DISCLAIMER:

All trademarked items in this fanfiction is owned by their respected copyright holders (Warhammer 40k is Game Workshop's, Familiar of Zero is Noboru Yamaguchi's). The ones which are owned by me are merely the plot and the author's thoughts. This fanfiction is made solely for entertainment purposes and not intended for any material gain.

Thoughts and whispers are in italic. Bold-italic is for emphasis.

The Waaaagh of Zero

A Familiar of Zero/Warhammer 40k crossover

Fouquet grinned as she climbed up from the hole on the floor of the academy's vault. The walls are taking a great pounding from her golem outside, but otherwise shows no appreciable strain. She would have liked to decode the spell used in reinforcing the wall and sell it to the highest bidder, but time of the essence.

Her plan was quite sophisticated, if Fouquet can say so herself. First, she made a tunnel leading to the underside of the vault, capitalizing on the fact that the creators thought that nobody would be able (or sane enough) to tunnel through bedrock to get to the vault. After that, she dug a series of tunnels around the foundation of the vault and lined it with fire-stones, awaiting detonation. After all has been set, she raised a golem to pound the outer wall of the vault as a distraction while she gets into the vault via one of the tunnels. Of course, as a contingency plan she had spiked the water supply with a powerful time-delayed sedative and put the bottle on a random maid's person, but nobody would fall to such a sharp-tasting and discernible drug, right?

With the help of her familiar and her great power as an earth mage, Fouquet managed to do all this without notice. Now that she's actually in the vault, all she has to do is grab the Staff of Destruction and double back before detonating the rest of the fire-stones, covering her tracks. Only one problem remains: the client has been quite tight-lipped about the particular item, and so Fouquest was not given any hint of the actual shape of the staff. Now facing a wall full of mounted and unlabeled staffs, Fouquet was at a loss on what to carry off. Definitely not that cumbersome-looking tube on the pedestal, she thought as she scanned around the treasure vault.

"Well, we can always start with that thing outside our reach," Fouquet said to her constrictor familiar, beckoning it to retrieve a staff on the top of the wall-rack amidst the pounding on it.

…

The effect of the downward chop was devastating. The golem ended up with a deep gash on its torso, one that would certainly bisected it if it possessed less bulk than it is. Pausing momentarily as dirt and rock rearranged to repair the damage, the giant golem slowly turned its body towards the newfound menace.

"Whoa, partner…" Derflinger said as they put some distance, avoiding the sufficiently threatened golem lashing out on them. "That could've put some nasty chip on my edge. Have ye a little decency to use me on the thinner joints, mayhaps?"

"Wozzat?" Rokk shouted, avoiding a rocky extension functioning as the golem's fist seeking to grind the (comparatively) puny green musclehead to paste.

"Hit the knee!" Derflinger replied, shouting to match its wielder. Rokk nodded, and with a great cry rushed in, evading the fists. The mindless golem tried to squash the ork with his fists, but failed. Getting into range for a pounce, Rokk leaped up and gave an almighty slash, knocking a big chunk of soil and rock approximately corresponding to the knee of the golem loose. With a great rumble, the golem staggered as its left leg lost about a foot of height.

"RRWRAAAAAAARG!"

While the golem paused to rearrange its body to working order again, a mighty roar signaled that Sylpheed is joining the fight. With great force, the dragon somewhat smaller compared to the golem crashed to the automaton and threw it off its feet, its body of dirt and rocks thrown off to the reinforced wall of the treasure vault. The wall shuddered, but it held fast.

…

As Fouquet prepared to get off with two staffs on each hand and one on each armpits, the pounding on the wall abruptly stopped. The still, musty air briefly lend an ominous atmosphere to the moment as Fouquet realized that something is amiss. Someone must have done enough damage to be able to divert the golem from its task of pounding the outer wall, the lady thief thought.

"Well then, we best shuffle…" Fouquet muttered as she re-entered the hole where she came from. "Pythia, gobble up whatever small treasure you can gather for twenty seconds and then double back to the entrance. I'll detonate the cave system after a minute."

