WARNING: This story contains; Graphic Violence, Foul Language, and Possible Lemons

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Batman or the contents of Batman, I only own my own original ideas

CHAPTER 1

The Joker had just broken out of Arkham Asylum after being locked up by Batman for trying to steal a nuke. Needless to say Bats put a stop to that real quick. Now if only he could keep the Joker from escaping but alas twas not to be.

While thinking about his most recent defeat the Joker strolled up casually to an abandoned factory at the edge of a vacant shipping dock. As he got closer the deeper in thought he went. When he finally made it to the door he was so deep he almost ran in to it.

"Jeez I really need to lay off the deep thinking before I walk head long in to a pole" he muse as he kicked in the door. "Honey I'm home!" he shouted to the darkness.

There was no reply at first till…

"MISTA J!" screamed Harley Quinn as she tackled the Joker in a bear hug.

"Can't…. breathe" rasped out the clown as he was slowly crushed.

Harley blinked for a second before releasing him and scratching the back of her head. "Hee hee sorry Puddin'".

Getting back to his feet the Clown Prince of Crime waved her apology off. Walking deeper in to the factory with Harley hot on his heels he delved in to thought once more. As he muttered things like 'stupid bat kills all my fun', 'it was just one WMD', and 'what's one, ONE! They have tons' Harley was trying to understand what he was talking about.

'Sheesh Mista J is wound up' Harley though as the Joker continued to rant to himself. Then a light bulb lit up the clown girls mind.

"Hey Mista J"

"Yes Harls?" he asked turning to her.

"Why don't we just make one of those WMD thing-a-magigs?" she asked with a finger to her lips.

The Joker stopped dead in his train of thought. "And how would we go about that?"

Harley cutely cocked her head to the side and said "Gee I don't know, but it can't be that hard right? I mean Bane is a walking tank and Ivy can make a plant army. So why can't we just pump someone full of chemicals and see what happens?"

Hearing this The Harlequin of Hate got a blank look on his face. 'That's actually not a bad idea. She is right, look at all the super powered villains that were born from accidents with chemicals. So why couldn't we make another by purposely dosing them in formulas?' Finishing his inner monolog he fixed his gaze upon Harley once more. "But how would we control this weapon hmm?"

Harley being her random self wasn't even paying attention; instead she was off fanaticizing about having kids and being a mother.

"HARLEY!" the Joke yelled.

"Mommy's lil' boy!" she called back, being startled out of her daydream.

"…" the Joker just stared at her with a green eyebrow raised.

"Oh sorry Mista J I was just daydreaming about raising our kids to be just like us" was her explanation to her outburst.

"Um you do know we don't have kids right?"

"Really then what am I going to do with all these baby clothes?" she asked with a frighteningly serious face.

"Harley when I; the King of Pranks, the Jester of Jokes, the Clown Prince of CRIME for god sakes, has to tell you to be serious for once we might have a problem" replied the green haired man with a deadpan look.

Harley just scratched her head nervously. As the Joker tried to figure out a way to control a living weapon the most marvelously sinister idea popped in to his head. Why not go along with Harley's fantasy and raise a kid to be that weapon? Yes this would work out just fine.

"Hey Harley?" asked the Joker quickly spinning around.

"Yes Puddin'?" responded the clown girl.

"How about we get ourselves a kid just like you wanted"

The response was instant; Harley grabbed the Joker in a hug and spun around while shouting about being a mother. Finally setting the now dizzy clown down she turned and skipped off to find there soon to be child. Regaining his bearings the Joker strode after her while chuckling at her antics.

(BREAK)

It was night time in Gotham and only the most unsavory of characters were still out and about. One would have to be a complete lunatic to be on a stroll at this ungodly hour. So where better for our favorite criminal clowns to be.

'How should we do this?' the Joker question himself. 'Should we steal a baby to raise as our own or say fuck the bullshit and get one that's mostly raised to skip the headache?'

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout?" Harley's voice cut in to his thoughts.

"Just if we should steal a baby or an older child" and like a switch Harley started ranting about 'how cute babies were' or 'how badly she wanted one'.

