A/N: WHAT? Months of nothing from me and I come back with a semi-filler chapter? How dare me!
In all honesty, though, the reason I haven't updated in so long is the very fact that this is a necessary filler chapter and it was tough to drag myself through it. I actually didn't get a real spurt of inspiration until last November or something like that, and I've just been riding on other small spurts until now. Two months ago I was almost done and just had to finish writing the ending, so I got some help from solitary-cloud (tumblr blog I follow) and I finally managed to get this done this week, after lots of frustration.
I don't wanna write much up here, but there are some things you should know:
1. I changed Hange's name spelling from Hanji to Hange, in both the last two chapters and this one.
2. Yes, there are some OCs. It's kind of unavoidable in a fic about Hange and Levi's past, since we don't know much about their past friends. I hope that at least the characters I made were realistic.
3. This is the most important one: After reading the ending of Levi's spin-off manga, I was conflicted about keeping with his canon backstory or making up a new one. But since Farlan and Isabel were instrumental to his character development, I decided to only slightly change it, ie. Isabel and Farlan didn't join the Survey Corps with him since they were killed before he joined, but they were still his partners in crime, and Erwin got him to enlist after Levi did some crime that I'll figure out later for which he almost went to prison, but then Erwin bargained with the M.P. for Levi to join the Survey Corps instead, since he knew about Levi's 3DMG skills. And anyway, that'll all be explained more in the later chapters.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, despite it being fillerish.
"You are an idiot, Michael Zacharius."
Hange tossed an eye-roll of mock criticism at her fellow rookie as they lounged together on the roof of the Survey Corps Headquarters, overlooking the vast plains stretched out below them, far distant from the corralled territory behind the Walls. It was an agreeable day concerning the two of them. Having since escaped from the barked orders and strenuous drills of the Academy, and not yet assigned with any duties besides remaining on the lookout for approaching titans, they were relishing this afternoon of rest. They had arrived at the old castle a few days earlier with the rest of the Survey Corps' newest soldiers and were just getting used to the stony monument.
Accompanying them on the roof were a handful of other comrades from their trainee days, all languidly swapping small tales of current events to kill the time. Mike in particular had just related to them his first drinking experience with several veteran scouts.
Hange clucked her tongue in disapproval. Mike's eyebrows furrowed at her, his mouth falling ajar in defense.
"Hey, there's nothin' wron' with a...a good time," he protested. His words were notably sluggish, as though he were working his tongue around marbles. Hange scrutinized her friend's dark eyelids and glazed eyes with a snort. She shook her head at him.
"I can't believe they let you, though, considering the fact that you're underage." Following a pause and a tilt of her head, she added, "And you clearly can't hold your liquor." She grinned teasingly at the boy.
"I resent you sayin' tha..." Mike retorted with a pout. "I can hold my liquor like..." His pursed lips twisted into a frown as he squinted his eyes against - presumably - a headache.
"Mhm?" Hange pressed, eyebrows raised.
"Dammit, I'm so hungover!" her friend yelled abruptly, throwing his face into his large hands. He slouched forward in his seating position, a low groan leaving his throat. Hange cackled madly at the tall scout and gave him a clap on the back.
"Mike, remind me to always come drinking with you," joked another girl near them - a blonde with shortly cropped hair.
"I second that, Nanaba," Hange chirped, still heartily smacking his shoulders. Nanaba mirrored her mischievous smirk as Mike cursed at them.
"You girls are evil children," he mumbled in his post-drunken stupor.
"We're glad you know we love you, Michael," the brunette female replied, her slaps easing into slow pats. He simply pouted again.
"Quit usin' my full name, 'Ange. You already act enough like my mother." She pressed her tongue and lips together, forcing air through them to make them vibrate in a wet noise of derision. Mike scoffed at her immaturity.
Nanaba chuckled as she settled herself next to Hange. The blonde was a good friend of hers during the Academy. They were two of the considerable minority of girls in their trainee squad who had decided to enlist in the Survey Corps; most of the others had opted for the Military Police or the Stationary Guard. Since their first year, however, Nanaba and Hange were both firmly established in their desires for freedom from the Walls - Hange for the thrill of the great unknown and Nanaba because there was 'nothing more interesting' to do. Subsequently, the pair had easily found a friendship between them. And Mike had been quite attracted (in a platonic sense) to the girls' strong will yet easygoing dispositions from the beginning of his interactions with them. It helped that they were fond of his own quirks in turn. Altogether, they formed a friendly trio.
