I'm posting this earlier than I thought I would, but you guys make me really happy with your feedback. Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews. You don't know how much I appreciate your feedback. And when you tell me my story made you cry, I swell up with incredible pride. So, thank you, again.
Once again, the idea from the part with the letters was inspired from another fic I read from a different fandom (see the notes on Chapter One), so I wanted to throw that out there. And thanks again to "someonewaycoolerthanyou" on tumblr for suggesting this plot to me.
This is part two, and the final part of the story. I hope you enjoy.
—
Two months since "awakening"; August 16th
Neji was never able to figure out a way to become visible to Hinata again. He eventually came to the realization that the only reason Hinata had been able to see him was because there were still things left he had needed to tell her. He had gotten a second chance of sorts, to let Hinata know that he loved her. He was content that she now knew he had loved her—and still did. After finding out that he was dead, he continued to look after Hinata, making sure that she was safe.
He followed her more frequently now, but still gave her the privacy that he knew she needed. He couldn't stop himself from watching her sleep every night though. He got used to her routine, watching her take her medication that the therapist her prescribed to her with a glass of water before going to sleep. He watched her speak in her sleep some nights, sometimes she would toss and turn and he wondered what she might be dreaming of. He wished he could ask her every time that it happened, and sometimes he even did, just to see what would happen. He never got a reply. He figured she might be writing about it in her notebook though, because she would often go straight to the thing as soon as she woke up. It was the worst when she woke up crying. It killed him to be so close, but so far away at the same time.
He longed to speak to her, more than anything, just to know how she was feeling. He could normally tell how she was feeling from the look on her face, and what he saw hurt him deeply. Although he was protecting Hinata's physical self, he hated himself for not being able to help her emotionally. As each day passed, he saw the emotion on her face sink more and more. Dark circles started to form under her eyes from her frequent lack of sleep, and her eyes normally always appeared puffy and red from all of the crying she did. He craved to help her somehow.
Sometimes, when Hinata was crying alone in her room, he would summon as much energy as he could and knock something over, if only to let Hinata know that he was there. Sometimes she would speak at the action, like she knew Neji was there, but other times it only made her cry harder, in deeper realization that Neji was there, but never for her to see again.
He saw her leave the compound and speak to Kiba often, as he had suggested she do before his "disappearance." He knew that his words had made Hinata realize that Kiba was hurting much like herself. They had both lost their teammate. Kiba seemed to be coping much better than Hinata was, but Neji was glad for her visits to him anyway, because he took her mind off of things for a short time. He had never been so grateful to the dog boy in his entire life. He wished he could somehow thank him.
—
Three months since "awakening"; September 16th
Neji knew what true pain felt like. Not the sissy sort-of fake pain that came with being hit by a kunai, or even the kind of pain that came with the stakes going through his body at death. The worst kind of pain he could ever imagine feeling was in front of his eyes at that very moment. Hinata had awoken from what Neji assumed was a particularly awful dream. He watched her thrash around on her bed for several moments, and had even attempted to touch her to wake her up and calm her down. It did no good, though. He simply had to wait it out, which felt like a near second death.
When she finally awoke, she was screaming into her pillow and sobbing like he had never heard her sob before. Her notebook, which now resided under her pillow from how often she wrote in it, was now in her hands. She was gripping it tightly and Neji could tell she was trying her hardest to pull herself together so that she could write in it. He figured it must have been a stress reliever of sorts to her. As much as she was trying, she kept crying immensely hard though. Neji wasn't sure if he could handle it anymore.
He stood from where he had been seated in her room and made his way out of her bedroom door, sliding through it with ease. He knew he had to get someone's attention to help Hinata. Hanabi's room was the one closest to Hinata's, and he figured if he could get the thirteen-year-old girl awake, she might hear Hinata's crying and go to help her sister. He glided through the door of the young girl's bedroom and looked around the room for a moment. Noticing a lamp on her desk, he figured he should go big as to assure she woke up. Neji closed his eyes, focusing as much energy into his hand as he could. It was much like focusing chakra, he noticed, so it came easier to him than he thought it would be. But to focus enough energy to get a lamp to knock over would be a task.
