Disclaimer: Hell's Kitchen is a reality show produced by Chef (and former football player) Gordon Ramsay. I don't know if FF will allow this mash-up, but anyway, I hope it won't get deleted. Hetalia and all further anime adaptions are the work of Hidekaz Himaruya.

Hell's Kitchen: Hetalia-style.

Prize: Winner gets to open his or her own restaurant in Vegas.

Chef: Sweden. (A stand-in, mostly for cohesion and I don't want to use the real guy)

Sous chefs: The Baltic countries (Lithuania, Estonia, Latvia)

Contestants:

England: Known for his horrible cooking skills.

France: His chefs have great palates.

Germany: Potatoes. More potatoes.

Italy: Pasta lover. His pasta should be good. We don't know about the pizza.

Spain: Owns a quaint café in Madrid. No further info was given.

China: Known for his chain of restaurants around the world.

Russia: Does he even know how to cook?

Austria: Is competent, but lazy sometimes. About time the show got someone musical.

Hungary: The pacifist, but feisty on the inside.

Prussia: Most likely to get kicked out early in the game… or steal/bribe/kill to get the prize.

Ukraine: Possible eye-candy. Yes, eye-candy.

America: Most likely to be asked if he's over himself already or not.

Japan: Most likely to earn a black jacket.

Belarus: Token female from hell. We're gonna keep her perhaps until the round of five.
Poland: Our wild card. Not on the show per se.

DAY ONE: SIGNATURE DISH

This season, fourteen official contestants are vying for the once in a lifetime chance of opening a restaurant in Vegas!

IT'S GOING TO BE CUTTHROAT!

IT WILL BE THE MOST CHALLENGING!

GUT-WRENCHING!

EMOTIONAL SEASON EVER!

WE ARE GOING GLOBAL FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY.

AND NOW, BACK TO HELL'S KITCHEN.

"I know I'm going to win. I can and I will out-cook everyone" says France. Ridiculously sensual France is standing beside England, whose head was already emitting fumes at the thought of France winning anything at all. France is always so damn competitive.

Down the line, Germany looks confident in his new chef jacket. Who knew? The man looks good in uniform. Next to Germany is Italy, with a bowl of pasta and being his usually funky self. Japan remained quiet. Learning the menu better than anyone else was crucial. The competition hasn't even started and unnecessary stress showers over him.

America, the cheerful. "HA! I'm going to definitely win. No one should underestimate me! After *I* win, I'm going to send monthly vouchers for all of you to come to my restaurant and if you don't show up something terrible might happen!" What America has in mind is opening a fast food joint. It sort of looks like Wendy's, but he swears it's not Wendy's.

Prussia is a bit separated from the group. It's helter-skelter. Friends? It's not about making friends. Screw friends. "Alliances will be useful on the long run" he says. "You see? I'm looking at my brigade right now. I won't let them run me!"

Russia just wants to watch the world burn. He's in it for the violence. The blackmail. Hopefully there will be vodka in the dorms.

Sweden shows up with the trembling trio. Without a word, everyone is already close to peeing their pants. Except England and France. Sweden's mere presence is intimidating. Looking to impress him, the group runs to the hills to cook.

Rounds:

England vs Germany

Sweden: "England, this is awful."

Upon hearing this, England swallows hard while the rest are still shaking. Sweden sure looks menacing. Germany, on the other hand, is spared but told not to use so many potatoes and he could use a bit more seasoning.

America vs Spain

Sweden: "WHY ARE YOU GETTING ME A BURGER? THIS IS FROM MCDONALD'S!"

America: "Whaaaa? This is the usual! Please, keep me! You haven't tried my microwave meals yet!"
Sweden: "I'll be watching you. Spain and his chorizos earn the point."

China vs Hungary

Sweden: "Good fried rice. A little average. Hungary… too much palinka on the cake, what are up to…?"
Hungary: "Sorry, sir! I will blow your mind next time!"
Sweden: "I'm feeling generous. You both get the point. Russia and Prussia look like they want to poison me…"

*Russia gets told off for making only a vodka cocktail. Prussia is sent back because he wanted Austria to cook his dish. Austria competes against Italy. Italy gets the point for perfect pasta.*

Ukraine vs Japan

Japan: "Don't cry, Ukraine… I'm sure your dish is good" he whispers.

Sweden wonders if she needs a shrink, but compliments her on her apple pie. He approves of Japan's onigiri. Japan gets the point.

Belarus vs France

Sweden: "So many oysters… and this is all?"
Belarus: "Yes, with these I hope to seduce Russia. You stay away from him!"

Sweden looks confused. We're close-captioning his confusion.

France tries to kiss Sweden for extra sugar. His croissants are good.

Teams:

Jellies:

France, Russia, Japan, Ukraine, Germany, China, Hungary

Peanuts:

America, England, Prussia, Belarus, Spain, Italy, Austria

Jellies win. Peanuts clean both kitchens.

NEXT CHAPTER: MINI SERVICE AND ELIMINATION. WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK. WE'VE GOT SLEDGEHAMMERS.