"I haven't seen any o' those ugly ass-titans around," Mike noted, changing the subject.
Hange visibly tensed at the mention of said savages. A fabricated memory from her dreams flickered mockingly in her head.
She and the other Academy graduates had not yet witnessed their first titans. When Hange had traveled with the rookies to the castle, they'd taken advantage of the nighttime shadows in the forests outside the walls as they stealthily leaped through the branches on their maneuver gear, so they did not come face-to-face with any man-eating giants.
From her vantage point up high on the castle's roof, the brunette could peer out at the landscape as far as the horizon, and yet observed not a single approaching speck of massive, regenerative bodies in the distance. The castle was built strategically on a wide, sloping hill, so that the scouts would have a clear view of any titans on all sides, the altitude useful for slowing their enemies down. Yet today the land was unnervingly silent.
One of the many things that contributed to Hange's enlisting was her burning curiosity. She was fearful of that which strayed from her level of comprehension, and titans were at the top of that list. It compelled her to experience firsthand the terror that forced humanity to cower inside the Walls over eighty years ago.
Almost all her life, Hange had been a traveler, roaming in between districts with her father after her mother's death, yet there had always existed that infuriating barrier, preventing her from exploring the outside world. Because, after all, the lands within each Wall only stretched so far until after you'd trekked them a number of times, you began storing to impeccable memory the shapes and contours of every trodden path.
The three Walls weren't sufficient to contain the wild brunette, anymore. She wanted to discover uncharted territory. However, the thought that something could be so powerful as to keep the human race caged in like it had been for so many decades was terrifying; it made her uneasy even at the current moment. But Hange knew that everything tended to lose its fear factor once it was better understood (a lesson she'd learned after pulling apart a spider limb-from-limb).
Her curiosity had first been nurtured by her father. He had been an intelligent man - an eccentric inventor with the knowledge of everything inside the Walls and more. Since he was already well-versed in all the details of the territories within the Walls, his primary goal in life was to learn of the great beyond. However, he was too clumsy and uncoordinated to become a scout, so he had a family instead.
But François Hange paid his taxes to the Legion eagerly, without ever a complaint, even going so far as to send them small donations whenever he had the money to spare. He believed so passionately in the scouts' mission statement of freedom that it was unconsciously instilled in his only child's young mind as well (along with countless other quirks of his). Unfortunately, he died in a street accident when Hange was twelve - trampled by a horse and wagon. So, after the incident, Hange decided it was her calling to become a member of the Survey Corps. She even took on their surname as her standard, preferred title – she felt 'Zoë' was too personal.
Clutching the ends of her own 'wings of freedom' cape in that moment on top of the roof with her good friends, finally released from the cage that was the three great Walls and reveling in the fresh pine air, she could not imagine having made a sounder choice.
Unfortunately, the anxiety churning a river of nausea in her stomach at the mention of the titans would never cease until she met one herself. And if the day that that would occur was the present, she was uncertain how she would react.
"No titans, no work for us," she stated in answer to Mike.
And yet as much as she wanted to be thankful for that fact, a part of her yearned to tear her down the middle in its desire for her first real battle. Hange always had a fighter's spirit; her curiosity demanded it of her, since it roped her into trouble more times than she could count. When she was younger, it lead her into battles with boys; titans were a mere upgrade from that. She never could tolerate bullies, regardless of what size or form they were. Redemption and fury was the fuel for her drive for justice.
But now, it was anger and fear that coiled around in her guts.
"Still..." Mike drawled, "...it'd be nice to get a warm-up 'fore our first mission. I hope we at least get our hands on one big, ugly bastard."
"If we do, I'll kill it," Hange deadpanned, a layer of ice in her tone.
"Come on, Hange – you already got first crack at combat," her friend chuckled.
"That was against a human, not a titan," she retorted.
With a lazy, sweeping glance, Nanaba's pale blue gaze narrowed in on an old bruise that spotted Hange's jaw.
"Yeah, say, Hange," the blonde remarked, "you got this during your fight with the prodigy boy, right?" She flicked a finger in gesture to the small wound. The bespectacled girl blinked.
