing jeans and a sweater the color of his eyes, making him seem almost like a stranger.

"Lisbon, get back on the couch before you fall over," he said, frowning. Then he pushed past her, and she realized he was carrying a grocery bag.

"Aren't you supposed to be working?" she asked, closing the door and heading back to the couch. There was no point in asking what he was doing in her kitchen; he'd tell her when he was ready.

"Teresa Lisbon called in sick. I checked the sky for pigs, but there weren't any, so I gather the world isn't actually ending. Thus I came to offer succor in your moment of need," he called.

She was too worn out to say any of the snarky things that came to mind. She lay down and closed her eyes, ignoring the racket he was making. She gritted her teeth when he started up the blender. Damn, how had he even found that?

She had nearly dozed off again when he returned to the living room and held out a glass of something fruity smelling. Surprisingly, it didn't turn her stomach.

"Drink this," he instructed.

"Get that away from me," she mumbled.

"Come on," he coaxed, then added in a singsong, "you'll feel better."

"Lean down so I can punch you," she groaned.

Jane set the glass down on an end table and started to lift her. She scrambled into a sitting position herself so he'd stop touching her. She was miserable enough without adding temptation.

"There you go. Come on."

"Jane, I'm sick. Stop harassing me. I just want to sleep."

"You're not sick, you're hung over," he said, "and this is a foolproof hangover cure. Drink up."

She took the glass. If she drank it, he'd leave, she hoped. It smelled and tasted of strawberries, with other fruit blended in, and some kind of faintly gritty substance. She wouldn't prolong his stay by asking what was in it. She'd just be happy if it stayed down.

"There." He beamed at her as he took back the empty glass. But to her dismay, when he came back from carrying it to the kitchen, he settled in beside her as if he intended to stay.

"Seriously, shouldn't you be helping Cho and the others?"

"Meh. It wasn't a very good copycat. Not a disciple. The smiley was in the wrong place, and the cuts were sloppy. There were footprints outside the bedroom window, too. The others can take care of it."

She sighed, but she knew it wasn't worth arguing with him, even if she'd had the energy. Maybe if she got him talking, he'd lull her to sleep. "So how was dinner last night?"

"The risotto was perfect, but the veal was a tad overdone," he replied. "A nice meal, but nothing to write home about. The wine list was impressive, though."

He could be a restaurant critic if he decided to leave the CBI, she thought. As always, the idea of him leaving tore at her heart, but this time a little voice in her head wondered if that would at least help her get over him. It hadn't worked while he was in Vegas, but that was before. Now she wouldn't need to be worried about him. He could go and be happy, and she would be happy for him. Eventually.

But for now, he wasn't going anywhere, apparently. He seemed intent on staying and torturing her.

"I'm far more interested in what you did last night," Jane remarked.

"Cho and I went to grab a beer, that's all."

"My dear, you must have drunk the better part of a keg to achieve this condition," he replied, amused. Then he sobered. "Tell me, what prompted such uncharacteristic behavior?"

"I guess it's just been awhile," she mumbled.

"Nonsense. Something happened, and it must have happened after I left, because I would have noticed if you were upset."

She snorted before she could stop herself.

"Ah," he said, in exactly the tone that usually preceded an outrageous plan. "I see."

"You see what?" she snapped.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His long, graceful fingers fidgeted, wanting to twist the ring he'd taken off a week ago. That was when she'd realized he must be serious about his girlfriend and that she had to give up her silly daydreams once and for all.

"You know what? Never mind. I'm not in the mood for your stupid mind games," she said hurriedly. "Can you just go, please?"

"Does it not strike you as telling that when you asked me about my evening, I told you about the food instead of my charming companion?"

She was grateful for small mercies, actually. "What, trouble in paradise?" Ouch. She hadn't meant to sound so nasty.

Jane gave a little harrumph. "Paradise would be a radical overstatement. We're just two busy adults who occasionally have an amusing time together. Rumors of our romance are greatly exaggerated."

She frowned. "You go out every Friday night if we're not on a case."

"Yes. But I assure you that if I was romantically interested in her, once a week wouldn't satisfy me."

"But..." Lisbon's head hurt too much to process one of Jane's oddball schemes. "Then what are you doing?"

He let out a long breath and leaned back, resting an arm along the back of the couch. "After I didn't have to worry about Red John anymore, I had to admit there was a void in my life. In fact, there was more void than life. And it had been so long since I had a normal life, I wasn't sure how to get from here to there."

"I think that might be normal," she said softly. "I wish you'd told me. Maybe I could have helped."

"I thought about it. But you've done so much for me, Teresa. It didn't seem fair to ask for more."

She swallowed against the lump in her throat. "It's not a chore for me to help you, Jane. That's what friends do."

"I know. But it's been pointed out to me that I've taken over your life. So I thought it would be good to take a step back, give you some breathing room, while I figured out the whole 'having a life' thing. But I see now that you misinterpreted that as me abandoning you, and I'm truly, deeply sorry for that."

Lisbon stared at him. What the hell? "Is Lisa aware that you're not romantically involved?"

"She certainly should be."

Lisbon was unconvinced. "So let me get this straight. You decided to date one of our colleagues as part of your attempt to have a life, but in reality you're only using her as your fashion consultant and life coach?"

