Sorry for the slight delay in this one - Work and School are a potent mix for distractions, and school hasn't even started yet!

This is probably going to become a once a week update as I get my schedule worked out (I work full time and am a full time student) and I've started updating some other stories on a more regular basis.

As always, I adore each and every one of you and I appreciate all of your feedback and patronage.

Bioware owns all.

Jane woke before Garrus had come in to check on her. She knew he'd be there eventually, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. She had slept hard, dreaming of the previous day over and over again. Different scenarios played in her head as she changed aspects of the day to try and save Tiberius.

Each time she failed, as she was destined to do when it counted.

She sat up with a sigh, her long black hair falling down her back in wild curls. She pulled a piece up to her face and twirled the curl for a moment before frowning and storming to the bathroom. She rummaged through the drawers until she found her prize – scissors.

She had always loved her hair, had prided herself on the fact that she never dyed it or had to do much for her hair to do what she wanted. Her one aspect of herself she had loved ever since she was a child. She stared at herself, her hair flowing over her shoulders to her navel. She had fought long and hard to keep from cutting it when she enlisted…

She grabbed a chunk of her hair and took the scissors to the raven locks. She cut without much direction at first, getting the majority of the weight off her head. After she drew from her earlier experiences at the brothel and gave herself a rough a-line cut. It was longer than what was generally seen as fashionable, but it was considerably different.

She stared at herself a long time in the mirror, noting the way strands of cut hair clung to her shoulders and collar bone. She plucked a strand of hair off of the front of her shirt and stared at it as tears trailed down her cheeks. Abruptly she made eye contact with her reflection and smirked a bit, this would do for a start.

The old Jane Shepard be damned.

She worked on cleaning up her mess, flushing the evidence before she left to start on with her regime. She knew she should give herself time, let herself just feel; but she didn't want to feel more than she had. She had already cried herself to sleep, and Jane Shepard didn't cry.

She quickly stripped down and put on her armor, she needed to go to the gym. She needed to become strong enough on her own – no more relying on people to get her back. She needed to be emotionally and physically strong. She needed to cut ties.

She softly folded Tiberius' shirt that she had been wearing and placed it in a keepsake box. She planned on donating the rest of his clothes – what use were they to her? But she couldn't bring herself to part with everything. She would dig through it later, she wouldn't want someone else to do it. She could muddle through her emotions at the same time.

She glanced at herself one last time before securing her helmet and pulling her hood up. She walked through the door with her head held high, her emotions buried. She recalled the old techniques she had used as a child in the brothel to bury her feelings. It was no different now, her emotions could get herself and her friends killed.

She couldn't have friends anymore.

She strode past the other Guard members milling in the common area, studiously ignoring the way their conversations stopped and all the helmets were suddenly aimed at her. She walked past and made her way to the gym as if it was any other day. It was just another day, another day dedicating herself to make herself into a honed weapon, an instrument for the Council's uses and nothing more.

Garrus had woken later than he intended, his head heavy from the alcohol abuse he had participated in the previous night. He hadn't intended to get so blotto, but once he started he felt he couldn't stop. The sight of Jane standing in the shower with the mirrored wall in shambles around her, the dead look on her face, kept replaying in his head.

He finally roused himself up enough to start the day when he reasoned that he had to check on Jane. He couldn't help her work through her grief, but he could help to ground her while she worked through it. She would need someone now. She had a tendency to get fatalistic if left to herself for too long – a product of her hard childhood, he had always assumed.

He made himself a cup of tea before leaving his apartment and heading a level down to hers. He walked through the common area sipping his tea before he noticed that the other Guards were huddled and whispering amongst themselves. He wondered what was so interesting when one of the Asari noticed him and made to approach.

He stopped to be polite, expecting questions about Shepard's state. It was no longer a secret as to who she was, but he suspected all of the Guard had an idea of who each of the members were. But even so, Jane had blatantly walked past all of them sans her helmet the previous night – the figurative cat was out of the bag.

The woman spoke softly, her words not registering with Garrus for half a second. She had said that Jane was at the gym. She didn't say any more or any less. They all stared at him expectantly, their postures clearly stating that they wanted him to check on her.

It was clear to Garrus that they were probably discussing going to check on her, but his presence alleviated them of the task. He nodded and turned around to head towards the gym. He mused on his way there that even with a secret identity the persons around her fell in to her orbit. It was no different here than on the Normandy. They all felt a measure of friendship with the small human.

Garrus stopped at the entrance to the gym, noting that there wasn't any of Jane's characteristic music playing. He wondered what that really meant. It was unusual for her to workout in silence, but when he listened closely, all he could hear was the clank of weights moving.

He stepped in to the gym and was surprised to see Jane working out in full armor. Some of the Guards, he had learned, preferred to stay armored at all times – even in the gym, but Jane had said that it was cumbersome.

