Please Forgive Me if I'm Hard on You

Chapter 1: Sometimes I get lost in my blue

Disclaimer: I do not own this game otherwise there would be a DLC

Rating M (For Sex, Violence, Language, and everything Ellie and Joel do...)

Summary: You don't make it through a pandemic by being the nicest survivor. This is a Ellie/Joel story and he helps get her ready to face a world without laws and moral. It is a lot darker than my other stories.

A/N: Hello again. I am starting a new story different from my last. Joel is going to be much more of a hardass and this is Joel/Ellie romance, but a lot less rosy than before. She will have to tame the beast. But don't worry about him raping her. Both will be tough.

This story setups how he becomes a survivor and is his a little meaner than cuddly Joel. I try to keep dialogue from the game, but I do make changes. The next chapter will be Ellie based.

-...- (Ellie)

"Wait here. I'm just going to talk to Robert and I will be right back." Marlene pat her on the shoulder. Ellie nodded but didn't want the other woman to leave. Marlene had not let her go for the since the first week after the bite and now she was leaving her in a storage room near the docks. The whole thing was crazy.

The door shut and she locked it and Ellie returned to the desk to sit on it. She held onto the knife and twisted the loose handle. Being alone was not a good thing. She still thought of Riley and the stupid trip to the mall.

They just were goofing around stealing some clothes and then that Runner was in the back office and got Riley first and Ellie jumped in to save the girl and they both got bite in the process. It was fitting.

"Let it be poetic and shit." Riley smiled "Lets just lose our minds." Ellie nodded and they went to the where the roof collapsed. It was really beautiful with all the broken glass on the ground. The night fell and it reflected the stars. The teens made themselves comfortable and just chilled waiting for sunrise (If they lasted that long). Riley smiled and offered her a homemade cigarette. The other girl was an orphan too.

"Is it just a cigarette?"

"You'll have to find out." The dark haired girl teased. Offering it still.

They traded drags and bullshited until they passed out. She woke up still herself and Riley was gurgling and she put her out of her misery. She waited a hour and still nothing. She went back to town and waited at the school checking out the bite. It looked infected. But she never 'lost her mind.' Three days later she went to her mom's friend Marlene who kept her in a bedroom office for another three days. She had to prove it again and again and then Marlene started making notes and calling on friends.

She played with the knife. She tried to bury that feeling, but her stomach was tied in a knot. She had taken care of herself for a long time. Her mom died when she was nine. She just never came home and Marlene came and hugged her and she lived with the woman on and off again. Fireflies didn't offer the best child care.

With each passing moment she got a little more scared about Marlene being gone. It was silly, but she wondered if the woman was leaving her here for someone else to find.

She jumped into action when that group came in and she stabbed at the guy first. She wasn't going down without a fight. He caught her wrist and held it hard. Owwwww Marlene was yelling at both of them. The man was looking at her so hard. He released her and she ran to Marlene's side.

"Your bleeding!"

The older woman wove her off. She tried to follow as they made a deal with guns. Did Marlene do this on purpose? Ellie couldn't keep up until she found out she was going with 'Joel."

Oh Hell Fucking No. At least he argued with them too, but it was settled. Fuck, she was going with him.

"Come on." He growled and they set off. Shit. She kept her knife close,if he tried anything.

-...- Joel

"Move." her ordered the girl. This shit wasn't worth the trouble; he had enough deals go south to know not to count your chickens before they hatched. Besides. they had enough ration cards to go for months. Tess was being greedy, and greedy got you killed. But he didn't have a choice, she made up her mind.

"Give me your foot." She looked at him and up at the fire escape and back down. She didn't buy it. "Come on we don't have all day." He snapped. The girl was just that a girl with light eyes and reddish brown hair. She was going to be trouble already he could tell.

"Fine!" She went to him and let him give her a boost. She hauled herself up and brought the ladder down for him.

"Where are we going?"

"A safe house." This girl made way too much noise.

"Oh." She said and kept looking around her. He didn't know what Marlene had going on with this girl. Marlene never had any kids and didn't seem like the motherly type. So, why stick your neck out for this brat.

"This way." He led her through another building. She followed along. Asking questions.

He only could breath as they entered the apartment and he sat down.

"Now what?" She walked around.

"We wait." He leaned back into the couch. She couldn't do much damage. He just wanted to sleep off his headache and get rid of this problem. Transporting a person. This is like it was slavery. At least the girl was willing to go to the capital, the whole thing was just weird.

