A/N: *walks in guiltily*

Hi. I apologize immensely for the very huge delay in getting this up. There was quite a lot going on when I was writing this chapter up. I moved to a different country. I got busy in medical university admissions and then I got buried under course work which hardly gave me time to write. I just have been dealing with a lot of personal stuff. But I know that's not an excuse. I just want to thank you all for the immense support and patience in waiting for this chapter. The amount of follows, favorites and reviews have astounded me. Thank you so much for all the love.

There are a few people I want to thank. A HUGE thank you to my amazing beta, cheerleader and friend Chronic Potterphile for betaing this chapter even though she was buried in her own fics, internship, exam and other stuff. You rock, hon. I'm ever so grateful to know you!

Thank you to LilyBolt, remy-areyousrs, ispiltthemilk, Jenmm31 and sweetkiwi604 for being cheerleaders and letting me rant about my insecurities regarding this fic. Thank you, girls. You mean the world to me.

Without further ado, here you go. Hope it was worth the wait!

He's okay.

He's fine.

He's alive.

Dean let out a broken sigh as he watched his brother sleep (yet again) and let those three thoughts run laps around his head. Sam was okay. He was just sleeping.

But he looked so fragile, so pale.

Nonetheless, he was okay.

Dean ran a shaky hand through his hair, willing himself to calm down. It was not like he hadn't been through this before. Sam had been in life and death situations too many times for Dean's liking because of the job they did; the life they lived.

But he'd never really seen what happened in the operating room all those times. He'd only been told of it by the doctors, or seen it in a hospital room where his brother wasn't cut up. He'd never actually watched the doctors using defibrillators and CPR. He had not felt the urgency in an operating room until that moment.

In that moment, he had thought he was losing Sam for good.

And that was the scariest thing.

Dean had felt helpless, worthless; because there had been a separation of glass between him and Sam and all he had been able to do was watch and just hope that the doctors saved him.

"Which they did," Dean whispered to himself as he laid his palm on Sam's arm.

The contact was the only thing that assured him that Sam was alive.

It was as if all the days of seeing Sam suffer came crashing down upon him at that moment. Just this once Dean let himself break down. He let a few tears silently run down his cheeks as he looked at his brother's peaceful face.

"You're okay, buddy. You're okay," he mumbled, swallowing down the lump is his throat.

He hastily wiped away his tears with the back of his hand and cleared his throat before someone could walk in and see the mess that he was.

For once, he wasn't ashamed of breaking down. His biggest fear had almost come true.

"Damn it, Sam. Don't do that to me again," Dean whispered.

XXX

Bobby's heart broke when he saw Dean wipe tear tracks off his face before pulling himself back together again. The kid barely ever left Sam's bedside. Bobby had seen Dean stay up nights, just to make sure Sam slept all right. He'd seen Sam take everything thrown at him without complain. He'd seen Dean mask the worry and fear on his face whenever he was with Sam.

Bobby knew how hard it is for Dean to see his brother suffer like this. It'd been that way since the minute Bobby had met them. If you hurt one, you hurt both.

Lost in his own thoughts, Bobby jumped when his phone started ringing in his pocket. He cursed under his breath and moved slightly away from the room, before flipping it open and answering it.

"Bobby Singer," he said gruffly.

"Hey, Bobby. How ya doing?"

Bobby frowned. "Marcus?"

"The one and only, Bob," replied Marcus enthusiastically.

Bobby groaned. It wasn't that Marcus wasn't a good guy; it was just that he just didn't seem to know when to stop talking. Plus, the man was overly optimistic and Bobby, not being that kind of person, didn't handle it well.

"Did I interrupt any of your mood swings, old man?" Marcus joked.

Bobby took a steadying breath. "Marcus, I don't have time for this. What do you want?"

Marcus sighed on his end. "Straight to the point then, eh? Okay. I just wanted to check up on John. See if he found what he was looking for?"

Bobby's frown deepened. John? Looking for something? Bobby was about to ask what the hell was going on when there was a curse on the other end.

"Marcus?" Bobby called out into the receiver. He heard a woman yelling and Marcus's stammering voice. He heard clattering and guessed that Marcus had probably dropped the phone.

Bobby shook his head and worked to control his impatience. Marcus could be an idiot sometimes, especially in the face of his wife.

"Uh, Bobby, I-uh gotta go. The lady's kinda pissed right now. Just let me know if John found it, okay? Lord knows the man is barely keeping it together. Hope Sam's doing okay. Shit, I gotta go. Bye."

Bobby stared in utter confusion at his phone. None of this was making any sense. What was John looking for that was so important? That leaving Sam had seemed like a good decision? How was John 'barely keeping it together'?

"Goddamn it, John. I hope you know what you're doin'."

