I finally goth chapter done thanks so much for your patience!

Let me know what you think.

Kirsty :)

Chapter 12

I don't know how long I've been sat here gawping like a fish, it feels like ages but it's probably seconds. The expression on Edward's face hasn't changed. He doesn't look sad or upset more like he's accepted what he's been dealt and he's decided to live instead of letting it take over his life.

"I'm sorry." That's the only thing I could think of to say, there's nothing else really is there?

"There's nothing to be sorry about, honestly. I had it in my early 20s, I beat it and I've moved on. Sometimes in life we're dealt a bad hand but it makes us stronger. The trick is not to let it beat us because if it does, it'll always have a hold on us and I won't let cancer do that." Wow I wish I could be more like that. I've never been the most optimistic person.

"I wish I could stop horrible things happening to good people." The Cullen's don't deserve this. I didn't deserve what happened to me and he didn't deserve to have his chance of children taken away from him yet people like James still exist. How is that fair?

"Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about it but we can rely on karma to kick those bad people into shape. I trust karma to bite them on the ass eventually."

"I wish I had your optimism."

"You will. It may take time, but you will." We were interrupted by the sound of little feet coming towards us. George and Jacob came into view smiling and then threw themselves on our laps.

"Hello, Miss Bella, my name is Georgie and that's my brother, Jacob, we think you're pretty." Edward laughed next to me at his nephew's forwardness whilst a blush crept up my cheeks.

"Well, Georgie, I think you're very handsome too." So very cute I kinda want to keep him; he can't be more than five. I love kids at this age; they have no filter at all.

"He's cute but I'm cuter cause I'm the eldest. Isn't the right Uncle Edward?" Without missing a beat Edward replied in the best way possible.

"Well, if it goes by age then I'm the cutest 'cause I'm the eldest in here." He winked at me over Jacob's head and then gave him the loudest raspberry on his face causing the giggles to start again.

"Bella, I mean, Miss Swan, the pizza guy is on his way up."

"Thank you, Tanya. These little guys are gonna go get Emmett real quick cause he's paying." Georgie helped me to my feet like a proper little gentleman and then kept hold of my hand as we went to let Emmett know about the food. These boys really are lovely. Considering what they've been through I kind of expected them to be brats but they're far from it.

"Mr Emmett you need to go pay for the food." Esme gasped in shock at Jacob. Opps! I may have got him into trouble.

"Jacob, you can't speak to people like that, it's rude." Jacob backed into my legs and looked up at me for help.

"Oh, Esme, don't tell him off it's my fault we were joking about outside." Well she liked me before but she probably won't now.

"Yeah, Grandma, we were just playing. Miss Bella is my friend." Please let me keep them. Please. So cute.

"I'm truly sorry I should have thought before I spoke."

"Oh, don't over think it Bella Jacob's first word was," Edward spelt out the word 'fuck' and Esme blushed a deep shade of red. "Because of Grandma." Esme swears? Really? I can't picture it she's so proper. "Don't let that innocent face fool you she swears like a sailor."

"He's right, Bella, I overreacted. Sorry, it's been a long day." She shouldn't be apologising to me, far from it.

"Right, let's get fed, I'm starving." Trust Emmett to be thinking about his gut. He's always hungry.

"Bella sit with me, okay?" Georgie took my hand and pouted up at me. Like I could say no to that face.

"Okay little man I'll sit with you and then after pizza we'll send Miss Tanya for ice cream." Okay that was a cheap way of getting him to like me a bit more but it can't hurt can it?

"Cool." Yeah, I'm totally cool in the eyes of a five year old, shame other people don't see it. It's a shame I don't see it.

"Grub's up." Wow how many pizzas did Emmett order? There's at least ten there, we won't eat all that.

"Hungry, Emmett?"

"I'm a growing boy, Carlisle, I need my food."

"Maybe you should come into my office and have a health check, I hate to think of the effect all that is having on your heart." These guys were born to be parents how'd they end up with Rosalie? She's such a bitch.

"Come on, Bella. I want the swirly chair." Once we were suitably squished into Emmett's office chair and we'd spun around more than a few times the pizza was finally shared out. Edward's gaze was never far from me and he had a look about him that I couldn't quite place. It isn't something that worries me though,it's more of a peaceful thing, he seems content I guess.

"So, Bella, have you got yourself set up with someone yet? Good GPs are hard to come by these days. I could get you an appointment with my practise partner, Carmen, if you like?"

"I haven't even thought about it to be honest, Carlisle, but I'll keep the offer in mind, thank you." Whoever gets me is going to think they've hit the jackpot with how fucked up my body's been.

"You're very welcome. Good health is very important. I keep trying to get Emmett out of the gym and into my office but he won't have it." Emmett shook his head vigorously and made a cutting motion across his throat. Not a fan of doctors then.

"I'm as healthy as a horse, Mr C, nothing to worry about here." With the amount of junk he puts away I fear for his insides. Maybe he should get checked out.

"Oh Carlisle, leave the kids alone they're more than capable of looking after themselves." Esme chided with a knowing smirk on her face.

"You'll have to excuse my Dad, Bella, he never clocks off. At the end of the day he likes to care for people." I'm beginning to see that about all of the Cullen's apart from one. That Rosalie really is the black sheep of this family.

"Uncle Edward, can we sleep over at your house this weekend I want to go in the pool?" Jacob spoke through a mouthful of pizza from his spot on the floor at Edward's feet which earned him an evil glare from his grandmother. "Sorry. I forgot."

"Watch your manners, Jacob King, you're better than that."