He frowned as drifted off on the couch. He learned a long time ago to sleep when and where you can.

-...-

He held the body and felt just as cold. He sobbed. Why did the bullets miss him? Why am I still here? His mind raced with why after why. Joel wanted nothing more than to be next to Sarah. Life wasn't right when a father outlived their daughter.

Tommy who was sobbing too shook his shoulder. "Come on. We gotta keep moving before-"

"I can't." Joel cradled the body closer to his heart. He was trying to bring her somewhere safe and he led them straight to that cop. If they would have turned a left instead of a right. He should have never trusted that cop. He should have... maybe she would be with him now.

"I can't lose someone else tonight!" Tommy grabbed and pulled at his older brother. "Sarah wouldn't want her dad to die. MOVE YOUR ASS!" Tommy managed to drag him to his feet and pull him away. Joel dug in and it took all his self control not to slam his fist in his brother's face.

"We can't leave her like that." Not his baby.

"Godammit." Tommy did a circle running his fingers through his dirty blonde hair. "I don't have a shovel."

"We aren't leaving her here." There was no way he would let the animals eat her.

"For fuck's sake." He danced. "Let's cremate her." Tommy scrunched up his face. He hated the idea too, but had no choice. "But. I'll do it. Just gather up some branches and pine straw." The men to went to work. Joel limped along not even sure what was the point. Tommy set it up and pulled out a small flask and his lighter.

He couldn't watch. They burned his little girl at least she was safe. He was numb at this point. He couldn't feel anything. His heart died that day.

Tommy pulled him along.

"We got to keep going."

They did. Things happen and you move on.

-...-

His eyes opened up a for a second. That memory haunted him most. He could still hear it all and smell it. Every detail etched in his mind and he couldn't shake it.

The girl sat in the window and looked out over the wall as the rain fell.

"You mumble in your sleep." She looked at him "I hate bad dreams."

"I do too." He tried to shake the dream off and find another. "What time is it?"

"Late."

"Your watch broken?"

He looked down at the old gift. "Yeah. Try and sleep. You got a long day ahead of you." More like a long life.

"I'm fine." She bite her lip "I have never been so close to the wall." She rambled on about the darkness as he lit a wanted to laugh at her little moment.

"Trust me. It's a jungle out there." He returned to his post and closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

-...-

He led Tommy through the tirage and pushed on. It was just a building of a tents with doctors and patients. It reeked of blood and bleach that someone used to try and clean the blood out of the sheets. It was a mess of people and more and more people there. There were just walking through to their Dad's. They had managed to get out of city, but were locked in this suburb of the city. He couldn't go back home. After everything, he didn't give a shit. Staying at Dad's was bad enough but they had no choice.

"Have you seen my son!" A woman shoved a picture in his face. "I seen him-"

"I'm sorry Ma'am." He pushed on past her. A lot of people were missing and just as many hurt. He just couldn't help them. He shoved past with his grocery bags in hand.

"Ten thousand more reported dead and thirty thousand reported infected. The president has declared a state of emergency and has been moved from the White House. It is been said to expect him to give report tonight on all major networks. The CDC has officially declared pandemic. They advise that you..." The TV blared the stats.

He pushed past another crying couple. Tommy following the path they cut.

Things were already getting crazy as people began to stock up and hide in their homes as looting began. He was glad they weren't in the city center. The government already attempted to secure the city borders to keep the infected people out, but this was becoming insane. Even Walmart was quickly running out of supplies.

They cleared their path to the house.

Slam. They shut the door to the ranch style home. Tommy continued to watch the news as Joel unpacked. They had gathered up what they could and were ready to leave town.

Dad came in coughing a little. "Get everything."

"Turn off that crap, Tommy." Tommy gave him a look, but turned it off.

"Yeah." He handed his Dad the medicine. The old man got a cough, but nothing like the infection.

"It is hell out there."

"People are panicking is all." The older man said. "I'm just glad your mother never got to see it." They lost her a few months ago and Joel had to admit he was glad she didn't have to see this either. He settled into his recliner. "It was bound to happen. The world population was too damn high."

"Yeah. but I never wanted to see it either."

"We'll be fine. I seen much worse." Joel knew that was lie, but took him at his word. Thier dad was in the army and he never talked about it much.

Tommy turned around on the couch. "We can't stay here forever. We will all run out supplies and food. The power outages are getting worse. And-"

"Tommy." Joel held up a hand. "We'll deal with it."

