author note: Okay, so, this is my first ever fan fiction I've completed or anything like that. I know, I know, its super short! But this idea came to me and I just started writing.. and I really like it. This song is based on two songs, Blue Lips by Regina Spektor, and Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots.

thank you for reading this story, and I really hope you like it. go easy on me!

and sorry about the ending. I'm not good at dialogue.

"Sometimes quiet is violent;
I find it hard to hide it.
My pride is no longer inside,
It's on my sleeve.
My skin will scream,
Reminding me of
Who I killed inside my dream.
I hate this car that I'm driving.
There's no hiding for me;
I'm forced to deal with what I feel.
There is no distraction to mask what is real."

Have you ever felt your heart crumble into dust at the sight of something? Feeling it start to splinter first down the center, and then all along the sides until your heart was just a pile of broken glass?

And then its gone, your heart has disappeared.

You can feel where the life-sustaining, vital, symbolic organ used to be. But the space where it previously existed is now filled with a black hole, consistently sucking out any flame of happiness and hope you get. Like a never-ending, pitch-black, vacuum.

I know that feeling. I know that feeling well.

She's happy. Her smile is bright and big, and her brown doe eyes are filled with a sparkle and peacefulness I would never be able to give her. When we're talking, just me and her (on the rare occasions she actually decides to acknowledge that I exist), I can pretend that nothings wrong in the world and she can still be mine. I still have a chance to win her over with my foolishness and awkward, lopsided grin. I can make every other girl swoon at a flip of my hair- why can't I even get her to notice me anymore?

But then he walks into the room. And I'm forgotten.

You know that feeling you get when you give your heart away to someone and, even though they really don't want it, they never give it back? They're to cruel and mean to put you at ease and to fill the void that you created just for them.

That's the feeling I get when I'm alone.

When I look out the glass window separating me from her, and I want to tell her everything- my mom's dying, Ally. My dad lost his job, Ally. I'm moving, Ally. I love you, Ally. - But my feet don't work anymore. I can't move my legs, my arms are paralyzed, and I forget how to speak. It would be worthless to try anyways; I know she wouldn't care like she used to. And if she did care, even for a single second, she'd suddenly see him and then I'd be left again.

Out of everyone in the world that could've left me, I would've never thought Ally would be the one to do it first.

I go over everything that I've ever said to her in my head constantly, thinking maybe I said something, maybe she never actually was my friend, maybe I was just imagining her loyalty, her love, her. But I didn't say anything wrong. So, I figure she never cared.

He was always there. Now that I think about it, he was always there. She'd bring him up in conversations, stare at him when we went out to lunch, chew her hair when he stopped by to say hi. He was always there, and I always hated him. I just realized why to late.

Dallas, why did you have to like her?

Out of all the girls in Miami, out of the girls in Florida, in the entire world- you had to choose my Ally. You had to steal her from me.

The roof is quiet at night.

It's peaceful, silent. It's a good place to think. I don't remember when I started coming up here- was it when she told me she loved him? Was it when he asked her out using one of my songs? - But I find myself staring at the sky on top of Sonic Boom more than I walk on the ground. Ally doesn't know that I come up here. Why would Ally know? She doesn't know anything about me anymore.

The look in her eyes when she told me she wasn't going to write songs for me anymore is tattooed into my mind.

When I close my eyes, that's all I see. Determination, passion, and- oh, what's that? Her signature "get over yourself Austin, you can do this on your own" look. My favorite.

Two weeks. Two weeks later, I found out she was writing songs for him instead.

I guess that's fair. He's her boyfriend, and I'm definitely not her boyfriend. God, if I was..

I've never been suicidal. I always thought I had a pretty good life. Loving parents, good friends, and a singing career.. what could be better?

Nothing. That's why it got worse.

My dad's an alcoholic now, Ally. Did you know that? I haven't gone home in three weeks. I've slept at Dez's house on the nights I'm not up on the roof. Dez doesn't mind; he's worried about me. He thinks I'm depressed, Ally. Me, depressed? Please.

Sitting on the edge of the roof is a thrill.

It's a thump of adrenaline and a smile, because I finally feel something. Danger. Realness. Everyone's so fake now- you're a fake friend, Trish is a fake manager, and Dez is a fake therapist.

I don't know when I came to terms with it. Dying has never been something I was afraid of, but I used to have things to hold me back.

I don't have a home anymore. No parents, no job, no music.. no you.

I left a note. It's at Dez's house. He shouldn't find until tomorrow. But I don't want to think about that now.

The roof is quiet at night.

I don't think I'm thinking clearly. It could be how unbelievably destroyed I am now; I'm sure in the inside of my head resembles a nuclear bomb testing site. It could be because I haven't slept in days; I dream about you, and that just makes it so much worse.

It's probably just from the medication I downed before I came up here.

The stars are really bright tonight. Its like they've all lit up in a goodbye salute just for me. My mouth curves up a little. At least something was here to send me off.

