Part of the FSOG lyric wheel challenge 2

It's cold in the bed, I'm so tired but I can't sleep. It's always the same when he's gone. It was beautiful today, the sun shone and Teddy giggled in his pushchair when "uncle" Sawyer and I took him to the park. We watched the ducks and fed them the crusts from our picnic lunch. We had a go on the swings, Teddy loved it, his smile almost lifted the dark cloud that has been hanging around me since he left. It's only been four days, but it feels like eternity. He's not been in one time zone long enough for us to talk properly or Skype for long but I've sent sporadic emails with pictures of an ever growing Ted. I just want him home now! My emotions are all over the place at the moment. Maybe I should talk it over with Grace...

X x X

I sit in the jet as we move over Europe, or is it Asia, or possibly even Africa today? My brain is scrambled but I have to be based here, wherever here is, until these deals are finalised. The Russians were easy to deal with, I was barely there a day and our business was concluded. The English, and the Scottish took a bit more time, tours of parliament buildings in London and castles in Edinburgh and a shipyard in Glasgow, I was there for two maybe three days? Ana emailed me then, pictures of Teddy and her at the park in the sunshine. She looked so sad, I hope Gail and her are pulling together, supporting each other... I emailed her back but the words were so cold and flat and she deserves more than that, she deserves my attention. Why did I not push her to come too? I write her letters every day to tell her how I really feel. I email Mom too, just asking her to check Ana's okay...I want to go home, and see for myself, but it's impossible right now...

X x X

He's in Paris today, I think. I haven't heard from him yet. I'm just cold and alone. I need him to come home. Even Teddy has noticed my mood. The lack of sleep is catching up with me and I'm snapping at everyone, I'm just so tired. My rational mind knows he needs to be away, it's only been almost a week, but my irrational mind is in control right now so Christian Grey is not in my good books!

X x X

I went on to France from there, only stopping for twenty four hours to wrap up some thing in Paris, the city of love. I wish Ana had been with me then, I got her some things from a beautiful boutique that Mia recommended, I missed her then... I miss her now. I wish I could be there to see her open the gifts...I shove that thought down, my unbridled lust for my wife is not appropriate to think about in a room full of business men. I add another letter to the ever increasing bundle, telling her exactly what I want to do to her in her gifts...

X x X

I received beautiful packages from Paris today wrapped in pretty pink paper tied in lacy ribbons with bows, containing the most beautiful lingerie, a pair of sky high nude Louboutins. Christian does know his shoes...the underwear fits like a second skin, in fact it feels slightly snug what with the little extra weight I'm still carrying after having Teddy. There's also a powder blue box with silver ribbon, wrapped specially for little master Grey with a new designer suit with a grey tie that stirs all sorts of memories for me. I feel physically sick when I wake and he's not there, my dreams of him are so vivid. I know he needs to be away, but I want him home, with us.

X x X

Rome was stunning, if only I'd had time to sightsee, Ana would have loved it, her dream is to go round the world and see it all, together, this was not her dream... I can't wait to leave! Her emails pain me to read, shes holding back, I can't place it but something is wrong. Two long hot days and the deal is done. I compose another letter to add to the stack I've not sent, six little words "I love you, I miss you". I will never be away this long again!

X x X

Gail has taken over as the moodiest in the house, she misses Taylor so much. I'm glad she's not too close to her due date, I don't think either of us could cope with that, although her hormones seem pretty well balanced. I went with her to her obgyn appointment, she needs to rest more apparently, we both looked at each other and laughed hysterically like crazy women. Obviously Dr Greenes husband must never work away! She asked me to make an appointment for next week, to 'discuss something', I see her that afternoon without Gail. Shit, I need Christian... I send him a quick text, even though his phone isn't working right now, I hope it didn't hit the wall... *Baby, I miss you, you know* I hope he gets it.

X x X

Australia? Really is that where that was? I saw Tarmac at the airport, then a conference room then a bed, then a conference room, then a bed, then a conference room. Mergers and acquisitions really can be the most boring job in the world, nod your head, shake your head, argue a little, shout a little, or maybe a lot sign the paperwork then leave. More Tarmac then back to the jet. Three solid days of negotiation and I couldn't have told you where in the world I was! My frustration boiled over and I need yet another new phone, my sixth of this trip! If I had one id send her a message, pen and paper will need to suffice. "Ana, I miss you...I'm alone out here, I need you, I wanna come home!" I file it with the rest, I have nearly written her a book...

X x X

The days seem impossibly long without him. My emotions have gone haywire, I think Gail is influencing me! We go through phases together, we are happy, angry then sad, so so sad, especially at night...we sat and cried together last night. Grace popped in this morning, we had a long talk while Gail looked after Ted, she nodded and ummed and ahhed. She agreed I need to talk to Christian as soon as possible, but how? I have so much to tell him, but I can't... I'm surrounded by a million people I still feel alone, I need you I miss you. His emails have spaced out, our Skype chats are two minutes long. I lie in our bed holding his pillow, his scent is fading from it...