Spinning on her "Puddin'" with frightening speed she affixed him with her strongest pouty face and puppy dog eyes. He stared at her for a moment before giving in.

"Alright but first we most introduce a little chaos" he said as a sudden need to incite madness fell upon him once more.

"What do ya mean Mista J?" asked the ever clueless Harley.

"Well why not take a page from our dear friend Dent's book and flip for it" said the clown polling out a coin. "Heads we get ourselves a baby" flipping the coin in his fingers "Tails we get a teenager".

Nodding her head Harley took a step back as the Joker tossed the coin. Then faster than most could follow he pulled out a revolver and fired off a shot. Thump….tink. Walking up to where the coin landed the clown duo saw a body slumped over with a fresh bullet hole in the side of his head.

"Well look at that, I got a head" he said, completely disregarding the result the coin showed.

"Yay I'ma get a baby!' Harley exclaimed, not even the least bit unnerved.

Not even bothering to pick up the coin the Clown Prince of Crime strode off to places unknown. Harley following after him too caught up in her thoughts of 'her new baby' to care where they were headed.

(BREAK)

It was just a few hours till dawn at Gotham City Hospital and all was quite in the maternity ward. In one of the rooms a woman had just given birth to a healthy baby boy. Most would consider the woman stunning with her bright auburn hair and beautiful jade green eyes. Those eyes were currently locked on to her son oblivious to the pair of foot falls coming down the hall.

"So door number one or door number two?" asked a distinctively male voice.

"Hmm how 'bout.." the second one was cut off however.

"Door number two it is!" and suddenly the door was kicked open.

"Hey this isn't the orphanage" said a man that looked like a clown in a purple suit as he walked through the door way.

"I told ya we shoulda taken that left at Albuquerque" said a woman in white face dressed like a jester as she followed the man in.

"Ok, ok sheesh! She acts like she has never gotten us lost" the man said to a now terrified mother.

Why is she terrified? Well that's simple; currently standing before her hospital bed is none other than the infamous Joker and his side-kick.

"Hey why the serious face?" Harley asked the woman.

"Yeah today should be a happy day for you" chimed in the Joker.

The woman didn't know how to respond to the criminals.

"You know being too serious is bad for your health right?" questioned the demented clown.

The woman paled. She knew the Joker's reputation for carving smiles into people's faces when they were what he considered 'too serious'. So she smiled a small smile hoping to save her and her babies lives.

"See that's better" the Joker said in response to her smile.

"OH! He is so cute!" Harley cried as she spotted the baby. "What's his name?" she questioned.

The woman's smile grew a fraction. "His name is Louie"

"Louie?" Harley made a cute thinking face "Naw I don't like it"

"How about Jack?" was the Jokers two cents.

"But that is so common" replied the clown girl.

"No wait just one minute. Who are you to tell me what my child's name should be?" questioned the woman with a glare.

Harley had to give her credit she was glaring at two of Gotham's most dangerous criminals. Now she may have a complete disregard for human life but she gave respect to those who deserved it.

"Hey!" called Harley breaking the woman from her attempt to light them on fire with her eyes "How 'bout Rex?". She turned to the Joker. "Yeah Rex the Joker's kid, I like the sound of that" she said with a huge grin.

The Joker just mirrored her grin and nodded his acceptance.

"The Joker's kid?" questioned the woman. Then realization hit. "YOU WILL NOT TAKE HIM FROM ME!" yelled the woman with wide eyes.

Harley's only response was to snatch said kid in an impressive display of acrobatics. As she flipped over the bed, she pulled the boy from his mother, and sprinted out the door the second she landed. The woman lunged off her bed after only to be caught around the neck by the Joker.

"Now we already talked about smiling more" said the Joker to the now furious woman.

"FUCK YOU! YOU DAMN DIRTY BASTARD GIVE ME BACK MY CHILD!" screamed the woman as she clawed and the pale man. "I WANT MY SON!"

The Harlequin of Hate was surprised at her strength, but not enough to save her.