He opened his eyes when he thought he had focused enough and took a hard swing at the small, yellow lamp. It surprisingly went flying across the room, shattering onto the floor. Hanabi abruptly jolted, sitting up in bed, breathing heavily. He didn't mean to scare his younger cousin so badly, but he had to get her attention for Hinata's sake. Hanabi looked at her lamp and then looked around the room, a terrified look on her face. It was then that Hanabi noticed it. Hinata was sobbing loudly two rooms over; it was easily heard from Hanabi's room.
"Is that Hinata-nee-chan?" she whispered to herself. She pulled her blanket off, and stood up off of her bed. It was dark in her bedroom, so she put her arms a bit out in front of her, trying to carefully make her way toward the door. When she reached the middle of the room, she yelped, jumping. He watched as she sat upon the floor, bringing her foot up to pull a piece of glass out of it from her lamp. Neji felt bad for having indirectly injured the girl. Having gotten the glass out of her foot several minutes later, she stood back up and walked out of her bedroom. Neji sighed in relief to have finally gotten Hinata help.
He walked out of Hanabi's room, sitting outside against the wall, wanting to give Hinata and her sister a bit of privacy. He noticed automatically that things were a lot quieter. Hinata's crying had stopped. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. Leaning or sitting on things only took an inkling of energy, so little that he didn't even have to focus it. It would automatically focus itself throughout his body, much like one's feet would automatically focus chakra on water after having practiced it enough.
The next thing he heard startled him. Hanabi was saying Hinata's name, slowly and quietly at first. It then began to become a little more frantic. After the third time of saying it, she yelled her sister's name. Neji's eyes jolted open at this and he scrambled, running into Hinata's room to see what was wrong. Hinata was lying motionless on her bed and Hanabi was shaking her.
"I've got to find Father!" Hanabi yelled, mostly to herself, bolting out of the room at top speed. Neji began panicking. He walked over to Hinata's bed, regarding her face very carefully. He couldn't touch her for the fact that his hand would go right through her, but he noticed, with great fear, that Hinata wasn't moving. He thought first that she might have passed out from hyperventilation, but he realized it was much worse than this. Hinata was not breathing. There was nothing he could do for her in that moment except wait for Hanabi to rush back with her father.
"Hinata, please, don't be dead," he begged of her unmoving body. Neji wasn't sure if he could handle finding out the truth about Hinata. He would never forgive himself if she were somehow dead. He noticed the notebook beside of her was open, and a pen had rolled off of the page, onto the bed. He reached out for the notebook, focused energy, and moved its pages to the very first page. He set it on the floor beside of her bed. Walking over to the edge of Hinata's bed where he had set the notebook, he sat down, less than three feet away from the girl, and began to read.
—
August 2nd
Neji,
I've started a journal of sorts, to keep myself from going completely crazy. After having seen a therapist by the request of nearly everyone, he told me it might help to keep a journal of how I was feeling, so I could look back on things and see how I've progressed. I wanted to do that, and I really wanted to progress, but nothing has been the same since you died.
I've convinced myself 100% that I'm going crazy. I see you often, even have conversations with you, like you're a ghost. Weird, isn't it?
I wanted to keep a normal journal, but it's turned out to be a sort-of letter to you. I know I'll never be able to give it to you, seeing as how you're gone, but these are all of the thoughts that I wish I could have told you. I'll start from when life first got hard.
The second you passed on, I knew life was going to get complicated. Although I tried to suck up my tears and be strong for everybody, inside I knew things weren't going to go well. I tried my hardest to fight bravely through the rest of the War, and I hope that I made you proud by doing so, but when the War was over was when everything started to go even more downhill.