The constrictor snake gave a subtle nod, and Fouquet quickly resumed making her way through the tunnel system. Then, a sudden loud crash made Fouquet stop for a moment, before hustling once more, treasures in hand.

…

"How was it? Is it dead yet?" Louise said, approaching the scene of battle from behind Rokk with Tabitha. Across a small stretch of field before the party, the forty-foot golem lay motionless propped against the treasury wall. It seemed to be mostly intact, at least until Tabitha conjured a lengthy storm of icicles that utterly decimated the stone construct.

"Checking pulse," the blue-haired petite said. "None."

"O-… okay…" Louise said, inching a little further from Tabitha. "A-anyway, should we check if the side of the castle is okay? The golem seemed to be intending to demolish it…"

"Good idea," Tabitha said, looking to the just-landed Sylpheed. "Sylphid, search damage on outer wall."

"Kkyuui?" Sylpheed replied, head tilted to the side.

"Large cracks on wall," Tabitha said, the tone of her voice slightly annoyed. "Find."

"Kyui!" the dragon complied, ambling closer to the mound of stones and dirt left from the golem.

"Familiar, assist Sylpheed," Louise said to Rokk.

"On it, Boss," the ork complied, jogging over to where Sylpheed was.

"So… who could have been behind this?" Louise asked Tabitha as the bluenette used her magic to conjure a ball of light to illuminate the surroundings better. Before Tabitha could say anything however, the ground was shook by an explosion.

…

"Well here we are, Jutland," Kirche said as she neared the school complex from the gate usually used as the entrance of supply carts from the city. Kirche liked to use this entrance when she's on horseback since it's nearer to the stables where Jutland is kept. A small floating ball of flame illuminating her way, Kirche was mildly surprised when she smelled a sharp, burnt smell as she neared the kitchen.

"Well well… someone seemed to have left the stove to dry, old boy," Kirche said, patting her steed as she guided the horse to the stables. "Let's get you safely in the stables first… Founder be blessed…"

Quickly, the fire mage hopped down from her horse and found an unconscious stable-hand. Around her, a few other mundane workers slept in various poses, as if they're struck by some sort of sleeping malady. Kirche tied her horse to a nearby stand, before getting to a downed stablehand.

"Hey, you, wake up!" Kirche exclaimed while shaking the young man. Getting no reaction, Kirche quickly made a smoldering mass of embers at the tip of her wand. "Geh, no reaction at all huh… this is going to sting a little."

"Waaaah! Damnit, it hurts!" the stablehand exclaimed as Kirche's smoldering embers touched the palm of his hand. "Ah… uh, what happened?"

"You fell asleep at a weird place," Kirche answered the bewildered young man's question. "It seems that someone slipped drugs into the water. Are you well enough to warn the others?"

"I-… I think so, milady," the stablehand said after groggily shaking his head a few times.

"Good. Wake all other servants you can find, I think splashing their face with water will do. I'll head to the kitchen and make sure nothing catches fire," Kirche said, lighting a few torches nearby before casting a spell that caused the tip of her wand to glow with the same intensity of a torch.

"Yes milady!" the stable-hand replied before setting out to wake his fellow servants.

Kirche quickly hustled to the kitchen, finding many on-duty servants to be sleeping at various places while smells of burnt cooking choked the air. Judging from the various degrees of burning in the stoves, the unfortunate servants had just finished with supper, and they were cooking their own meal or heating left-overs. Kirche acted quickly, dousing any open flames she could find and putting away easily-burned materials away from hot pans cooling down. Before the Germanian mage could rouse some of the cooking staff however, someone slammed the other door leading to the kitchen open. Kirche quickly brought her wand to bear, pointing a readied fireball on its tip to the newcomer.

"Whoa whoa whoa, back up!" the other party exclaimed, sounding as surprised as Kirche. "Zerbst? Is that you?"

"…Montmorency? Thank The Founder, I was hoping someone could explain all these staffs falling unconscious left and right…" Kirche said, letting her destructive spell die down harmlessly. "But first, let's wake these people up!"

