Chapter 5: Of Sunhats and Apple Juice

A/N: God, this chapter was so hard to write. It just didn't want to come out. I tried to put some comic relief in after last chapter, but I don't think it really worked. Hopefully you'll like it!

Thanks to tiffy and rosie. horgan. 7!

XXX

I stared up at the ceiling, listening to Lily's even breathing. She hadn't let me go home yet, and I'm really not sure if she's planning to any time soon. I mean, I get it. She feels at fault. But really, I wanted to go home. It's not like I had ever met . . . Paul there. Saying, or even just thinking his name felt wrong. I really just wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed. However, Lily adamant about me staying here. Her room just felt so foreign for some reason. Her bed was perfectly comfortable, I knew that, but I simply couldn't fall asleep.

I sat up, staring into the dark room. I really couldn't see anything, but I knew my way through her apartment well enough. I swung my legs over and slowly stood up, my feet touching the cold wooden floor. Hesitantly, I picked up my wand and held it against my side. I walked out of the room, slowly opening the door with a soft creak. I winced and looked back at Lily, but she was still dead asleep. I slipped out, and closed the door with a click. I walked over to the sink in the kitchen, grabbing a cup from the cabinet. Apple juice was one of the only things that I knew could knock me out, a tried and true method.

"Elizabeth."

I jumped, fumbling with my glass, nearly dropping it on the ground. I could feel my heart beating so fast, like it was trying to get out of my chest by any means possible.

"Don't do that." I hissed, turning to look at the intruder. Remus. Oh, I could not deal with this right now. I turned around again, resting my hands on the counter.

"What are you doing up at this time of night?" he asked, glancing at the window. The soft orange glow was seeping through the curtains. He walked over to stand next to me. I shifted my body away slightly.

"I couldn't sleep," I responded, twisting off the cap of the apple juice bottle. I always made sure Lily had a fresh supply of apple juice whenever I come over. He stared down at my hands for a second before he took the cap from my hand, his fingers lingering against my palm.

"Are you okay, Elizabeth?" he asked, fiddling with the cap. I sighed softly.

"What do you think?" I put the apple juice bottle down, and lifted my cup, turning to face him. Remus's eyes softened. He put the cap down, and faced me as well. He was a little too close for comfort these days. If it was a month ago, I wouldn't have any problem with it, but he wasn't my boyfriend anymore. He wasn't even really my friend at this point.

"I'm so sorry." He said, his hand reaching up to lightly touch my cheek. On any other day, I would have slapped him across the face, and my head was screaming at me to. But my body was leaning into his touch, and my heart just needed the intimacy. Remus' arms wrapped around me, holding my head to his chest. It was like all the air in my lungs was just . . . Gone. Gone. "I'm here for you, Elizabeth. Always. I know we're not . . . I know we don't . . . I'm with Rebecca now, yes, but I will always care for you. You're my friend." I closed my eyes, willing the tears not to leave my eyes. I felt sharp pains in my chest, stabbing my heart. Of all the times to say it, it had to be now.

I mean, yes, I know Remus is with Rebecca, but did he really have to remind me of it now?

"Okay." I croaked out. For some reason, just now, that exact moment made me realize we really are done. Forever.

XXX

Curiosity killed the cat, right? Well, there's a good chance that it may kill me too. Now, I've watched enough movies to know that wearing a big hat and sunglasses doesn't work, but hey, why not give it a shot? I kept my black curls down and placed a nice black sun hat atop my head. With a regular old black t-shirt, jeans, and black sunglasses, I was ready to go. At least it's summer, so I didn't look too out of place. After securing myself an ice cream cone, I sat myself in prime Lily watching position. I decided that stalking Sirius and James would be a little too dangerous, and stalking Remus would just be really depressing. So, Lily it was.

Unfortunately, Lily is actually really boring. She never does anything. Probably helps that it's her day off, actually. I peeked at her from over my sunglasses. Okay, now do something. Instead she just entered the supermarket. With a laborious sigh, I followed her in. In the movies, something eventful always happens within 5 minutes of the stalking, right? Merlin, Lily, do something. Instead, she just bought groceries. Well, at least she has apple juice in there. I took off my sunglasses and rubbed my eyes. I was so tired, and this was going no where. Maybe I ought to go home and take a nap? I mean, I didn't get any sleep last night. Partly because of Remus. There just wasn't enough apple juice in the world to fall asleep after that conversation. I plopped down on a bench, taking off my sun hat and fanning myself with it. Mushroom, it was hot. But, that was when my day got a little spiced up.