When they War finished, for weeks, all they did was hold funerals for the lives that were lost, and yours was one of them, Neji. I hope you don't mind that I just call you Neji now, by the way. I started it after I realized you were gone because I regretted not being more familiar with you when you were alive. I wished for more time to get closer to you. I hoped that one day we could refer to each other just by our names.
Your and Shino-kun's funerals were two of the worst days I've ever had. All of your friends were there, Neji, you should have seen it. Everyone really did love you so much more than you knew. Naruto-kun cried so hard for you. I tried to contain my tears, but as you know, I'm not that strong. The tears came on full force. Kiba hugged me, assured me things would be okay, but things will never be okay with you gone.
Lee-san and Tenten-san were also crying at your funeral. I never thought I'd see Tenten-san cry. She's such an emotionally strong person. After you died on the battlefield, Lee-san held you for a while, and Tenten-san had to get him to pull himself together. It was so awful.
I didn't want to believe you were gone at first. I thought there must have been some sort of mistake. You were so strong, Neji. I never realized it until your funeral, but you were like a super human in my eyes from the time we were kids until the time you jumped in front of me to save me. I'll never forgive myself.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 3rd
Neji,
I went to your room a few days after the funeral. To be honest, and this might sound odd, but I missed your smell. I asked Father for the key, and I broke down in the middle of your room. It smelled like you as soon as I walked in. I couldn't handle it.
Everything was exactly where you had left it. Father told everyone to leave your room how it was, and I'm grateful for that. You'll always remain the same in everyone's hearts, and I'm happy to know that your room that smells so much like you will also remain untouched. I miss you so badly, Neji. I wish you could know that.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 4th
Neji,
I can't bring myself to be the same Hinata anymore. I know who I am, who I'm supposed to be, but I feel like I'm gone. It feels like I'm standing separately from my body, watching myself go through daily life, but for no reason. Life doesn't seem to really have much meaning anymore. I visit your and Shino-kun's gravesites often. I even thought that you were with me when I visited Shino-kun's the other day.
You seemed so real to me that day, and it's even further proof that I'm going absolutely insane. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. It seems like things are getting worse, instead of better, like everyone says they're going to be. I'm beginning to think there's no way that life ever will be good again. It's been over six months since you died, and over two months since your funeral. Everyone says things get better, but how long must it take?
Love,
Hinata
;
August 5th
Neji,
I visited Tenten-san and Lee-san today. They seem to be doing better. I was afraid at first, after the funeral, to speak to either one of them, even Gai-sensei. I was scared they would be mad at me because it's my fault you're dead. They weren't mad at all though, Neji. They comforted me like I was their own teammate. They told me how highly you thought of me. I hated crying in front of them, but I couldn't help it, Neji, I'm sorry.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 7th
Neji,
The day that you first appeared to me, they released another Hyuuga home from the hospital. You keep speaking to me about having been in the hospital, and it makes me wonder if I'm truly imagining all of this because of my mind wishing that Hyuuga had've been you. I wish it was you. It's selfish of me, but I'd rather give up a hundred other lives to have you back.
I miss you, Neji, and I don't know what to do. I feel completely lost. I try to spar sometimes, but without you here to help me like you always did, I can't bring myself to even try anymore. I feel like all I do is cry now, actually, it is all I do. But that can't be helped.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 9th
Neji,
Today was a bad day. Some days are harder than others. I don't know why, exactly. It scares me, but relieves me at the same time when you visit. I know it's all in my imagination, but it feels so nice to see your face again.
Why did you have to save me, Neji? I wish you would've let me die instead. It's torture without you.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 12th
Neji,
Yesterday, you saved me. You saved me from those men on the street. I'm starting to think it's not all in my head anymore. Neji, I felt you.
I took you to see your gravesite, because the you that I kept seeing didn't know he was dead. You didn't seem to mind that you were gone, and you only wanted to help me. I might actually be losing my mind, but I felt you embrace me. You even told me you loved me, Neji. I've always felt strongly toward Naruto-kun, and it took you disappearing forever for me to see how much of an amazing friend Naruto-kun is. He's helped comfort me with your and Shino-kun's deaths so greatly. He's an amazing friend, and he's helped me to realize you were the one I loved.