"Jane…" He said strangely, his own voice surprising him. He sounded hoarse and stale, like he hadn't talked in a long time. He watched as she momentarily stopped mid-repetition, but quickly focused again on what she was doing.

He wasn't sure what she was doing, exactly. She wasn't usually one to brush off someone's death like this – and he especially wouldn't expect her to bounce back so quickly from Tiberius' death. She finished her set and sat up. She moved like she was going to rub sweat off of her face, but stopped mid movement when she remembered that she was fully armored and therefore unable to get to her face.

She dropped her hand and stood up smoothly. She was ignoring him. Garrus didn't know what to think of that, but took it in stride for now. He had been with Jane through the loss of friends and knew that she was unpredictable when she was mourning. She had never walked around in full armor before, but hey, who was he to judge?

He watched her move to the running platform and sighed as she just started at a flat run. She had never been one for running, so he wondered why she was pushing herself so much, but again didn't say anything.

He simply put his mug down and started his own workout routine. He wouldn't push her yet, but at least he could be there for her silently.

He finished his regular routine and even added on some minor exercises while she ran. She was still going the same pace and the track indicator above her indicated that she had run for 6 kilometers. It had been roughly 45 minutes since he started and he was starting to think that maybe she was overdoing it.

He moved in to the aerobics area and stood next to her as she ran.

"Jane." He said more forcefully this time.

She was starting to worry him and he didn't like it. He moved to switch the platform off but she beat him to it. She was breathing heavily when she finally jogged to a stop and he was about to make her take her mask off for more airflow when she simply started to leave.

"Hey! Jane!" He called after her, annoyance filling his tone as she just brushed him off again. Even when she was furious with him before she wouldn't ignore him like this.

He caught up to her and grabbed her arm lightly to stop her from continue.

"Jane, talk to me." He lightly demanded, he wanted answers but he wasn't so impatient as to force her immediately.

She stopped and he thanked the spirits that she wasn't going to make him chase her through the halls. He would, of course; but that didn't mean he wanted everyone to see him at his most lovesick.

"Let me go, Garrus." She said in monotone.

Her tone struck a chord within him and his grip reflexively tightened slightly. His heart started to pound within in chest as scenarios started speeding through his head. What was she doing? What is her plan now? Jane was never this cold sounding before, even at the height of the reaper conflict.

"No, don't you dare shut me out." He realized that he was growling as he spoke. He had no right to demand anything of her – especially not now. Damnit, I'm not asking her to be my mate, just not to shut me out! He wasn't being unreasonable but he was conflicted in demanding something of her.

He watched her as her shoulders slumped slightly. If he wasn't so aware of her he doubted he would have noticed it. However, just as quickly as she slumped she resolved herself again and yanked her arm out of his grip. She stared at him for a moment and turned to walk away.

He went to grab for her again, but was stopped when she said that he could follow her if he wanted. It wasn't an invitation, but she wasn't keeping him from her presence either. He followed her, keeping his appearance casual and relaxed when he was anything but.

He flicked a mandible at the still-gathered Guards as they again stalled their conversation to watch Jane walk back to her room. He hoped they'd take the hint to let him handle it. He watched Jane walk casually back to her apartment. She didn't wait for him to follow her when she entered and he had to hurry through the door to get in before it closed.

He noted that the feeling of the apartment was different than before, it actually felt a bit empty. He couldn't place a finger on why, but he didn't really have much of an opportunity before Jane entered the bathroom and closed the door between them.

Of course she was going to shower, why wouldn't she bathe after that workout. He absently moved about the room, trying to figure out why it felt so different. He wasn't left on his own for long before Jane emerged from the bathroom, showered and dressed in casual clothes.

She raised a surprised eyebrow at Garrus before she grabbed some boxes from the storage room and headed towards what Garrus assumed was Tiberius' side of the apartment.

"I'm fine Garrus, you don't need to stay. I won't kill myself." She said plainly, knowing full well why he was charged with checking up on her.

"Of course you wouldn't." He answered quickly, "Maybe I just want to be here for morale support." He added just as quickly, trying to find an excuse to stay when he knew she wanted to be alone.

She shrugged, allowing him to do as he pleased as she went to the alcove of a bedroom and started cleaning out the closet and dresser. He leaned himself against the wall and watched as she neatly and efficiently sorted Tiberius' things and boxed them for who-knows-what.

She had a small pile of things – mostly guns and pictures – set aside that she didn't put in to the boxes and he wondered briefly if that was going to be her memento pile. They seem innocuous, but he knew from experience that sometimes it was the simplest things that reminded you of someone.

For him it had always been a flowered hair broach that Jane had worn on their first official date.

They had already consummated their relationship physically, but they were still fumbling with what to do with themselves as a couple. They had gone about it in the wrong order, nothing was set in stone.

Neither wanted to push the other too fast and they had been dancing around the subject of them. But, they were still meeting each other nightly, in the closets and where ever they could.