"Life coach, yes, but definitely not fashion consultant. If I let her choose my clothes I'd be appearing in Dockers and Oxford shirts." He shuddered. "And she is tragically attached to ties. And sport coats. I like her, but there are some things I absolutely cannot do. For anyone. Even you, my dear."

"I'd never ask you to wear a sport coat," Lisbon promised. She tried for a serious tone, but she felt her mouth tugging into a smile. She was feeling better by the minute. That must be some hangover cure.

"Of course you wouldn't," he agreed. He moved his arm, and a moment later she felt his hand splayed on her back, warm and solid. He waited for her to look at him, and then said in a soft and solemn voice, "You have no reason to be upset, Teresa. You haven't lost anything. I just need a little time to get my head together before I jump into something serious. You deserve at least that."

She looked at him, trying to read his expression. "I don't need you to change, Jane. I don't want you to change. I got used to the three piece suits and the scuffed up shoes and the stubble."

He gave her a dazzling smile. "You'll get used to the new wardrobe, and I can skip shaving on the weekends if you like."

She smiled back. "Deal."

"And I will stop seeing Lisa if it makes you feel better."

"If you like spending time with her, then I don't want you to give that up," she lied. Then she added, "But I would like equal time off the clock. Just to hang out together, you know, as friends. Nothing serious."

"It would be my pleasure. Saturday nights are all yours."

That would avoid the CBI gossips, she realized. Everyone would see him with Lisa on Fridays and never think to look further. But that seemed a little cruel to Lisa. "What are you going to tell Lisa? Are you sure she's not in love with you?"

"About eighty-six percent sure. She pursued me, Lisbon, even after I told her I wasn't interested. And her sense of triumph at changing my mind is quickly fading now that she's discovered how stubborn and difficult I can be." He said it without any trace of regret. "She's begun to express frustration lately that I'm still not ready to 'take things to the next level.'"

"You haven't slept together?" she blurted out.

"That surprises you?" He had the nerve to look surprised.

"Jane, half the CBI has money on when you're going to propose to her!"

He laughed, throwing his head back. He was beautiful, she thought. He'd almost never laughed until recently, despite the cheerful veneer he'd used to hide his pain. "I hope Cho isn't one of them. I owe him for telling me what was really wrong with you."

"What did he say?" she demanded.

"That you were sick of waiting." He rubbed at her back comfortingly. "And that I was an idiot."

"Never argue with Cho," she said. "It's in my rule book, right after 'Never bet with Jane.'"

He grinned and leaned forward, but she stopped him before their lips could touch. "I've been throwing up," she warned.

He sighed and kissed her forehead instead. "Get some more sleep, and call me when you feel better. I'll take you to pick up your car and cook you a nice meal."

It was Saturday, she realized. Her day. "Okay." The butterflies in her stomach startled her, but then she realized that sometimes getting what you want can be terrifying.

Jane looked like he was having much the same realization. He stood up and smiled a little bashfully at her. "See you later."

"Sure. I'll give you a call when I'm ready," she replied. She needed a shower and a change of clothes. Oh God, would he expect her to dress up? Was this a date?

"Relax," he advised as he went to the door. "This is just us hanging out."

"Right. Nothing serious," she agreed, calming down.

"Right." He smiled again and left.

Her phone buzzed a few minutes later, and she picked it up to read the text from Jane: When I'm ready for something serious, I promise you will be the first to know.

Good, she texted back. Then she went upstairs to get her shower, smiling. She should have known Jane was up to something other than the obvious. It was just like him to leave her in the dark until he was ready to spring his big surprise. She was torn between exasperation and relief that under all the changes he'd undergone, he was still the same Jane. Even if she was the only one who knew it.

mmm

The next Friday, Cho watched with interest as Jane said goodnight to Lisbon. Their behavior had subtly shifted over the past week, and he was still pondering the reason. Lisbon was happier, but Jane was still leaving with his girlfriend. Though this time Lisa was the one looking unhappy while Jane lingered in Lisbon's office, joking about the paperwork making it a fire trap that should be evacuated immediately.

When the couple had left, Cho finished up the task he'd used as an excuse to observe the Friday night ritual and prepared to leave. But before he could do more than put on his jacket, Lisbon came over to his desk. "Hey," she said.

"Hey. You heading out?" he asked.

"Yes. I wondered if you might want to grab a beer again. Just one, this time," she grinned.

"Sure," he said, wondering if he'd finally be able to solve this mystery. On the way to the bar, he reviewed the clues he'd gathered:

1. Lisbon and Jane had suddenly regained their former equilibrium, as of Sunday when they'd both shown up for the copycat case.

2. Lisbon was no longer nursing a broken heart.

3. Jane was flirting with Lisbon more outrageously than ever, and she didn't seem to mind.

4. Jane was still going out with Lisa.

It was the last one that didn't fit, he realized. Was that the misdirect? Because when Jane was up to something, there was usually one involved.

When he joined Lisbon at the bar, she had already ordered their beers. He asked, "What are we drinking to?"

Lisbon looked thoughtful. Then she held out her bottle. "Clarity."

Cho hid a smile as he clinked his bottle against hers and drank. Yep. He was now the only one in the unit not dating his coworker. And he was fine with that.

But after Lisbon left, maybe he'd try his luck with the blonde at the end of the bar looking impatiently at her watch.