I inhale the cold, Miami air and run my fingers over the paneling on the roof. My hearts still thudding against my chest, but it's not as intense as it was before. No, it's not beating fast from excitement, or danger- what is that? It's..

Happiness. I'm happy, Ally. I'm happy for you. I'm happy it's finally over. Don't you worry; I'll be out of your hair soon.

I stand up calmly. I don't wobble, or tilt. My knees aren't weak, and I'm not shaking. I'm smiling. Its time.

I step up on to the siding the provides a few inches of protection to the roof. I look down at my toes (I took my shoes off ages ago) and look back up at the stars. I smile to them and wave goodbye.

I tilt downwards, to fall. I close my eyes, waiting. Any second now, I'd be gone. And that second before I fade- I feel like I'm flying. It's like soaring over a million mountains, no problems, no worries, just.. peace.

But something's not right. I'm not falling.

Why am I not falling? My eyes flutter open and suddenly I'm not on the side of the roof anymore. I'm sitting down- how did I get here? - And someone's holding my face. Checking my pulse- why are they doing that? I'm fine, I'm not sick. There's talking- who's talking? What's going on? I just want to die, please let me die.

Someone walks over to me and throws something on me. A blanket? Its warm- it smells like Ally. I start shaking from the sudden heat, and that's when I realize how cold it is up here.

My eyes finally start to move and flicker over to the body looking at me with panicked eyes- Ally. Ally? Why is Ally here? Why is she- is she crying? Who made her cry?

"Why are you crying?" I whisper, voice hoarse. I haven't talked in days. I forgot it had been so long. Feels like minutes. I'm supposed to be dead.

Ally takes in a sharp breath at my words and looks up through her tears. She catches my eyes and lets out a sob.

"What the hell where you doing?" Her voice cracks, eyebrows knitted together, tears pouring down her face. I resist the urge to reach out and wipe them off her face. I've never seen her cry this hard. Whatever happened must've really hurt her- I swear, if Dallas did something I'd kill him-

Ally moving closer to me and touching my face hesitantly interrupted my thoughts. Why was she being so careful? I'm not fragile; I won't break at your touch.

That's a lie, I just might shatter completely.

"Why are you here?" I say, a little bit louder than my last sentence. She looks up at me and I see something flare in her eyes- disbelief? Fear? I'm sorry, Ally. I'm a monster. Run away. Don't look back.

"Dez- Dez called me. 'Said- He said that- you- you- you where gonna jump. And- and- that you wan- wanted to- to die. He explained- every- everything. Oh, god, Austin, I'm- I'm sorry." She sobbed out. I looked back at her, not fully taking in what she was saying.

"Hm." I said, standing up and shrugging the blanket off my body. I stared at her shaking body, her tiny, thin, shaking body. "Well, don't worry, I'm fine."

Whether it was the adrenaline, or the constant voice in my head telling me "Jump. Jump. Jump." - something made me walk back over the roof top edge. I resumed my place that I had been forced to leave moments before, and looked back to the stars. It was still as stunning as earlier. You'd think that in Miami, of all places, that the stars would be blocked from view completely- because of how bright it is at night and all the exhaust fumes from traffic- but they still managed to shine through. Kinda makes you wonder if they're artificial, like everything else here.

I heard Ally calling my name, pleading with me to get down. I didn't want to live. Why couldn't they just leave me alone? Why couldn't everyone just leave me alone?

As I was getting ready to fall again, I was suddenly sharply pulled off the edge and dragged forcefully backwards. This wasn't Ally; this was someone stronger and taller.. Dez.

I don't know why I had an anxiety attack. Maybe because I had watched my dad brutally attack my mom in drunken rage, which is now sending her towards her demise as well. Maybe it's because I kept getting interrupted while trying to accomplish a task that was going to make everyone's life so much easier.

Whatever it was, in that moment, I felt more scared and threatened then I had ever felt in my entire life.

I twisted and turned my body deliriously, hitting Dez, punching him, pushing- everything in an effort to break the steel cage that was now his arms. I just wanted to be free- I just wanted to jump.

"Let me go Dez!" I sobbed. "Please let me go, please just let me go!" I begged, almost screaming. He didn't flinch- He just kept still, holding me in his arms as I turned slowly from a maniac to a sobbing, broken mess in his arms. I don't know how long I stood there in my best friends embrace, utterly hopeless. I could feel my whole body becoming weak, my legs starting to shake, my breathing getting ragged, and the familiar pounding in my head that was slowly wrapping around my mind.

The adrenaline was wearing off. The voice in my head was fading away.

I had been about to kill myself.

The impact of that realization sent my body still- the numbness replacing thrill quicker than stepping off that roof would've been.

I stopped moving, my eyes fell closed, and I passed out.

hehe i continued it for you guys. enjoy the next chapter!

love you all x