XXX

From the fuzzy and mellow world of unconscious, Sam was brought back to harsh reality by the light snores that seemed to be coming from his right. After a fair bit of struggle, Sam managed to blearily open his eyes and he couldn't help but smile at the sight before him. Dean had fallen asleep with his head on the side of the hospital bed with one of his hands holding tightly onto one of Sam's.

Sam sighed. If he knew Dean (and he did) then he also knew that Dean wouldn't have slept or gotten any rest whatsoever during his surgery. Trying not to wake his brother up, Sam tried to move a little, settle down in a more comfortable position. But moving with just one free hand and a maimed leg proved to be difficult. The bed jostled a little too hard as Sam tried to adjust himself and Dean awoke with a start.

Sam smiled, apologetic. "Sorry. I—"

The rest of Sam's sentence was cut off as suddenly, he had a big brother pulling him into a rib crushing hug. Sam gave a breathy chuckle as he appreciated his brother's embrace.

"Dude, I'm not dead," Sam said quietly.

Dean still hung on. "Sammy, don't you ever say that, okay?"

Sam raised his brows, confused, but returned the hug. "It's all right, Dean. I'm okay," he said.

Dean then broke off the embrace and helped Sam get comfortable, adjusting the bed as well. Sam tried not to feel embarrassed at the fact that Dean seemed to be doing everything for him lately. He wasn't a kid. He could handle it. But this goddamn cancer, it sometimes sapped all strength from him. Especially after his chemo rounds.

Sam was still confused. Dean rarely ever gave out hugs like that. He looked at his brother and with a shock realized that Dean had probably been crying. Dean may know all of Sam's tell-tale signs, but Sam knew all of Dean's too. Dean's eyes were red. He kept sniffing as though he had a cold and he seemed to be biting his bottom lip as if to stop it from quivering. Sam decided not to bring up the subject since he knew Dean would clam up if he asked.

Instead he just gave his brother a bewildered look, knowing Dean would understand what he was curious about.

He watched as Dean smiled half-heartedly before clearing his throat. "You had a close call."

Sam's eyes widened. "What happened?" he asked.

Dean ran a shaky hand through his hair before answering, "The surgeon said it happens sometimes. You were bleeding out on the table. You, uh, flat-lined and it…fuck, it just scared the crap out of me."

A chill ran up Sam's spine. He'd come close to dying…again. He could only imagine what it must have been like for Dean, especially since Dean had told him that he'd be watching the surgery. "I'm sorry," Sam said, not knowing what else to say.

"Don't, Sammy. It's not your fault," Dean replied. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Dean had pressed the call button and a nurse had come in to check on Sam's vitals. After making sure everything was good, she'd left.

"So, you okay?" Dean asked, breaking the silence.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I guess. It doesn't hurt as much. But that's probably the pain meds."

"Yeah."

Sam pursed his lips as he looked at Dean who was doing anything but meeting his eye. Sam frowned. He'd known it a while, but Dean was definitely keeping something from him. Risking the chances of Dean probably being pissed at him, Sam chose his words wisely as he asked, "Do Bobby and Dad know?"

Dean looked up, confused. "Know what?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "About what happened during the surgery, genius."

Sam knew his suspicions were right when Dean didn't answer. The answer was a simple yes or a no. "Dean?"

Dean looked up and Sam was surprised to see the look of anguish in his eyes. What had happened? What was Dean hiding?

"Dean, what's wrong?" Sam asked, concerned.

Dean shook his head muttering, "Nothing."

"Bullshit," Sam countered. "You and I both know it. Dean. Please. What's going on? Every time I bring up Dad, you clam up or leave," Sam said, feeling irritated that he didn't sound as firm as he wanted to.

"It's nothing, Sam. Everything's fine. Dad's fine," Dean snapped.

Sam wasn't about to give up. He'd had enough. He deserved to know. "Everything is not fine, Dean. And you know that! Why won't you tell me?! Hell, I asked Bobby once and even he made up some excuse. What are you guys hiding?!"

Sam startled as Dean suddenly got up from his chair and flung it back. Sam flinched at it hit the wall behind Dean. The look of hurt and the anger on his brother's face scared the younger brother.

"DAD'S GONE!" Dean bellowed. "You happy?! He's gone. He fucking left days ago!"

Sam watched as Dean took out a scrap of crumpled paper from his pocket and threw it at Sam before storming out of the room. Sam didn't realize he was shaking until Dean had left and the room had turned eerily silent. Frustrated that his hands were shaking at the weakness he felt, Sam picked up the piece of paper and carefully opened it up.

Sam couldn't believe the words on the page. He felt numb as he read through the scrawls on the page.

I'm sorry, Dean, but something has come up.

What? A hunt? Something even worse?

Bobby, I know you'll hate me for this, but if I don't go I'll lose everything. You have to trust me on this.