"Probably," she responded wryly, waving the other girl off. Nanaba's eyebrow rose slowly into an arch.
"You know, you never did tell us much about your fight with the top gun," Mike commented, running a finger across his stubble.
"There's nothing to talk about," Hange told them truthfully. At their looks of doubt, she continued: "You guys think it was this big thing, but it wasn't. We beat each other up, then we became friends - " Hange paused, mouth pursing in thought " - I think."
"Well, that's a sweet story, but we're mostly interested in how many hits ya got in."
Hange smirked. "You saw his face that night, didn't you?"
"Right..." Mike responded with a grimace. "Wasn't a spot on his face tha' wasn't colourful." The brown-eyed female nodded, an innocent smile spreading over her face as sunlight glinted against her goggles.
"So what's his story, anyway?" idly asked Nanaba. Hange shrugged.
"Your guess is as good as mine. He's pretty silent about his life. But then, he's not really that talkative, anyway."
"Silent people 'old the deepest secrets," Mike ominously remarked. Hange snorted.
"That's obvious." The boy's thoughtful expression did not falter.
"Deep secrets are usually dark secrets," he continued. "Whah was that sayin', again? About people havin' skeletons in their...graveyard?" Nanaba grinned at Mike's hungover confusion.
"In their closet," she corrected.
"Yeah."
Hange knitted her eyebrows together in realization.
"Are you suggesting that Levi might have a dark past?" she queried.
"I'm suggestin' there must be a reason he never mentions anything about himself, so...yes."
"Hmm..."
"Has he said anything strange to you?" Nanaba questioned. "You did spend three nights in the same room, after all."
Levi was a rather cryptic individual – Hange did not doubt that. He had been wary of her whenever she'd asked him anything even remotely personal. He was also quite harsh at times, although he seemed to mean well, but when they fought, there had been a certain cruelty about him that often surpassed her mere blind rage.
He was cold and distant. Would she concur that he had had a rather troubling youth, then? It was quite possible. But then...
"Why would he join the Survey Corps?" Mike shrugged his shoulders.
"To run away from his past, maybe? Or to make a clean start?" he guessed.
"I've seen him talking to Erwin more times than you'd normally expect for a rookie," a new voice interjected. The three of them glanced up to see one of the other former members of their trainee squad approaching: a boy with messy, dark blonde hair and brown eyes by the name of Frederick Spitzer, whom everyone referred to as 'Freddie.'
"Really?" Hange's tone was one of skepticism. Freddie was a good kid and friends with many of the new recruits, herself included, but he had an awful habit of exaggerating his stories, albeit usually for comic relief. Also, she remembered that when Erwin went to meet her and Levi in the hospital, he had only spoken very briefly to Levi, if at all. But perhaps that had been deliberate?
"It's true. Someone told me they heard Levi's going to be on the Captain's squad," he insisted. Three sets of eyes widened before him.
"But he's just a rookie!" Mike exclaimed.
"Even if he's number one, he has no experience whatsoever on the field," Hange added. "He can't possibly handle an intensive mission in a commanding squad."
"Can't he?" Freddie asked, his voice lilting impishly, piquing their interests. But Hange was still not convinced.
"He joined the academy three years ago with everyone else. He cannot have more experience than that," she stated.
"Au contraire, Hange Zoë," Freddie replied, grinning. The boy threw a glance over his shoulder at one of the other rookies. "Say, Robert."
Another boy, with strictly-cut dark brown hair and hard, hazel eyes marched over to the group.
"Yes?" Robert greeted.
"What was that you said about Levi, again?"
Robert kept his chin up, his hands clasped together behind his back; he was a soldier even on break.
"I said he looks like a criminal, Spitzer," he replied bluntly. Hange laughed at the stoic teenager.
"So now someone can be convicted of a crime just for looking like they might have committed one?" Amusement tickled her words.
"To be fair, Zoë," – Hange cringed at Robert's use of her real first name – "he is quite frightening." The stern boy's face was unflappably expressionless as always, despite his words, his murky brown-green eyes boring straight into the vacant space in front of him.
"You guys are overreacting." Hange shook her head at them. "The worst thing Levi can do on a normal day is spend five hours scrubbing walls until his hands bleed." And on a day where you provoke him, kick you in the stomach a few times, she added mentally, suppressing a wince.