"Hey, are you alright?"

I looked up, squinting slightly. A guy was standing there, staring down at me with a raised eyebrow. He could raise one eyebrow, dammit. I still can't do that! He had reddish brown hair that was little too long, and hung slightly in front of a blue-green eye.

"Physically, yes," I said, not letting the fact his eyes scanned my body go unseen. "Mentally, probably not. Why?"

"Because you are sitting on a bench, staring at a group of apartment buildings. Are you planning on moving or something?" he asked, moving to sit next to me, shining the bright sunlight right at my eyes. I moved my arms wildly.

"No no no, you were blocking the sunlight!" I said, motioning for him to move back. He chuckled, shaking his head slightly, but moved for me. "Ah, that's better." I sighed. And that was when it hit me. Lily was gone. "Mushroom!" I cursed, sitting up fully.

"Wait, what?" he asked, looking around.

"I was . . . Well, I was kind of following someone, but they're gone." I said, feeling my face turn bright red.

He let out a loud laugh.

"And you are crazy." He said, walking away. Um, okay. Fine. Be like that, random citizen.

Time for the more direct approach, I guess.

XXX

I stepped out of the green flames, my back straight, my head in a determined state. I was going to find out about the Order of the Phoenix if it was the last thing I'll ever do.

"Elizabeth, I was expecting you."

"I'm sure you were." I said with a grin, sitting in the seat across from Dumbledore. I felt like a little girl in trouble. Not that I ever got in trouble at Hogwarts. Cough.

"So, I heard what occurred with Paul Green." He said, his cool eyes calming my nervous energy. I nodded softly. Dumbledore was certainly a presence to behold. "And you want to know about the Order."

"I think it's only right." I said boldly.

He peered at me over his half-moon glasses.

"You do realize what you're getting yourself into by asking this question." I nodded. He sighed, and leaned back. "I'm very sorry that you were targeted unjustly, Ms. Moore. I can understand why they would think you're apart of it, but you did not deserve this. We will offer you as much protection as possible."

"Tell me." I said, not showing any emotion.

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes."

Dumbledore's cool eyes stared into mine.

"The Order of the Phoenix is devoted to fighting he-who-must-not-be-named. . . ."

XXX

Dumbledore didn't want me to be apart of the Order of the Phoenix. I don't know why, but I do know it has nothing to do with my abilities. Quite frankly, I think it has to do with Remus. He really didn't tell me about who was in it, actually . . . So maybe Remus had nothing to do with it. Maybe Remus isn't even in the Order of the Phoenix!

I sat in the Order's headquarters, just waiting for someone to show up. I know they're not going to be happy, but I deserved to know. Right? I tapped my foot impatiently. Dumbledore said there was a meeting today, where I would learn a lot more. I didn't imagine that right? At this point, I wouldn't be that surprised. I mean, maybe I'm going crazy. It wouldn't be that much of a stretch.

I rested my head in my hands with a loud sigh. What was I doing here? I wasn't meant to be here. I'm not a fighter. I'm a Ravenclaw! I'm not brave! I'm just clumsy little Elizabeth. This is so not going to end well. I'm going to make a mushrooming fool of myself. I'll trip on a mission and end up dead, that's whats going to happen. Or worse, I'll accidentally kill someone. I could be the cause of Lily's death! I could kill my best friend, or her husband. I could kill James, or Sirius! Or even Remus. I could see Remus daily. Mushroom. That surely couldn't be good for my health.

On the other hand, I would be fighting. I would be doing something in this war, rather than just sitting in a safe little hospital. I could be helping people. Maybe this could be good for me, get me off my mushroom cap, you know? I heard a door click open, and I knew exactly who was there.

"Oh, Lizzie, tell me you didn't." I turned around.

"Of course she did. You weren't expecting this?" See, Sirius knows me.

Lily was looking at me disapprovingly, while James was hiding his proud smile. And then there was Remus, standing quietly. But there was someone who I did not expect. Rebecca was standing there, her arm holding onto Remus'. Oh.