Nyota Uhura picked up her tray and began to walk towards the table where her friends were eating lunch, only to hang back once she was in earshot. Chekov was telling a story she thought she recognized.

Spock entered the room, but before he could walk more than a few steps, Kirk heard something that caused him to put a hand on his friend's arm and draw him behind a potted tree. "Just listen for a moment," he said. Spock looked puzzled but did as his captain bade him, and the two men stood in their hiding place, listening.

Chekov said, "So Ensign Vasseur told Nyota that a Frenchman HAD to be a better lover than a clumsy and inexperienced Vulcan."

Gasps all around. Sulu said, "He actually SAID that? He used the words 'clumsy and inexperienced'?"

Chekov raised his right hand as if taking an oath. "I swear, that's what he said."

Christine Chapel said, "That might even be true - I doubt Spock has had much practice - but what was he thinking of? You don't disrespect SPOCK, not on THIS ship!"

Sulu said, "What I want to know is what Nyota said. How could she put him in his place without breaching Spock's privacy? And you know Mr. Spock needs a LOT of privacy!"

Chekov said, "I'm getting to that! So Nyota looks Vasseur up and down as if he's a disgusting bug she's seen too many of already. Then in a voice that could freeze lava, she says, 'Have you EVER known Mr. Spock to be less than supremely competent at ANYTHING he does?' and walks away with her nose in the air."

Raucous laughter from everyone at the table. "That's telling 'im, Nyota!" Scotty said.

Nyota walked over to the table and put her tray in an empty spot. "Are my ears burning?" she asked.

Chekov smiled at her. "I was just telling them about the great comeback you made when Vasseur tried to hit on you."

"That was well done," Sulu said. "You implied a lot without actually revealing anything."

"But I hope you WILL reveal something to us," Christine said. "I'm sure I'm not the only one who's dying to know how Spock is in the sack."

Nyota added cream to her coffee and stirred while she thought. "I'd love to dish about sex with Spock to a girlfriend, really I would, but Vulcans are very private people. And even if Spock were human, I don't think those are the sorts of details that should be shared about the First Officer. I mean, he has a position of respect to uphold, and salacious details could undermine that."

"Ah, but that depends on what the salacious details are, doesn't it, lassie?" Scotty said.

The others at the table laughed.

Nyota sipped her coffee, then put the cup down. "Spock is far too private for me to tell you anything; I just can't betray his trust like that."

Christine opened her mouth to speak, and Nyota shut her up by repeating, "I can't" in a firm tone. "But that doesn't mean that I can't remind you of things you already know about Spock."

"Things we already know?" Christine asked. "What good would that do?"

"Well, you tell me," Nyota said. "I'll remind you that Mr. Spock isn't just the First Officer, he's also the Science Officer, a Science Officer with an eidetic memory, and one who thinks deeply about every detail of the things he knows, who ponders the implications of all that information. As the Science Officer, he has complete knowledge of human anatomy and physiology. He knows the name of every bone, and the location of every muscle. He can trace the course of every blood vessel and every nerve pathway in the entire body. He knows your body better than you do."

Christine smiled. "I've dated doctors. Some of them put that knowledge to very good use, but some didn't."

Nyota shook her head. "The ones who didn't weren't Spock. You've seen him do the Vulcan neck pinch thingy. What doctor do you know who can do that? None! Spock doesn't just know the body; he can apply that knowledge with the thoroughness and precision that enable him to stimulate a single nerve cluster with exactly the force necessary to cause unconsciousness."

Christine shivered. "I hadn't thought about the neck pinch in quite that way before."

Nyota smiled at her. "And think on this. Vulcans are three times as strong as humans. Spock could pick up any of us and hold us completely off the ground ... with one hand. And he could do that all day, if he wanted to. But he's been around humans for many years now, so he has a lot of practice in scaling his strength down to our level. That means that he can be exquisitely gentle when he needs to be, yet if a lot of strength is called for, he has it."

Christine smiled. "I HAVE thought of that one. I think every woman wonders what someone with superhuman strength could do between the sheets."

"Okay," Nyota said. "Here's another thing you already know. One of the things that characterizes Spock is his astonishing ability to control himself, in many different ways. We all know how he controls his emotions, and since you're a nurse, I'm sure you're aware that he has voluntary control over many functions that are autonomic in humans. He can speed up his heartbeat or slow it down, for example, and he has voluntary control over other functions that you might find ... interesting."

Christine blushed. Nyota still wasn't telling her anything that wasn't general knowledge, and yet it felt as if she were speaking incredibly intimately.