"Even so," Mike grunted, "that neat freak has been giving me the meanest glares for the past whole week."
Hange ducked her head to conceal her smirk with her bangs, attempting to stifle the mirth rising up from her throat. Since she'd informed the shortest scout of Mike's jokes at his expense, it was true that he hadn't been treating the much taller boy all too civilly.
"I can smell you smiling, Hange," Mike coughed. The girl giggled.
"I forgot to tell you – it turns out Levi doesn't wear pads in his boots to make himself look taller," she announced smugly. Her friend rolled his eyes. "And anyway, former criminal or not, he's still a skilled addition to the Survey Corps, so I don't see the big deal."
"Kiss-up," Mike muttered. With a firm fist to his shoulder from Hange, he and the rest of the group remained silent on the matter.
After a mere handful of seconds, Freddie plopped down next to Mike on his other side and began chattering on about another piece of gossip for them to comment on.
The remaining portion of the day continued like this, minus their break for dinner, still no titans in sight for any of the rooftop rookies to fend off. It ended as a peaceful day for them, leaving them to contemplate tomorrow and the days following.
And Hange - she pushed the obscure Levi to the back of her mind for the time being.
"Squad Leader."
A stern greeting.
"Why have you called me here, Commander?"
An indifferent response.
"I'm still concerned about your suggestion to place that underground thug on your squad."
Silence.
"Smith?"
"I can assure you, Commander, that he is precisely where he needs to be."
Frustrating ambiguity.
"Do you not trust that anyone else can keep a good eye on him?"
Annoyance.
"Quite the contrary. I trust that they will keep too much of an eye on him. We cannot afford to waste his expertise under the command of a wary leader who will suffocate his movements on the field."
A calculated composure.
"So you trust him with the lives of his comrades? He fought with an Academy classmate just last week. He's unpredictable."
Suspicion.
"You cannot be so paranoid as to suspect him of treason. His choice was either here or a decade in prison. I already reprimanded him for that incident; he knows the consequences. He's not an idiot, Commander Shadis."
Sheer confidence.
"Even so...he is only seventeen. He may have known how to use the maneuver gear effectively before he even entered the Academy, but battling thugs is very different from battling titans."
Uncertainty.
"He will be able to hold his own. His Academy instructor informed me that he would rate his 3DMG skills at eleven-over-ten, and he's as perceptive as you are."
A longer stretch of silence.
"...Fair enough. I have faith that you will know best when the time comes."
"Thank you, Commander."
"Dismissed."
Team 7
Team Leader:
Karl Amsel
Team:
Charles Beaumont
Frederick Spitzer
Hange Zoë
Aideen Gallagher
Hange hummed absentmindedly as she scanned the paper posted in the dining hall, quickly storing each name into memory. It was the list for the updated squads since she and her fellow rookies had traveled to the Survey Corps' castle headquarters.
She was extremely excited. Her knees shook as her heels tapped on the cold floor tiles, making her ponytail bounce in her jubilation. Several of her new comrades exchanged bewildered glances at her energized state, but she could care less, because in a few days time, she would finally embark on her first mission as an official scout.
I'll get to see the world Papa dreamed about.
"Hey, Hange!" called a familiar voice. Hange spun on her heel to face an oncoming, sandy-haired boy. Freddie's face was bright as usual as he slowed to a stop in front of her; Hange returned his smile.
"You're on my squad," she stated. Freddie's grin would have widened had it been possible.
"Great! Who else is with us? " Hange didn't have to respond, for he pushed past her to give the list a careful once-over. "Karl Amsel - I hear he's good," he began, ignoring Hange's chuckle as he dove into his characteristic gossip. He was worse than the rich women in Wall Sina. "He's one of the seniors, though, so he's got a few quirks. His eyes dart around a lot, kinda like my dog when she sees a butterfly."
Freddie continued on to the next name on the list. Charles Beaumont was in their graduating class; Freddie snickered because of their halfhearted rivalry. Charles had a very sardonic, crude sense of humor, and he always seemed to be bored of everyone and everything, but he had his own wild side. His general laziness was the perfect fodder for Frederick's teasing. However, judging by his final rank, he was a fairly skilled soldier.
The dirty blonde had been smiling - at the end of the page, however, his face faltered.
"Oh," he said flatly. Hange knit her brows together.