Outside the room in the hallway Harley stood cradling the baby boy. The screams of the woman were as clear as if she was still in the room. However they were not screams of pain but of righteous feminine fury. After a surprisingly long amount of time the screams and sounds of a scuffle finally died. Shortly after the Joker stumbled out of the room looking pretty roughed up. His green hair was disheveled and matted with sweat, his suit was wrinkled and in disarray, his undershirt was torn and frayed, there was blood in splotches and lines all over him, and he had scratches and gashes on his face, hands, and forearms. All-in-all he looked like the Batman fucked his day up.

Turning to a wide eyed Harley he said "I gatta give it to her, that broad was one hell of a fighter"

Harley's wide eyes almost popped out of her head. She had never heard the Joker give ANYONE he killed respect and she voiced it to. "Wow, I've never seen ya give respect like that before"

"No one's ever earned it before" was his simple reply.

As he walked in to arms reach they both looked down when the newly named Rex started to pat his suit on one of the blood stains. Pulling his small hand away he looked intently at the blood on his hand before sticking two blood covered fingers in his mouth and giggling. The pair of clowns could only blink blankly before the Joker fixed a look at Harley.

"Are you sure he isn't our long lost kid" the Joker asked skeptically.

"Well there was that one time at that bar in Miami" Harley replied.

"Really?" the Joker cocked his head to the side "I don't remember that".

"That's the point Puddin'"

"Touché, Harley touché" was all he said before setting off for their hideout, Harley cooing to her new son as she followed.

(BREAK)

The Batman was currently in his Bat Cave trying to calm his frayed nerves. For eight years now he had been running himself raged with worry. The source of his worry? Why Harley and the Joker of course. It had been one thing after the other with them.

It had started one night with the discovery of a man shot in the head and a new mother murdered. How did he know it was the Joker's work? Well that was simple; the bullet in the man's head had a grinning jest engraved in it and the woman had been stabbed a considerable amount of times before succumbing to blood loss. But what really got old Batsy was the lack of Glasgow grin on the victim. He initially thought the two murders were unrelated until he found some purple fabric clutched in her hands. Upon analyzing it he had found it was from the Jokers suit.

Now it was very disconcerting they never found the missing child Louie, but that's not what truly ate at the dark crime fighter. No it was what happened next that really got his goat or his bat in this case. He had nearly had a heart attack when the two criminal clowns dropped off the map for four years. At first he thought they were planning something on a grand scale but nothing ever happened. After a while he chalked it up to one of the super villains finally having enough and offing them, but then when he finally gave up on searching for their bodies the Joker goes and blows up a state owned building. The Batman had thought everything would go back to normal but he was woefully wrong. For these last four years Arkham never saw Harley and her 'Puddin'' at the same time. One would lay low while the other went on a spree till he or she got caught, go to Arkham, break out, disappear to parts unknown, and neither would be seen for a couple of weeks. That is until the other popped up going on their own spree across Gotham and getting caught and then the cycle would repeat.

This had Bats worried beyond belief. He knew they were on rotation; for what he didn't know. Of course this was not the end; word on the street was someone was stealing from the super villains. Venom from Bane, plant growing bio-toxins from Ivy, Chemicals from Freeze, and the list went on. On top of this there had been small heists at the major labs that held chemicals like Star Labs and even Wayne Tech. Whoever this criminal or criminals were they were amassing a devastating chemical arsenal.

This altogether had caused Bats to work over time, Alfred to worry about his health, and the other superheroes to think he was going to die of a brain aneurism. When asked why he was working so hard Batman would only reply with a "They're up to something" or "If a madman gets ahold of all those chemicals Gotham could be destroyed". The other heroes didn't take that last one too seriously, well Nightwing and Batgirl did but that was only because they knew firsthand the kind of wackos that were in Gotham.

(BREAK)

Across the city in an old chemical factory stood three people, an easily identifiable Harley and Joker, and a blondish red headed eight year old. The kid had greenish hazel eyes, fair skin, and short hair. He wore grey and black camo cargo shorts, black and purple high top tennis shoes , and a purple shirt with a grinning demonic head wearing a purple and green jesters cap. He was rather tall for his age standing at 4'6 and was built like and Olympic swimmer.