I fell asleep at your grave. It reminded me of when we were kids and we would stay outside playing so late that we would fall asleep together on the grass. Do you remember that, Neji? Of course, our fathers would come retrieve us at some point, but I miss the memories of when we were little.
I regret not asking you if you remembered such things. You never really realize everything you wanted to say to a person or ask them, until they're gone forever. Then it's impossible. It's hard to live with such regret.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 14th
Neji,
I never realized how much I loved seeing you visit me as a spirit until you can't anymore. Even if I was imagining it all. I still feel you here with me though, Neji. I know you're not gone. And you're certainly not gone from my heart. It's starting to really bother me that I can't see you anymore.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 16th
Neji,
It's been two months since you first appeared to me. I don't even know how I remember that, but you're permanently engrained in my soul.
Someone asked me what the day was today, and I honestly couldn't tell them. Nothing seems important anymore. I don't care about the day, and I don't care about anything else. I just want to see you again.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 18th
Neji,
I found your favourite tea glass today. I made some tea for Father after he tried getting me out of my room for some fresh air, and there was your favourite glass. I started crying and couldn't face Father for a while. I might seem crazy, but I didn't want to let go of that glass. It represented you, Neji. It was something you liked.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 21st
Neji,
You'd be disappointed in me. I'm afraid of that. Shinobi are supposed to be strong. They're not supposed to cry, yet that's all I've been doing every day for a past months. Life doesn't really seem worth it anymore.
I know there's more to life than you, or Shino-kun, but the pain from it all is almost unbearable at times. Don't be mad, Neji, but sometimes I feel like joining you. It seems easier at times, rather than living such a painful life full of shame at what a weak ninja I am, and full of regret that you died because of me.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 23rd
Neji,
It's been almost two weeks now since I last saw you. I can still feel you, although I'm starting to wonder if you were even with me in spirit at all, or if I imagined it. I don't know if this feeling is you within my heart, or if it's your spirit still here with me. I wish I knew.
Nine weeks, Neji, since the first time you appeared to me. The last time I saw you, you made me smile that day. When you were trying to comfort me over Shino-kun although you didn't know that you, yourself, were dead. That was the last time I've smiled. I don't know if I ever will smile again. Even when I visit Kiba-kun and Naruto-kun. Nothing seems to help. I'm sorry, Neji. I wish I could be strong for you.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 25th
Neji,
I really dislike therapy. I keep going, hoping that I can get past this. I keep writing in this journal, hoping it's going to help. I'm realizing now that nothing ever will. The therapist says I shouldn't be writing to you, but about you instead. I'm honestly not sure which would help more, but I'm not going to trust his judgment. It's become a habit for me to write to you, Neji, and I don't want to stop.
If I stopped, I think it would feel like I was losing a part of you again. I don't want to do that. I want to keep you with me, forever. Like you said you'd protect me forever. I'll always believe your words. You really are my guardian angel. I just don't know how well you can protect me from myself.
Love,
Hinata
;
August 28th
Neji,
I haven't really been able to eat much lately. It's been like that for a few weeks now. I've completely lost my appetite. The therapist said it was depression, and put me on medication for it. I decided I'm not going to go back to therapy though.
In fact, I don't really want to leave my room at all anymore. I wish I could just stay there forever. It's ironic really, not wanting to leave my bed, because I have so many bad dreams. I have dreams about you, dreams about Shino-kun, dreams about everything in between. Sometimes I'm reliving your deaths, and sometimes everything is back to normal and we're all happy again.
I don't know which of the two dreams are worse. Reliving your death is never a happy moment, but neither is waking up after having had you back, and realizing all over again that you really are gone. I wish I could stop dreaming. Why is it they haven't come up with a medication to make one stop dreaming?