"What's the problem?" she queried. Freddie's response was three taps of an index finger over one of the names. Hange followed his gesture.
Aideen Gallagher.
"I don't know her," Hange told him. "What's the problem?"
"I don't know if it's true, but..."
"But?"
"Well, I've heard she's an average soldier – maybe five or so years older than us. But after a mission one day, she came back covering her entire face with her hood, and she never took it off of her head since."
Hange blew a raspberry.
"So?" she scoffed. "Maybe she just likes wearing her hood. That's a pretty dumb tale, even for you."
"Wait, no - let me finish," Freddie urged, rolling his eyes. "A veteran told me that it's because, since that mission, she's been pretty hard of hearing."
The brunette's mouth formed into an 'o' shape.
"You mean..." The boy raised his hands in defense.
"I don't know, but apparently there was some sort of accident, and now she's partially deaf. I'm guessing she has a nasty ear injury. Maybe she had her head in a titan's mouth and just barely escaped." Hange pursed her lips. She suddenly understood where Frederick was really going with this.
"So you think she might hold us back? Her injury shouldn't matter that much – it's only one ear. And she has to be skilled enough if she survived five years in the Survey Corps." Freddie scratched the back of his neck.
"Oh, right. That makes sense, actually. I heard she's also kind of mean, though." Hange smirked.
"So that was your main concern, really," she teased. "You do have a habit of pissing off the worst of people."
The boy poked out his bottom lip in a pout. "It's not my fault," he protested.
"Quite frankly, Sir Frederick, it usually is." The two new scouts turned to see Charles Beaumont approaching, stopping to join them with a hand on his hip. He was shorter than the both of them at 5"4, but his posture dripped confidence; not that he was extremely arrogant, just that he was generally comfortable with himself. Freddie crossed his arms over his chest with a smirk on his face.
"I was surprised when I saw that you were on our team, Sir Charles," he quipped, as per their usual endearing way of addressing each other. "I could have sworn you pissed your pants when you heard the death rate for soldiers in the Survey Corps, but maybe it was just a trick of the light. So you didn't join the clowns in the Military Police after all?"
"I'm surprised myself that you even had time to notice if anyone was pissing their pants," Charles retorted smoothly, in his distinguished yet peculiar accent. "I didn't see you, but my guess was that you were probably in the nearest bathroom vomiting." Hange chuckled at their bickering, but she gave Frederick's previous remark some thought.
As noted, Charles was a confident fellow, and he did rank sixth by the end of training – Frederick hadn't even made the top ten – but he was not known for dreaming big. He was a boy of mere wit and simplicity with nothing to prove. It was definitely expected that he would just be looking forward to a life of ease in the innermost walls, far away from trauma and sacrifice.
"I'd actually like to know why you decided to join the Survey Corps," Hange interjected, before Freddie could reply. Charles sighed and dragged a hand through his light brown hair.
"My Grandpa was a scout, and in his will he said that none of his descendants can get his inheritance unless they become an 'honorable soldier of the Survey Corps. ' My old man told me that he believes Grandpa has some worth in his inheritance, but he was too scared to join the Corps – he's a Garrison soldier. He said I could choose whatever I wanted, but I was pretty interested in his old man's reward. So here I am."
"Of course," Hange replied, almost bitterly. She was hopeful that perhaps he'd changed his mind by realizing the greater cause of humanity. Nevertheless, she did concede that although the reason may have been selfish, at least he, a skillful former trainee of the top ten, even joined at all. Besides that, Hange didn't truly mind Charles. She was not well acquainted with him, but she could get along with him well enough.
"You know, I never thought it was possible to join the Survey Corps for a selfish reason," Frederick remarked thoughtfully. "But you still managed to do it. Are you sure you don't want to be a King's officer? Your goals seem to suit the M.P." Despite his words, Freddie was not being serious or grim. Hange knew that he did not get emotionally invested in these sorts of things; he merely enjoyed jabbing at Charles's pride.
The brunette girl soon tuned out Freddie and Charles' following banter as she turned to survey the crowd, hands resting at her hips. It was particularly easy to differentiate the new recruits from the seasoned veterans in the crowd; it was also an interesting opportunity for Hange to observe the behaviors of the two groups, as she often did – a habit she'd picked up on her travels with her father.