"So this is the place Pops?" asked the boy.

"Yes it is Rex" replied the Joker.

"Are ya ready honeybun?" Harley asked Rex.

"Yes mum" Rex said rolling his eyes. 'I mean really its always pet names with mum'. Don't get him wrong he love Harley as his own mother but sometimes the pet names get old.

Rex had been raised his first four years with both of them and then in rotation the next four. He had grown up in a very unique environment. The clown duo had never lied to him or tried to divert the question, they told it like it was. He had seen them murder people in cold blood, heard their plans for a crime, and even knew the Joker stabbed his birth mother to death and that they planned to make him a living weapon of mass destruction. Now most eight year olds would probably freak and vow revenge but growing up with the criminal clowns had given Rex a unique outlook on life. He saw it like this; Harley raised him so she was his 'mum', the Joker was his father figure so he was his 'Pops', and he loved them both so he would become the WMD they wanted.

Harley saw Rex as if he was from her own womb. She loved him as her son and would fight ANYONE who threatened him. The Joker, though he would never admit it and would deny it vehemently, cared for the boy; whether as his favorite weapon, his legacy once he was gone, or actually as his son no one knew. All the planning had come to this. They all stood on a cat walk above a chemical vat that ironically turned the Red Hood into the Joker. The only difference was that all the chemicals they had stolen from the other villains and labs were mixed in as well. The chemical mix was currently churning from the energy of all the different formula's bonds breaking and rebonding. The energy produced caused a sickly acid green glow and dark purple arks of lighting like energy to skip across the surface.

Looking at it Harley was more than a little worried and she voiced it. "Say Mista J do we really have to do this? What if he dies?"

"No worries mum" Rex soothed.

"Rex is right stop worrying" chimed in the Joker.

"Well time to take a dip" Rex called as he hopped over the railing and in to the vat.

With a small splash he was out of sight. Minutes passed and there was no sign of him. The more time passed the more Harley's heart wrenched.

"We killed him" she whispered. "WE KILLED HIM!" she yelled a tear forming in her eye.

The Joker just looked on impassive.

Harley dropped to her knees tears threating to spill.

"Well that sucks and I liked him too" the Jester of Jokes said with a slight frown.

"Aww I didn't know you cared" came a deep voice.

As the two looked down as hand gripped the edge of the vat. As the figure pulled himself out and came into better light the two went comically wide eyed.

"Uh uh uh uh uh" was all Harley could say before she fainted.

The Joker looked on in awe and shock.

"Whats wrong Pops, why so serious?" the figure said with a wide grin.

Being knocked out of his stupor by the quip he said the only thing that came to mind "Holy shit"

The figure just chuckled before slapping Harley lightly on the check.

"Ugh what hit me?" she said before her eyes fell on the figure.

"You ok mum?"

"Yeah snuggle bunny, just a little shocked" she replied getting up.

Turning to the Joker "So you ready to introduce a lil' chaos by testing out my new powers" the figure asked.

A maniacal gleam came to life in the Joker's eyes "Always my boy, always"

As they began to walk of a thought struck Harley. "Um shouldn't we, ya know, get ya checked out Rex to make sure you're ok?" questioned Harley.

The two looked at each other than to Harley and said in stereo "Do we look like fucking doctors"

"Well no but what about Red she's a scientist" Harley said with a tilted head.

"She is talking 'bout Poison Ivy right?" asked Rex.

"Yeah" was the Joker's short response.

"Well what do you think Pops?"

"Hmm, might as well. Can't have you being unstable and crookin'" the man decided.

"YAY!" Harley cheered "You'll love Red"

"I'm sure I will mum, I'm sure I will" was all Rex said before walking off with the Joker to his right and Harley yet again following behind.

(BREAK)

Ivy had broken out of Arkham a week earlier and was just putting the finishing touches to her new lair when a wall exploded sending rubble everywhere. Three figures walked in the hole. When the dust cleared she immediately recognized Harley. Her eyes widened when standing next to her was the Infamous Joker but she about fell over when she saw the third person.