X x X

Only Germany and then Mexico to go... Hold on Ana! I can see her eyes are puffy, she looks thinner and pale. The Germans are holding out on me. It looks like I'm going to be here for quite a while, possibly another week... My heart sinks and the bile rises in my throat. I cant do that I cant be away from her any longer! Ros can come and handle this deal! I need her, I need Ana! Baby, I'm done, I'm coming back home!

X x X

I awaken to the heat, the immense heat, ensnaring me. The burning heat of my flesh, seeping into the fiery pit of my desire. I smell him, my heart clenches and my eyelids flutter open.
"Christian? Oh my god! Your here, your home!"
"I couldn't stay away from you baby!" His grey eyes lock with mine and desire fills me, I can see it written all over his face too. He strokes my face gently and runs his fingers lightly down my body. Our kisses enflame our passion, the heat escalating, leading up to the main event...
"Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh" I hear him screaming, but that's not him..that's Ted. I open my eyes and realise I'm having a vivid dream about my husband. I put on my robe and walk into the nursery, lifting my baby boy from his crib. I sit in the rocker and soothe him back to sleep, having a little weep myself. I need him home, now. I lay a now sleeping Ted down and find my blackberry. I dial his number.
"Ana? Is everything okay?" He sounds panicked at the other end
"No, everything's not okay Christian. I NEED you home, now! I have something to tell you that can't wait much longer..."
"Tell me now Ana" his dominant tone commands.
"No."
"Ana!"
"No, I can't tell you over a telephone Christian! I can only tell you to your face."
"Ana, are you ill? Is it Ted? What the fuck Ana! You can't call me like this and then not tell me anything!"
"I just miss you, you know... It's not important, it can wait, we are all fine. It's 3am, I'm tired, Teds not sleeping properly and I feel like I'm failing you. I'm just so fucking tired Christian...so tired. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry baby, I should be. I've been away too long. It will all be all right, I'll be home tonight, I'm coming back home Ana. Fuck the Germans and the bloody Mexicans! I can go next month, you and Ted are coming too. I can't wait to see you baby."
"I love you"
"I love you too, goodnight."
"Goodnight"

X x X

I look out the little porthole window and see Seattle lit up beneath me, thank god! I feel the familiar descent into Sea-Tac, we stop and the security checks are carried out before we disembark. Taylor is beside himself, Mrs Taylor being six months pregnant during our trip hasn't helped with his nerves! I can see Sawyer loading our bags into the waiting SUV. The cabin door opens and we file out Gail is standing with Ana and Ted. Taylor shoves past me to his wife. He sweeps her up like she weighs nothing spinning her in circles before she loudly threatens to be sick on him. At which point he places her on her feet, drops to his knees and covers her now exceptionally large stomach with kisses. Ana stands back watching, tears in her eyes, my baby always has been emotional. She lets Ted down and he wobbles towards me, I run to him and lift him into my arms.
"I've missed you baby boy!" He feels heavier and looks so different! What a difference a couple of weeks make! The tears spill from Ana's eyes now. I carry our boy towards her.
"I missed you so much!" She throws her arms around my neck ensnaring both Ted and I.
"I bet I missed you more baby." She sobs in my arms. I raise her chin and kiss her lips gently, I'm finally home!

X x X

I don't let go of him until we get home, if this isn't real I need locked up in an asylum! We settle Ted into his bed before going downstairs to have a late supper.
"So, you had something to tell me, I'm here now baby, so what is it?" Shit...what do I say?
"Erm...well, oh god...iforgotmyshotagain..."
"You what?" I hear an edge of anger in his tone.
"I forgot my shot again...I'm sorry..." I blurt out
"Your sorry?" He seems to roll my words round his mouth "What for?" His tone is neutral and his face is masked... I drop my head and tell him my news.
"I'm pregnant Christian..." I look up tears blurring my eyes, expecting the rage of last time. There's none.
"Oh my god Ana! It's so soon after Ted, but baby I'm thrilled!"
He jumps from his seat and scoops me into his arms.
"Are you sure your okay with this, it's just after Teddy..."
"Baby, how many times do I need to apologise for that? My head was screwed up then, I was still living in the darkness. You brought me into the light and Ted keeps me there!" He strokes my belly lovingly. "I'm sure this little one will do the same. When are we due then?"
"Well...erm...I'm five months along...we are due twenty eight days after the Taylor's..."
"Jesus Ana! When you forget something you really fucking forget don't you!" he rolls his eyes. "I'm gonna be a Daddy again in four months!" He shouts excitedly.
"Shhh! You'll waken Ted!" I chastise.
"I don't care, I want the world to know! I'm going to phone my parents, and Mia, oh and Elliott, and get Gail and Jason in, I wan to tell them too..." He runs around like an excited puppy dog, before he stops turns back to me and presses his blazing lips to mine. "I'm so glad to be home baby"

X x X

A/N: My song was Home by Blake Shelton, all lyrics belong to him the FSOG characters all belong to E.L. James.

Hope you liked my interpretation of the song into a story. It's how I imagined the conception of Pheobe...

Carrie x