People-watching was her fondest pastime, for although she adored studying bugs and other small creatures under a magnifying glass (and at times, in the former's case, dissecting them), humans were far more complex, what with their emotions, quirks, and ticks, and they were ultimately more intriguing.
"Always remember to look into a person's eyes, Zoë," her father would tell her as they'd sit for a rest after a long journey in one of the towns. They would be collapsed side-by-side on a bench, staring curiously at all of the passersby, her father ruffling her hair while he spoke. "A great man from long before the rise of the titans once said that they are the 'windows to their souls.' I think it's very accurate."
In the youthful eyes of the new enlistees shone hope, bravado, and naivety – to which Hange could relate. However, on the war-weary faces of the veterans were strained smiles, shifty glances, and the occasional twitch. The green-horned recruits bumped shoulders, clapping their hands together and sharing hugs. The older soldiers were strangely too cautious to even brush hands, as though they were concerned that their fingers would only be sliding through a mirage. Hange had heard about their most recent excursion, and how many men they had lost this time.
The sight of the senior scouts reminded the former trainee just how grave a life mission she'd landed herself on. Her heart sank a little, but she willed it to grow a pair and climb back up. Still, an irate fit of anxiety churned in her stomach, because – was that what her face would look like in a couple of years? Maybe just a couple of months? She didn't know.
But she did know what death felt like for the ones left behind; she'd experienced it twice in her life. The only reason she could keep herself together was the fact that, where she was at that very moment, was where her father had wanted to be his entire life. As for her mother, she could remember but two things of the woman before she died when she was four, and those were her smile and her journal, the latter of which had been gifted to her several years ago. She carried the small, tattered book with her wherever she went; it currently sat under her bed in her dorm room upstairs.
But how many deaths would it take to push Hange to the brink in her grief?
She didn't have time to ponder it when the sight of undercut black hair in her peripheral vision caught her attention. Now there's a face that takes more than a once-over to figure out, she thought, chuckling through her nose.
"Hey Hange, where ya goin'?"
She ignored her fellow team members, breaking into a jog towards her petite-framed target. He was making his way to an empty table, holding a cup of tea by the rim in his hand.
"So, prodigy, are the rumors true?" she asked, tapping his shoulder. Levi turned his head to glance behind him. Hange eyed his hot beverage in confusion. "Why are you holding your cup like that? I thought you loathe germs."
"It depends on the rumor," he replied dryly as he pulled out a chair to sit. "And unlike some people," – he looked at her pointedly before continuing – "I wash my hands often." Oh...right, Hange thought with a nod.
Levi's pale, blue-gray eyes were impenetrable as usual, along with his overall cool demeanor. It didn't matter, however; Hange adored a challenge. The brunette herself settled down on the chair opposite him.
"I heard you were placed on Erwin's squad," she stated. He stared indifferently at her.
"I was," he said curtly. When Hange realized he would not elaborate any further, she blinked.
"Isn't that risky, considering you're just a trainee graduate?" Levi blinked back.
"It might be," he responded, tone flat. His expression remained void of any emotion. Hange raised an eyebrow at him.
"And this doesn't puzzle you?" Levi's eyes seemed almost innocent as they looked back at her. He averted his gaze in favor of his cup of tea, which he brought up to his lips to sip. Then he swallowed.
"Nope," he told her. "I understand his reasons." Hange thinned her lips. She wasn't annoyed - she wasn't the type to get frustrated easily. After all, she was used to being the infuriating one. But she didn't like it when people spoke vaguely, especially when she was interested in the details.
"And what are those reasons?" Hange asked sweetly. Levi wiped his mouth with a napkin.
"Secret," he replied. He didn't flinch when Hange slammed her hand down on the table, grinning madly at him. "You're going to make a mess." He furrowed his eyebrows at the tea sloshing around in his cup after the impact.
"How is this even possible?" she exclaimed, astonished. "You're like, what, sixteen?"
"Seventeen," he corrected calmly.
"And you get to be on an official squad? How good are you? I mean, I've seen you in training, but don't you need experience to be on a Squad Leader's team?"
"A certain type of experience, sure," Levi grunted. Hange's eyes widened in intrigue.
"And what does that mean?" she asked, leaning forward over the table. He narrowed his eyes at her, either due to her invasion of his space, her persistent interrogation, or both.