"Hey Red" Harley said while waving cheerily.

"Harley why is the Joker here and what in Gotham's name is that?" Ivy asked a little shaky. One did not just have a run in the Harlequin of Hate and come out ok, it just did not happen.

"Mista J is here 'cause we need ya to do a check up on Rex" she replied pointing to said person.

"And who or what is Rex?" Ivy questioned seeing the figure standing there with his arms crossed.

"My son silly" Harley stated like it was obvious.

Ivy quite literally tipped and face planted the floor, HARD.

"Wow, never thought I would see someone actually face fault" Rex said to an amused Joker.

"WHEN DID YOU HAVE A SON AND WHO IS CRAZY ENOUGH TO BE THE FATHER!" demand Ivy as she sprung to her feet.

"About eight years ago" Harley stated while spinning around.

"Yep and smiles and psycho is my Pops" Rex said pointing to the Clown Prince of Crime.

"Who? Me?" the Joker asked looking around.

"No the other grinning lunatic" Rex said sarcastically.

Ivy was floored. First Harley had a kid, second the father was the FUCKING Joker, third said kid just talked back to THE Joker, and fourth he was still breathing. She NEVER thought she would she the day when an eight….. Then it hit her. "That is an EIGHT YEAR OLD!" Ivy screeched.

"Um yeah" Harley stopped spinning around "What's your point?"

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HIM!" Ivy was practically panting.

"Just took a chemical bath to become a WMD for Pops" Rex said nonchalantly.

"YOU TURNED YOUR OWN SON IN TO A DAMN WEAPON" Ivy continued to fume.

"Yes. Your point is?" the Joker asked twisting his pinky in his ear.

"Why am I not surprised" Ivy muttered with her face in her hand. "So why do you need me to look at him?"

"To make sure the dip didn't cause any damage or negative side effects" Rex responded.

"Very well I'll see what I can do" Ivy walked off, the three others walking after her.

After hooking Rex up to a multitude of machines and hours of tests the results were in. Ivy was shell shocked at the readings. Walking over to the table were Rex was sitting she spotted Harley asleep in a chair, head resting on the Joker's shoulder, and drooling. The Joker didn't seem to notice or care as he tinkered with what looked like a rather large revolver. Putting the revolver away and nudging Harley awake he affixed her with his undivided attention.

"Well?" asked a shirtless Rex.

"You're like nothing I've ever seen before" said a still stunned Ivy.

"And that means?" Question the Joker.

"Well it's like this. First I don't even know what to classify you as, definitely not human. Second as far as I can tell you are running at above optimal efficiency and are in superb health. Third you're not done growing, in both size and power. Fourth I have no idea what you are capable of. And lastly you will slowly continue to change until you hit maturity and settle into you 'Final Form'. That's all I can tell you" Ivy said reading off her chart.

"What will this 'Final Form' be?" he asked with finger quotes at final form.

"Honestly I have no idea but it won't be too different to what you look like now" she replied still reading her chart.

"Cool thanks Ivy" Rex said.

"Now, now your Harley's kid, just call me Aunty P" waving off the formality.

"Naw I like Aunt Ivy better" Rex responded with a grin.

Ivy just smiled and nodded. "Aunt Ivy it is"

"Well I guess that means you're on the safe list" said a grinning Joker as he walked up to her and extended his right hand.

Eyeing it warily as she heard of the deadly 'gag' buzzer, she looked to see Harley nod; she thought 'Fuck it' and shook his hand. She was relieved when she didn't get shocked. She figure so long as Rex liked her she was safe from the Joker trying to violently murder her. This meant two things; she would do EVERYTHING to stay on Rex's good side and never EVER do ANYTHING to piss him off. She was sure that if she did get on his bad side the Joker would not hesitate to kill her, Harley would beat her black and blue, and that was if there was anything left after Rex got his hands on her.

"Well it's about that time" Rex said hoping off the table and walk towards the exit.