Was John in danger? Sam's heart skipped a beat thinking about it. He hoped his dad was okay.

I know this is a bad time, but I can't ignore this.

So John couldn't ignore some problem. That 'problem' was more important that his son battling cancer.

I'm sorry.

Sam didn't know what to feel. All he felt was shock. Sam tried to think off all the reasons his father would just leave, without explanation. Was it something to do with his mother? Did it come to a point where avenging his mother was more important than staying for his very ill son?

Dean. He'd looked angry. He'd yelled at Sam before storming out the room. Sam squeezed his eyes shut at a sudden onslaught of tears.

Did his father leave because of him? Was Dean pissed at Sam because of this.

Sam couldn't deal with this anymore. He felt exhausted. He just felt like utter shit.

Crumpling up the paper, he threw it in anger at the wall opposite him. He wanted to scream when it only managed to reach the far end of his bed.

He hated this. He hated feeling so weak. He was tired of this, tired of everything.

Anger. Resentment. Sorrow. Betrayal. Sam clenched his jaw as he failed to blink away the tears that now ran down his cheeks; the letters on the page becoming blurry along with his vision.

He knew what had happened.

His Dad had left, like he always did.

Sam's breath hitched as he pulled up his good leg and rested his chin on his knee, his arms wrapped around it.

Yet again, a job was more important than his possibly dying son.

XXX

Rachael looked over Sam's file again, and the reports of his surgery as she made her way to his room. She knew that Sam's family were probably pissed at the mishap on the operating table. But that wasn't something she could control. She'd been the one to talk to Dean and Bobby after she'd been told about it.

Bobby had been a lot more pleasant than Dean, who'd just glared at her and walked into Sam's room to sit by the bed; keeping a watchful eye on his younger brother.

As she neared Sam's room, she stood for a few seconds outside the door before taking a deep breath and walking in.

"Hey, Sam," she greeted as she made her way to Sam's bed.

Sam smiled weakly in response.

"How are you doing? Any pain?" Rachael asked

Sam winced. "Um, I'm okay, I guess. It hurts, but it's alright. I think."

Rachael nodded. "All right, Sam. I'll send the nurse in later for some pain meds. Okay, so the surgery was successful—"

"Yeah, right," Dean muttered audibly.

Rachael chose to ignore the scoff as she continued, "I'd like to discuss the treatment plan, if that's okay?"

Receiving nods from Sam, Dean and Bobby, she cleared her throat. "Basically, as I'd explained before, the mets or metastasis are bits of tumours that have separated or dislodged from the original site. So here, it broke away from the tumour in your knee, Sam, and followed your blood stream and ended up getting lodged in your brain.

"Now mets are very tiny things, so it's very risky, and many-a-times, impossible to operate and remove it. The solution that we have left is radiation. You'll be receiving chemotherapy along with side-by-side radiation. The chemo is to eliminate anything that remains of the original tumour, while the radiotherapy will act on the mets."

Dean huffed as he glared at Rachael.

Rachael sighed. "Look, I know I've screwed up. I'm just trying to make amends here and do my job. If you have any further questions, you can find me in my office."

Rachael turned around and left the room. As she started to walk towards the nurse's station to deposit Sam's file, Dean suddenly ran up to her, standing in front of her and blocking her way.

"Listen. I don't mean to be a jerk but this is my brother. He's all I have. I can't afford any more screw ups. So…we've asked for another doctor. You may be good in what you do, but I need to look out for my family first," Dean said, stern.

It took Rachael a few seconds to process what she'd just heard. "Fair enough," she said as she nodded. "I am sorry. I hope you know that."

Dean nodded, pursing his lips. "I do. But it doesn't account for the fact that it's affected my brother too."

Rachael's heart shattered as she watched Dean walk away. She knew she'd screwed up big time. Sighing to herself, she started making her way back to her office. She'd just reached it and was about to open the door when her senior approached her.

"Hey, Rach," he said.

"Dr. Lester," she greeted.

"Dr Myers, you're good in what you do. But, I can't afford mistakes in this hospital. Sam Winchester's brother came up to me and requested that they be assigned another doctor. As much as I trust you, we need to think about the patients first. I've assigned Dr. Evelyn Carter to the Winchesters. She's already going over the diagnosis. You're off this one, Rachael."

Saying so, he walked away.

Rachael's hand slipped of the door handle as she stared after her senior.

XXX

Sam glared as Dean walked back into the room.

"Dude, stop giving her crap!" he snapped weakly. "I know you think she's gonna do something wrong again, but just…give her a chance, man."

"I did," Dean replied. "And she screwed up."

Sam frowned, looking bewildered. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Dude, I've listened to you this whole while. But this is your life on the line. She may be a good person but I don't trust her anymore. Bobby and I decided that we ask for someone else."