"You ask a lot of questions, Shitty Glasses." Her grin widened.
"You don't answer a lot of questions, Levi."
Levi sighed, dragging a hand up to massage his temple. Hange hoped she was wearing him down enough to get him to talk. Absentmindedly, she noticed that he still had bags under his eyes. Does he ever get any sleep? she wondered. Unfortunately, luck was not kind to her today: Levi pushed out his chair from the table and got to his feet.
"This is too troublesome for so early in the morning," the boy grumbled as he turned to leave.
"Hey, where are you going?" Hange demanded. He didn't look back as he walked.
"Away from here," he said, loud enough for her to hear.
"But Levi!" Hange called after him, leaping to her feet. Several heads turned in her direction to see the source of the commotion.
"Hey, Hange, what's going on here?"
Hange was distracted for a fraction of a second by Mike's greeting. When her gaze flickered again to Levi's back, he was already pushing through the dining hall's double-doors. The brunette heaved a sigh as she turned to face her tall friend fully. He was glancing over at Levi's exit as well.
"You piss him off again?" he chuckled. Hange laughed.
"I suppose, but I was just asking if what Freddie said is true," she explained. Mike raised his thick eyebrows at her.
"And?"
"He was right, but Levi won't say why Squad Leader Erwin chose him." The girl threw her hands up in the air.
"Deep secrets, Hange. Deep," he teased.
"Yeah, that's pretty much what he told me!" she exclaimed. Hange stared down at the floor. She could tell Mike was studying her.
"You seem pretty interested in learning about him," he observed. She nodded eagerly.
"I like learning about people, and Levi is one of the more interesting people."
"Because he won't spill anything?"
"And his personality is really complicated." Mike smirked.
"Well, just be careful who you gush about Levi to," he warned humorously as he replaced Levi's former seat, winking at her. "They might get the wrong idea." Hange returned to her own seat across from him, regarding her friend with a look of puzzlement.
"I don't follow," she told him honestly. Mike shook his head with another chuckle.
"Never mind." Hange shrugged.
"Well, it's good to see you've recovered from your hangover," she remarked with a cheerful expression. The boy groaned.
"Please don't remind me." Hange's laughter reverberated around the dining hall for all to hear. "I am never drinking again," Mike vowed. His bespectacled companion quirked an eyebrow at him. He sighed. "Okay, I'm never drinking enough for it to hurt like that again," he reworded. Hange continued to stare at him doubtfully. He scowled at her. "Shut up."
And Hange chortled some more.
Zoë,
The day that I am addressing this passage to you is a special one indeed. To you in the future, this day was your third birthday, a significant milestone in any human being's life; the age when one's first memories begin to develop. So your father is taking you to see his lab for the first time, while I am waiting for your cake to bake, and then we'll all be going on a picnic together by the pond you love. Your papa is very excited to show you all of the knickknacks he's invented over the years. I think you seemed quite ecstatic yourself, but toddlers do tend to mimic their parents' moods, and Francy's enthusiasm can be awfully infectious.
Since this day was an important one for you, I believe the day you read this journal entry will be just as special. Call it a mother's gut feeling. But because you inherit your father's impulsiveness, please be careful, whatever that day's events may be!
I wonder if I will be there the day you read this, and if I'll have a share in your new memories. But who knows, Chestnut. That is the cruelty of the future's uncertainty. In any case, something tells me to wish you good luck.
Much love,
Bernadette Hange
Yes, Hange thought, her eyebrows knitted in determination, today is a special day, Mama.
She recalled her late mother's words on the yellowing pages of her journal she'd read that morning before leaving, now sitting atop her horse among hundreds of other soldiers. They were all waiting behind the castle headquarters' gates so that they could head off on their next expedition.
Flanked on either side of Hange were Frederick and Charles, and a man in his mid-thirties with white hair was in front of them - their Team Leader, Karl Amsel. Freddie was right about him being twitchy, but he seemed like a warm, kind, yet awkward man, judging by his demeanor at their team meeting the night before. Behind Hange was a woman with light ginger hair in a long, high ponytail and cold blue eyes, whom she discovered to be the final member of their team, Aideen Gallagher. Also just as Frederick had said, she had her face shadowed by the hood of her cloak. She hadn't spoken a word during the meeting; she'd just stared at her boots. Hange wasn't sure what to think of her yet.