Love,
Hinata
;
August 30th
Neji,
I fainted today. When I woke up in the hospital, they told me it was from lack of food. I guess that means I have to start forcing myself to eat. I really don't want to. It all makes me sick. It makes me sick to even think about it. They said I've lost a lot of weight. I haven't really cared to notice. I want to curl up into a ball and stay there forever, never eating, never dreaming, never having to speak to anyone anymore.
Everyone is finally starting to get cheerier. I noticed it after I got out of the hospital. I ran into a few of our friends. They seem to be coping really well, and their lives seem to be going back to normal. Why is it mine's not, Neji? It's like we were all inflicted with a sickness, but I'm the only one that's not able to fight the sickness off. It's killing me slowly from the inside, while everyone else is recovering at a healthy rate.
Love,
Hinata
;
September 2nd
Neji,
I visited Tenten-san and Lee-san again today at Gai-sensei's home. They invited me over, which I was going to decline in order to stay in my room, but they remind me a lot of you. It felt nice to be around them. We all shared stories about you. They're definitely doing better than I am, but I can see the hurt still there in them. They all three really loved you, Neji.
I'm really happy that everyone is so understanding. No one is trying to force me to be happy. I think they all realize I need time. I think I was closest to you out of anyone. I see that now after having spent so much time with your teammates. They were indeed your teammates, but we were cousins, and could have been more if you had've stayed. We had been together since we were kids, and had made so many memories together.
I hate myself more and more every day. The more I think about the fact that you died for me, the more I want to die for you.
Love,
Hinata
;
September 4th
Neji,
I visited your and Shino-kun's graves again today. It had been a couple of weeks since I had. It's still hard for me, and I'm sorry. It's especially hard visiting yours because that was the last place I saw you. I keep expecting you to reappear. You never do though.
Whenever I visited Shino-kun's grave, I noticed some people coming into the cemetery and they were laughing with each other. I don't understand how people can laugh, Neji. It's been so long since I've laughed. I can't even remember the last time it happened. Nothing has been funny to me in so long. It's all dark.
The dreams keep getting worse. They keep feeling more real, and I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Love,
Hinata
;
September 7th
Neji,
It's been almost a month since I last saw you now. It's starting to become reality to me that you're never coming back. It never really occurred to me before that you weren't going to come back. I always just imagined that you'd come home one day. That we'd go back to training together like we used to. I miss it all. I wish things would go back to how they were. It's been a month since I fell asleep at your grave, but even longer since your funeral, even longer since your death.
I sometimes hear or see things move in my room at night when I start crying particularly hard, and it makes me think you're there with me. It comforts me. If it is you, Neji, thank you.
Love,
Hinata
;
September 10th
Neji,
I ordered your favourite thing from Ichiraku today. I never really realized how much I actually knew about you until now. I knew your favourite glass that day, and I know the foods you like best. When I really think about it, I can name almost anything about you, Neji. We really were close.
Naruto-kun is the one that asked me to go with him to Ichiraku. People keep trying to get me to leave my room. I think word has been going around that I'm getting worse. People are scared for me, I assume. I feel so bad for making anyone worry about me. It was never my intention. It's quite obvious, I think, that I'm getting worse. I want to change. I want to get better. I want to laugh like everyone else, and I want to be happy with life again. I just don't see how that's possible.
Love,
Hinata
;
September 14th
Neji,
I'm sorry I haven't written in a few days. Honestly all I've done is stay in my room. I haven't gone anywhere or done anything. My Father came to visit me yesterday. He told me I have dark circles under my eyes. I know he wasn't trying to offend me. I can tell that he's genuinely concerned. Everything makes me feel bad these days. I feel bad because you're dead, I feel bad because I'm worrying everyone, and I feel bad because I'm a useless excuse for a ninja. How will my life ever progress again, Neji? It's been three months today since you first appeared to me.