"But Dean – "

"Dean's right, Sam," Bobby said as he walked up to stand behind Dean's empty chair. "This isn't some huntin' injury. This is different."

Sam sighed as he nodded. He knew how overprotective his brother could get. And he understood why Dean would be wary of how his further treatment would go. But the look in Rachael's eyes. He knew it well. Because he saw that in himself every day. Just wanting to prove himself to his brother and father.

Father. Sam tensed as anger rose up in him along with sadness at the thought of his father deserting him and Dean at a time like this.

Dean seemed to notice something as he sat back down in his chair next to Sam's bed and asked, "Sam? You okay?"

Sam shrugged, pulling out the crumpled piece of paper Dean had thrown at him earlier and handing it to his big brother.

"So, you know, now?" Bobby asked as he took a seat on the other side of the bed.

Sam nodded, absently playing with the bed sheet.

"It's okay, Sam. I don't wanna defend your father, but maybe he had a reason. And if he didn't, then trust me, he's gonna get off so easy."

"Bobby's right, Sam," Dean said. "I swear to everything we hunt that if he decides to show his ass here again, I'll be the first one to punch him in the face, dad or not."

"Wait. So you'd still listen to him? Take his side?" Sam asked, feeling annoyed. It felt as though no matter what John did, Dean was always ready to defend his actions.

Dean clenched his jaw. "I…I don't know okay? I don't know what to think anymore, man. All I know is that he owes us an explanation."

Sam studied his brother and felt the annoyance drain out of him. Dean just wanted answers. "I know."

Dean smiled fondly at Sam. "Hey, man. Sorry about how I kinda lost it before. I didn't mean to…" Dean trailed off, looking guilty and awkward.

Sam rolled his eyes as he weakly punched Dean's shoulder. "It's fine. I get it. I'm just…"

"What, Sam?"

Sam took a shaky breath as he tried to not let the sorrow overwhelm him. "I'm confused. I don't understand why he would just bolt. Did I…did I do something wrong? Is it because of me?"

"No," came a voice from the doorway.

Dean, Sam and Bobby turned their gaze towards the doorway, shock registering on each of their faces as they stared with mixed emotions at the person that stood there.

Rumpled hair, a dark brown jacket, black tee under a dark blue shirt. The man looked a little travel worn and tired. But he didn't once take his eyes off of Sam as he said, "It's not your fault, Sammy. None of this is."

It seemed like hours had passed when it may have been only a few seconds. A tense silence covered the room like a blanket as Sam, Dean and Bobby stared dumbfounded at the doorway.

"I swear I can explain," said John Winchester.

TBC

Please don't kill me for the cliffhanger. I needed it to end here. *hides*

SHAMELESS SELF PIMPAGE:

1. Co-authored with Chronic Potterphile (Team Free Will Big Bang)

DATE OF POSTING: 24th December, 2014.
Title: Just Walk Beside Me.
Rating: R
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, mentions of canon background pairings, brotherly Sam and Dean.
Length: ~63k

Summary: Dean is really able to handle all those nightmares and memories from the time when Abbadon possessed him without falling apart, thank you very much. He's coping very well. What he doesn't get is why Sam and Cas are lying to him about the time when they were trying to rescue him.

When a startlingly familiar face knocks on their door with an odd case, Sam, Dean and Castiel scramble to join in and help, and the events lead to too many revelations. Neither of the three of them might be coping at all. Add to this Sam's odd timing for a migraine from hell, a creepy Shaman, another familiar face, and a weird note in Ancient Chinese, and they might just be all set for a second nightmare in a really short span of time.

Warnings: Strong profanity, sexual situations(non-explicit), AU after 9.14, temporary character death, past non-con, possession, suicidal thoughts, mentions of gore and infanticide, PTSD/RTS

2. If you haven't already, I've written a one-shot titled "Wounds Beneath Scars" for the Supernatural SummerGen Fic Exchange on LiveJournal. Do check it out. You can find the link on my profile. I also urge you to check out Chronic Potterphile's entry for this challenge titled, "The Real Doctor Sexy". I promise you it is amazing. ALSO - Each of the writers mentioned above have amazing fics: LilyBolt, ispilthemilk, sweetkiwi604, remy-areyousrs and Jenmm31. I ask you to go show these women amazing support as they deserve a lot more readers.

3. As I Saw Him Break Me - Reverse Bang Challenge on LJ

Summary: Sam has a vision of Dean killing him, and in his mind it was going to happen sooner or later. Set season 2. Case-fic.

To be posted: Feb 10th, 2015.

4. Untitled SPN- J2 Big Bang Fic

To be posted: Somewhere between June-August, 2015

Case-fic. Set season 10. AU after 10.03 'Soul Survivor'. Warning for major character death. Hurt/Comfort, Angst, etc.

Thanks for taking the time to read! Love you all! I'll update as soon as I can.