Nyota smiled at the effect this was having on her friend and went on. "Spock expects nothing less than perfection from himself, always. People are always calling him the best First Officer in the fleet. Before he was promoted to XO, they called him the best Science Officer in the fleet. When he gives the captain a number that everyone else would give as an integer, Spock gives it to two decimal places. If it's a number that's actually supposed to be precise, he gives it to four or five decimal places. No matter what he does, Spock intends to be perfect."

Christine cocked her head to one side and thought. "That level of ... obsession ... could get a little scary."

Nyota gave her a considering look. "Some women might find it so. Those women wouldn't know what they were missing! But I'm not done yet. You've seen him play the Vulcan lyre in the rec room. I know you, so I know you've noticed his hands, how beautiful they are, how dexterous they are, how they coax beautiful music from that lyre without even seeming to try. You've seen him work the science console on the Bridge, too, so you've seen how those hands fly over the controls there, how he seems to get information from his console before the Captain even finishes the sentence that asked for it."

Christine picked up her empty plate and pretended to fan herself with it while the others laughed.

Nyota went on. "It's a common misconception that Vulcans have no emotions, but you've all spent enough time with Spock to know that's not true." Her friends nodded. "I think you've probably heard him say that Vulcans control their emotions so strictly not because they have none but because their emotions are so intense. Their feelings are so powerful that they can't allow them free expression, for fear of the havoc they might wreak." Her voice became soft, almost as if she were now speaking to herself. "But imagine having those incredibly intense emotions be about you; imagine those feelings turned in your direction..."

Christine wore a look of longing that made the men drop their eyes.

"But I've saved the best for last." Nyota's voice was soft and intimate. Without really meaning to, the others leaned towards her. "You know that Spock is a touch telepath. If his hands touch any part of your skin, he can read your emotions and surface thoughts. If he does a full mind meld with you, he can join his mind so closely to yours that he will feel everything that you feel, 'feel' in the sense both of emotions and of physical sensations. If he chooses to enter your mind deeply, he can know everything you've ever done, everything you've ever thought, everything you've ever wished for. And he can tie your minds so tightly together that you will feel everything that he feels: every breath, every emotion, every touch. And that's before I start to rhapsodize about the incredible beauty of his mind or what a privilege it is to share it."

Nyota sat back and lifted her coffee cup. "Conclusions?"

Christine looked slightly stunned. "Spock is a sex god," she blurted out.

"No, Christine," Nyota said. "Spock is my sex god ... and don't you forget it!"

They all laughed, even Christine, and lifted their glasses to toast Nyota. Scotty spoke for them all. "Aye, lassie, we knew he was a fine man, and none of us was feelin' sorry for ye. But now ... now we all need a strong drink, for all that it's only lunchtime!"

In their hiding place, Spock turned to Kirk. "There is something I do not understand about the interaction we have just witnessed."

"I thought that might be the case. Can I clear anything up for you?"

"Why did Nyota sound as if she were defending me by repeating known facts about my personality and physiology?"

Kirk smiled. "Nyota was implying that you're quite an accomplished lover."

"I did understand that much, Captain. What I do not understand is why such an implication would be some sort of defense."

"Ah. Perhaps it's illogical of us, Mr. Spock, but no matter how accomplished a man is in other matters, if he's less than competent sexually, he loses a great deal of respect. Among humans, of course. Among humans. I'm sure Vulcans see things differently."

"Why would my sexual skills or lack thereof be of concern to any but my mate?"

Kirk ran a hand over his chin. "I already said it was illogical. I've never studied this, so I don't know what the psychologists or anthropologists have to say about it. But I do know that no matter how much respect you have on this ship - and you have a lot - you would gain more respect if people thought you were good at sex, just as you would lose respect if people thought you were bad at it."

"Ah." Spock thought. "That explains part of why you have never concealed your numerous affairs with women."

Kirk stood motionless for a moment, slightly shocked. "I hadn't actually intended to flaunt them in order to improve my reputation, but now that you mention it, I suppose that I ... have been doing that."

"I do not understand the origin of this attitude among humans, but you are an expert witness on the human condition, so I accept that your analysis is correct. I will make a note of the fact that sexual prowess increases a human male's prestige."

"Thank you, Mr. Spock. You can take my word for this one. Anyway, Nyota was in a very delicate position. She wanted to say very clearly that you're an excellent lover while also preserving your privacy as much as possible."

Spock nodded. "I will have to reward Nyota for her skill in simultaneously answering and deflecting such a question." He raised a teasing eyebrow. "I believe she has adequately conveyed the knowledge that I am cognizant of such rewards." He nodded his farewell to Kirk and began to walk toward the table where his mate was finishing her lunch. Thirty-one point four minutes of their lunch hour remained, after all, enough for at least a preview of the reward to come.