"I'm guessing someone poisoned the water supply with an advanced poison…" the blond-haired girl Kirche called Montmorency said, creating a small spray of cold water from the tip of her wand to wake one of the chefs. "The Alviss Dining Hall was in chaos. The stone alviss are helping out there it seems"

"That's plausible, but why are you not affected?" the Germanian girl said, restoring wakefulness to a maid.

"I take mithridatum weekly, it reduces the effect of harmful drugs and poisons," Montmorency said, revitalizing another chef. "We Montmorencys do that once we're of age since we have quite a few enemies from our former homeland."

"I see…" Kirche muttered.

The question went unanswered as a strong tremor knocked everyone down, waking the rest of the kitchen crew via a harsh hit to the floor.

…

Tabitha looked on in horror as the whole vault structure rumbled and caved in while Sylpheed and Rokk was inspecting it. The illumination spell fizzed harmlessly as she expended all of her willpower not to sink to her knees, although it doesn't stop her book from falling uselessly to the side. The collapsed vault took a good chunk of building from the central tower, but the tower stood still, seemingly unharmed.

"Tabitha, snap out of it!" Louise shouted, coming to her comrade's side. "We need to get help! This is way beyond our ability!"

"R-right," Tabitha said, regaining composure from the ordeal. "Old Osmond."

"Let's go!" Louise said, taking the blue-haired girl's hand as she ran towards the headmaster's office. Tabitha followed the pink-haired girl a step behind her, for once without a book on her hands.

It doesn't take them long to find the old teacher, as his office was not far from the scene of destruction. Panting hard from exertion, Louise threw her body towards the door, too hasty and weary to open it the mundane way. Thankfully, the oaken door offered little resistance as the owner of the office opened it just before collision, providing a rather soft spot for Louise to collide on.

"Ohoh?" the headmaster chuckled as he caught Louise in a firm grip. "I was not expecting you to throw yourself upon me, young Miss Valliere."

"Th-th-the side of the tower, Old Osmond! It's gone! Collapsed! In rubbles!" Louise blabbered uncontrollably.

"Took our familiars with it," Tabitha concisely added. "Require assistance. Swiftly."

"Well well, it seemed like a major emergency. I was just piecing up how and why I feel so drowsy after dinner," the old mage said, mirth receding but not gone from his voice. "If you will show me which side of the tower that collapsed, young ladies?"

The trio quickly moved through the growing chaos and confusion that enveloped the castle. A crowd of confused and frightened students are wondering what on earth had happened, while the non-magical maids and caretakers are doing their best to restore some semblance of order. For Louise, the sight of the growing chaos overwhelmed her, being accustomed to peace and order; Tabitha on the other hand, kept her composure well.

"Old Osmond!" Colbert exclaimed, coming from an intersection. "Are you alright, sir? I was worried about the explosions..."

"Ah, I'm quite fine Colbert," the headmaster said. "I trust there were no damage in other parts of the school?"

"The kitchen is on fire. I was on the Tower of Fire when I saw the smoke," the teacher said.

"Well then, I trust you can organize the effort to extinguish it," Osmond replied. "Oh, and if you came across professors Chevreuse and Miterrand, tell them to find me. We may have a significant earth-related problem."

"Yes sir," Colbert said, his tone showing a strict discipline rare to his current vocation.

The teachers then parted ways, with Osmond following Louise and Tabitha while Colbert going towards the kitchen to help control the flames. After a few more minutes of hustling, they finally came to the scene of carnage. Osmond, having seen horrific war-torn lands and fields of slaughter, can't help to reminisce.

"Mother of Founder…" He mouthed out. "Someone… literally broke the vault…?"

"Vault?" Louise eloquently asked.

"Yes, Miss Valliere. That side of the tower was formerly the vault of our school… it contained magical items useful in our curriculae, as well as most of the things accumulated from my days of adventuring. I could say that it's well-guarded, but you can see the reality," the headmaster said, taking stock at the mound of rubbles from the collapsed vault and wall. "This is most distressing indeed… I could just raise the vault back up with my magic being an earth-aligned mage, but that might pose... severe complications. Well then, let me do this first."