"Yeah, I know Grandma, sorry." Shovelling another bite of pizza into his mouth, Jacob kept his eyes on Edward who had yet to answer his nephew's question.

"Um, well, you see, Jake, I might to have to go out of town this weekend, and if not I have plans on Sunday." He looked up at me and smiled kindly before looking back down to the boy at his feet. He must mean Billy's for Sunday lunch I really hope he can attend and I can't fathom why. "How about next weekend you both come over and give Grandma and Grandpa a break?"

"I don't know, Edward, maybe we should all come I wouldn't want you to have to deal with any fallout if something happened."

"Come on, Ma, you know the boys would be safe at my place. I have the best security system in London; no one will get past it." Emmett nodded vigorously next to me in agreement.

"Seriously, Mrs C, he's right we all tried to get through that bad boy when it was first installed and nothing worked." Esme still doesn't look convinced but I can understand her worry after everything she's been through.

"I want to go to Uncle Edward's house. Can Miss Bella come too?" Emmett snorted loudly causing me to roll my eyes at him. What an idiot.

"Belly Button has admirers all over London already." What does he mean by that?

"That's not surprising from what I know of Bella, she's a lovely person." Esme's statement shocked me causing a blush to rise up my cheeks which if Emmett caught he didn't bring up. Thank god.

"So can you come Miss Bella?" I looked to Edward and dare I say he looked hopeful. Hell, maybe I'm just reading too much into it which is more than likely. Sensing my uncertainty Alice spoke up on my behalf.

"How about we all hang out together next weekend? I wouldn't mind spending some time in Edward's sauna myself." Sauna? How much money does this guy have? I mean I know Emmett said he was wealthy but exactly how wealthy I really have no idea.

"As long as Miss Bella comes too." I think I just might have to steal this cute kid staring up at me with hopeful eyes for myself.

"Well, as long as it's okay with your uncle, I'm sure myself, Alice and Emmett can come and have a play date with you guys." Alice nodded in confirmation and Georgie clapped excitedly. How do I get myself into this stuff? I'm not saying I don't want to hang out with Edward and the boys but I don't know how long they'll put up with me before they get bored.

"Excuse me, Bella, I mean Miss Swan, could I borrow you for a moment?" Tanya stood nervously at the door shuffling her feet.

"Of course, Tanya." I excused myself closing the door behind me.

"What's the problem, Tanya?" I really hope that bitch hasn't turned up in the office. I will not be amused if she's back here.

"Um, you have a delivery out front; I didn't want to bring them in as I thought it might embarrass you." Curious I followed her out to the front desk where an arrangement of flowers sat. Tanya's nervousness seemed to fade and a soft smile played at her lips.

"Wow, these are for me?" What a beautiful arrangement. I think I have an idea who may have sent these and I have no idea why he's giving me so much of his time.

"Yes. Oh my god don't keep me in suspense, open the card." Okay she's as excitable as Alice; it's kind of cute and a little scary.

"What's going on out here?" Think of the devil and she shall appear. Once Alice noticed the flowers a smug grin appeared on her face. "And you said he didn't like you. I'd put a bet on knowing who sent those." I snatched the card off the flowers before Alice had the chance and held it to my chest. "Come on, Belly Button, don't hold out on us."

,

"You know what I think? I'll take these to my office and read the card alone." Both Alice and Tanya's faces fell and I almost felt guilty for playing with them. Almost. As I walked towards my office door I turned back and motioned for them to follow me. Having girlfriends is sort of fun; I like it. I set the flowers down on my desk and sat in my office chair where I knew I'd have some privacy to read the card without my two friends peering over my shoulder.

Beautiful Bella,

I hope you don't mind my forwardness, I saw these on my way past my favourite florist and their beauty instantly reminded me of you.

Yours, Edward.

"Well, was I right or what?" Oh yeah Alice and Tanya are here, how rude of me.

"Yes, you were right." The high pitched squeal that filled my office in that second was almost deafening.

"Sssh he's only down the hall!" Looking chastised both of them stopped and smiled sweetly at me.

"Sorry, Bella, but I told you so."

"It's not like this can go anywhere, Alice, I'm far too broken for that." Why can't he see that?

"Bella, I hope I'm not overstepping the mark here, but you don't see yourself clearly at all. I know you've been to hell and back in the past few years but you are far from broken. Hell, your stronger than all of us put together to be still standing after what you've been through. Don't let that nasty piece of work who hurt you continue to rule your life. He would be happy to know you'd stopped yourself being happy because of him. No one's saying you have to jump into Edward's bed but give him and yourself the chance to see where this could go. You'll regret it if you don't."

I looked at Tanya in shock; she's never spoken that much to me before. I looked at Alice who nodded her head in agreement. "She's right, Bella, give yourself the chance to feel and stop referring to yourself as broken. You're not broken. I don't think you are and Edward certainly doesn't. I know it won't be easy but you need to let these negative thoughts that James instilled in you go. He's still beating you emotionally if you don't."

Something inside me clicks and suddenly I know they're right. He is still controlling me and I'm letting him do it. I'm such an idiot to have not seen this sooner. I know I'm fighting the attraction I have to Edward with everything I have. I haven't even let myself think about liking him. Even if an electric current runs through me every time he touches me because admitting it to myself means it's real and I never thought I'd allow myself to think about liking a man again. But maybe, just maybe, it isn't as out of reach as I thought. I know I have demons but if he's willing and patient maybe I'll be able to give a little of my heart away again. James can't rule my life forever and with the friends I have now I know I'll always have a support system if I need it. I just hope he doesn't get bored of waiting because my pace will have to be slow.

Slow isn't so bad though, right?