Dad nodded. Put a movie on. I can't watch the news anymore.

"Yes, Sir" Tommy popped in a John Wayne movie. Hey sat back and huffed.

They did deal with it. They dealt with for six months they hauled up. As Dad's cough got worse, Joel stated venturing out of the house to get medicine and food. The rest of the world shut their doors too hoping to block out all this trouble, but he had no choice. He left out of the back into the overgrown grass. He shouldered his bookbag and traveled on through backyards.

The government already called for people to move to quarantine zones and only the die hards stayed locked away.

He slid through the neighbors and entered an empty house and loaded up on what he could. He check his watch. Ten minutes had already went by. he had to hurry it up. He shoved a few more bottles of advil in the bag and slipped out of the sliding glass door.

He went around the already cloudy pool and stopped when he heard it. Someone else was out today. He leaned on the fence and tried to figure out what they were doing, but he couldn't see them or hear them that good. Joel turned back he could head out the back back gate and go that way. It would take longer, but he didn't want to meet anyone. It could be a infected person. 'A runner' someone on the TV called them. Things never worked as things were planned.

Click. The man cocked the hammer back on the gun behind him. Joel held up his hands and hung his head like a dog. Trying not to look threatening. No sudden movements "I'm just traveling through."

"What's in the bag."

"Supplies." He had people waiting for him. Joel could see this was not going to end in his favor. It was him or this asshole. "Look. My dad is sick."

"I don't give a shit. Give me the bag and you can go."

Something in him snapped. Hell No.

"Come on, we don't have all day." The punk nudged him with the gun muzzle of the gun.

Joel made his choice. He turned and missed the bullet as he tackled the guy. He wrestled the gun away from the man. He pointed it at him.

"We can be cool." The younger man held his hands up this time. The panic in his eyes. But he picked the wrong man.

"No." Joel pulled the trigger and climbed off. Only afterwards did he begin to shake. What the fuck did I just do? He backed up and dropped the gun in the grass. He shot infected people because they weren't people anymore. Not really. But this was... His hands were shaking as he climbed through hole in the fence. He barely listened as he went backtracking home.

He just...murde- Shock gave way to reason. The guy was going to shoot him and if him would have let him go then that guy could have had the chance to get the drop on him or follow him to his family and that would be all his fault.

A cold feeling swept in. He was going to move on.

-...-

"Come on, Big Guy." Tess bounced past after touching his shoulder. "You are some kind of guard dog, the merch could have left and you would have been snoring."

He shrugged it off. "Let her run." He grabbed at Tess' thigh.

They had been partners for almost nine years. Since they both ran into each other getting away from someone else. They had been taking care of each other for years and he could read her by now. She had plans for those guns and ration cards.

As Tess confirmed the guns and everything. He half listened, watching the girl who still looked for Marlene. Even if she knew that Marlene was too injured to come out, but he didn't blame her. He wouldn't trust anyone if they said 'Tess said'

"Why don't we wait for morning?" Ellie asked.

"Easier to get out and not get caught." Joel answered. "I told you to get some sleep." He threw on his book bag. The kid was going to have to keep up if she wanted to make it.

They slipped out to get past the wall.

-..-

This shit is not worth it. It was slow progress avoiding the cops through tunnels and stale water. The rain was just the icing.

He motioned for them to move closer and Tess pulled the girl along. He wiped some of the rain that ran down into his eyes and and checked where the soldier was. Over 20 years and odd jobs he learned to listen for the footsteps. They dodged down the street and out the tunnel.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" The officer yelled and others aimed their guns as one called to the other. "We have one man and one woman and a girl on the fence."

They held their little monitor to his neck to see if he was infected. Tess ran her mouth giving a excuse.

He was down in the dirt with gun pointed at his head and the girl kept shifting. What are you doing?

She did something. She stabbed the police man in the leg and Joel jumped to stop her from getting shot. He was not going to let that happen. They finished off the one left and he picked up their monitor.

The girl was fucking infected.

She jumped into her explanations and showed the bite and told them how it wouldn't heal and all this stuff. She was immune but still. She must have spent a little more time on the outside than she admitted too. Infected.

The storm kept coming as they were forced to crawl down down through buildings of clickers to get to the outside and finally be safe which was a big lie.

A/N: I wanted to at least start at the beginning of things, but don't plan for it to play out like my last story. If you read my last story you know I am open to suggestions and love to talk and discuss so R&R.

The song title comes from Rob Thomas' "Hard on you" just imagine Joel singing.