The months just keep passing by. Everyone's lives are getting better, people are getting into relationships, they're having babies, and the village is almost rebuilt. I keep staying the same, though. Nothing is ever changing for me. It's come to the point where I realize that nothing ever will. It's been far too long for me to believe that things will get better, like everyone says. Things are only getting worse, day by day. In two months, it will be a year since the war started, and nearly a year since your death.
You always told me I was strong, Neji, and I think that's what fuelled me to be strong. I wanted to make you proud. I wanted you to see that I could be a strong person. It used to be so that I could meet up to your standards, but it turned into me wanting your loving attention. You wanted to be, were, and still are my protector—my guardian angel. And I always wanted to show you how strong of a girl I was. I wanted to be someone worth protecting. I'm so far from that now. I've hit rock bottom, and this is as weak as I'll ever be. I'm sorry.
Love,
Hinata
;
September 16th
Neji,
This is going to be short because I'm sure someone will have heard my cries. I had a particularly awful dream. You were here, Neji. It was so, so real. We were getting married, and the whole part about you dying had just been a nightmare. When I woke up, I couldn't stop myself from breaking down. I woke up screaming, Neji.
Don't be mad, please. I just took the rest of my medication—all of it. I know that I'll be gone soon. It's okay though. I'll be with you again soon, for real this time. I love you, Neji. And I should have told you sooner.
Love,
Hinata
—
By the time Neji had finished reading everything written in the notebook, Hiashi had come into Hinata's room with Hanabi. Neji had been so caught up in the notebook that he hadn't even noticed them enter. He was crying. The Hyuuga Neji was crying. Something he never thought he would ever do—something he hadn't done since he was a child. Could spirits even cry?
He looked up, seeing Hanabi also shedding tears. Her father was taking her out of the room as Tsunade was coming in. She pronounced Hinata as dead, soon after examining her, to the other two people in the room that were working with Tsunade. She looked deeply disturbed by the fact that Hinata was gone. She saw the pill bottle lying empty on the bed and her eyes teared up. Neji knew that everyone knew what kind of shape Hinata had been in, from reading all of Hinata's letters. He also knew that people were going to blame themselves for it forever, just like Hinata had blamed herself so many times for his own death.
A sheet was gently laid over Hinata and Neji couldn't bear to watch anymore. He never wanted to see Hinata dead. His heart felt like it was being torn apart. The whole reason he had died was to keep Hinata safe, and like she had said in her letter, Neji couldn't keep her safe from herself, no matter how hard he tried. He fought back the tears that had just stopped a minute before. He glided out of Hinata's bedroom, standing outside her room. Hiashi had gone somewhere else, likely somewhere to help sooth Hanabi's hyperventilating figure. He felt sorry for the poor girl. He had caused her to witness her sister's death, something he didn't think would ever leave her mind.
Neji looked down at his feet, feeling great remorse. It was then that he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind, slowly. Watching the arms come around him and link themselves, he knew exactly who it was. He could tell, not only from the recent circumstances, but also from their build. They were small, female arms. Ones he had grown up seeing; ones he had seen every day for fifteen years; ones he had sparred with so many times; ones he loved more than any others' arms.
"I'm finally happy," he heard the small, high pitched voice from behind him. He turned, in her arms, wrapping his own arms around her small frame. He kissed the top of her head, finally letting his tears break free again.
"I love you so much, Hinata."
"And I love you, Neji." She stood up, kissing his lips very lightly. The two would finally be together, like each had wanted in their hearts. And they walked hand in hand, onto the grass they had played on as children, and toward the rising sun.
—
It actually ended up being longer than I expected it to be, but I'm alright with that. I want to send this is Kishi to show him how much pain Neji's death put me through, oh my goodness.
If you were confused about anything and have any questions, feel free to ask me. Thank you so much or reading. I hope you enjoyed it. To be honest with you, I, myself, cried writing this because I miss Neji so badly. As always, I would absolutely adore your feedback, even if it's only a few words.
Also, if any of you ever have any requests for NejiHina plots (or another ship, even) you'd like to read, just let me know, and I'll consider them, because I love having ideas.