"Oh? And what time is that?" Ivy called after him.

He stopped and looked over his shoulder with a sinister grin that had the Joker jealous and a look in his eye that would scar the devil. "Why to see what I can do of course" and with that he was off again, the three villains following after him brimming with curiosity at what kind of hell Rex could wreak.

(BREAK)

For Batman the next ten years were hell pure and simple. It made the first eight look like a vacation. It wasn't just one thing either; oh no it was a cluster fuck for the poor caped crusader.

No matter what he or the Commissioner tried they just couldn't keep the Joker, Harley Quinn, or Poison Ivy in Arkham. Every time they got caught they wouldn't spend more than twenty-four hours before someone or something would break them out. At first they reasoned it was some kind of plant monster from Ivy but no matter what plant killer they coated the outside wall with whatever it was just kept tearing thought the wall like paper. What made it worse was no one ever could catch site of it and the cameras were always destroyed before it was captured on film.

To add to this it seemed the Joker and Ivy had a cease fire before starting to work together and even eventually always pulling crimes together along with Harley. This beyond baffled the Bat as he always expected Joker to eventually off Harley let alone work with anyone else even if she was friends with Harley. This lead to another thing, it seemed the Joker had grown a soft spot for the botanical terrorist and that he and Harley were inseparable. He had never expected Joker of all people to return anyone's affection let alone Harley's.

The icing on the cake was that whenever he let his agitation get the best off him and beat Joker a little more that he should have or was overly harsh to the girls he would get his ass handed to him by some unidentified force. Like the time he took out his anger on the Joker and pounded on him even after he gave up, after the cops had taken him away something grabbed the back of his head and slammed his face in to the street with shattering force sending him into unconsciousness. When he awoke he had bent pieces of metal around his wrists and ankles pinning his upside down with the Batmobile torn to pieces in front of him. Or the time he had excessively killed Ivy's plants after he caught her, even the harmless ones. In response the unknown force had hit him upside the head with a car door, again knocking him out, and proceeded to break his utility belt, wreck the Batmoblie, again, and hang him by his cape from the top of Wayne Tech. Needless to say Batman refrained going over board, with those three at least.

(BREAK)

In a lair somewhere the Joker, Harley, Ivy, and Rex all sat around a table with a cake adorned with eighteen candles on it.

"HAPPY BIRTH-DAY!" the three besides Rex shouted.

"Thanks guys" Rex said with a smile before leaning over to blow out his candles and the cake promptly blew up in his face. The Joker burst in to laughter, Harley giggled, and ivy was trying to stifle her own laughter.

"Priceless" said Joker wiping away a tear.

"Yeah, yeah" responded Rex with his own grin.

"Well now that ya had your cake what are you ganna do now sweety?" Harley asked her son.

"Well now I'm finally eighteen and stopped changing I think it's time for my big debut in Gotham" Rex said with a sinister grin.

"Introduce a lil' chaos hmm Jr.?" asked the Joker with an amused smile.

"Of course Pops" Rex smiled back.

"I still can believe you stayed under the radar with busting us out every time we got caught and kicked Batman's ass when he got excessive" said Ivy with pride at her nephew.

"I'm just good like that Aunt Ivy" he replied his smile growing.

"Serves him right for being a meanie" said Harley childly.

"Indeed. He had no right to kill all my babies" said a slightly peeved Ivy "which reminds me, thank you again Rex for avenging my lovelies"

"No problem Aunty" Rex replied with a wave of his hand. "Any way I'ma head out" stated before he got up to walk out of the hideout.

"Looks like Batsy is ganna dance with the devil in the pale moon light" chimed the Joker with a down right psychotic smile. The girls actually kind of felt bad for Bats at the thought of him crossing Rex's path.

One thing was for sure; if the first eight years were bad and the last ten were hell, then the ones to come were going to be the apocalypse for poor old Batsy.

AN:

Please review and comment as all CONSTRUCTIVE criticism will be taken under advise.

Pairing(s) for OC undecided if at all.

If you have any ideas you have about the pairings or the story itself please feel free to PM me