With a huff, the old man raised his wand up high over his head, pointing to the night sky. In a heartbeat, a bright flare lit up the sky, unfolding into a form reminiscent of a flower. It dances in place for a few minutes, its beauty almost made Tabitha and Louise forgot the chaos and ordeals this night had brought.

"The… Royal Seal…" Louise whispered.

"Highly peculiar…" Tabitha noted.

"Well then, I think that's enough for a distress call," the headmaster said, his eyes twinkling in a good-natured way to help ease the students' nerves. "More help should arrive in the morning, but in the meantime, we have familiars to save, haven't we?"

"Y-yes!" the pink-haired petite said. "Tell us what we can do to help!"

"Very well. I'm glad that you two are eager to help," the old man said, glancing to the blue. "Now, I trust you can help me get rid of these rubbles with your wind magic, Miss Tabitha?"

"Only dot-level in Wind," Tabitha said. "Unable to lift large stones."

"That would be our work then, Miss Valliere," the old headmaster. "I trust that you have gained some semblance of control over your explosions?"

"Not much…" Louise said, mood suddenly sullen. "I only succeeded in keying the explosions to a phrase… what if I destroyed something important…?"

"Fret not, child. I will handle the more delicate breaking while Montsognir scouts inside the cracks for life-signs," Osmond said in a reassuring tone as Tabitha started to move a few smaller rubbles, piling them to the side. "Montsognir, old friend, will you do that for me?"

"But… even then… I might crush Sylpheed and Rokk by mistake!" Louise said, still unbelieving of her own abilities. While she does so, a white mice darted out of Osmond's voluminous sleeve and scurried into a crack in the rubbles.

"I'm here, Louise Francoise le Blanc de la Valliere, one of the best earth mage you can find. I know the structural layout of this particular building stone-by-stone. You will not fail this," Osmond said, resolute in his tone. "And by The Founder and my name, I shall not let all under my responsibility come to harm. Steel thy resolve, scion of the Valliere!"

"Y-yes!" Louise said, finally mustering the courage.

"This piece of wall," Tabitha said, pointing to a particularly large piece of masonry. "Need breaking up."

"Well, shall we do our job, miss Valliere? Don't worry, Montsognir can handle himself well. He's a little under ten feet down," Osmond replied. "On my mark, then."

"Y-yes!" Louise said, wand at the ready. "Ready when you are sir!"

"Focus the explosion on the ball of light," the headmaster said, conjuring a small orb of fire and putting it on the rough center of the large piece of rubble. "Now!"

"WAAAGH!"

…

It was dark, heavy, cramped, and Rokk was convinced that this is his end. He was looking for cracks on the wall beside Sylpheed when the ground suddenly caved in, bringing untold pounds of masonry, dirt, and rocks on top of the hapless familiars. It all happened so fast, that even Sylpheed was unable to leap out of the way.

Mork and Gork be damned, this is not how an Ork boy should die, the ork spat out in his mind, as his body is too weary just to make a noise. But what can he do? At the end of the day, boyz died. The WAAAGHs he fought in, all of them are enacted at a great cost of ork life.

"…aagh!"

Faintly, the ork heard the call. Orks has a different physiology compared to humans, but it runs on the same basic principles therefore hallucinations are still known to them. Rokk could have sworn that he saw a small white rodent skittering about not a few minutes ago…

"…aaAGH!"

Again, Rokk heard the call. The ork's whole body was pinned by rubble, and there's enough of them to stop his movement entirely. Derflinger was lost, but he might be around here somewhere. The ork was tired. So tired that he could just sleep…

"…aAAAGH!"

However weary, Rokk couldn't. His pride as an ork forbids it. What ork would sleep when the WAAAGH calls?

"…AAAAGH!"

Some circulation has returned to Rokk's limbs, although he can't fully feel it yet. That is good, since it seemed that someone was digging him out. Someone with the knowledge of the WAAAGH, Rokk noted inside, bringing a smile to his toothy face.

What more can an ork do but answer?

"WWAAAAAAAAAGH!"

A/N: Sorry for the length and natureof this chapter, when I promised much asskickings and WAAAGH in the last chapter. Well then, recovery work will commence next chapter, and rest assured that our villains shall be brought to justice. Until then, enjoy!