She glanced around more, and she thought she spotted Mike's mop of blond hair far left of her position in one of the rows ahead. She assumed Nanaba's team had to have been somewhere further in the rear, since she couldn't see her anywhere in front. Levi, she knew, would be by the Commanding Squad, but a combination of factors prevented her from seeing him (ie. there were hundreds of soldiers blocking her view and Levi was quite short).
Suddenly, she noticed how silent the mass of scouts was at that moment. There were a few murmurs here and there, but otherwise everyone stayed quiet. Even Charles and Frederick, who had just been bickering by the stables minutes ago, did not speak. And then she realized that they were taking a moment to let the gravity of their situation sink in.
Hange had thought she would be prepared by now. But her nightmares from near the end of her last year of training and her three nights in the hospital, the anxiety she felt the other day on the roof of the castle, looking out for titans - all of the feelings jumbled around in her stomach and made her feel sick. She glanced again at the back of Mike's head.
Will he still be here by the end of the expedition? She thought of Nanaba and Levi, and all her team members, and she could not shake her fear for them. The rational part of her assured her that they would survive, because she had seen their skills during training, and judging by their positions in the field, they were unlikely to encounter many titans. But the remaining part of her remembered the grim faces of the veteran soldiers and the small percentage of soldiers who survived their first mission. Granted, being in the top ten, her friends were more likely to live past this excursion, but Hange could never know for certain. In addition...
Was she even going to live through this?
You'd have to be an idiot to let your fear choke you.
Remembering Levi's words from their last night in the hospital ironically startled her out of her apprehension. And she almost smiled, because despite the rumors of him being an ex-criminal, he had given her lots of encouraging, practical advice since they'd met. He didn't mince his words or hop around the tough issues, and God knew Hange needed regular wake-up calls like that. Before she could instill the confidence his words brought within her, however, a loud, booming voice echoed across the field.
"Soldiers of the Survey Corps!" Everyone's heads snapped to attention at the sound of Commander Shadis's shout. If it was quiet before, there wasn't even the sound of crickets chirping now. Hange couldn't see him, but she could imagine the Commander gazing out at the faces of his soldiers with hard eyes. "Today is this division's thirtieth expedition outside the walls. Your team leaders have already briefed you on the long-distance scouting formation devised by Squad Leader Erwin Smith, and today we will be testing that formation. You know your orders, so let us fight to finally gain something, not for our glory, not for the respect of the Walls' citizens or the Military Police Brigade, but for humanity! So offer up your hearts and go FORWARD!"
Not a heartbeat had passed after the Commander's short speech before the scouts cried out in unison, surging forward on their horses through the gates. Hange reveled in their determination, shooting a grin at her nearby comrades and then urging her own horse into a gallop with a lash of her reins.
Emerging from the shadow of the castle entrance, Hange passed over the threshold, moving with the rest of the titan-slaying army as one. For a second, her goggles' lenses caught the sunlight and blinded her. In that moment, long-buried images flickered across the yellow light in her eyes.
There was a checkered blanket in a field of tall grass, frogs croaking in a small pond a few feet away. Her father held a grasshopper in his hands, reaching out to show her. Her mother was smiling.
Suddenly, even as her vision returned to reality, with green plains, blue skies and who knew how many titans far ahead, all of Hange's previous fears dissipated. In their place was a steady confidence, her temporarily-forgotten anger towards the titans bursting through the dams of nervousness in her spirit. A yowl of "Yahoo!" left her throat with this new shift in mood as her team spread out from the others into the new formation. Freddie howled along with her while Charles chuckled at them both.
As Hange looked out at the horizon, she could still see the trace of her mother's smile filtering through. Her wings of freedom billowing in the wind behind her, the brunette threw her head back with a smile of her own that stretched from ear to ear, enjoying the strong breeze that buffeted through her thick locks of hair.
This, she now knew, was what freedom felt like.
Are you proud of me, Mama and Papa?
Your Chestnut's a soldier, now.
A/N: Please remember to review, even if this is just a filler! I could always use the constructive criticism, but please tell me what you liked as well. The next chapter should be out sooner, because it will be all about Levi and Hange's first expedition and such, so that'll be exciting. I don't want to make any promises, considering my laziness, upcoming school projects and so on, but I'm hoping to update maybe next month?