He knew from the moment he had surprised her in her cabin that he was lost to her, but when he finally got up the courage to ask her to dinner he had worried that maybe he was making a mistake. He had sat at the table for an hour – he was early and she was on time. She walked in to the café and he struggle to breathe. He had known that there would be no one else for him.

She had apologized for his wait – he had drank several alcoholic beverages in his anxiety ridden time, and he had assured her that she hadn't a reason for apologies. He had stumbled over his words due to a potent mix of lust, awkwardness and surprise.

She had always looked like something of a goddess to him, all strength and courage; but right now she was a civilian, like anyone else.

No, not like anyone else. She had a white flower adorned clip in her hair, pulling it from her face and what a glorious face it was. He had never before thought of humans as attractive, but she was more than just attractive. She was the one person in the galaxy who could get his blood rushing from his brain and break his calm.

She was perfect and he was going to spend every moment he had with her showing her just how special she was.

He watched her relax and tense multiple times before he opened his mouth to say something, but before he could he realized that there was something really wrong with her hair. He had thought she had it up in the style called a "bun", but upon further investigation it seemed like it was shorter.

He didn't stop himself from reaching out and pulling the elastic band from her hair and watched as her hair fell just above her shoulders. He felt a bit like he had been punched in the gut, which was surprising over such a simply thing. Human women cut their hair all the time – other human women did, not Jane. She loved her hair long.

She stopped moving when he pulled out her hair tie and stood stock still with her head angled down as she heard him take in an abrupt breath. She lowered her eyelids as she waited for the questions. She was surprised when all Garrus did was reach out and touch her hair again and even more surprised when all he asked was a simple "why?".

She mulled over the answer for a second before replying. She knew that the truth would simply start an argument, and she wasn't sure what her real plans were just yet.

"It was time for a change," was all she ended up saying as she continued to organize Tiberius' belongings into boxes.

She could feel him tense, obviously unhappy with her answer. She could feel him vibrate with the desire to do something – what she didn't really know. But he surprised her by simply turning and walking out of the apartment.

She looked up at the door when she heard it close behind him and sighed to herself. She didn't want to hurt him, but it was necessary for his safety.

Jane looked back down at the items in the smaller box, these were the items she was going to send to his family. They thought he had died, he had been conflicted about that but felt that he had made the right decision to protect them. They deserved to have something of him.

His younger brother was about the right age to be ready to enlist in the military and he would probably like to have his brother's gun and his mother deserved the picture Tiberius kept of his family.

The only thing she kept for herself was something she didn't even know he had. He had prepared a traditional turian mating gift for her… She had nearly choked on a sob when she stumbled upon it and given herself away with Garrus right there. He had it in a small box with her name engraved on a plaque woven in the chain. The chain held up a blue pendent that shown like crystal – but it wasn't actually rock.

It wasn't actually a rock, but a bit of Tiberius' blood preserved in a hollowed crystal container. Turians who mated for love instead of arrangement were known to give it to their partner – a sort of token to say that a part of them was always with their mate. He had explained how he always wanted to mate for love.

Jane held the necklace in her palm for a long time before finally placing it back in its box and placing the box in her own keepsake container. She wanted to wear the necklace, but she couldn't risk it being damaged. She touched the outside of the necklace box softly before she closed her container and shoved it back under her bed.

After she was done organizing all of the items, she sent a message to Sparatus to have someone pick up the boxes and ship them to their destinations. Sparatus sent someone immediately and she was once again left on her own.

She stood in the center of the apartment for a long time before she realized that she was staring at the now vacant additional bedroom. She felt her walls start to break as she suddenly found herself with nothing to do and her throat and eyes burned with unshed tears.

She slowly found herself falling to her knees on the floor as she silently let the tears fall down her cheeks.

It was so lonely now… She couldn't remember a time when she had felt more alone and her despair steadily grew. She needed to find something to do, she needed to keep her mind clear.

Impulsively she sent a message to Sparatus asking for an assignment. He replying with understandable hesitation, imploring her to rest more, telling her she needed time to mourn. She resolutely stood her ground and demanded something to do – a solo mission, something to keep her busy.

What seemed to finally convince him was her heartfelt plea of, "please don't make me sit here and remember." He hadn't replied for a long time after she sent that, but when he did it was mission details. A classified mission and one that the Council wouldn't normally want anyone to know they were involved in.

Assassination of a merchant who was causing problems for the Council. He had his hand in the black market and made a point to cause trouble for the Council and its representatives at every turn.

Jane questioned herself if she could really become an assassin for the Council. She knew that if she took this mission that she would be selected to do more, especially if she did well. She had no doubts that she would do well, she was an infiltrator after all.

She quickly decided that while the old Jane may have had issues with this, the new one did not. This was just what she needed and she quickly sent back her confirmation.

When Sparatus replied again it was with all of the details that Jane would need and she began to tirelessly plan her route to her mark.